Comments on: And She Never Complained

By: Zina

Zina — Sun, 18 May 2008 04:48:09 +0000

Okay, I went back and did read all the comments — and you all covered pretty much anything I’d have added. What a great conversation; there are lots of wise women here.

By: Zina

Zina — Sun, 18 May 2008 04:21:57 +0000

I want to post this before reading any of the comments (which I’ sure are full of great advice –)

I told my husband that if he’s ever in one of those callings where it would be standard for him to say something like “And my lovely wife has stood by me all along and never complained,” to keep him honest, we’ll have to come up with a nice-sounding variation, such as, “And my lovely wife has always generously shared her insights and observations.”

By: djlott

djlott — Fri, 16 May 2008 04:30:49 +0000

I have been there, done that, and I don’t want the t-shirt! But as I commented in RS a few weeks ago, the scriptures are true when they say “and it came to pass….” And I have had to remind myself of that often!
I have been married for 30 years and have 9 kids, DH has been in the callings that take him away, plus a job where he traveled every week. (I still have 4 at home, the youngest is 8 years old and has Down Syndrome.) Years ago one sister mentioned to me how she loved to watch my kids during Sacrament meeting… they were all over the place until they hit a certain age, and then they sat better. I realized it was when they turned 5 and started kindergarten!
I have always felt that if you needed to be somewhere for a church calling, then that is just what you had to do. I think for me, that I have really taken to heart King Benjamin’s statement in Mosiah 2:17 “… when ye are in the service of your fellow beings, ye are only in the service of your God.” Because of kids I have not always been able to do as much as I would like, so I make sure that my husband is available as much as possible. I will complain about the kids’s behavior, but not about my husband serving!

By: Shelah

Shelah — Thu, 15 May 2008 16:09:53 +0000

when my dh plays the organ, he comes down after the Sacrament, but it’s the Sacrament that’s the hardest time to be left alone. During the hymns, the organ drowns out the din, during the talks, the congregation has seemed to heave a collective sigh of relief (at least in my ward) and more noise is tolerated, but during the Sacrament, when there are four kids to contain and only my two arms and my best stern look, I often look up at my dh on the stand and find him smirking at me. The jerk…

By: dh

dh — Thu, 15 May 2008 16:04:24 +0000

I usually went down after the Sacrament, depending on how the post-Sacrament service was laid out. If I knew that the youth speakers were likely of the two-minute variety, I would go down after the intermediate hymn/choir number.

By: eljee

eljee — Thu, 15 May 2008 14:58:43 +0000

I’m just curious about those of you who are ward organists (or have spouses who are)–do you stay on the stand for the entire meeting? I’ve been ward organist for a good part of the last 20+ years, and I’ve always gone down to sit with my family during the talks. Dh did have to sit with our son for the first portion of the meeting, but not the whole thing.

I also second the advice to try to find someone to sit with to help out. Our bishop’s wife, whose kids are older, has sat with me since our husbands were first called. She has held my daughter since she was a newborn, and now my daughter thinks of her as almost a second grandma. I could have never managed with her help. This way I can give attention to my older son, who will act out for it if he doesn’t get it. On the days when the bishop’s wife isn’t at church, it’s a disaster and we usually spend the whole meeting in the foyer (which is tolerable with 1 child, but not with 2 or more).

By: dh

dh — Thu, 15 May 2008 14:50:05 +0000

As Rex (Toy Story) so aptly put it: “Great! Now I have guilt!”

To fill in a little of the back-story, our Bishop has said that he has no qualms about having our toddler sit on the stand, but as Emily said, we just don’t think it would work very well with this particular child.

When I was the organist for several years (yes, Emily is long-suffering), another child of ours did sit with me, but he was unique. Seriously, how many three year olds do you know who could sit on the organ bench next to Dad every week, and never press a key for three years? Well, he actually did press one key–one time. That’s all he needed to get it out of his system, I guess.

Having said that, we could never trust our other kids to behave the same way, so we have to do things a little differently. This same above-mentioned son, though, does a terrific job of helping his younger sibling stay reverent on the bench when mom has to take the youngest out. I am perfectly willing to go down and sit with them if I need to, but I haven’t had the need so far.

By: c jane

c jane — Thu, 15 May 2008 14:00:01 +0000

Last winter Elder Holland reminded our stake that we are the church that “separates families for this lifetime, but seals them for eternity.”

By: Tiffany

Tiffany — Thu, 15 May 2008 12:59:38 +0000

I don’t think being a silent, suffering martyr for the sake of never complaining is actually a very healthy concept. I would complain to the children. But I would take my feelings (at a time when the resentment isn’t about to bubble over) and discuss them rationally with my husband. I would look at very specific things that are causing you problems and look for ways to solve them. As for sitting on the stand during Sacrament Meeting, I am wondering if it is something set in stone in the handbook or if it is just custom. The reason I ask this is that in my ward in Sweden, there was one member of the bishopric who had very young children and his wife was a nurse. So two Sundays a month, he sat with his kids during Sacrament Meeting.

By: Mommom

Mommom — Thu, 15 May 2008 10:53:14 +0000

I didn’t have a husband in a Bishopric when my children were young. It’s only now that my children are teenagers that his callings have taken more time, though still not as much time as that (ward clerk & now Stake Executive Secretary – in fact he is very protective of the Stake presidency’s family time when scheduling their appointments).

But I did have a husband who was gone a lot when the children were little. Dh will retire from the navy next year and we spent many months where I was the one to keep things going at home while he was at sea. I will forever be grateful for YW who accepted my request to come and sit with me during Sacrament meeting and help with my wonderful children. That way if I needed to take one child out the other two couldn’t hijack Sacrament Meeting. Most weeks it was just nice to have someone else there in the pew with me to help hand out the Cheerios!

These same YW also babysat for me once a week for two hours at bedtime. It was the best money I spent at the time. We would do the bedtime routine before I left and they would be put to bed, but someone else was in charge of making sure my two ds stayed in bed. And two hours seemed to be just long enough that they were asleep when I got home. And I got a little breather.

I offer those two instances just in case you or someone else hasn’t thought about the fact it’s ok to ask for help from others as well.

You mentioned feeling stretched. Sometimes we are placed in situations that are meant to stretch us. And if you think about it, as you begin to stretch there is pain – but then it feels better. I know there is the saying that the Lord won’t give us any more than we can handle. I even understand now how strength can be gain from this line of thinking.

But during those times when I have felt particularly stretched I’ve often wondered if I was being given just a bit more than I could really handle – certainly more than I could handle on my own. And at the moment that I felt I couldn’t do it anymore because I simply didn’t have the strength I had to turn to the Lord. And he was there and I was able to do what needed to be done.

Sometimes I need to remember that more.