Or at least that’s what middle school students are now learning, according to this article from Meridian.
I remember sex ed. When I was in the fifth grade, all the girls were asked to bring back signed permission slips saying we could attend a special assembly about “maturation.” I remember this because as one of the first to return my permission slip, I was chosen to participate in the “maturation style review.” That meant I got pick out a new outfit from a local department store (mine was a lavender dress with a high lace collar).
The maturation assembly was less than exciting. I recall something about a boring film strip explaining the female reproductive system (I don’t remember that we ever made it to the male anatomy). Then school nurse embarrassed everyone by reminding us that it is important to choose a bra that offers proper support. And that was it. Not much sex or education, but at least I got to keep the dress.
Fast forward 25 years. I haven’t had much cause to think about sex ed, because I don’t have children in public school (mine are homeschooled). Then I come across this article in Meridian. Twelve year olds doing condom obstacle courses and brainstorming the sexiest ways to put on condoms? Fourteen year olds being asked to sign agreements that say they won’t tell their parents what they are learning? What happened?
Now I realize that times have changed. Let me interject that I don’t have a problem with teenagers learning the basics about STDs and various forms of contraception, so the concept of comprensive sex ed never seemed like a big deal to me. But is it really neccessary to eroticize the classroom environment? Does comprehensive sex ed have to mean students being taught material that is deemed too offensive to be mentioned in a school board meeting? I need to talk. Help me understand this, ladies.
For those of you who have children in public school, do you know if your school district offers abstinence based or comprehensive sex ed? And do you know how that is interpreted in practical terms? Are these stories isolated incidents? Is this a regional trend? Or is this the new norm in America? What do you think is the best way to protect children froms STDs? And how do you as a parents incorporate your moral values into what your children are learning at school?
For those (like me) who don’t have children in public school, what do you think about this trend? I find it interesting that according to this article, the majority of parents don’t support this type of sex ed, yet it is happening anyway. So whose resposibility is it to determine what will be taught about sexuality in our public schools? What is your responsibility? What is mine?
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Angie,
It is our responsibility to determine what will be taught, but the government seems to by systematically taking that right away from us! In November of 2005 a three-judge panel of the 9th Circuit said, “There is no fundamental right of parents to be the exclusive provider of information regarding sexual matters to their children…Parents have no due process or privacy right to override the determinations of public schools as to the information to which
their children will be exposed while enrolled as students.”
How does that make you feel?
Anne
President John Taylor stated, “I would rather have my children taught the simple rudiments of a common education by men of God and have them under their influence, than have them taught in the most abstruse sciences by men who have not the fear of God in their hearts.” (Journal of Discourses, Vol. 24, p.167)
Okay, now I am very afraid…
This makes me downright enraged. I remember when I took sex ed and I felt so sorry for the kids whose parents did not allow them to attend and vowed I would never do the same with mine.
However if THIS is what the educational system is coming to, I will certain put my own censors on it.
I had NO education as a child or young adult in this arena.
Decided that was not good enough for my own kids.
Gave as much (info) as I could everytime a question came up and sometimes when there were no questions but situations that called for an explaination “on the way home” or during a media presentation (book, t.v., movie, music, whatever…”Do you understand that word?” “Do you know what they are talking about?” “Do you understand why Elizabeth was so upset with Jane?”).
I had to educate myself in order to answer (*all* the)questions or at least counter the opinions the kids would get from friends, school and yes, the media around them. Trust me, there were things my kids asked about I had never even heard of!
Your kids will get all kinds of “information” from their friends and associates and even well meaning adults. ALL of our kids were given “information” from their pediatrician (as teenagers) that as parents we disagreed with, but it came along with the well child check up. I was glad we had established good communication so that I could add my two cents and the ‘whys’ to back it up.
The government (and society) WILL become more and more intrusive to our children’s education in and out of school as time progresses. We MUST get to a point where we can talk openly with them.
Listen to what your kids are listening to, watch what they watch, play what they play, read what they read, and make sure you fully understand what is being taught to them at ALL schools, public and private. Then keep talking to them. My kids are 29- 20 and we still talk about their opinions.
I think the whole point of Maurine Proctor’s article is to make you afraid so you’ll sign their petition. And I’d probably pick “Our Whole Lives” over Angie’s one vague presentation on maturation for my children and for my local school. I think there’s some value in the supplement to what we do at home. It creates a conversation at home, so what we teach and believe gets a context that’s relevant to my children’s lives and the world they’re growing up in.
Of course, I have the benefit of a great local school and pleasant, civil neighborhood, which is not everyone’s situation.
The “Our Whole Lives” curriculum, btw, was developed by the Unitarian Universalist Church and United Church of Christ for its own communities. Through this minister’s blog you’ll find discussion and links to the NPR show about the program. Zondervan’s Good Sex is probably a better program, but not as adaptive to public school.
I think there are definitely things to be concerned about regarding how sexuality is presented to students in public schools. However, I’m uncomfortable with the slant of this article. Its presentation of the information makes it too easy to make incorrect inferences. Such as: “They’re making 12-year-olds do condom obstacle courses at school!” In reality, there’s no school out there that’s having 12-year-olds do a condom obstacle course. That activity may be part of Planned Parenthood’s proposal, but it’s not currently being practiced. That’s an important distinction. As for the alleged “indoctrination” meeting–the description of this event is obviously slanted to fit a certain agenda.
This petition may be a worthwhile thing to participate in, but I hesitate to sign anything that’s presented in a manner that borders on alarmist. The conservative press is just as prone to slanting the facts as the liberal press. Again, I have no doubt that there are real concerns with this whole issue–I’m just saying that I can’t rely on this article to tell me what the issues really are.
Whoops, Angie, I neglected to actually answer your questions.
Based on how things go in my school district: My responsibility is to find out what’s being taught in my childrens’ schools and make sure it meets acceptable standards for my family. If it doesn’t, my responsibility is to keep my student from being exposed to it, by refusing to give my permission for him/her to attend the classes in question. If the material seems extreme, my responsibility is to lodge a protest at the local level and encourage other parents to join me.
In any case, my responsibility is to teach my kids at home so that what’s taught at school is merely a top layer on their sex education, rather than the core.
Thanks, Anne. What a powerful statement on the state of our society.
I agree, Kathy, that this article has a political slant, and that that takes away from its credibility. I think that’s why I want to discuss this issue, to hear more about real experiences that women are having. As I read the article, there are both references to Planned Parenthood’s suggested curriculm and also real life examples.
I’m also interested in the idea that this movement is coming from special interest groups against the wishes of parents. I have always thought of sex ed in terms of what my responsibilities are as a parent– not in terms of what my responsibilities are as a member of society. I’m now wondering if I need to broaden my definition of what my sphere of personal responsibility is,
I don’t know what to think. I think I’m avoiding thinking about it until my kids get older. And I also think that there’s a lot of good that comes with people being more able to ask questions and get solid answers than in the past. I guess I don’t want what my kids get in school to be news to them; I want it to be review. I want to be there with the information first.
Which means I need to get cracking, I guess.
I too have issues with the obvious slant of the article itself. I had a hard time even finishing it because of the way it presented the information.
I would like to read something less obviously biased in order to form an clarified opinion of the proposed and current curriculum.
Great topic, Angie. I agree with all of you who feel that what you teach at home is the most important. Emily, I know what you mean about waiting till your kids are older, but not wanting to be “too late.” I’m still trying to figure out when a good age might be to start teaching our kids.
I remember in about third or fourth grade, everybody talking about bodies, sex, etc. It was confusing and scary for me, because my parents hadn’t taught me anything yet. Unfortunately, they never really ended up teaching me at all. While that definitely impacted me in a number of ways, I feel like that was a generational issue—-no one even mentioned sex, let alone held a discussion about it with their children.
Anyway…I want my kids to learn from me, not elsewhere, especially since everything is departing from an abstinence.
[...] while reading one of my very favorite blogs I came upon an article on the very same topic. Check it out it is definitely worth reading. I wonder how many of us know what are kids are being taught at [...]
I think one responsibility we all share is to talk about issues in ways that invite dialogue. Discussions about issues like sex ed, abortion, prayer in schools, etc etc etc are so easily polarized, and nothing productive comes of it. Each “side” has their catch phrases that cause the other to react. I get frustrated trying to get accurate information from the media, because I feel like I’m always being pushed in one direction or the other. I know I need to do a better job being willing to listen to the real message between the sound bytes. But I’d love for there to be a lds-focused forum for issues like these that is dedicated to presenting balanced facts, straight-up, and exploring both sides of the issues. I think in the majority of cases, opponents are not as evil as they assume each other to be, and there’s more common ground than there appears to be…
Here’s what my experience has been: In our school district 7th-graders are required to take a health class. At the beginning of the year, I received permission sheets summarizing the topics being covered and inviting me to review the materials if I wished. I didn’t have a problem with anything that was taught. But if I had, I would’ve had the option to excuse my daughter from those portions of class. I’m lucky to live in a school district that is largely supportive of our family’s values.
btw, I grew up in Montgomery County MD, the school district referenced in one segment of the Meridian article. It’s one of the most liberal school districts in the country. Of all the influences on my sex-related choices as an adolescent, my public school sex education is at the way bottom of the list as far as impact goes. So, I try to stay informed, and I try to strike the right balance between protecting my children from harm and harming them by being overprotective. But I don’t get into a tizzy about a secular institution teaching secular values.
Angie, I think you’re wise to point out that the fuss is being caused by special-interest groups. What I want to know in a political article like this one is, are there specific bills that are favored in congress that we should be concerned about?
In addition, I think it’s important to remember that liberties swing both ways. In regards to that California ruling, what if we changed “sexual” for “religious”?
*There is no fundamental right of parents to be the exclusive provider of information regarding religious matters to their children.*
Angie, if that wasn’t the provocative title of the month!
Anne, thank you. Every time this has come up I’ve said, “But didn’t the infamous 9th circuit rule on that a couple of years ago?” Thanks for giving me the reference. People were looking at me like I was a nutcake. I am, I guess, but not about that.
Yes, Kathy, for me also the bigger issue here is individual liberty. I am concerned by the increasing encroachment of government on the family. I don’t believe for a minute that if I did send my children to public school, and they did get to practice putting condoms on cucumbers, that they would all suddenly become crazy and promiscuous and forget everything I ever taught them. But I am very concerned that the nucleus of control is clearly moving away from families in both small and large ways, and I am concerned about the long term impact that that will have on our country as a whole. I am also concerned by how easy it is for individuals to not take ownership of what is happening in our society, and how special interests then shape the direction of policy and practice in powerful ways. Wasn’t it Hitler who said something like give me control of the school curriculm for a generation and I will have the nation?
I’m very, very skeptical of the kinds of stories the Meridian article cites. There just have been too many instances of such stories being completely wrenched out of context and blown out of proportion by the press. I live in the bluest of blue states, with probably the most progressive sex-ed curriculum in the country, and what actually makes it into the classroom is nothing like all the proposed curricula that people love to seize upon and freak out about. I think if we make a point of knowing our neighbors and knowing our kids’ teachers, and having reasonable conversations about the sexuality curriculum, we’ll be pleasantly surprised to discover that most parents want good things for their children, and that their vision of good is not so very different from ours. There’s nothing very useful about the Mormons against the world approach.
Angie, I share those same concerns. However, I think the approach of the fundamentalist right is often counterproductive. It makes middle-of-the-roaders like me reluctant to listen. Most of the world would consider me a tight-belted conservative, but in LDS circles I’m more often regarded as a loose liberal because I resist the alarmist rhetoric and “right is Right” bias that’s so abundant in LDS culture. In Neal A. Maxwell’s biography he talks about how political progress takes place in the center. My point is that heavy slants, scare tactics and exaggerations (employed by both parties, but in this case the right) preclude the dialogue and understanding that are essential to change. In order to protect the family, we need conversations that steer clear of loaded rhetoric and take the legitimate concerns of both sides into account.
My point about liberties is that limiting the family’s sovereignty over individuals can result in some scary situations, but also in some heartening ones. It works in both directions. Do I want the goverment to be able to cross family boundaries in some cases? Yes. Do I want children to have freedom from their family’s grip in some situations? Yes. It’s just not a black-and-white thing. I don’t want the government secretly “indoctrinating” my kids about sex, but this ruling wasn’t just about sex education. The ramifications of a ruling can be difficult to anticipate. This particular one could lead to other rulings that I find abhorrent, but it could lead to rulings that I support. It’s tricky. It’s hard for citizens to really know how decisions like these will play out, esp. when we must rely on the press to tell us what’s going on, and it’s virtually impossible to get the straight scoop.
I remember when the brethren joined in the gathering of religious leaders protesting a proposed ruling designed to limit the power of religious cults like David Koresh’s. I remember when my friend taught me that handgun control laws often perpetuate the very problem they’re supposed to downsize. I’m learning that things are not always what they seem to be in politics, and it makes me hesitant to jump on the bandwagon, esp. when politics get mingled with religious culture.
So, again, I share your concerns and I’m glad you’re trying to start dialogue here. I’m just not able to use the Meridian article as a good basis for the discussion. For me it’s perfect fodder for a discussion about how frustrating it is to find reliable information in the media. But I should apologize for the thread jack.
I, too, would like to hear about what’s actually happening in public schools across the nation.
I also had a hard time with that article in that I found it incredibly biased and not entirely believable. Many of the statements didn’t have references or sources, so I am not inclined to believe it. (Like students signing agreements they wouldn’t tell their parents? I don’t think so.) I know times are changing quickly, but I was in public high school only four years ago. Our health class did discuss various forms of birth control. But they also showed us graphic slides of STDs to scare us away from sex. (I remember being terrified, even though I knew I couldn’t get an STD because I wasn’t having sex.) And they did talk about abstinence as the most effective form of birth control. They also talked about the emotional side of sex. It was very well balanced, and that was in Colorado– which the article mentioned as one of the horrific places where the speaker encouraged students to have sex and do drugs.
Anyway, I don’t think abstinence-only is the answer. But it would definitely bother me if schools taught my children how to use condoms when they were 12. But the responsibility lies with the parents to know what is going on at school and to teach their children properly about sexuality. It is always the responsibility of the parent to be the primary educator: whether your child is home-schooled or not.
I am a strong believer in sex education taught in schools. I suppose stating that will turn people on me. But I believe and have experienced, that, for the most part, many programs are reasonably conducted with sensitivity and with the intent of educating students. My own parents never broached the topic of sex with me. I wish they had. I was too afraid to ask questions. Sure, it would have been better to have the information from them. I’m sure they figured someone else would teach me. Well, they did. I started hearing sexual jokes when I was in 2nd grade. And that was 25 years ago. Too many parents ignore their responsibility to teach their kids about sex and their own values and beliefs about sex. This is why I think the schools need to do this. Not to usurp the role of parents, but rather to supplement it. My ideal sex ed course would culminate in a parent-child project where kids would be required to ask their parents what their beliefs and values are about sex.
As for my own family, I will become familar with my school’s methods of teaching sex ed. Unless it is really offensive, my kids will take part in those courses. I don’t believe teaching about sex is a one-time deal at home, but rather one which is a process.
I’m learning that things are not always what they seem to be in politics, and it makes me hesitant to jump on the bandwagon, esp. when politics get mingled with religious culture.
A-MEN.
And, as Kathy says, this difficult tension can cut both ways if we aren’t careful. I, too, am probably viewed by many as a crazy conservative, but when push comes to shove, I really don’t like the extreme-right’s approach to topics like this. There’s often too much hype and not enough reasonable dialogue.
As to comments about sex ed at home, I think that in a way, it’s never too early to start, and most of us probably started pretty early laying the foundation — teaching about body parts, trying to avoid shame associated w/ bodily functions, etc. While I think we ought to be involved and vigilant when our voices can make a difference in the public realm, I focus a lot of my energy on keeping this issue always in mind when interacting w/ my children, and finding ways to teach them line upon line about the truths that can help them recognize what is error in light of God’s plan.
And, I have found the Spirit very, very ready to help me do that. I actually cherish the opportunity to teach my children these things, because the truths surrounding sexuality in our doctrine are, imo, so powerful and the Spirit can do much of the work.
There are many wonderful ways to teach your children about sex and their bodies. I just recently had a conversation with my 9 year old about body maturation. We will have a discussion at a later date about sex specifically. It is a step by step process. If we teach our children about the sacred nature of their bodies, use appropriate and real vocabulary for body parts then we can talk about keeping our bodies clean, then talk about how bodies change as you get older, then you can talk about why bodies change as people mature and becoming a parent. It can all be part of a natural course of learning about mortality. Don’t make it a big scary thing, a one time event to be dreaded.
As far as the politics of it all - stay in touch with your child’s school for your personal choices. Beyond that there are children having sex who need to know about condoms. There are children who get their sexual education on the streets from sexual predators. If I didn’t live next to the inner city and see it myself I wouldn’t believe how rampant these problems are. (Two of our young women, under 16, have had babies in the last 6 months) Knowledge is power, teenagers need the correct knowledge about their own bodies. If everyone had the gospel it might be a different story. I hate to think the state has to take a parent’s place in any instance, but for some whose parents refuse to step up something must be done. For public health at the very least.
I think that basic sex education is neccesary because so many parents are uncomfortable with discussing these things at home. I don’t understand the need to discuss alternative life styles or how to use condoms. Condoms come with instructions. As a parent it is our responsibillity to be informed about any changes to the curriculum and to alert friends and neighbors when anything objectional is being added. For example they just switched the video our children watch in fifth grade, all parents were welcomed to contact the school nurse if they wanted to view the video in advance. Its important to be aware of any changes and then make a decision about what is best for your family.