Christopher took a life assessment last night. It basically asked him about what he values and the success of his career. Late last night as we were preparing for bed he described to me the assessment and we discussed some of his answers.
The first page asked about what he valued. There were eighteen statements ranging from “With this ring I thee wed” (even though Mormons don’t say that when they get married) to “I want to blow up an airplane.” The point was to scale the statements with one being the most important and eighteen being the least. As his ever-curious wife, I was eager to know where he rated his top statements, so I asked him.
“ ‘With this ring I thee wed’ was number one.” He started.
Good answer.
“Was there a statement about a baby to value?” This is what I really wanted to know.
In our almost five years of trying to conceive Christopher has stayed cool. He’s been the leveled headed one, the Great Convincer that everything will work out for us. On the months were we have done any sort of treatment (which inevitably produces hope inside my soul) only to be disappointed, he is the one that holds me while I sob. All of this is good, except it is so easy to resent that he isn’t sobbing right along with me. The trick is to appreciate his faith, or at least to recognize it as faith, and not simply contentment.
“Um…I think I put “A baby in my arms” as number three.” He took his socks off and climbed into bed.
“Then what was number two?” I followed-up.
“Um…that was…number two was…oh I remember. Number two was ‘A good meal.’ ”
And as much as I wanted to hear Christopher say, next to me, more than anything in this world he valued was a baby, I couldn’t help but find relief in his placement of values. For two reasons really, one being that now I was absolutely certain that I was married to a man. (Not that there was doubt before.)
And two, because a good meal? I can conceive that.
Well, what can I say except that I loved this post! About all I can conceive is a good meal and even then it can be a bit sketchy! Knowing what I know about the woes of infertility, being an infertile mess myself, I have to say that your strength amazes me! I don’t think it’s just your husband with all the faith in your marriage…
I completely think it’s ok to feel relief. If Christopher was so fraught with sadness and stress all the time because his source of joy was so elusive, he would be contrary to the Lord’s admonition to be happy in this life. The Lord wants us all to find happiness regardless of the circumstance.
We’re all in a big pot of boiling water swirling with old sweaty gym socks anyway. May as well find some way to be happy. No one’s getting out of the pot until they die. Oh, sure, maybe your pot has different colored socks than mine, but it’s still hot, it’s still stinky, it’s still grimy. I say savor the good meals.
Smiling from the sweatshop, Justine
Ah! Cjane and Justine…I LOVE you both. (And if commenter #1 is the Kate I think it is, I love you too, girl!) It’s hard to be happy in the boiling pot of sweaty gym socks, isn’t it? The past two days were particularly hard for me for reasons that I’m still scratching my head about. But even under those gloomy clouds of Self-Pity, I was trying to champion the “Enjoy It” cause. Trying.
I love your smiling examples of optimism. I love the “Enjoy It” invitation. (Warning: Cheeze (with a “z”) ahead.) My cheerful blogging friends are such an insporation for me to find sparkle in the day-to-dailyness of life. Thank you!
Fabulous. I’m glad he put you over a good meal… I guess the way to a man’s heart IS his stomach?
We should never underestimate the value of a good meal– perhaps quite possibly one of the true and few cure-alls in life– or a good husband!
I loved this post!
I love that snippet of conversation. Nothing says ‘man’ more than wanting a good meal. I would have to agree that his priorities sound pretty good. He is the Chupastar!
I soooo get this post.
It hit me square in the gut. In a good way.
Thank you writer.
Thank you commenters.
Amen, amen, and amen.
(And since there’s no place to comment on your today-post, may I just take this opportunity to tell you that MY FLIPPIN INSOMNIAC HAIR STOOD STRAIGHT UP WHEN I READ THE BLOGGER FORMERLY KNOWN AS META’S DREAM. Hoe. Lee. Cow. You must really need those fireflies. Or something. I am never going to get to sleep tonight now (1:27 a.m.). Maybe I’d better go back to my teen-thriller vampire novel.
I believe we’re on to something here. I mean, there. At your home blog.
(Gack! I’m amazed!)
If my husband put “a good meal” as number 2 we would be in serious trouble…but I am working on it.
I never realized what kind of emotional toll a “treatment” might take. Your poor humpty dumpty soul. It’s a good thing that Chup is one of the kings men to help put you back together again!
Hey C Jane,
Infertility is such a difficult trial. I have so many friends that have experienced it, it is aprox. 1 in 5 couples that experience infertility in their relationship. Most people who experience it think they are alone and have a hard time realizing that sooooo many people have experienced this same hardship. Many couples are torn apart (look at Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman for instance) by the pain that it can create. But other couples are strengthened in ways that form a foundation for a lasting and permanently loving relationship. Chup clearly knows that the Lord is good and that he doesn’t need to worry about things that far into the future, just far enough to worry about his next lunch/dinner at _______(fill the blank.) So here is a guy who loves you unconditionally, supports whatever decisions need to be made, and knows the Lord is on your side. The biggest thing I would like to point out is, “your joy will be sweeter, because you have tasted the bitter.” I strongly feel you will be parents in this life, whether through your own pregnancy, surrogacy, or adoption. And if that is not what you want, then the Lord will help you guys to be the Best Aunt and Uncle ever to your nieces and nephews. May the Lord bless you in your righteous endeavors.