I guess I’ll let you know about the move when my husband finally has a minute to decide to accept the offer he has! He’s been too busy at work to decide. And I am just finishing the house I’ve been remodeling for four years, so my feelings are mixed anyway.

We had an interesting discussion about this–not so much perfection, but more about sisterhood, acceptance and reaching out–in RS just yesterday. I’m trying to compile my impressions into a post.

Anyway, thanks Sage.

I meant to reply right after I read your comment. I loved how you wrote a note to each person. As I read it I felt your love and concern for people who took time to comment. I think you are right that the connections we are able to make through this blog phenomenon are unique and enriching.

Anyway, thanks for being so friendly. Maybe I’ll move to Utah after all. : )

i i eeee — I liked so many things that you said. It had never occurred to me how much I’m letting the “porn culture” influence my own self-image, my relationship with my husband,etc. Please write that essay!

How to deal with pressure to be perfect and all that nonsense? That’s easy for me: I don’t have room for that crap; for the worry or comparison or any of it. I have more important things and people to spend my time and energy on.

I apologize if this seems harse, but, frankly, my belief is that it’s not as complicated as we make it. People will make all sorts of excuses for why they are caught up in it, but the bottom line is that, for whatever reason, that is where many people are comfortable, so that is where they stay.

My answer for how to cope is simply: Let it go. Let it go. Let it go.

Angela–I want that cross-stitched on a pillow: “I feel good about my decision to…”

And I feel good about my decision to step over the toys that the kid threw over the banister, rather than refuel her ammunition.

I like it.

“Only you know your circumstances, your energy level, the needs or your children, and the emotional demands of your other obligations. Be wise during intensive seasons of your life. Cherish your agency, and don’t give it away casually. Don’t compare yourself to others—nearly always this will make you despondent. Don’t accept somebody else’s interpretation of how you should be spending your time. Practice saying, ‘I feel good about my decision to . . .’ and then fill in the blank with whatever you’ve decided.”

I think that many of us DO need to practice saying, “I feel good about my decision to . . .” And we can fill in that blank with blogging, or a getting a boob job, or bottle feeding our kids, or working outside the home (as Sis Okazaki herself did) or any number of decisions that other people might look at sideways. For me, one of the best parts of getting older is I’m more and more able to stand still in my own skin and say, “Hey, this is me. These are the opinions I’ve developed and this is what I think is important and here are the things I’ve decided to do with my life.” Although I can’t control the fact that people will judge me, I CAN control my reaction to that judgment . . . especially if I feel confident in my ability to make good decisions for myself. Do I still feel occasionally stung by judgment or worried that I’ve made a bad impression? Heck yeah. But I also know that those worries are steadily decreasing the older I get.

Here’s the deal – I realized a long time ago that being like everyone else wasn’t going to happen. Maybe it helped I was the one Asian chic growing up in Bountiful…then the only Mormon Asian Chic in my jr high/high school in Calif… or often the only Asian in a white congregation… I was never going to be “perfect” in some sense, in some way…in someone’s eyes. I realized it wasn’t something I cared for.

Now – it’s about improving day-by-day. Doing things that work for me.

I think when we look at people and get annoyed, or feel guilty because we aren’t measuring up to whatever their standard is… well – we’re looking at other people… WHY? Why are we so concerned about what other people do? I’m too busy messing around in my life to give didly squat what someone else is doing.

This is why it annoys me when people have a cow that someone has a nice house, has a great body or is extremely intelligent. Why are we upset? We should be cheering people on who have progressed – little-by-little. I think it’s about what we value… and hey – if it’s something we want to achieve and someone else has… why be upset or resentful or feel guilty… give yourself some time… get some tips from someone who has succeeded at something you’d like to. I think sometimes we’re too proud. That pride is often our roadblock. Once we remove that the possibilities to move forward are infinite.

So I don’t give myself a hard time when I still have 15 lbs to go to meet my day of wedding weight. I don’t envy the ones that are at wedding weight. I look at the fact that hey – right now I may not have all the time in the world – but I’m doing little things day-by-day that will meet that goal… I have a belief it will happen. Faith I guess.

Same with mothering… some days are better than others. I’m really proud of myself when we’ve been doing interactive stuff all day and the TV hasn’t been turned on. But there are other days when we’ve watched two Disney movies… and it doesn’t bug me. It’s what it is.

If I cared about comments I would’ve stopped blogging long ago… but that’s not why I do it. I kind of like sharing myself and leaving it there…take me or leave me… plus… I am hoping that leaving it all out there will help my girls realize it’s ok to be themselves – come what may.

It’s about our priorities, how we feel about ourselves, without the echo or input of the people/world around us. It’s about whether we are willing to be humble and learn …or merely complain and be jealous. Life is about choices… what we focus on – what we don’t.

I honestly believe that pressure comes from us. From inside. We choose to allow things to affect us. Do we buy into it… or don’t we. How much do buy into it? There will always be people who are fake. We live in an inhuman world… most people can see through that… so why let it bother us?

It’s like when one the girls from Church laughed at me for washing my grapes, strawberries and blueberries in saltwater… (it actually removes so much more dirt for my admittedly neurotic self) it was interesting because… I don’t make fun of her for not doing it. I’m not comparing myself to her… but she for some reason was comparing herself to me. I just chalked it up to her own insecurity… that’s why we make fun to make ourselves feel better… right?

Do we really care that much about what other people think of us? Or… do we care more about what we think of ourselves, what God thinks? Cuz trust me… most people aren’t worth it.