We lost a dog yesterday, on purpose.
Our most-of-the-time unbeloved dog Dutchy who we have not been honored to have for a year and a half was left at the pound yesterday.
To date, it was the hardest decision we’ve ever made, and mind you, we’re house owners.
She was such a bad, bad dog. She escaped everyday, except the days where we watched her every move. Have you ever watched a dog for an entire day? Not fun, my friends, not fun. When you let her off the triple muscled leash we had to concoct, she would jump on you and then lick every exposed body part with her tongue that smelled like carcass. She dug every inch of our lawn. She brought back stuffed crap from her adventures around the neighborhood and shredded them to a slow and painful death until we had balls of cotton in the rose bushes and grapevines (Winter in July!). She followed petrified kids home from school. I’ve found her at schools, restaurants, hotels and trailer parks. And she had a tendency to bite our other sweet dog Ralph on his ear which caused horrible bleeding. One time it was his eye.
Every time my phone rang, or the door bell sounded I was sure it was bad news about Dutch. This is because it was mostly the case. One morning, around 7am, an older man came to the door and looked as though he was going to burst into an emotional anxiety ridden tirade. Which he almost did.
“Your dog escapes from the back fence and runs out in to traffic. She’s almost been hit. She’s almost caused other people to get hit. I want you to know.”
I think that most dreadful of all, she caused emotions from my husband that I’ve never seen before. Frustration? Yes. Disappointment? Yes. Annoyance? Oh very much yes. He spent so much time feeling sorry for the things that flew out of his mouth at that dog that I really wondered if therapy might be needed.
And so it was last Saturday, as we were getting ready for a Christmas party, Dutch ran away for the third time that day. By Sunday morning she had not returned. I went outside to check on Ralph who was playing in the snow, obviously not shattered by the absence of his wicked little sister. I felt peaceful, Dutch was gone and that was that. I felt no need to look for her, or call her hotspots. Something told me all was well.
But she didn’t come back that night, nor did she on Monday. No one called, no one came to the door with a wet dog asking if I was the (un)lucky owner. It was the best two days that we had known in a long while. I didn’t wake up with a panic wondering if she was on her leash or following a kindergartener to school. Ralphy jumped around in the back yard and rolled around in the snow. Most of all, my husband’s aura spelled, unadulterated peace. He was like an entirely different man!
But soon pride seeped in to my brain and I started to wonder what people would think of me if I let my dog run away and and not care of the outcome. Was this a type and shadow of my future parenting? Was I a quitter? Could I not handle difficult situations?
So it was that I asked my husband to try and locate Dutch at the animal shelter. I couldn’t let it alone. Not that I wanted her back, I just wanted to be able to sleep at night knowing that I at least inquired.
Dutch was found yesterday in the quarantine section of the pound. My husband called me to let me know while I was at a lunch party.
“We have a decision to make.” He said quietly. “It’s fifty dollars to bring her home. It’s fifty dollars to keep her here. She will most likely die if we do that.” His voice cracked. Now this dog, that had caused such anxiety, pain and wasted emotional energy was sitting in a cage asking for our grace. We wanted to leave her. We wanted to be done. But the downfall of being human, as advanced a species we are, is that we have a hard time not humanizing everything else. This was a dog, not a daughter.
I got off the phone to consult with my two friends (Segullah friends!) Justine and Kylie.
“What would you do?” I asked desperate for advice.
“I would leave her there.” Said Justine empathtically. “And I love dogs.”
“I would leave her there too.” Said Kyle. “We have enough problems in our lives, that we don’t need to choose to have them.”
They were right. I believed fate had stepped in and given us an opportunity to let a BIG problem go. And if she died, I really believed that Heavenly Father was telling me, in my heart, that there would be a place for her to run and run and never cause traffic accidents on busy roads. Everything would work out.
My poor husband was the one who had to sign a bunch of papers and give them to a lady who didn’t seem to care about the awful decision because she was too worried that typing too fast might chip her acrylics. He said that he tried not to cry, but he did, and he cried for the better part of the evening.
I’m often uncomfortable with the “what would Jesus do?” contemplation. Most of the time it’s because I don’t know what he would do. He was perfect! I have no idea what a perfect person even does! But I do know this, Jesus would do the will of his father. And I can do that. So when I prayed to know if I should leave my dog at the pound to most likely die in a small gas chamber and I felt, confidently, that the answer was “yes” then that, I must understand, is what Jesus would do.
And that is how we lost our dog yesterday.
A hard decision indeed. Undoubtedly you will here from someone, telling you that you are heartless, but since when has anyone ever been able to please everyone? Losing a pet, even a bad one, is hard for most people.
My dad has had to [personaly] put down a few animals/ pets [his or someone else's] in his life. He’s not the biggest animal lover, yet each time it has been a challenge and more than once, he has shed a tear for the animal.
I am sending you and Chup big hugs. Hard decision, hard day.
You made my yesterday better, though. May Ralph now slobber in blissful solitude, with both ears intact.
I am with Justine, and am also sending you and Chup big hugs. That is a heartbreaking story, and I know bad dogs! We left our Beagle “Scout” in SLC with a friend when we moved to FL! She was a bad dog.
I would try to focus on the Holiday Season…focus on the LV Bowl…focus on that present from Chup within the see-through wrapping paper…and focus on how much safer you’ll feel when Baby Kendrick comes one day and not having a bad dog around it!
I have a very stinky but cute turtle that may or may not carry salmonella that I am trying to find a tactful way to get rid of. Any ideas?
Note to self: Never, ever buy a turtle in China Town, no matter how cute they may look.
Courtney- there is no room for crappy dogs in this world. This mostly includes dogs that bite people and other dogs. Euthenasia (sp?) was invented for dogs like dutchess. Bye bye, good riddance to crappy dogs. If you can’t enjoy the pet, get rid of it. Fortunately my dog is a sweetheart and he keeps me from watching an extra hour of tv everyday. Bring ralph over and I’ll take you on a beautiful walk along the provo river to look at peoples xmas lights.
why the heck am i crying right now? you good writer, you. i just love that last para.
When we moved from Phoenix to Utah, we decided to find a new home for our two dogs. I had struggled with both dogs the entire time we owned them, but when they left with their new owners, I bawled. Then about a month before we moved, we received a letter in the mail from the Humane Society. One of our dogs had been found and since they were computer-chipped, they contacted us. We had to decide what to do. Should we go pick it up? In the end, we did nothing. We decided that as were no onger the owners, and we didn’t have the new owners number, it was not our responsibilty. I have to say that I wonder which dog it was, and whether it found a new home or was euthenized? I think it is hard to say “goodbye” no matter if you are talking about a friend or a pet. We humans have big hearts.
I don’t love dogs, but I’m sorry you lost yours, crappy or not. (And I’m proud of you.)
I’m so sorry. That’s hard thing. I love dogs and my children beg us for a dog–which is hard for me because I believe deep down that every kid should have a dog sometime during his or her childhood. But I also know in my heart of hearst that we are not in the right place emotionally or financially to deal with those tough decisions.
(Besides, I am a wimp. Once when we were very very poor I was trying to figure out how to come up with the $40 it would’ve cost to put my dying pet rat out of her misery. I considered not feeding my children so I could put the rat to sleep. I ended up crying like a baby for the entire 30 minutes it took her to die. Can you imagine me with a dog?)
I’m sorry.
I do believe there are such things as crappy dogs, but I also believe there aren’t as many out there as we would like to believe. We humans make dogs neurotic and weird, mostly by “humanizing” them, as you talked about.
Some dogs, though, take WAY more effort than they’re worth. I really think you could have made her into a good dog, but it probably would have 3-5 hours of exercise a day, (she sounds high energy, and I’m not kidding about having to run for that long) some serious money spent on dog training, and probably still a watchful eye for most of the time. In my book, that’s not worth it. She a DOG, not your daughter.
I have been a dog lover all my life, but the fact is that they are NOT people, nor are they equal to people. Letting a dog go is not the most horrific thing you can do. You must first protect your sanity, your family, and your neighborhood. Also, I think if a dog bites, she is GONE. And viciousness with other dogs is not a good sign. If she hadn’t bitten yet, she likely would have. And that is not something you want to deal with.
Plus, if you are going to have a baby, it’s a very good thing this dog is not around.
I’ve been in a similar quandry, however I chose to keep the dog out of guilt. She ended up escaping for the millionth time and got hit head-on by a car. Now, I’ve worked in an animal hospital and I’ve seen animals “put down”…believe me when I say that being “put down” is far less traumatic for everyone involved (including the driver of the car, the people who witnessed it, ME!) There are far worse fates a dog could suffer, and you gave it a year and a half…that’s a solid college try pal! Take a deep breath and let the peace breathe back into your life!
I’m with Wiz. We have four dogs and they are all mentally ill in some way. They behave better as they get older, though, honest. They take a lot of time and work.
I’m wondering about the breed of dog you had. Some dogs just need more stimulation than others and are really hyper puppies.
I do understand your decision, I think. Sometimes we wish our dog (s) would get run over by a bus. On the other hand, I would be positively bereft if I didn’t know where they were. My husband is a total dog lover.
We have a purebred Jack Russell puppy. Now that’s a lot of dog. I regularly pay little kids to try to wear him out. I regularly cuss at him.
There’s just something in me that would worry if he was getting good care, though. A mentally ill person for a mentally ill dog. (s).
But, you know, sometimes I think our lives would be sooooo much more peaceful without four crazy dogs. I know my neighbors’ lives would be more peaceful.
Honestly, I was always kind of scared of Dutchess.
But, I am sorry. Really.
I feel your pain. Ethan convinced me 2 summers ago that we needed a Lab. (We already had a chihuahua and a cat.) Me, loving my husband said, “OK, honey” She was a beautiful black gal. But she grew and grew and then I got pregnant again. I couldn’t imagine being on bedrest and dealing with this crazy animal dog. We just couldn’t walk her enough. Our backyard was a mess. She shedded EVERYWHERE. And she had terrible gas. She loved to bark, causing Tysie (our chihuey) to bark. But she was sweet and would be so nice to Kade, so I couldn’t be too mean to her.
I begged Ethan to ask his parents if they would take her. We packed up the Subaru and off we drove to Montana in January. I only lasted 6 months with her. I cried when my brother said goodbye to her. I cried when we left her there after the weekend. I felt like the biggest jerk in the world for ditching our dog.
But guess what? Turns out, she’s WAY better off. My inlaws walk her twice a day. She acquired a boyfriend (my sister-in-law brought her yellow Lab to MT to live too) She gets a treat allowance every week, and McD’s hamburgers. She runs and runs.
And me? I got over my guilt and have felt peace about it. I am so glad we made that decision. Though Ethan and my brother now call me “The dog hater” (And Davey and Megan are mad that Captain couldn’t get with her)
I hope you are ok w/o your dog. Tell Chup sorry too.
You just described all the anxiety that keeps me from EVER wanting to own a pet. I was talking with some friends last night about pets. I told them I never want a pet. They said pets are good preparation for having kids. But none of them have kids, so I am not convinced. Kids are a life commitment. Dogs are not.
Yeah, I nearly choked on my spit when some (childless) friends of mine talked about how they knew they’d be able to handle a baby because they already had 2 dogs that required midnight trips to the backyard/potty.
I’m sorry about Chuch.
A very hard decision indeed. We were once in the same sort of situation with our cute but out-of-control, over-grown Sammy. We tried the obedience school, etc. but nothing seemed to work. We were at our wits end. Then one day Sammy “ran away” (so the kids believed) and never came back. To this day, Lee won’t talk about Sammy because he thinks the worst happened to him but I choose to believe that someone came and adopted him because he was so darn cute. Who knows… but you did the right thing because it was what felt right. Dutchess will be fine no matter what happens to her. I’m sorry you had to deal with this though. It is a hard thing. But I agree with Rachel…dogs are not a life commitment.
This was much needed therapy! Thank you so much everyone for your advise and wisdom. Life does go on…
Has anyone read “Marley and Me”?
It is about a crazy, psycho yellow lab and it is a laugh-out-loud tear-jerker. Unbelievable how much trouble a dog can get into, but you can’t help but love him. I highly recommend it, dog lover or not.It is delightful.Disclaimer-there is swearing.
I have a puppy and five kids and believe you me, dogs are a thousand times easier than kids. -except for maybe crappy dogs and then–opt for the kid. (they bite less and don’t chase cars and buses)
Oh, yeah, you can stick the dog in a kennel when you go out. Something you could never do with a child. They don’t talk back and do give great kisses. -of course my four y.o. has pretended he’s a cat for a year now. Though I can’t leave him alone for hours at a time and he doesn’t shed, I feel pretty experienced with the pet thing.
So, Courtney, I would have done the same thing, if it makes you feel any better. Some dogs just aren’t worth having. Peace, Sister.
Courtney, don’t let me mislead you. We’ve gotten rid of a couple of dogs and a couple of cats, as well, that just wouldn’t work for us as pets. Can you console yourself with the fact that most shelters are leaning towards a no-kill policy and hitting adoption heavily?
We loved Marley and Me! We own his evil twin. We have two big dogs and two little dogs. And I really really believe our lives would be much more peaceful without them.
You need to get yourself to a library and pick up this book. The author spent years with this dog, trying to rehabilitate him, even going as far as to move to a farm. Yet, at some point, he had to decide what to do as a responsible pet owner.
I am so, so sorry. I know you loved her and yet she was so frustrating. You did your best. You loved her no matter what.
Just this morning our Jack Russell started tearing into the other dogs for no reason. Now two of those dogs could bite him in half with one bite. He’s got the muzzle on as we speak. Dogs are hard.
I looked up this thing on the internet where you put a shock collar on them and use a remote to shock them when they don’t do what you want. It sounds cruel, but I think it makes for a good pet. My neighbor did it with her Jack Russell and he’s a pretty good dog now. But they’re quite expensive.
I can just see my little dog getting ready to tear into another dog and I push the button and he flips over a few times and lays on the grass. Heh, heh. You have to know this dog to enjoy the thought.
We have had to put 2 dogs down, including one who was just a puppy. Both of them were aggressive, and both bit people. One seriously bit a small child. Luckily the parents did not sue us, but only because the dad grew up with dogs and figured it wasn’t the dog’s fault (yeah, right!) Actually, it probably really wasn’t the dog’s fault, it was probably ours. Still, it was pretty hard decision both times.
Since then, I have tried to do some research about dogs, personality traits, and what really makes a good dog owner. And, of course, Cesar Milan (the Dog Whisperer!)and his book have been incredibly eye opening. I think we are better dog owners for it, and we have a dog now that is working out pretty well. She is a huge black lab that loves to be loved. However, if she is not run to exhaustion, she gets destructive. Yeah, we have some rebuilding to do in our backyard, too.
But when I look back on those other two dogs, and the mistakes we made with them, I realize that we weren’t in a position to do what we needed to do to make them good dogs. Emotionally, physically, environmentally, we just couldn’t give it to them. And we paid the price. And we know darn well that the price could have been a lot highter.
Bottom line–if you can’t give a dog what it needs, you need to get rid of the dog. It sounds like this dog had especially HIGH (and perhaps slightly psychotic!) needs, and you paid the price. And it sounds like it was definitely time to get rid of the dog. You did the right thing.
And your dog experience bears absolutely no resemblance to your parenting skills because of this simple fact: Dogs are not humans. You are not their parents. They are not flesh of your flesh.
Marley and Me is a cute book, but the humanization of Marley in the book really bothered me. Let me say it again. Dogs are not human. Period. You can not use human psychology to try to understand them, or to try and meet their needs. They are animals. It was also clear that Marley, despite all the love lavished on him by the author, had absolutely no respect whatsoever for his owners, and was in complete control and domination of the entire household. Frankly, it was a little sad.
[...] Oh, and Segullah readers, take note. How you deal with a dog bears little or no relationship to how you parent. Why? Because dogs are not, despite what Oprah says, people with fur. Trust me. Here are just a few examples of why your dogs are not people. [...]