All posts by c jane/Courtney K.

About c jane/Courtney K.

(Emerita)

To Let

I know what you are going to say.

I am going to write this post and then you are going to say, “Oh honey it’s so normal.”

And I don’t want you to say that.

Because I know it’s normal.

But that doesn’t make it any easier.

Also, I don’t want to write this post only to have you read it and say, “Oh honey, you are strange.”

Because I know that too. Continue reading

Post Pardon

dir segullah,

i know i told you that i would postthis morning but, thing is . . .
(let me switch the baby to the other shoulder)
(typing one handed ishard exclamation point)
i tried posting late last night
(or was it early morning question mark)
and i fell asleep with the laptop staring back at me.

then i tried to post this morning but, thing is . . .
(breastfeeding)
(burping)
(crying because i love my baby so much)
my time is somehow being absorbed by other tasks
l(diapers)
(post-circumcision care)
(leak control)
making it hard to sit one place
for very long
before there is some thing/some one
(wait, sprinkler repairman at the door))
that distracts me so that i can’t post.

but there is something i really wanted to say,
it is what i feel so strongly in my heart
so important for me to share
and the very reason i keep
trying
and trying
and trying
to post is:

(hold on, i’ve got visitors)

(back)
wait,
what was i saying question mark

(sorry.)

The Hourglass Theory

It looked like an egg dissected down the middle. But instead of a slimy and shapeless center, the yolk was beating.

Hump. Hump. Hump.

“Fast and healthy!” said Katie as she moved the ultrasound baton over Lucy’s belly.

My baby had a male appendage, and Lucy’s had a heartbeat. All was well at the doctor’s office that winter afternoon.

Until later that night when Lucy called me crying,

“I’m bleeding.” Continue reading