100%

Posted by Brooke | March 4, 2009 | 35 Comments

When I was a teenager I had a swim coach that used to give us versions of the same pep talk before each meet.

“Don’t tell me you’ll give me 110%,” he’d say. “Just give me 100%– your true 100%.”

Like all sports analogies, I’ve always took this to mean something grander in life than it meant in the pool: Let’s not be flippant about what we give lip service too—let’s not talk about how much we will do and how great it will be, let’s just do it. And when the proverbial race is over and we crawl out of the swimming pool of life, it will make no matter what our “time” was or if we won the race or not, because we can carry on knowing we gave it our very best.

Lately I’m baffled by disparity in the way people choose to live their lives. I’m not surprised but disappointed when I read that Utah is #1 when it comes to online porn consumption. Mormons + pornography = what happened to the Prophet’s counsel behind closed doors?

And I can’t get over the way those who crowd the news seem to seek justification by the seemingly profound (but inherently selfish) idea to “follow their heart” by having more babies or leaving their spouses, or hating on others because of their righteous beliefs. If all hearts were pure, then I would trust this notion; if all hearts were “fixed, trusting in the Lord” (Psalm 112:7), then the tendency to live this way might indeed make this world a better place. But mostly I see a duty to the heart as a way to justify selfish desires and get away with lying, cheating, divorce and broken families in a world that deems these sorts of things not only as expeceted, but profound.

What about doing what’s right? What about staying in a marriage because you are married? What about working it through? What about doing what’s right even without an audience? What about commitment to our covenants?

Elder Oaks said: “The Savior said that if we are “lukewarm,” he “will spue [us] out of [his] mouth” (Rev. 3:16). Moderation in all things is not a virtue, because it would seem to justify moderation in commitment. That is not moderation, but indifference. That kind of moderation runs counter to the divine commands to serve with all of our “heart, might, mind and strength” (D&C 4:2), to “seek … earnestly the riches of eternity” (D&C 68:31), and to be “valiant in the testimony of Jesus” (D&C 76:79). Moderation is not the answer.”

And M. Russell Ballard: “[The] brethren are not alone in their commitment to serve. Have you made the commitment to do anything the Lord asks?”

Anything?

What are you truly committed to? What do you give 100% to in your life? A calling? Your family? Your marriage? A new hobby? Service? A simple, daily habit?

And how do you do this?

Is it enough for my kids to see the scriptures on my nightstand to know I am commited to my Heavenly Father? Is it enough when they heart me talk about it? Or do my actions need to be 100%?

(This is hard. I know. So:)

What do you wish you were committed to? What do you hope your family would say you are commited to?

And simply, how do you feel about commitment? How do you feel about the term 100%?

Because I know what you’re thinking: “If we’re grading on the curve…”

Category: Daily Special

Comments

35 Responses to “100%”

FoxyJ
March 4th, 2009 @ 11:07 am

Just so you know, there are several critiques of that particular study about porn out there. Not only the methodology of the study itself, but also the way it is portrayed in the media. So while I do certainly believe there are Mormons with a porn problem, I think we should be a little wary of getting up in arms because headlines everywhere are screaming “Mormons use more porn than anyone else!”.

I feel like I am committed to a lot of things as far as simple desire. At the same time, I also think that it’s impossible to be 100 percent good at everything all of the time. We’re not perfect, the conditions around us aren’t perfect, and it’s not going to happen. I think one of the biggest challenges in mortality is simply learning to live with the tension between the fact that we will always fall short of our good intentions and desires.
Karen
March 4th, 2009 @ 11:10 am

Reading this makes me think. Am I giving 100% to anything? Husband, kids, calling, PTA, prayers, scriptures, FHE….. Is it even possible for me to give all these people/things 100%?

Maybe one or two at a time, but not all at once.

Is it enough to be 100% in our hearts? Because I’m not sure if it is possible to be 100% in our actions all of the time.

If I am giving 100% to preparing for my calling, I’m probably not giving 100% to my kids at the same time.
Josi
March 4th, 2009 @ 11:34 am

100% makes me tired–and I too often get stuck in the “If I can’t do it 100% then why do it at all?” I know this is dangerous thinking, so I have to reframe it. I love the swimming analogy IF I can look at it in the sense that it takes hours and hours of practice in order to swim one short race 100%. THAT I can get a handle on. I’m not 100% at anything all the time, not one single thing, but I can practice toward it and then now and then I can fulfill my calling 100% and I can have a day where I’m a 100% wife or mother or writer or whatever. In time the 100% lasts a little longer and it feels good and I’m motivated to do it again.

Maybe I’m just a bundle of justification, it wouldn’t be the first time, but for me the WANTING to be 100% is about all I can do without wanting to break into tears.

And in regard to Foxy’s comment–Doug Wright made some good points on this issue, Utah has the youngest and most wired (home internet) population in the US. While it’s certainly a sad report that we have a problem, I think this study can also be seen as a potential reflection on naive parents that are allowing unmoderated access to the internet. AND, the study was on online subscriptions to one porn site, so it was very micro-focused. Again, not to say the problem isn’t there, but there are details that were left out of some of the reporting.
Brooke
March 4th, 2009 @ 11:43 am

my feelings about 100% are definitely wrapped up in an atonement. i don’t think we have to be perfect all the time because we can’t: i know that the savior justifies everything.

but i’m also very intrigued by the idea of lukewarm. is it okay to do things half-hearted sometimes? i don’t know. i just want to know that i did my best with what i was given.

i’ve heard an idea thrown around about relationships a lot and it goes something like this: “i can give 100% of my 50%.”

also, foxyj, i guess i’m noting the disparity between counsel and action– i’m not trying to call out the whole porn thing. frankly, it doesn’t bother me much more than how we have a word of wisdom but also a prescription drug problem, or how i was taught to kneel in prayer but i don’t. it’s more a matter of why don’t we do what we’re supposed to do.

is degree of difficulty a good enough excuse for being half-hearted?

(maybe that should have been my question…)
Justine
March 4th, 2009 @ 11:43 am

I, of course, want to give 100% to everything. But do I? Pretty doubtful. I give 100% to sleeping and eating.

Everything else is still in process. Sometimes I feel like I’m moving forward, but then I get filled with all sorts of pride for doing so well, which shoves me backwards. So I’m trying to figure out how to trick myself into being an ever better person without realizing it. ha.

Sometimes I do feel like the older I get, the farther away from the goal I’m getting, no matter how hard I try.
angie f
March 4th, 2009 @ 11:43 am

I learned on my mission that my “best” would be different every day. Some days, giving my all is going to look like Super Woman and other days, the very best I can manage is to make it out of bed directly to my knees. The thing I’m constantly battling with is self-honesty: really calling it truthfully–because there are some days when I could do better, but I don’t and there are other days when crawling along really is all I’ve got and I need to beat myself up less about those days. I find I figure out these sorts of things best in prayer and in the temple. I have had tender “smack-downs” in the temple where I know that I haven’t been true or faithful. And yet I have had moments of absolute clarity when I know that my offering at a particularly trying time is acceptable to the Lord, widow’s mite-ish though it may seem to me.

The second question and almost more difficult at this point in my life is determining what and where I should be giving my time and energy the most and where skating by is really acceptable. The idea of times and seasons is an important one, but there are so many good and needful things that it is so easy to be a martha when I want to be a mary. How do you know where you should put your 100% because Karen is right, we can’t give 100% to everything.
Brooke
March 4th, 2009 @ 11:48 am

oh, angie f: the phrase “tender smack-downs”– how i love thee!
jendoop
March 4th, 2009 @ 12:24 pm

What a complicated question! The comments before me have already hit on several ways it is complicated.

Yesturday I did a blog post, the general theme was “Not MORE = better”. Notice the ‘better’ was in lower case? That’s because I want it to be a quiet, trying slowly kind of better, not a beat you over the head with your imperfections, kind of better. We Mormon women are so good at killing ourselves with the idea of perfection.

And as far as what I’m trying to do 100%? Putting my hand in the Lord’s. Because beyond that I don’t trust myself to know the proper balance of percentages.
DavidH
March 4th, 2009 @ 12:37 pm

I think we should be 100% committed to God. He will tell us how to exercise that commitment to Him with respect to others, including entities or organizations like our family, employer, church, our community. I do not think it is healthy to constantly give “100%” in particular activities. It is important to say “no” to keep our sanity at times, and I think that is what God wants us to do. We have the right to do less than we are humanly capable of doing, and should exercise that right. See, e.g., http://www.caramasia.org/toolkits/FDWCT/Assertiveness.pdf http://www.health.com/health/condition-article/0,,20189766,00.html ,
Heidi
March 4th, 2009 @ 12:37 pm

I really liked what Josi said; the concept that the majority of our time and effort is spent preparing for those few moment when we need to give 100% is wonderful and refreshing, and preparing for the swimming race is a wonderful metaphor for expressing that idea.

As for myself, after 28 years I’ve finally learned that the Lord would rather have me, and I would rather have me, determinedly plodding along a few select paths of worthiness –writing, mothering, and salvationing (I love that non-word)–than hurtling down one or two paths only to fall down in exhaustion and find myself directionless when I get up again.

Finally, re: the porn thing. I’ve long felt that Mormons are particularly prone to porn addictions because it is such an isolated, secretive activity in our culture. I think we’d have less of a problem with it if we stopped regarding it as this dark, evil magic that it’s almost impossible resist and started thinking of it more as my husband thinks of it, as a totally resistible activity that’s spiritually damaging, low-class, and rather pathetic.
Brooke
March 4th, 2009 @ 12:42 pm

another thing: when you write your segullah post the very morning when you’re supposed to put it up, you spend the subsequent minutes of that morning stressing over every other word you wrote. my prayer right now is that this isn’t coming off as harsh or judgemental. heaven knows i’m imperfect and i don’t think i even usually give 40% in most areas of my life. luckily the segullah community is a loving one and for that, i thank you, my girls!

but i wonder too if we’re being too hard on ourselves? there are lots of ways we give 100%, and i just thought of one: i try to be 100% honest. all the time.
Angela
March 4th, 2009 @ 12:51 pm

Brooke, you’re not coming off harsh or judgmental at all. This is an important topic to think about.

But I’m with Josi, too. I suppose I can wrap my brain around giving 100% for a short period (a really short period?), but 100% is so hard for me to measure. When is enough enough? Most of the things that are important to me (my family relationships, the gospel, living a stimulating but prioritized life) are abstract concepts, and not as bounded by a beginning/middle/end as a one time race in a swimming pool.

The balance between pushing myself and cutting myself some slack is a tricky one. It used to drive me batty when Oprah would quote Maya Angelou and say (something like), “When you knew better, you did better,” because my problem is I know SO MANY betters. I could go on for pages about all the things I *should* be doing, and actually *could* be doing if I’d just get my act together and my butt in gear. I don’t have the luxury of saying “Oh, but I didn’t know that!” about so many of my shortcomings.

Maybe I can hang with Justine. I excel at giving my all in just about any eating or sleeping situation. So there’s that.
Leslie
March 4th, 2009 @ 12:52 pm

love “tender smack-downs” – phrase of the day-

thoughtful post brooke- I like it- I am the type of person that needs to be told- you can do better- I need a little kick to kick it up.

For me the commitment strongest falls under the category of doing what God wants me to do- it applies to many things talents, family, community, etc. and can shift from day to day as I feel promptings but trying to do good things with my life- that my 100% and trying for 100% obedience- not there yet though.
Sharlee
March 4th, 2009 @ 1:19 pm

In my prayers, I always used to say “please help me to be better.” It became almost a rote thing. Now I catch myself and say, instead, “please help me to love more.”

If I love more, I *am* going to be better–and for the right reasons.

The problem with phrases like “give 100%” or “do your best” is that we never really can. I prefer to think in terms of “stay the course” or “keep trying” or “don’t ever give up” or “press forward with faith.”
Sue
March 4th, 2009 @ 1:20 pm

Thanks to all. Interesting comments.

Thinking about them has made me realize something. I give 100% only when I can tell it’s needed. I sort of save it for crunch time, because it takes so much energy and commitment.

For example, I give 100% during “crossroads” conversations with family and loved ones, in the middle of crisis/trauma situations, on highly meaningful occasions, and for especially critical assignments. I think I tend to give the 100% most often for people who need me and less often for things that “need to get done.”

This kind of surprises me, because I’m something of a perfectionist when it comes to things I care most about, but I realize I am quite comfortable being “good enough” with things I am less passionate about. In these cases, I use whatever portion of my 100% effort is required and sort of treasure up the rest for the things I want to invest myself in. (Often this is my family; sometimes my writing or spirituality.)

I suspect this is not always a good thing, in some regards at least. I am arguably selfish at times in not giving my all…but I go easily into my entirely selfless mode as well, when I feel like it’s needed. That seems to be the caveat for me.

The downside is that my total commitment is precariously perched upon my own willingness and ability to discern what’s really important. I think I will need to be more prayerful about that in the future.
Kay
March 4th, 2009 @ 2:03 pm

I would love to be 100% in everything. I am a perfectionist and a control freak. These days I have finally admitted that I cannot be that person all the time. The one with the hair done, makeup on, clothes that are clean, ironed and that match. The one who has an immaculate house. The one with well behaved, beautiful, talented children who adore their parents. The one with the wonderful husband and perfect marriage. The clever, talented one. The girl who gives everything in her calling and goes to help others do their visiting teaching too. I fell off all of those pedestals years ago. Each fall gave me bruises. Realising that I find it sooooooooooo hard to live in our mormon culture of being ‘perfect’ is punishing sometimes.

Why can’t we be happy with who we are? Trying to improve ourselves at our own pace?

Trying to give 100% in all areas of my life has been a killer, a silent killer. I think it is for lots of people at church.

During the 2008 Worldwide Leadership Training Meeting Elder Holland told us that
“sometimes to magnify your calling is to do less, not more. You’ve brought more focus to it, you’ve excercised better judgement. You’ve increased the quality, but the sheer mass may be smaller, not greater. That’s an equally liberating thought, I think-not to shirk, not to be a slacker, but to really, seriously look at the big picture, including the big picture of the family, and sometimes maybe do less.”

Do less has been my mantra ever since. I have even stopped taking part in so many things. I can say no. (This does not make others happy at church when you say no, not that I would ever turn down a calling, but I do not have to do everything at church for everyone).

By having less to focus on I do better. I am committed to the idea of 100% in everything, but no longer kick myself when I am not there. Just get up, say sorry and try again.
Michelle L.
March 4th, 2009 @ 2:17 pm

ooh, I love Sue’s comment– giving 100% at the crossroads. This is what I strive for.
Josi
March 4th, 2009 @ 3:29 pm

I sensed no harshness, Brooke, so if I gave that impression send me a tender smack-down. I thought it was a great post, and I’ve been thinking about it all day. In fact I took my daughter shopping for birthday party stuff (I so hate birthday parties) and I had a million things running through my head on what I needed to do when I got this over with, and then I realized that, wait, this was not hard–I could give my daughter 100% for the next hour and feel good about that or I could give her 30% and not enjoy the time I was going to spend doing it anyway. We ended up meeting her Dad for a birthday lunch and had a great conversation all the way home. All cuz a’ you And then I came back to read everyone elses thoughts.
Tamlynn
March 4th, 2009 @ 3:38 pm

The only wedding advice I remember: “Marriage is not a 50/50 relationship. It is a 100%/100% relationship.” I can say that I am 100% committed to my marriage. I also believe that I am 100% committed to my children. This doesn’t mean that I never lose my temper or that I have no room for improvement. I received a bit of a reprimand recently when I informed someone that I would not be attending a church youth activity because my dh was out of town and I needed to stay home to take care of my young children. Too bad. I’m not changing my commitment.

Also, I am completely committed to flossing my teeth. Every day.
Brooke
March 4th, 2009 @ 4:46 pm

josi, i had that exact same thought before lunch while on a bike ride with my kids: that i could give them 100% of my attention for an hour, and that maybe 100% happens in moments. and maybe that’s enough.

and thank you everyone, i have loved your thoughts & understanding & truly love that Elder Holland quote. thank you, kay!
Annie
March 4th, 2009 @ 4:48 pm

I’m thinking about Jesus and Mary and Martha and his “one needful thing” advice. I had a friend (and later heard others) talk about how that one needful thing changes from time to time (or, really, moment to moment).

Sometimes it’s the baby clutching your pantleg, sometimes it’s calling a neighbor, sometimes it’s finally washing the sheets, sometimes it’s sitting quietly and breathing and praying. And sometimes (dare I say?) it’s okay to go ahead and go to the matinee movie and eat buttered popcorn!

When your coach asked you for 100%, he wasn’t asking for you to give 100% all the time but when the occasion called for it (in a meet). I definitely think there are times that my children or my marriage or my calling ask 100% of me. To be in the moment and fully present. I think the goal is to have some 100% moments every day.

I also fully admit that this explanation might all be just to make myself feel better. I frequently only give 10% (a tithe!) to some moments, doling out the other 90% to various and sundry other things crying for a little attention. You know?

Thanks for the topic, Brooke. Didn’t feel harsh at all.
Annie
March 4th, 2009 @ 4:50 pm

reading back through more comments, I see that I’m really echoing Sue and Josi and others. I’m definitely not 100% original!
Karen
March 4th, 2009 @ 4:57 pm

Brooke, I didn’t think you were being harsh or judgemental.

And I hope I didn’t come across as critical of you, because I’m not! I was thinking of myself and how much I give to each area in my life.

I like what has been said about giving 100% to what I’m doing at that time. Playing games with kids- give 100% Time with husband- give 100% Cub Scout den meeting-100%

And I loved what Tamlynn said about being 100% committed. 100% committed to my husband, my children, my calling.

Now if I could only get 100% committed to PTA or exercising!
Jennie
March 4th, 2009 @ 5:46 pm

I agree with the others about the definition of 100%. To me 100% means completely concentrating on the task at hand. That is difficult for women who tend to be multi-taskers. It would be lovely give my daughter 100% while I help her do the Science Backpack tonight. But I know I will also be changing diapers, helping others with homework, making dinner (don’t worry, I washed my hands after the diaper!), and getting kids out the door for mutual.

100% would be lovely, and it sounds nice. To me, though, my life is about quantity, not quality. If all the basic needs are cared for, then I’m happy. Anything more than that is a bonus.
CatherineWO
March 4th, 2009 @ 5:46 pm

All the time I was growing up, my dad used to say to me, “If it’s worth doing, it’s worth doing well.” He always sounded like your coach, pushing me to give my all, that 100%.
Then one time when I was a little older, he and I were doing something together and he came out with the same mantra, “If it’s worth doing, it’s worth doing well.” My mother, who was sitting in the same room reading,added, without batting an eyelash, “Unless it’s housework.”
Maybe there are some things that don’t need (or even deserve) our 100%, yet they still have to be done.
Which is what I think a lot of you have already said.

[And I have always agreed with my mother about housework.]
Kalli
March 4th, 2009 @ 6:04 pm

brooke, my love for you continues to bloom. yes, it is a girl crush.

moving on

i find i fun out of 100% pretty quickly so i definitely like the idea of getting it out in spurts.

the atonement is such a huge part of my life i don’t know how i would ever overcome my inadequacies without it.
Kalli
March 4th, 2009 @ 6:04 pm

i RUN out of 100%, not i fun out.

my bad.
Angie
March 4th, 2009 @ 6:29 pm

My struggle has been realizing that I CAN”T give 100% in every sub-area of my life, because the result is more than 100% of what I have to give. I tend to think in terms of what I could ideally do–ie what could I do as a visiting teacher if I didn’t have a demanding calling and home life competing for my time. That kind of perfectionism leaves me tired and neglecting the crucial but less visible spiritual connection that powers everything else. I think where I need to give 100% is my commitment to following Christ and allowing him to direct my priorities and mold my heart.
Kristin
March 4th, 2009 @ 7:34 pm

Amen Angie…You captured EXACTLY what I am feeling.

Very thought-provoking post.
Anon2
March 4th, 2009 @ 9:37 pm

I’m not familiar with this study/report about Utah porn consumption. Could the author please site the course?
Tori
March 4th, 2009 @ 10:58 pm

What do you wish you were committed to?
Right now my greatest difficulty is my commitment to having children in the Lord’s time. I FEEL like Father wants me to have our next addition very soon and I feel full of fear rather than Faith. I’m really trying to work through it, but I’m not there yet. So, I’m definitely not 100%!

What do you hope your family would say you are committed to?
I HOPE they would say I’m committed to #1 The Lord, #2 My family, #3 The Gospel. What would they actually say? Hmmm… Perhaps they would mix up the order with #2 going first because I talk about and obsess over my family, but I do feel (almost 100% of the time) that #1 is right where He should be.

And simply, how do you feel about commitment? How do you feel about the term 100%?
I feel very strongly that when I have made a commitment I need to honor it. This has been true for quite a while now, but was made even more firmly a part of my “needs” when my non-member DH expressed HUGE disappointment in a large part of my Ward family when almost all of them backed out of a Bishop’s Storehouse trip that they’d signed up for. The way he talked about it, I felt sure that this was yet another stumbling block in his path of conversion (he’s definitely on it, just walking REALLY slowly!). ^_^

I think 100% is REALLY difficult to observe because it has, in my opinion, so much more to do with a combination of righteous heart’s desire, plans of accomplishment, and application or DOing. 100% is basically perfection, me thinks. So, it’s a good goal to continually strive for. But it seems that I should be forgiving of myself and others when it isn’t quite met (even by a long shot). And as I endure to the end, perhaps I will accomplish an overall 98% in my life at large! That would be completely acceptable to this fully human woman of God!
Kaye
March 5th, 2009 @ 12:25 am

I give 100%

0% excercising
2% to working on religious commitments
2% to dishes twice a day on a good day
5% to cleaning again and again and again and again
10% to fixing meals over and over and over and over
31% to sleeping, hooray
50% to watching children/entertainment (reading, media)
m&m
March 5th, 2009 @ 2:13 am

I think this is about heart, as someone said earlier, and about self-honesty. It’s so easy to justify laziness or sin.

On the other hand, it’s also too easy to overdo when I should be letting go and letting God.

Mostly, for me, this question in theory boils down to commitment to Christ. I have to find the quote, but I read in a book that if we put Christ first, whatever we put second will be right, because He will help us know what we need to do. I loved that. Pres. Benson said something similar — if we put Him first, everything will either fall into place or fall out of our lives.

So in my mind, 100% is about my commitment to Christ, and striving to really give Him my heart, life, dreams, and time, and then letting Him guide me and magnify whatever I am doing. If He really is first, if I am connected to Him, then whatever I am giving my heart to at the moment can be enough and can be right.

Now, this all looks good on screen, but I think it is the journey of a lifetime. It’s hard to stay focused like that. Thank heaven for the Atonement. That’s all I can say.
Brooke
March 5th, 2009 @ 9:13 am

Anon2,

it’s from an article in the salt lake trib:

http://www.sltrib.com/business/ci_11821265
Jennifer
March 5th, 2009 @ 11:42 am

I had a seminary teacher who always said, “We can’t be all the way perfect, but we can be perfect in some things and become more and more perfect throughout our lives. We can be perfect at saying our prayers every day and reading our scriptures. We can be perfect at our Church assignments. Step by step, line upon line, we can become better.”

Okay, so that’s not a direct quote, but what I remember.

Perfection seems so daunting. You could read my seminary teacher’s advice and say, well, I’m not perfect in any of those things. But maybe I can be perfect at saying my prayers for a week at a time at least? I guess the catch is to strive for 100%, knowing that if you make it you can keep it up and if you don’t you can keep trying. But the decision to strive has to be honest and sincere.