p.s. Lucky for me, I know how awesome you truly are. : )

i love the idea that “me” time turns into “time that i use to lean things I give back to my children.” maybe that’s how all me time should me, in essence… whether we take time for ourselves to grow spiritually or mentally or with a hobby: perhaps all of this we give back to our children in some way.

At that point I started getting a baby-sitter one night a week and having her put the kids to bed and that was my “me” time. It was either with friends on just by myself and I started to realize how much I needed it. It wasn’t being selfish to take that time.

Fast forward many years (I’ll be 40 soon – I’m so excited… no sarcasm – I really am!) and I still take time for me. Over the years I learned that the children like to see me learn even. When I was teaching myself to paint they like to watch and then wanted me to paint things for them. When I learned to crochet – the picked out colors for afgans. And then it moved to quilting. (The internet is great for learning things!) Throw in that I can help them on computers sometimes and actually know a little more than they do or help my son with music and that “me” time turns into time that I use to learn things I give back to my children.

The flip side? I am horrible at balancing my “me” time with keeping up with house and all the other things that need to get done. It might be more accurate to say I’m just horrible at organizing and setting priorities. I’m working on it.

Which is why I cleaned my bathroom this morning before I go and quilt all day today to try and finish a quilt that needs to be done this week!

and good job on the marathons. maybe it means the couple that runs together stays together? i love it.

I’ve still got this stuck in my head, “Still, he always makes time for his first love: himself.” I’m not sure how you meant that, but it seems mighty unflattering. Unless you’re just saying that because little kids are totally self-centered that he loved himself before he figured out he wasn’t the sun in every solar system, and so he was his own first love and now takes time for himself or something. ?

Although my parents were born in the 1920′s, there was always an underlying current of love and fairness. My mom was a homemaker and my dad the breadwinner. But when dad came home, he went straight to the kitchen to make a dinner salad. He never sat down until BOTH he and my mom could sit together. If there was work to be done, they worked together and then relaxed together.

I’ve been a stay-at-home mom for over 21 years now (something I never intended to be) and I homeschool my kids, but I think one of the reasons it has worked all these years is that my dear husband–even in his career/business building (including extensive travel (he’s been a gold medallion for nearly two decades)) — not only understands my need to “have a life” but encourages it and actively supports it. And by that I mean he takes over the kids, puts resources toward it, and gleams with pride when I accomplish anything. It has made all the difference.

Oh, and we did run a marathon to celebrate my 40th and his 45th birthdays four years ago. Wonder what that means?

I agree with everyone else, Brooke– beautiful writing.

I am the empty-nester on the other side of this question, and I must admit that I had a little bit of trouble reinventing myself after the last child left our home. This surprised me because I’d always maintained some of my own interests and even had a couple of books published before the kids left. My expectation was that (with them all away at school, on missions, etc.) I would be gloriously free to write to my heart’s content! As it turned out, my “glorious freedom” felt an awful lot like going from the center of a world of my own making to being out in left field somewhere hoping to catch a fly ball.

I did adjust, as mothers of adult children generally do, but it wasn’t easy…and sometimes I still long for those days when I was pretty much at the physical and emotional center of my children’s lives. Don’t get me wrong…I still have an important role to play…and I enjoy it, but there’s something wonderful about creating the atmosphere and environment of a home and then watching the people you love thrive in it. I found the whole thing quite magical.

The good news is that my husband and I have more time to focus on each other now, which has been wonderful for us. The bad news is that, unlike Brooke’s, my husband is not all that good at taking those important moments for himself. His very demanding career has become even more so as he nears retirement, and his very demanding calling is just that…very demanding. I’m thinking that, when he does retire, he is going to go through many of the same things i did when our children left. More adjustment for us! *yikes*

Ah well, we came here to grow, right?

So kudos to your husband, Brooke…and to you for supporting him in maintaining balance from the get-go (and for learning from his example). Seems to me like it’s just fine for you to “remember yourself” through him for now. Take that dose of clarity any way you can get it! =) After all, you’re the one at home with distraction upon distraction upon distraction (three of them, right?). Hey, it’s part of his job to remind you of the strong-limbed, small-waisted, sharp-witted girl you still carry inside you! That’s what love’s all about…

Okay, I need to wrap this up. (Too much glorious freedom on my hands!!) Anyway, while it’s obvious you love being a mom, I agree wholeheartedly that every woman needs to cultivate a strong sense of self even (especially) as she mothers her children. As we moms know, it’s very easy to get lost in the shuffle of all that care-taking.

As for me, I’ve about licked my empty nest syndrome at this point. But I still think that the being-a-mom-at-home gig was very, very cool. Thankfully, the being-a-grandma thing ain’t bad either!

=)

My husband hasn’t been as good at taking the productive time for himself either, but we are working on that.

Since the birth of my fifth baby a few months ago, I have been in serious mid-life/identity crisis. I adore my kids and husband, and am grateful to stay home with them, but I have felt an intense craving for some of the old me, and the things I used to be passionate about. I honestly don’t want a full career, just to feel like I have something uniquely me that isn’t directly related to my roles as wife and mother.

I have come to realize that I can’t wait until my kids are grown, or I may never find those parts of me that have been smothered. In that much time, I think they will completely disappear.

So for now, I am working on carving out a little time for those things that provide true recreation–to re-create and really fill me. To start, I am focusing on reclaiming my old body at the gym while the kids are in the gym daycare, and on improving myself as a writer (and learning to consider myself capable of being a writer in the first place!).

As I have made efforts to take this time, I have found my patience level with my kids increasing. I think I am a better wife and mother for remembering that I need to be taken care of too. But gosh, finding that balance sure can be challenging!!!

And if the time comes that I lose the passion I feel for these chosen “extra-curriculars” I hope to be able to find something new and different that will be able to keep building me up so I can in turn build up my family.