Is church in pajamas better than church in pantyhose?
Posted by Shelah | April 6, 2009 | 58 Comments
I always look forward to the first weekends of April and October. In my mind, General Conference weekend is a time when I sleep in late, eat good food, get religious instruction from the comfort of my couch, doze between (but never during) sessions, take notes, wear pajamas instead of pantyhose, and end the weekend physically and spiritually fed and full of resolve to get me through the next six months.
It’s Sunday night now, and I feel more frazzled than fed. We tried our best to watch Conference, really we did. My kids are little (ages 8-2) so on Saturday I decided not to be too dictatorial about forcing them to watch. But we were all bathed and dressed and positioned in front of the television at 11am. The familiar strains of the organ filled the house and we listened eagerly as Neil Andersen was called to the Quorum of the Twelve. The positive streak lasted through talks by Elder Hales and Sister Lifferth, but 40 minutes was as long as we could sustain our run. Our toddler needed a nap, the big kids wanted lunch, we were out of milk, and I needed to make a trip to the bank before it closed. If I recorded the rest of the session and ran errands, I reasoned, I’d still have time to catch up before the afternoon session started.
It was all downhill from there. My husband had to run into work, so the talks served as background noise while little boys fought and I read story after story to a cranky toddler (she never got that nap). About halfway through the session, I snapped off the television in frustration. I couldn’t hear a word over my oldest son’s recorder practice (the screechiest instrument ever), and seeing the peaceful conference center and the calm faces of the speakers only heightened the “so close, but yet so far” experience I was having.
Although we’re pretty laid-back on Saturday, everyone in our house must be present for the Sunday morning session. So we all lined up on the couch again this morning, and it was pretty much a repeat of yesterday. We started out strong, maintaining reverence during President Uchtdorf’s talk, but by the end of Elder Andersen’s message, I had bruises on my thighs from the two kids who’d spent the last fifteen minutes bouncing across my lap. During Sister Thompson’s talk we had a reading-related meltdown, a broken toilet, and fire ant infestation that needed to be dealt with. The tv stayed on until 1pm, but I didn’t hear anything else that anyone said. Then, this afternoon, just as I was getting ready to rally the troops for another two hours of torture instruction, our realtor called and wanted to show the house. Was it frustration or relief I was felt? I couldn’t tell.
Eight hours of General Conference, and I got one good hour out of it, spread over two mornings. Tonight, instead of feeling spiritually fed, I feel like I have a lot of homework to do. I know this is just a season of my life, and it too shall pass, but I hate that I’m more familiar with our church building’s halls than its chapel, and that even when we have church on tv, getting something from it still feels out of my reach.
Sure, there’s always the Ensign, the internet, and even reruns on my television, so I know that I can catch up on what I missed, if I’m willing to make the effort. I didn’t have to walk through the snow, strain to hear the words through an interpreter or even sit on a hard bench in the chapel to get General Conference. I’m pretty lucky. But this Conference weekend, I’m wondering if I have it too easy– if my kids and I had to sacrifice to hear the words of our prophets and apostles, would we value it more?
Tags: General Conference > motherhood > naps > Neal Anderson > pantyhose > Sister Lifferth > toddler
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April 6th, 2009 @ 6:45 am
First know that my heart goes out to you – so frustrating – yes this is a season. It is amazing how much we can relate on different levels, example:
My church life has changed radically since marriage (newlyweds). It is not bad, but very different and takes much self discipline and being able to live with frustration.
I am used to being at church on a regular basis with quilters, and bells and choir and ladies aid etc. My husband attends Quaker services – completely silent. No organ or hymns etc. We also now attend their book study once a week. Where someone picks a book, we read the chapter and intellectually discuss it with tea – i quilt.
My quilters encouraged me when I was engaged that my place is with my husband – understood, – that I have a Bible and a hymnal, I know what to do. So each day I do my devotions with Bible and Hymnal in hand, once I get my man off to work.
Then the puppy wants out, the laundry buzzer goes off, the doorbell rings, the phone rings, the puppy wants back in – anybody relating here?
But this has caused much growth in me. This is my relationship with the Savior. How am I relating in every moment of my day, how am I making Him apart of my everyday life? God is not church, God is the Almighty. This has been an eye-opener for me, that in a way, my church life was too easy – worship was done for me – a subtle form of idolatry. Time for me to grow up.
So I struggle during the silent worship (I sing hymns in my head), I read the book for study and push to participate and I work at and enjoy a relationship daily with my Savior.
It will be ok for you, the Lord saw the struggle and the willingness.
April 6th, 2009 @ 7:30 am
We managed to do well through most of the Saturday morning session. The kids colored and played with toys quietly, after many forceful reminders. During Elder Christofferson’s talk I became a fountain of tears, but my children were oblivious and chose the closing moments of his talk to end their quiet play. Poking me, ‘open this mom’, fighting over meaningless things, etc. So my wonderful moment of spiritual connection was shattered by my own voice angrily explaining to them that they were ruining a spiritual experience for me.
I think we should teach our children that life isn’t all about them (probably in more appropriate ways than I did at that moment). Yes, this has to be age appropriate. My children are 2, 7, 8 and 14, and (with the exception of the 2 yr old) I believe they are capable of learning this concept. Choosing for yourself, even as a child, not to fully participate in church is one thing, but to disturb another’s worship is not acceptable. Advance preparation is part of this.
For another session we let the kids watch a movie upstairs while hubby and I enjoyed a quiet session of conference downstairs. For another we were all over, and the last we desperately tried to watch together without killing each other. This is where our family is at, it is realistic for us.
I remember one year, as a child, spending an afternoon in a warm kitchen making rolls with my mom while listening to conference. It is a sweet memory. The year I sat on the floor and built legos with my kids, instead of taking notes, is a good memory also. Maybe, I should plan our next conference viewing with those memories in mind.
April 6th, 2009 @ 7:37 am
I had a similar conference experience to you, Shelah. I am trying to tell myself that YES, I WILL actually watch the DVRd sessions through the next two weeks, instead of deleting them, with guilt, in a few months. Not that I’ve ever done that…
April 6th, 2009 @ 8:13 am
First of all, I very much feel for you. This is a fabulous but often trying season with lots of little children in the home.
For a time, when my oldest children were little, the mantra I repeated to myself each week was, “All I got out of church today, was that my children know church attendance is a priority in our family, and that’s okay.” With pre-nursery squirmers, and young children who do NOT want to sit reverently, it can be very tough. But we were consistent. I am the kind who brings small snacks, sippies of water, and a few quiet toys or stickers for sacrament meeting. They don’t come out until after the sacrament has been passed. And if one of my kids acts up and has to be taken out, it is not to walk the halls or get a drink, it is to be taken to a dark classroom to sit in the corner or on my lap. I don’t yell or spank, but I tell the kids that the fun in is the meeting, and I ensure that being taken out isn’t fun.
Overall, our kids now do very well in sacrament meeting. I hear most of the talks. I have five children, ranging in age from 8 to 7 months, and honestly, they do a pretty good job. But it took many weeks to reach this point.
As far as conference this weekend…we were hit and miss on some of the sessions, but I try to focus on having there be something fun in it for the kids. I want my kids to grow up with positive feelings for the gospel and our church observance. We have conference traditions, like going out to eat on Saturday morning, and going outside on a walk and generally for a picnic in between sessions.
On Sunday we invited a couple of families in our ward over for breakfast and to watch the morning session. I admit some of that session was chaotic. One family we invited doesn’t have children, but the other brought six…eleven children from 11 to 4 months old in total.
I try to pay attention to how the kids are doing, and bring out something new when it seems they may be about to waver. I used to try and make them sit and listen like adults, but I have since realized that this doesn’t work well. So, some played Guess Who, some colored or did conference packets, and some played with the train table. During the songs they got to get up and run around or ride coaster cars. When they seemed to be getting hungry, I whipped out a tray of snacks.
Was it perfectly peaceful? Of course not, but it wasn’t contentious, and we felt the spirit of conference. I heard a lot of what was said, and was able to take some great notes.
Sorry this is getting long, but to sum up my other thoughts:
1. Associate positive attitudes and traditions around church practices. This is the Plan of Happiness!
2. Practice reverence all year long, through weekly church meetings, and daily family prayers and scripture study. We all need to practice reverence, not just children.
3. Change it up from time to time by trying new ideas others have shared or that you feel inspired to do. Like the idea in the friend about the little slips of paper and choosing small treats. Or one family we heard about who made a list a week before conference of topics they felt they needed direction for. Then they prayed for the speakers and their ability to listen to what was said. During conference they recorded the answers to those concerns…even the concerns a small child in the family had listed about killer bees. Killer bees were mentioned in passing by President Hinckley in that conference.
4. Remember that the most righteous careful planning on the part of parents can sometimes not produce the desired results in a particular instance, but over time, I think the results do generally show themselves. So keep at it!
April 6th, 2009 @ 8:31 am
I am lucky my kids love general conference- this doesn’t mean they alwasy listen intently but they do pretty well- maybe it’s all the snacks, maybe it’s the bin of legos to keep hands occupied. our only option is computer so we all ahve to sit in the office-which gets long after 8 hrs. sometimes i pipe it via baby monitor into other rooms.
I do often walk away feeling like i didn’t get to absorb it- like a sponge thrown into water but pulled out quickly when only the bottom is wet?
April 6th, 2009 @ 8:45 am
I’ve been in Primary forever (eight years in three different wards) so I feel this a lot, on normal Sundays and during conference weekend! You’re not alone.
During conference I noticed two mentions of the importance of rolling up your sleeves and actually working in the gospel (there were probably more, but I have small children, too). Elder Uchtdorf’s phrase “discipleship is not a spectator sport” comes to mind. Serving your children is definitely part of your life’s mission, so consider your weekend full of serving your children and family well spent. Even if it wasn’t the way you’d planned it.
And I just can’t imagine that my children would get more out of it if we had to drive an hour to a stake center and sit on benches for the whole thing. We go to stake conference and it’s a minor fiasco every time. I am SO grateful for the easy access.
April 6th, 2009 @ 9:01 am
I love the last line of this comment.
There are so many times when I feel like I have missed out on the promise of the Lord (Matt. 18:20), not because the promise has failed but because of my own failings (or difficult circumstances, like those described). But I also know that there are times and seasons to everything. Thanks for pointing out how private worhip can help fill the gap.
April 6th, 2009 @ 9:10 am
We’ve moved within the last six months, and where we live now no longer shows Conference in the stake center. We used to take our children to the Sat. morning session at the stake center. Even though the access was just as easy (both places we lived are in Utah), there was something special about dressing up and going to watch it on the big screen at the stake center. The chapel was usually almost empty, and the surroundings were different enough (dark, empty chapel with huge screen) that my kids usually paid attention fairly well. And it was one of the very few times we could go out to eat after a church meeting.
Now that’s not an option, and I’m surprised how disappointed I feel. I don’t think it would be easy to have to go to a church for all four/five sessions, but I really enjoyed it for one. And the variation seemed to help the kids as well.
This time around, my kids wandered in and out of the room where we were watching. By Sunday, they were mostly out instead of in. I would like them to love Conference, but I know I didn’t love it until I was a little older. The ideas in the Friend magazine might help, but I haven’t tried any of them yet.
April 6th, 2009 @ 9:14 am
I think it’s more important that they feel the spirit of your excitement that conference is something special. Over time they will really begin listening. I think young mothers are actually LIVING the commandments by being great moms…the rest of us (my 4 sons are grown and gone) need conference more so we can continue to progress. Heavenly Father knows you have your little ones now, after all He was the one who gave them to you, and He knows you would sit and listen if you could. Trust me, all of this will pay off in the end. Your going to church every week, even if you just stay in the foyer, speaks volumes to your children. They are learning habits and they are learning what is really important to you.
April 6th, 2009 @ 9:31 am
Sounds a lot like my weekend with my little ones. I am thinking that in the future,we might just dress up and go to the stake center to watch it. There my kids feel that they are at church and need to behave and we might be able to focus a little better.
April 6th, 2009 @ 9:42 am
Sorry, Shelah, but I’m LAUGHING! Laughing, because you describe so well a scenario that moms everywhere can relate to. Just when you want something good for everyone (and especially for you), the laws of Murphy and the great forces of opposition work to thwart your perfectly well-intentioned plans.
I have lived so many years like what you’ve described, except a lot of them were without access to conference in my home–most were in a more visible, public location. I LOVE that we can all access conference now, via the internet. What a blessing! We have quickly adapted to that wonderful technological gift, and now make every effort to be present for every session in our home, together as a family. I still have younger kids (4, 8, 10) as well as teens (12, 15, 17) and they all know the drill. We take notes or I google search conference packets, and the younger ones color and do gospel related activities and we know that we get to have fun meals and snacks in between. Because we’ve been attempting to make conference weekend a sacred time together as a family for so long, the kids know what the expectation is. Keep at it. It may not feel rewarding for many years down the road, but you will be blessed for your efforts. Just like attending church (when you spend more time in the halls than in classrooms or the chapel) and having FHEs.
One thing we really love is being able to have a SUNDAY brunch together on conference weekend. Our first session is broadcast at noon, so by 10:30 we are sitting together at a feast of breakfast/lunch dishes that we love, and we work together to be cleaned up and have furniture re-arranged so that we can all see the computer. Leslie mentioned having a bin of legos to keep little hands busy. We use a big box of puzzles that I’ve been collected for 18 years, and it only comes out on conference SUNDAYs. Play-doh is also a good quiet activity that most kids love. I applaud your efforts, and wish I could share more experiences like the one you describe, without turning this into a thousand word post! Good luck. Stick with it. I was having conflicting emotions this weekend, as I pointed out the fact that it would be our last conference weekend together for as long I as I could see into the future… our oldest goes off to school in the fall, and the dynamics will change quickly. Enjoy it! (really)
April 6th, 2009 @ 9:48 am
I love what you said about relating to the Savior in every moment of every day. Because when I start to get frustrated, the Savior certainly isn’t who I’m thinking of, it’s a very present, myopic feeling. I’ll try to remember to have a little bit of perspective in the future. I think that may help my attitude, even it doesn’t help the situation.
April 6th, 2009 @ 9:54 am
Jen- The one yelling at someone for ruining their spiritual experience, that would so be me. And I can also relate to what you said about age-appropriateness. The interesting thing is that my 7yo is much more reverent than my 8yo, who just acts bored and petulant.
April 6th, 2009 @ 9:56 am
Julie, oh yeah, me neither, never, ever…
April 6th, 2009 @ 9:58 am
Kristin–
I really like what you said about having our kids associate positive feelings with worship and the gospel and general conference. It sounds like you’ve got a good system in place!
April 6th, 2009 @ 10:02 am
I wonder if keeping the kids in your office is part of the reason for success. When we watch in our open family room, the kids run circles around the kitchen, bang on the piano, whine when I don’t let them get on the computer, etc., etc… Maybe the enclosed space is better?
April 6th, 2009 @ 10:06 am
Red- I loved Elder Uchtdorf’s discipleship talk, and I love what you got from it– that what we’re doing as moms is part of the gospel, because what I got from it is that I need to work harder to be actively engaged. See– the kids distort everything!
April 6th, 2009 @ 10:08 am
I think it’s nice to have conference weekend to be a little more relaxed. I like the change of pace. This weekend was good because I’d planned ahead a bit better and had lots of food around.
I do think that sometimes, when my older boys were littler, I had unreasonable expectations of what they should do during conference. Or maybe not even expectations, but I just hoped I’d be able to listen to lots of conference. And I never was able to till they older.
Your title question reminds me of having church at home for a year when we lived overseas. We didn’t quite have it in pajamas, but no one was wearing pantyhose, or even shoes. It wasn’t necessarily better or worse, just different. And conference weekend is different, so I think we need to plan differently for it and have different expectations.
April 6th, 2009 @ 10:12 am
Melissa–
I’m glad to hear you say you didn’t love Conference until you were a little bit older. I joined the Church as a teenager, and I don’t know if it was the distance to the stake center (we were in Connecticut) or my parents’ own new convertness, but we only ever went to the Sunday sessions. I’m not sure I even realized conference was a two-day thing until I went off to college. So this struggle with the kids on conference weekends is something I didn’t grow up with, so I’m not all that sure what my expectations should be.
April 6th, 2009 @ 10:13 am
Thanks, Jill. I appreciate that.
April 6th, 2009 @ 10:14 am
I’d like to say it’s good to know I’m not alone, but I really wish that you didn’t have to go through conference chaos too.
April 6th, 2009 @ 10:16 am
Good advice on the special activities that are only for conference weekend. I especially like the puzzle box idea. My bigger kids (8 and 7) would probably love doing a big jigsaw puzzle too.
April 6th, 2009 @ 10:18 am
I think you nailed the “plan differently” part, which is probably what was missing from my part of the equation. I didn’t really plan at all, other than planning to turn the tv on at 11.
I also like what you said about church being different in different places. That’s a good reminder.
April 6th, 2009 @ 10:24 am
I’m a total conference slacker. I wish I felt badly about it, but I don’t. Maybe that’s just the devil having his way with me, I don’t know.
We don’t bother with the Saturday sessions, although I read the transcripts later. I realize we’re probably in the Utah minority though – we took the kids to see a movie on Saturday afternoon and the place was totally deserted.
We try to watch one Sunday session as a family, but I’m very relaxed about letting the kids color and roll around on the floor. Conference is hard for ME to watch (I tend to get more out of it when I read – sitting and listening to people talk is definitely not my learning style), so I get that watching talks on TV for two hours is a difficult thing for kids. My dad used to be a total conference nazi – yelling at us when we didn’t sit still, etc. I have horrible memories of watching conference, and it still makes me twitchy.
April 6th, 2009 @ 10:27 am
I had the same happy experience as you. I’m just giving into it.
I tell myself that because I’m a visual learner, it’s OK that I can barely hear and watch conference. I always get more out of the talks once I read them. Someday my kids will be old enough to be able to read the conference ‘fun’ packets and put together jigsaws.
In the meantime, I’ll look forward to being able to read or download the podcasts so I can really hear the precious pearls being spilled in front of me. I especially can’t wait to read Elder Oaks’ talk; it seemed like a barn burner.
April 6th, 2009 @ 10:29 am
EEEEp! Sue! Yelling because you couldn’t sit still? I fall into the firm roll-around school of conference. They eventually stop rolling and start listening (at least I did.)
April 6th, 2009 @ 11:04 am
A couple of days before Conference I was telling my Mom that, since having kids, I almost always have a frustrating experience with Conference. I was trying to figure out why, and decided at least one factor was that I already give up any other plans for the day (which is especially challenging on conference Saturdays, since most Saturdays there’s already always more that needs doing than can get done,) but that for my sacrifice I often get so little back, since I spend the day mad at my kids for not being quiet instead of hearing the inspired talks.
As it turned out, this Conference was MUCH better than most, and I’m not even sure why — I think mostly it was a just a tender mercy. I can think of a few things that helped, though. We were to have my 9-year-old daughter’s birthday party this weekend and decided to have it on Friday evening rather than try to squeeze it in in-between Conference sessions, and besides getting the party out of the way, that also meant we’d already cleaned our home Friday. Also, it had occurred to me to prepare my two older kids a couple of days beforehand by telling them I really hoped to be able to hear Conference and that I expected them to be quiet, and it seemed to sink in for them — my son folded paper crafts (quietly) and my daughter drew, but they both really listened. My younger kids played with puzzles and they did get noisy enough to drown out a couple of talks, but they also napped during the afternoon sessions.
Anyway, I do think our preparation did help some, but as I said before, I also think it was a tender mercy, and it was VERY nice to get a more peaceful Conference experience than I’ve usually had since having kids.
April 6th, 2009 @ 11:09 am
Oh, and my kids and I agreed not to use the Conference packets — my daughter said that she actually finds them distracting since it’s harder to just absorb the talks when she’s doing busywork, and I saw her point. Drawing, or in my case, doing hand smocking on a dress, are more mindless and don’t distract from hearing words. In fact I’ve found that doing handwork is the perfect thing to keep me awake but not distract me from hearing. I think it would be even more ideal if my kids or I took notes on the talks, but we are all auditory learners and actually do retain a lot just from listening. (I am thinking that my husband might be a more visual learner, though, because it happens a LOT that I’ll mention something from one of the talks and he won’t remember having heard it at all.)
April 6th, 2009 @ 11:21 am
Oh, and (as long as I’m making long and many comments,) Sue, I relate to having a hard time doing things that your parents took a harsh approach to. In my case I have not yet been able to bring myself to hold family councils since the ones we had growing up were horrible. I keep thinking now that I’m a grown-up I can let go of the bad and do our own good family councils but so far, no luck.
Funnily enough, my family growing up was very casual about Saturday Conference, and I’m much more devoted to listening to ALL the sessions with ALL the family there. I just got so much enjoyment out of listening to Conference in my single young-adult years that I keep hoping to relive that (and this time I really got a taste, and it was delicious.)
April 6th, 2009 @ 11:28 am
I live in Utah and was able to attend both Saturday and Sunday morning sessions in the Conference Center with family who had come in from Georgia and California. In our group was my brother’s girlfriend who he baptized three weeks ago. Sitting there with someone who was experiencing her very first General Conference, very first live address from our dear President Monson, and first trip to Utah (Temple Square, Church History Museum, BYU) made me reflect on my own attitudes towards conference. While I think I do make a good effort to watch, pay attention, and re-read (note I do not have children yet), I wonder if I value I fully realize how blessed I am to be able to hear the words of living prophets. I also wondered how much I take it for granted, if it is too easy.
April 6th, 2009 @ 11:39 am
One of the perks of an empty nest is the ability to sit with your husband and soak in the entire conference: pajamas, note pad, blankie and all. How I love those four sessions of being nurtured and uplifted.
However, when I had four small children, the scenario was much different! I was forced to rely quite a bit more on reading the conference talks later, especially the Saturday ones. I guess that’s why I’m so grateful for this season now, where I can look into the faces of prophets at my leisure and feel their spirits more fully.
To all the young mothers out there, all I can do is assure you that your time will come! In the interim, all you can do is the best you can do, right? (But you might want to watch Elder Holland’s talk late at night when the kids are in bed.) It was absolutely magnificent. In fact, I based my entire blog on it today.
What an incredible man (and speaker) he is!
April 6th, 2009 @ 11:45 am
Hang in there. Church can be hard with kids, but I’ll put myself forward as why it is worth it to keep trying.
I grew up in a family who watched conference from home. I am the oldest of three, and I remember it was sometimes hard for my youngest sister to watch Conference the whole time (she’s seven years younger than I am. I am sure it was hard for me, too, when I was her age, but I don’t remember that as well.)
However, I have very fond memories of watching Conference together as a family and of the traditions we had around conference, to the point that those traditions still shape the way I think about Conference, even though it’s been ten years since I’ve watched Conference at home. I grew up with conference at 8 am and 12 pm (which is still the perfect time for Conference, in my mind) so Conference meant a special breakfast in the morning and make-your-own sandwiches in the afternoon. I remember liking the Conference bingo game as a child. I think it helped me (more of a visual learner) be able to listen for concepts and to think about what would be discussed during Conference. The treat for getting a bingo was often a donut hole. When I was older, I worked on cross stitch projects (that I seemed to only do during Conference, so they took a few years to complete). I guess I’m just trying to second the ideas of having special Conference traditions, and especially traditions involving family time and good food.
April 6th, 2009 @ 11:51 am
My kids are four and one, and I know that watching at home provides a better experience for us. When my older son was little, we did watch both Sunday sessions at the church, it was so frustrating and stressful, because he was either disturbing others (or I felt that he was) or I was out in the hall with him and hearing nothing. I’m much more relaxed about their behavior and noise when I’m at home. I don’t have high expectations for their conference behavior either, they don’t leave me alone or stay quiet any other day, why should I expect it for four hours on a Sunday? So I just go with the flow and glean pretty much nothing, but I think that for the most part the spirit is there, and that’s gotta count for something.
April 6th, 2009 @ 12:02 pm
My conference experience went down in total flames this weekend–my daughter was super grouchy and defiant about watching conference. I think I just didn’t plan well or have reasonable expectations, plus my parents came to town this weekend and I was feeling uptight about that too. When I was a kid my dad was inactive and we really didn’t do much for conference. I think sometimes we would go to the stake center and watch it on Sunday morning, but that’s it (we didn’t live where you could get it on TV). Next time I think I’m going to try proactively teaching about conference and why we watch it, and talking with my daughter about what she would like to do during the session. Last time she loved the stuff from the conference packet, but this time it just made her feel frustrated and it frustrated me because I had to help her with it.
April 6th, 2009 @ 12:33 pm
I was feeling the guilt on my shoulders in great abundance last night and thankfully I read your post so I can let go of some of that guilt. I got Elder Holland’s masterpiece in, President Monson’s talk, and a few others. Aside from that it was swordfighting and conference packet fights and all that good stuff in between that keeps me from getting the feast I so desperately needed.
it’s just a season…right…. and I’ll miss it when it’s gone….right? yeah..right.
April 6th, 2009 @ 1:13 pm
shelah,
Nope, you are not alone. I’m sorry it was so hard.
I like the ideas above about planning for it, and helping build the anticipation. If nothing else, they can remember the anticipation and excitement, even if in the end, they don’t get much from the talks specifically.
As I read the comments, I also remembered Elder Oaks’ talk. If you didn’t get a chance to hear it, I’d recommend it. He acknowledged the real sacrifice motherhood is. (And church worship, for that matter.)
And if I don’t sound preachy enough, this scripture came to mind, wherever it is: “You are laying the foundations of a great work.”
It’s hard work, though, isn’t it?
BTW, I know you know all of this, so I just share it because these are the kinds of things that help me when I get frustrated. I have to repeat the doctrine to myself often; it helps me keep perspective.
April 6th, 2009 @ 1:21 pm
If it is any comfort to those of you out there with small children, my teens either nap through it, or flat out refuse to get out of bed.On the other hand, when they do get up and listen, we have some great discussions that make every struggle so worth it. Hang in there, and just do the best you can.
April 6th, 2009 @ 1:33 pm
I just have one toddler, and we didn’t have as much chaos as you described, but I sure didn’t get to hear much of conference this year. It was hard for me. I LOVE peaceful Conference weekends. I asked for ideas on my blog after Saturday’s stress, and my friends with older children said to not worry about it, to enjoy the time with my little one, try to teach reverence & such when he’s up for it, and read or listen to it later.
It sounds like you had more to deal with than antsy children, though. Trying to be reverent with NO distractions is hard enough! I would’ve been a wreck with all you went through.
We used to have a big family breakfast and watch Saturday conference with my in-laws, which felt really nice & together-ish. A year or two into our marriage, as toddlers grew older and more numerous, my mil uninvited us all, so she could watch in peace. Too bad we can’t do that with our own kids sometimes, eh?
I keep hearing, from varying sources, the phrase that helps me relax: “Enjoy this season.” It’ll be gone too soon, that I know.
April 6th, 2009 @ 1:47 pm
I love the idea of conference. I can’t wait for it to happen these days because I know how much I need it. I have to admit though, it can be a hassle trying to do it all.
This is how conference in England went for me. Saturday began with a one hour drive to the stake centre for a Y.W’s personal progress stake session followed by watching the Y.W. broadcast from 3 to 4.30.p.m. Then an hours drive home from the stake centre. Saturday morning session is from 5 to 7 p.m. so have already missed half an hour when I get home. Watch it while doing dinner and with 2 of 3 children listening on sofa. After dinner noone else wants to watch so I have to take the computer (we watch it over the internet) into the office. Even my husband, yes the one on the Bishopric, would not watch with me. I loved the Saturday afternoon session, which I watched all alone in the office from 9 to 11 p.m. On Sunday morning my husband went to the ward to watch the priesthood session. (Only available at the ward and not over the internet). The plan was and always is, every year, that the whole family goes the the ward to watch the Sunday morning session together. (We are asked to attend that session there whenever possible). I went with just 2 children after my 8 year old son refused and had a wobbly about putting on his suit and going out to church at 5 p.m. after a ridiculously early dinner. One daugther watched, one lay down on the bench and read a book. At home my husband decided to watch the afternoon session with me, from 9 to 11 p.m. As a family we failed to have even one session together. Why is it so hard?
I loved what I heard. I got a lot out of it. I was determined to watch it all. Yet, I feel like I missed out too. I feel we missed out as a family on what should have been a wonderful experience, and I only really wanted us all to be together for the one session. I would love to know what really works for people.
April 6th, 2009 @ 2:37 pm
What worked for us this year:
We have a DVR. My husband set it to record. On Saturday I accomplished some errands and took care of the kids, and then when my husband took the kids to a movie I sat down and watched the morning session by myself (with the one year old). I got about half really well before I was distracted by the baby and housework. My husband had watched a small part of it while he was doing stuff on the computer.
Saturday evening I watched part of the Sat. Afternoon by myself but then got distracted by dinner, etc. but left it on and two of my children were listening to part of it.
Sunday, we sat down with the whole family watching it. It went fairly well. We had treats, and one time out for each of two children. I was did have to leave the room to get a bottle, get a yogurt and to put the baby down for a nap, but my husband fed the yogurt to the baby while we watched.
Sunday afternoon session I watched the first hour while my husband was in the room on the computer AFTER my kids went to bed.
We try to stick to the whole family Sunday morning and that seems to be doable for us. Having it on TV and a DVR is fairly new for us, and it works well for the other sessions.
April 6th, 2009 @ 3:20 pm
When I was still young my family moved out of Utah where we could watch Conference at home. I honestly don’t have any memories of watching Conference from home. Because this was the days before the internet and because we never had cable/satellite growing up, that meant going to the church building four times over the weekend to watch Conference sitting in the darkened chapel on the benches. And that is where my memories of Conference start. We were there for all 8 hours of it. We had books to color or I remember my first feeble attempts to learn to knit as well.
I do enjoy watching it at home now on the internet, but there is something more about having to get to the church to watch it. It makes it more church and less TV.
April 6th, 2009 @ 3:34 pm
I just want to say – it’s gets better – the children do grow up and you get to enjoy conference and church more on a personal level. The important thing now is that you’re teaching your children. Keep up the good work!
April 6th, 2009 @ 3:35 pm
Nice post, Shelah — that experience sounds awfully familiar.
And by the way, at least for me, the answer to your post’s title question is definitely Yes.
April 6th, 2009 @ 4:03 pm
I completely understand the frustration. Although I only have two children, now ages 7 and 10, they still don’t have the attention span to sit through eight hours of church. In fact, I don’t have the attention span. Thank goodness for DVR. I watched most of Saturday morning and all of Sunday morning. The rest will just have to be watched throughout the next couple of weeks. And that’s just the way it’s gonna have to be. Hey, at least you make the effort. That alone shows the kids that it’s important.
April 6th, 2009 @ 4:22 pm
I’m with Giggles, 100%.
Yesterday my husband, who isn’t a member, said: “Can’t you go watch it at church? You know [5 year old] would be a thousand times better behaved.”
And he is exactly right.
On the other hand, I’m listening to Elder Holland’s talk right now, in preparation for using some of it in Sharing Time this week.
April 6th, 2009 @ 4:31 pm
My four kids aren’t exactly the quietest children during church, let alone four hours per day of General Conference. When we lived in Sweden, because of the time difference, we would listen to conference as the kids ate dinner and then went to bed. My husband and I would listen to the last session of the day from 10-12 p.m. in our bed, by that time. Nothing rocks you to sleep like General Conference talks. This experience taught me to really study the talks and listen to them on the internet. I will turn on a talk while I clean and listen over and over again. I feel like I have the conference experience over the next several months. And listening to the talks in short doses helps me spend more time pondering.
April 6th, 2009 @ 5:23 pm
I really don’t have any room to talk, because I have only one daughter who is only 13 months old, but something I’ve done that helps, especially on Saturday, is to listen via the radio on headphones. Now that we live in Colorado it’s no longer on the radio, so I streamed it on my iPod. Since I had to put my daughter down for a nap in the middle of every single session of conference, it was nice to be able to listen non-stop while I went up to her room and put her down. Also, in the past I’ve been able to listen while I do laundry, make meals, etc. I sit and take notes as much as I can, but usually it’s just not possible to do that the whole time. Anyway, your mileage may vary, but it is a small thing that helps me.
April 6th, 2009 @ 10:15 pm
oh yeah! I love conference Weekend. I’m usually home all day Saturday by myself, my hubby and I watch the morning session on Sunday, usually in bed. Then the kids and grandkids arrive and we cook up some tummy lovin’ waffles! Usually the afternoon session is a bit of a loss because of so many people wandering about, but we gather the little ones at the end of the meeting to listen to the prophet. If they get one talk in, we call it good.
We have that philosophy with stake conference too. We sit in the “parents with noisy kids room” and watch the tv moniter. When our kids were small we’d divide them up. Each of us taking half of them to one hour of conference. When they got a little older, one of the older kids would stay home with a younger, we only required an hour of conference out of them. We found they were much more willing to listen when they were there, because they knew it wouldn’t be f o r everrr!
April 6th, 2009 @ 11:28 pm
Sounds like our conference weekend. My kids were a little better behaved Saturday than Sunday. By Sunday, the patience was non existant. I didn’t push them except to be quiet so I could here. But then I pass out during the afternoon sessions myself so…Thank heaven for the many ways we can get conference!
Growing up our family always watched conference on t.v., and when the hymns were sung, we wrestled. I guess my dad figured that was how to get the extra energy out of us. when the speakers were on, we had to shut up!
April 7th, 2009 @ 10:05 am
I am late jumping into this discussion, and am not sure anyone will even read this, but I wanted to say that none of you realize how lucky you have it. My husband REFUSES to even try to watch any sessions of conference together as a family. Conference is just background noise and a break from church on Sunday at my house. Frustrating as it might be, at least you get the chance to try. You don’t know how hard I wish I had that.
April 7th, 2009 @ 12:29 pm
Such good, kind, encouraging comments. I love GC weekend because my husband is in the bishopric and it is one of the few Sundays he has off. We have small children and they only have to watch one talk each session. Then I spend the next several months watching a talk every Monday for FHE.
April 7th, 2009 @ 12:51 pm
Conference weekends have gotten better as my children have gotten a little older. I still have some small ones so it still can be a circus… but I think that it has gotten better not just because because of their maturity, but mine as well. I’ve learned it isn’t all about me hearing every single word right then to perfection or even most of them.
The Lord wants me to watch conference in a loving way and learn all kinds of things from the experience and not just from all the words that are said.
All of the experiences in our life are meant to refine and teach us in multi dimensional ways. If the Lord’s only intention was for to have our children sit there perfectly behaved and listen and let us listen I think that he would have engineered them differently.
There all kinds of things that we and our children can learn and teach and be taught from our participation in the gospel and specifically General Conference.
It might be patience, it might be emulating and evidencing you love and respect and appreciation for the prophet. “Hey guys I know you have been trying to do your best to listen while building with legos, coloring, wresting, being engaged in various couch teritorry wars, food getting, snoozing, or whining; but the Prophet is speaking right now lets listen carefully to what he has to say.” or “Look Benj. they have the words on the screen why don’t you sing the song with me. That’s so amazing that you can do that now. Reading gives you power to do and learn so many things. Your reading is so good compared to last time and I’m so happy not to be singing a solo.” It might be leaning on the arm of Lord or a leap of faith as things are difficult. There may be things that we can learn in the “circus” that we will miss when we are done being the ring master.
I think that the Spirit can teach us if we show up in the right place in at the right time and in the right frame of mind, without knowing in advance how things are going to play out. I love it that the right place and right time can sometimes be my house.
April 7th, 2009 @ 1:01 pm
I love this idea! Love it, love it, love it! Oh and did I mention that I loved it. I have been looking for help being overwhelmed with FHE lately. To think all the while there were a whole slew of GA’s ready lend me a hand.
Thanks for the suggestion I think I will invite one over tonight since DH had to bring too much work home last night and my brain and all my energy had oozed out somewhere in the house earlier during the day and somehow it became 9 before dinner was on the table… I think you get the picture.
April 7th, 2009 @ 4:19 pm
My plan for next conference weekend is to have the same types of food as we would eat during the Superbowl. I figure if you’re eating, you’re not sleeping. I actually hit a record of staying awake through both Sunday sessions. I usually try to wake my husband up when the prophet is speaking.
April 9th, 2009 @ 9:24 am
Sorry your conference was crazy -fire ants? Good grief!
Personally, I loved last weekend. If I could get my worshiping done at home every week I would. No lie. It was such a relief and a gift to be uplifted, encouraged and even warned by leaders of that caliber. There was no gossiping or other inappropriate conversation in the halls, or chapel, no one ordering me to teach in a way I disagree with, no chaos or false doctrine or fake friends.
I know, I know, which speaker was it who said we need to attend church not for ourselves but to help others?
As for my kids, they know they need to be quiet during conference. The speakers on our computer cannot drown out the sound of a normal conversation. I don’t require my kids to sit and listen to all of conference, but they must be quiet enough to not hinder those who wish to listen.
The best activity I have found for helping us pay attention to talks is the junk food. I get about a dozen bowl of treats -little things like small candies, popcorn, grapes, raisins, cold sugar cereals, etc. and label each bowl with a key word. “prophet” “testimony” “temple” etc. Whenever one of these words is spoken, everyone gets to take ONE treat from the corresponding bowl. One M&M, for instance, every time the word “temple” is heard. My whole family loves it and it makes the kids actually listen.
Yay for conference!
April 9th, 2009 @ 2:31 pm
I had the *interesting* opportunity of being at my parents’ home with my four children for conference.
My parents didn’t approve of my approach to conference weekend. I was born into the Church and my memory of conference weekends isn’t good. I was forced to sit still through all four sessions. I remember sitting still on my early April birthday one year. What a way to party! I was in my mid twenties before I really gave conference a chance.
So when I didn’t park my four children in front of the tube all day long (I’d call them in when the prophet spoke and for the first few minutes of each session), my parents would whisper and extend me an eye roll.
Occasionally there is a speaker, story, or parable geared toward the primary-age audience. But generally the messages are for adults. I get more out of conference when my attention is not on restraining my wiggly children through force or activities.
Eye roll or not, I am happy with my decision. With conference available online, I can incorporate talks into FHE throughout the year (when I’m organized enough to not revert to family board games for FHE).
April 9th, 2009 @ 3:50 pm
Aislynn,
I feel your pain–I had a similar problem here, and it makes it even harder for my kids to feel a desire to sit and listen when daddy is not in the room with us. It makes conference weekend even more challenging when only one parent is on board with it. Next time I might consider scaling back my expectations for how much my kids should watch and maybe watch some of it myself later in the day. I also like the idea of using talks for FHE–great idea!
April 14th, 2009 @ 7:42 am
I have friends who have in the past done this with their children. Each day the whole family goes to the first session of conference to the Chapel. One of the parents would go to the next session with older children, while one stayed home with the younger ones. They would switch the next day. So the children became used to conference and the expectations of behavior and listening to the messages. The parents got to have a spiritual experience. Now that their children are older, mom often stays home to watch via the internet and dad goes to the chapel with most of the children. Sometimes some of the children stay home. This works well for them. The children who now range in age from 14 – 19, choose to attend each session or watch it at home. It was a great way to introduce children to conference. We often used this method ourselves with our children. We have on child who has remained active and she loved to come to the chapel to watch conference and took notes. I find that I focus more when I am at the chapel. At home I get a little too relaxed.