I used to be passionate about Halloween. I loved it! I decorated the house with all sorts of fall surprises and carved elaborate pumpkins. My favorite part, even better than the roasted pumpkin seeds, was the costumes. I have bins and bins of them. People call me often and ask to borrow them this time of year. It’s always a pleasure to dig through the bins and find something that suits them perfectly. I like to take pieces and put them together in crazy combinations. Haunted Harry Potter? Rock’n’Roll Pharaoh? Dead Scarlet O’Hara? You want it. I’ve got it. Not only did I like creating someone else, I really enjoyed being someone or something else for a little while.
However, something in me has changed. I just do not have the same Halloween huzzah as I used to. I not only don’t want to make mozzarella and pretzel broomsticks, I can’t even decide if I am wearing a costume this year.
Why the shift? Introspection is whispering something from deep within me. It’s been a long time coming, but I think that I almost can put it into words. I can hear the core of me saying, “I like myself.” Its also saying, “Why would you want to be anybody else?”
I have heard other people say that I am confident. Perhaps they would say I have a strong sense of who I am and other’s opinions do not bother me. This is, for the most part, true. What is NOT true is the fact that I have not really loved myself for a really long time. As women, sometimes it is so difficult to fully accept and appreciate and love the self we have become. I have found the closer that I get to the Lord, the stronger my love of self is. As I look to Him, it’s a mirror of the good things in me. To me, that is amazing. It’s a revelation. It’s a shedding of false beliefs. Its a shedding of a costume and emerging as myself.