Last Saturday night my husband and I were having dinner with a couple from our ward, Davey and May. Though we were all enjoying the present company, we equally lamented having to go to church the next day. If we could just go to the first meeting, take the sacrament and get on home to enjoy the second best part of the Sabbath Day: rest. It was decided that perhaps we weren’t having enough “fun” –or to use a more scripture-approved word “joy” –at church, and that it would be up to us to change our current church-going attitudes. All four of us confirmed the mission.
The next day we dressed (in our respective homes) our happy souls along with our skirts and/or shirts and/or ties. One of us even had a faux hawk. (If you’ve ever seen my husband you will know that he was not the one with the faux hawk. If you don’t know what a faux hawk is, try google. If you don’t know what google is then we are at the end of the road.) My husband and I even arrived extra early to enjoy Sister Chock’s prelude music. We were instantly rewarded for our efforts, because it the program told us that our favorite Ward Speaker, Brother Cook, would be addressing us. I decided to slightly scratch my husband’s back for five minutes longer than I usually do during the meeting. I think my mother told me that scratching backs during sacrament meeting isn’t exactly polite, but Oh Hannah! does it feel good.
On to the second block. I decided to give three comments during Sunday School as an active participant. It turned out like this: I gave one pretty good comment, answered one semi-obvious question (or was it just semi-obvious to me because I am a scholarly saint?) and I volunteered for the prayer. Basically, I was the Sunday School Star, so much so that I worried a bit that I up-staged the teacher. Not to kill my mood, and just in case, I apologized to the teacher who pretended she knew not what I was talking about (imagine that!)
On my way to Young Women’s class I stopped for a drink in the hallway. It was delightfully refreshing. And when I finished I went “ahhhhhh!” which made other people suddenly thirsty. This might be a parable to teaching the gospel.
It just so happened that only one Mia Maid showed up, so we decided to combine the Laurel and Mia Maid classes, this meant that May and I got to team teach! We were like the old Bush and Rove combo, advising and speaking, taking comments and testifying together.
Except it was all truth! Get out!
When it was time to go home I had so much “fun” that I really felt like my Sabbath Day Rest was well-earned. I slept for hours. And now, I can’t wait for next week! I might even get myself a new dress to wear, and grow out my nails for better scratching capabilities.
Here are some other ways to have fun at church:
Stop by the nursery for a snack.
Tell the widows in the ward what a “Betty” they are.
Call the first counselor in the bishopric by the name of the second counselor just to see if he will correct you.
If you bring pretzels for your children to eat, try dipping them in chocolate. Do the same with cheerios.
Sneak into the Primary when the Sunbeam class is in charge of opening exercises.
Get to know all the youth in the ward. Call them by name in the halls when they won’t go to Sunday School.
Try to use only hymn titles when addressing the ward chorister, “Hello Sister Smith! We meet again as sisters. There is sunshine in my soul today with all the power of heart and tongue like ten thousand legions marching.The time is far spent. God be with you till we meet again and/or carry on!”
If you sit on the foyer couch anytime during the three-hour block, and someone comes to sit next to you, ask that person if they happen to know who designed the upholstery, and then while smoothing it over with your hands, whisper “Do you think it’s real?”
Stop by the Bishop’s office for a Jolly Rancher.
(What? Your Bishop doesn’t have Jolly Ranchers? You’ve got to see someone about that.)
Any more ideas?
This is great! Thanks for my morning laugh.
I’ve got another one. When someone says something you really agree with, let out a hearty, “Amen, Sister!” or “Amen, Brother!” (Probably best saved for Sunday School or Relief Society.)
My husband got to know all the youth. Now they scream and holler “DORTY!!!” all down the halls as he approaches them. Or really as he walks anywhere. Even as he walks away. Just a word of caution.
My other Sabbath ideas would involve
hugging and happily chatting at the women in your ward who always look crusty and grumpy (you know who I’m talking about, too). I’m not sure if they like it or hate it, but it always makes me happy. (but does it make me happy because I know they think I’m obnoxious? hmmm.)
Telling the Sunday School teacher what a great job they did explaining how Alexander the Great’s conquer of the world led to a deeper misunderstanding of the resurrection.
Help hand out Hymnals in Relief Society.
Go hug the library ladies. They’re lonely.
Sing loud and strong, or for that matter, join the ward choir!
Go to your ward activities. Those poor people work hard to put those things on.
Ask the financial clerk if you could have a small loan.
Cheers!
Ask the girls in flip-flops if their toes are cold because mine would be if I was wearing flip-flops to church. Repeat as incredulously as possible how chilly their toes surely be.
Because I sit in the nursing buckets behind a semi-drawn drape, I just love to catch people leaving the restroom without washing their hands. “Hello Sister!” I call as they try to leave the room. Count how many people will turn around and go wash their hands.
Washing hands! Hahaha hahahah!
And yet, somehow NOT funny.
sometimes i am too grouchy (at my own kids attempting to escape sacrament meeting) to even think of a good joke.
This made me laugh a lot. I think church would be a lot more fu…joyful for me if I were surrounded by c janes and c jane-like people. Maybe when I finally move into my place and go to my future ward, I will find that that will be the case…as far as c jane-like people go. I don’t expect that c jane goes to the Capitol Hill 2nd Ward in SLC.
Something I like to do is send a text message to everyone I have the cell number for in my ward that says, “Phone check!” to see who has their phones on.
In the home ward, I definitely liked hanging out with the youth in between the various hours. I’d compliment them on how well put-together they were that day, and I’d spend a lot of time chatting up the more awkward youth.
Kids scare me, so I avoid them except for the few who like me despite my lack of effort to win that like.
Take a bag of Starbursts to hand out to the kids if you love them so much! Me, I’d just sit there and play “who can unwrap these the fastest with their tongue” with the youth. It’s way more fun, IMO.
I need some ideas of what to do when there’s…you know…that occasional…boring? speaker? I had a coloring book for a while. I’m not kidding. And then I got lectured about how I was a bad example, and I was all, “Then pick not-boring speakers, DAD!” And he was all, “Well, how about you speak every week?” And I was like, “Get outta my face!” So I need some ideas, people. I know this is the right place to get those ideas.
This is hands down, the best Segullah post I have ever read (minus the one I wrote, lol!)
We all need some Joy when it comes to church. Oh, and yes, scratching = love!
P.S. Despite my very strong aversion to the song, there is little funnier or more irreverent than sparking the loud cell-phone playing of “Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy” in the middle of a meeting and watching my Bishop Dad’s face glow the color of molten lava.
I like to drop random things into my primary song-lady routine. Like last week I told the jr primary that the current trend of big cement group mailboxes that you have to drive three locks to find was akin to a Russian Goulag. I also told them that their parents would give them candy if they just sang the pioneer song about the wheels with “Creak Creak Creak Creak” enough times. Usually I do this when then Primary Presidency has left the room.
Im not sure what this segullah is, but I am loving all the good information Im getting. Cjane, Im Ericas Aunt and I am blogstalking! Scary, I know, but we all do it, I just got lucky with this one. You are hillarious and should write a book, if you havent already. Love all the comments too. “Save a Horse…., and texting to see who does a check, these are beautiful. I encourage my kids to watch Bishop Dad, and make his exact, overly tired, slighly skewed eyebrow faces, all 6 of them. Its priceless. My 9 year old ocasionally takes false red-neck teeth for singing time to freak out the overly happy chorister in primary. Other than those suggestions, Im just excited to try some of yours - Happy Sabbath!
You could always challenge your children to a game of “Count the Bobbing Heads on the Stand.”
My brother Sam sits on the edge of the pew and always has candy to slip to the deacon passing the sacrament to his row. They might even be jolly ranchers. His family says it is fun to watch the boys fight about who gets to pass to their row.
I am going to try the one with the songs and the ward chorister. That’s awesome! Where did you think that one up? I think that another one would be to say hello to someone in the ward who never says hello to you. Maybe more than one person. It makes you feel like a bigger person afterward. My head is huge!
Those are fantastic ideas. We have a crazy guy that comes to our ward who calls himself “James the Prophet.” Besides being crazy, he also stands out because we are in a student ward and he is in his 60s. He makes all sorts of interesting comments during Sunday School. That is how we stay entertained.
Also, our Bishop has lollipops. And our daughter called him “the President” — a sure sign that we stayed in Washington DC a little too long.
If someone in my ward reads this….I expect some hugs this Sunday.
I might uncrust a little.
My personal favorite thing to do during boring sacrament meeting talks to is go through the hymnbook at put the phrase “in the bathtub” at the end of each title. Try it.
The President! Ha!
“In the bathtub” is a classic. But we say “in the bathroom” which is probably a little more irreverent. For example, a family favorite, “Let Us All Press On” in the bathroom. I know. I do have teenage boys!
My Sunday instantly gets better when my husband sings the hymns in his Neil Diamond voice.
What we like to do with the hymns is read the first word of each verse. Try it with “Sweet is the Work.” Cracks me up every time!
Fabulousoooo….comments.
I have done everything listed and more!
I shall not share that which has relieved me from bore.
Make up your own call cause God loves us all.
Possibly somehow you can make someone bawl.
The kind of tears however they be,
in your unique manner people can see,
we are not statues or mere figurines,
but real live people who are called humanBEINGS.
Challenge: Do something different each Sabbath day to make others feel their not the only wierdo bored,
bothered, bewildered, betwixed, beyond wanting to go home to go the bed and beyond because of the boredom.
Mantra, “MAKE CHURCH A HAPPIER PLACE”.
Definintion of Mantra: chanted or sung as an incantation of prayer.
Chant the 3 hours away!
If you do you will,
1. ‘
2. Have Sunshine in your soul.
3. Make the pathway bright
O.K. this comment was submitted by some strange, unknown, click of an unknown key to me. Oh well all 20 of my hymn mantras are lost.
But it was very entertaining. I’d like to hear the other mantra hymns, I’d even like to hear what 1. was…
1. is a secret. fill in the blank. erase and replace. insert an “Afterglow”! Grace be mine for the mistake turned sublime!
To shake up the back scratching thing up a bit, I will write a word on my husband’s back and he will have to guess what I spelled, and vice versa.
all very excellent idea’s!!
I love every single word of this. Oh, in my little heart, I have a C Jane. My other larger self just represses it. I don’t know why. My hubby needs to read this one too! He tends to roam the halls and people are calling him by his first name and telling him to go to class. But I have a primary calling and that keeps me plenty entertained. I do stop in for Nursery snack.
while in the nursery begging some stale “Chickin in a Biskits”, why not try to use the teeny tiny nursery potty!!