Ask, Receive

Posted by Emily M. | August 17, 2009 | 50 Comments

About halfway through my mission, my zone leader and his companion accompanied us on a day of missionary work. I always felt awkward about this, in part because it looked like a double date, and in part because I felt like everything I did was being judged and evaluated. And I always had that “I’m not really competent, I’m just pretending to be” feeling about my missionary service (which is so like how I feel now as a mother), so I was extra insecure.

But I digress. On this day, as he was giving me advice and I was trying not to bristle too much, my district leader said something that changed my mission. “Every week in companionship planning I give my companion a blessing,” he said. “And he gives me one too.”

“I can’t do that,” I said. (duh.) “Sisters can’t give each other blessings every week.”

I don’t know what I expected him to say. Maybe something like “then pray for each other–you can do that.” But he said, “Ask your district leader.”

“But every week?” I said.

“Every week, hermana,” he said. “As a missionary, don’t you need extra help from the Lord every single week?”

I don’t remember anything else about our conversation, except that I went home and wrestled with this suggestion. It seemed like a blessing should be for when I had extra need, an extra above-and-beyond challenge to deal with. On the other hand, every single week, every day of my mission, was full of challenges. But then again, I felt sheepish asking for a blessing every week. Whoever heard of that? I did not want the elders to roll their eyes at me and my neediness.

After mulling it around, and pondering the frequent repetition of the line “Ask and ye shall receive,” in the scriptures, I decided to do it. I gathered up my humility and asked for a blessing, every week. Please note: I’m NOT saying that every missionary or every person should do this. I’m just sharing my experience… This is what happened:

Some district leaders, I could tell, were struggling to be patient with me. One in particular said the same thing every week. But I asked anyway. For me, it was an act of humility and faith. Sometimes it was weird, or awkward. Sometimes I felt like I was being needy.

But mostly, getting a priesthood blessing every week was amazing. It was one of the things that strengthened me the most in the last half of my mission, when I was bone-weary. During my most difficult companionship, the words of my blessings helped me know that God knew where I was at, and He would help me love this challenging sister. Another time an elder gave me a prophetic blessing, in which he said “Nothing that happens this week is your fault.” That was the week in which our investigator failed to show up to her baptism, for reasons she did not share with us until after. I drew so much strength and comfort from those words, a preemptive absolving of my guilt.

In my last area, my district leader read into my heart, everything I was thinking and feeling as I ended my mission, that only God could know. I sat every week and felt the weight of his hands on my head, and the tears pouring down my face. I hope he has had a happy life since then; his blessings (God’s blessings, conveyed through him) gave me the strength to finish my mission well, when I was squeezing out every bit of energy I could muster.

Since then I have not asked for blessings nearly so often. They are more special-occasion events, and I think that’s all right. I am not living with quite the intensity I had as a missionary. And, it shouldn’t be, but sometimes it’s still hard to ask my husband for a blessing. It’s an open acknowledgment that I need help.

When do you ask for blessings? often? or on a special-need basis? How have you been blessed through priesthood blessings? or maybe struggled with them?

Comments

50 Responses to “Ask, Receive”

Dovie
August 17th, 2009 @ 11:59 am

I can count on two hands the blessings I’ve had in my life. I believe in the power there. I believe in the power of the priesthood. I love getting a new calling because I know that being set apart involves a blessing. Right now in my life that is about it as far as having access to them.

A few years ago when we had a few surgeries to get through with my children. No major surgery but any surgery on your child feels major. I felt it appropriate to ask the hometeachers to bless them and then the next time a hometeacher and my little brother. Each time a blessing for the child involved. One of those times the hometeacher asked if I would like a blessing too. YES! A blessing for the worried mama involved.

Being married to someone who does not hold the priesthood makes it a little weird to ask so unless I really feel compelled I don’t ask for them. I have had a blessing from a bishop once years ago and then once from the husband of my visiting teaching companion. I had just stopped in to the nursing home where our sister was staying and she had just passed away. Like mere moments before. She was still in the room and the staff was in the process of being notified by her roommate. I took it hard and went straight to my companions house and her husband gave me a blessing.

Wonderful stories.
Karen
August 17th, 2009 @ 12:31 pm

I, too, have to “gather up my humility” to ask for a blessing. It’s so hard to let people know you really, really need help. Especially when there is not some obvious reason. But those blessings I’ve received when I’m having trouble with the things I’m supposed to do every day have been some of the sweetest.
Michelle L.
August 17th, 2009 @ 1:09 pm

thank you for this Emily. I don’t know why I ask for blessings more often. Perhaps it’s my husband’s moment of hesitation, his “why?” and then I decide I don’t really need one.

But why not every week? LIFE is intense. I could use a priesthood blessing every single week.
rahel
August 17th, 2009 @ 1:29 pm

i think i need a blessing. thank you for reminding me. i am going to ask my husband as soon as he is back from the bathroom.
rahel
August 17th, 2009 @ 1:31 pm

it will be our first. wow . . .
Janet
August 17th, 2009 @ 2:17 pm

Thank you. That was beautiful and a wonderful reminder.
bekah
August 17th, 2009 @ 2:19 pm

I remember my mission as a blessing-heavy time in my life as well. Not every week, but at least on a monthly basis. I even started to carry a vial of consecrated oil with me, since the elders always seemed to have run out or left theirs at home. My husband still uses that vial today.

Whether I sought blessings for comfort, strength, or health issues, if I felt hesitant to ask the elders for a blessing, I remembered my very first night after I left the MTC. I had just met my trainer and we were about the leave for our area when she asked if I would mind waiting for a few minutes. She then asked some of the elders there if they would be willing to give her a priesthood blessing.

As I sat in the corner and bowed my head, I felt the Spirit whisper to me that I should listen closely to the words of her blessing, as they were meant for me as well. She was then counseled to never hesitate or be ashamed to ask for a blessing, that the Lord was always anxious to bless and counsel her, and that she would receive great strength and inspiration through priesthood blessings.

There have been times when I have felt prompted to ask for a blessing and then second-guessed myself, feeling silly since I didn’t have a real “reason”. However, the memory of that blessing has remained with me and helped me to overcome that feeling and ask anyway, even if my only reason is that “it has been a while”.
Angela
August 17th, 2009 @ 2:20 pm

I know I could ask for blessings more. But just last night my husband gave my kids their annual before-school-starts father’s blessing, and they were beautiful, and made me so grateful for the power of the priesthood.
Jo
August 17th, 2009 @ 2:25 pm

I always ask my husband to give me a blessing when I find out I’m pregnant. Between my two pregnancies I had a few chemical pregnancies which meant I was asking for what seemed like a lot of blessings. During my second pregnancy I had horrible morning sickness that was 24hrs a day and I lost a lot of weight. I was really quite miserable. I thought a few times about asking for another blessing but I had already had so many so recently that I felt it was silly.

I’ve always felt like blessings are for severe times, but maybe not. Maybe I should have asked for a blessing of comfort during my pregnancy sickness. I’m interested to see how others feel about this. Maybe I should take more advantage of being married to a worthy priesthood holder who’s more than willing to give me a blessing but at the same time I don’t want to take advantage… Make sense?
Kathryn P.
August 17th, 2009 @ 3:16 pm

Hi Emily! I got back from Europe late last night and I was so happy to see your post this morning on one of my favorite topics and to read all the lovely comments. During my years as a single parent, I would get powerful priesthood blessings from home teachers and bishops to help me carry my heavy load of single parenting and graduate school. Six years ago I married a man who gives incredible priesthood blessings. He prays before he gives a blessing that he will be able to voice the things that Christ would say if his hands were on my head and his blessings always feel like his prayer was answered. I often get blessings weekly and they are ALWAYS amazing and strengthening and instructive and overflowing with love. Those blessings have helped us with difficult parenting challenges AND have helped me overcome a lifetime battle with chronic depression. The Lord WANTS to bless us through the priesthood and I think some of us choose to take a harder path by not seeking the power of the priesthood to help us. Thanks Emily for reminding me of my blessings today. I haven’t had a priesthood blessing for two months because I’ve been traveling without my husband, but I know I will ask for one this evening.
m&m
August 17th, 2009 @ 3:19 pm

I need to ask more. I have a phrase I heard once…about the notion of living from blessing to blessing. That’s kind of how my life has been with chronic illness and others schtuff.

Thanks for this post.
FoxyJ
August 17th, 2009 @ 3:32 pm

My father was inactive when I was growing up and so I always assumed that blessings were for ‘emergencies only’–usually for health emergencies. That’s pretty much the only time I’ve ever had them. And now that my husband is inactive and most of our male family members that’s how it still is for me and my kids. I’d like to have the kinds of relationships with others that are at the point where I feel comfortable asking for a blessing, but I don’t. Asking for a blessing always feels like such a vulnerable thing to do that I feel better asking a family member or close friend.

I’m also feeling slightly envious that your mission was such a spiritual place and that you served with elders who suggested things like receiving blessings. This month marks 10 years since I left on mine, and while it was a powerful experience it was not the spiritual feast I had envisioned before I left.
Jennie
August 17th, 2009 @ 3:36 pm

I’ve always felt like blessings were to be used like prescription pain killers: not for every little thing. You have to really NEED a blessing. Otherwise I feel like a really naggy kid (I have one of those and she drives me batty. I just picture Heavenly Father rolling his eyes going, “I just told her last week that everything would be fine. What does she want now???”), Plus I’ve known those people who seem to need blessings every ten minutes (my mother, for one), and I always think, “just buck up and deal with it!”

I guess that’s not the idea behind blessings. I think I need an attitude adjustment. This has really given me something to think about. Thanks, Emily.
Carol
August 17th, 2009 @ 3:48 pm

I agree with Jennie. When my husband served as a branch president and as a bishop, some (women) wanted blessings every time they had any kind of problem–big or small. My husband was already willing to serve them, but it took time away from others with more serious needs.

On the other hand, I have had times when I’ve needed quite a few blessings, and because I’ve had the luxury of a worthy priesthood bearer in the home, have asked for and grateful received these blessings.

If I were a missionary needing help, comfort, and strength, I would not hesitate to ask for a weekly blessing. It sounds like a great idea. I do believe that when we are alone–and my husband travels extensively in his job so I’m alone a lot–that I can call down blessings from heaven in my behalf in ways that are specifically tailored to my needs.
Lee Ann
August 17th, 2009 @ 4:41 pm

Your post brought back lots of mission memories. There was the time I was genuinely sick, but the district leader and I were feuding. I found myself in the bathroom at the church, fervently praying for the blessing of not needing a blessing–while simultaneously recognizing the irony (interestingly, this prayer was answered). Then the time the problem was of the “female” type, and the DL could be heard loudly complaining on his way up the stairs to bless me that I didn’t “need” a blessing…but then through his priesthood I was healed on so many levels (I’m hoping that experience prepared him a little for marriage to a female of his own). The mission was a confusing, feel-your-way-as-you-go time for all of us elders and sisters, and the Lord granted us a great deal of grace, despite our pride and profound lack of perspective.
m&m
August 17th, 2009 @ 4:56 pm

When my husband served as a branch president and as a bishop, some (women) wanted blessings every time they had any kind of problem–big or small.

big=bishop, maybe
small=home teacher or someone else

We ought not overwhelm our bishops with frequent needs for blessings IF there are others who could fill that need. I think very rarely does a situation DEMAND a bishop’s help.
m&m
August 17th, 2009 @ 4:57 pm

I just picture Heavenly Father rolling his eyes going, “I just told her last week that everything would be fine. What does she want now???”),

I really, really hope you are wrong on this one, Jennie.
Michaela Stephens
August 17th, 2009 @ 5:51 pm

When I was younger I felt that priesthood blessings were for those health emergencies and setting apart for callings and for school year beginnings. But after this last six months, I’ve realized that they are also good for when I’m emotionally and spiritually at the end of my rope. And I’m not ashamed of putting my own name on the temple prayer roll every two weeks. When you need help, you need help! I think part of doing our part is not just the work that we do, but also trying to obtain as much blessing as possible through prayer, fasting, priesthood blessings, temple prayer roll, temple attendance, etc.
Blue
August 17th, 2009 @ 5:55 pm

i’ve only had 3 blessings in the past 19 years. my husband has been attending church, but he doesn’t believe…so i’m in a tricky situation when it comes to asking for them. home teachers don’t know his situation, and i’ve felt awkward, like you said so eloquently here, about asking for them.

shortly after we were married, i asked him to bless me one night, and he put his hands on my head, and there was a long pause, and then he just simply said “I can’t.” i should have realized something at that point, but i didn’t.

so the years went by and one night while i was in labor with our first child, and enduring some unbearable back labor, i told him i wanted him to give me a blessing. and i guess when your laboring wife tells you that she needs you to give her a blessing NOW, you put your issues aside and do her bidding without argument. that was the last time he laid his hands on my head though.

the other two have been in the past 10 months as life has taken on the qualities of being waterboarded some days. i begged a blessing of my kind bishop on two occasions, and they were beautiful blessings but i still feel bad asking because he’s so busy. he’s one of the only priesthood holders who knows our situation though, so i’m very sad that we’re getting a new bishop in 2 weeks, and have secret hopes that somehow he’s called to be our home teacher (none of our HT’s have ever known our situation, hence the awkwardness of asking for one from them.)

i wish i could have a blessing every week. heck, i wish i could have one every day. that’s about where i’m at right now. but i’m afraid to ask.

a few months ago my DH told me that he no longer wants to give any kind of blessings to our kids either. no father’s, or back-to-school or sick etc. so i’ve asked my FIL if he’d do it, and he is going to. i am glad they can still have that, but i’m still afraid to ask for one for me. i clearly have issues.

loved your post though! such a timely message. ♥
Mel
August 17th, 2009 @ 5:56 pm

In the past year I have received a four blessings for a number of different reasons. It always amazes me that Heavenly Father knows and understands the concerns that are weighing heavily on my heart. The guidance I have received from those blessings have brought peace and direction.

I’m single and occasionally travel on long extended work trips or vacations. Before I go, I always ask my dad to give me a father’s blessing. It helps calm my nerves especially if I am traveling alone. I am so grateful for these blessings. The priesthood is real! We are so lucky to have it in our lives.
Michelle L.
August 17th, 2009 @ 6:40 pm

Blue- call my house. Anytime.
Julie H
August 17th, 2009 @ 7:10 pm

I think asking my husband for a blessing and our great former home teacher also blesses them. I notice the days after a blessing seem to be more peaceful and serene in our home. My husband is more in tune with my feelings and thoughtful. I ask freely for blessings to combat a chronic illness. I probably have three or four blessings a year, usually when I am feeling overwhelmed with my illness or transitioning on a new medication I need to be effective.

My husband sometimes struggles for the right words in a blessing, but I still find that the spirit passes on what I need to know. It is interesting because often after a blessing my husband will share the thoughts that came to his mind and what he thinks they mean.

He is new to the Church and sometimes it is tempting to ask someone who doesn’t seem to labor so much over it. I feel guilty about that, but as I continue to utilize the priesthood through him again I feel blessed and I feel it blessing our family.
Jenny
August 17th, 2009 @ 8:16 pm

I think our Heavenly Father’s willingness to respond to our requests for comfort, mercy, lightening a burden, blessing us in some needed area contingent upon our faith is a grossly underutilized and amazing resource meant for each one of us. He stands at the door and waits…
I’m so grateful for the availability of the priesthood in my life. I have often thought of it as a BIG THINGS ONLY resort, but as I have strived to really listen to the promptings of the spirit, I have been guided to ask for help in this way more often, and have felt the goodness of it.
SAC
August 17th, 2009 @ 8:54 pm

Three things– hope I can make this short.

My dad wasn’t always sure whether he believed in the Gospel as I was growing up, but I didn’t know that then. I was pretty mad at him when I found out that he would sometimes say he didn’t think it was appropriate for me to ask for a blessing, when it turned out that he just wasn’t comfortable giving one. Things are better now, but I’m still usually more comfortable asking someone else (I feel lucky to have had someone-elses to ask).

Once, when I had moved away from home, I got sick, and felt like I should call my HT, so I did, and he said he would come, and he never did. The next week my back went out, BAD, and I felt I should call him again. I gave him a time limit for getting there. And when he came, he said that he was really nervous, because he hadn’t given a blessing since his mission, and he had therefore never given one in English. He was really afraid of messing up.

There was another time when my HT started crying when I asked for a school-year blessing. In a good way, crying. He was happy to be asked.

I guess that what I’m saying is that sometimes the blessings are for the priesthood holder, too. I mean, the priesthood works through faith, which prayer does too, so it’s the same power in the end– but there have been times when I have felt specifically directed to ask for a blessing, even when I was trying to tough it out through prayer and so on. The most wonderful blessings I’ve had have been from men who seem to understand, at some level, the symbolism of the fact that they stand in the place of the Savior. Blessings aren’t really theirs to give or take, but when they are open, they (and I) are sometimes surprised at what comes through.

Thank you for this beautiful post.
Emily M.
August 17th, 2009 @ 10:47 pm

Thank you, everyone, for your thoughtful responses. Thanks especially Dovie and Foxy J and Blue for speaking up about the challenges of requesting blessings–I am so glad you did. (Foxy J, someday I will do a post on healing from missionary service. I think many more people return from their missions wounded than we acknowledge publicly, and this lack of acknowledgment makes it difficult to heal. I loved my mission too, but I think I know something of what you’re talking about. But that’s a different post.)

bekah, I love that story. Do not be afraid to ask.

Kathryn, I’m so glad you had a great time! I love that you asked for blessings often when you were a single mom, and I am so happy you have a wonderful husband to bless you now.

Jennie, see, I don’t know. My whole life growing up I viewed blessings that way too: more like prescription pain medicine than Tylenol, as though too-frequent asking diluted their power somehow. And I actually think that may be the case sometimes. It’s like I can’t focus on fasting for more than two or three things at once–all the spiritual energy gets spread too thin for me. I think that idea can apply to priesthood blessings also…. and then again, why not ask more, and why not bring the sacred into your life more? Even after my mission experience, I wonder about this balance.

LeeAnn, you brought back another mission memory: once I asked a DL for a blessing when I was very sick. We waited and waited and he never came. Until about 10:10 that night, when he and his companion rushed into our apartment. “I was kneeling to pray,” he said, “and the Spirit reminded me that I was supposed to give you a blessing.” So he’d forgotten about me, but God hadn’t, and then he was in tune enough to listen to the Spirit and respond. It’s good to be reminded of the ways God works through imperfect people.

m&m, I know it’s supposed to be home teachers before you ask the bishop. Here’s the thing I wonder about though: the bishop may often be aware of confidential things that the home teachers are not, things the person would rather just keep with the bishop, and things they need counsel on. I think there are more of these confidential situations than we realize. It seems to me that it would be better to go ahead and ask the bishop than to not receive a needed blessing at all.

SAC, you bring up an important point: sometimes giving a blessing is as much for the priesthood holder as it is for us. I hope that any men reading this thread know how much their service in giving blessings, even in seemingly small things, is needed and appreciated by women. Especially by women who have difficulty in asking for blessings, for whatever reason. Giving a blessing is as much an act of humility and faith as asking for one, I guess.
Anonymous
August 17th, 2009 @ 11:02 pm

Blue,

Obviously I know nothing about your situation, so take this for what it’s worth. I would encourage you to confide your situation to your new bishop, so that you can continue to receive the blessings you need. That also places him in a better position to help your husband. I’m not talking about “direct intervention” here, but perhaps he can make adjustments to your husband’s home teaching companionship or family assignments, or make other changes that could help strengthen him over the long run.

Just a thought.
m&m
August 17th, 2009 @ 11:53 pm

I know it’s supposed to be home teachers before you ask the bishop. Here’s the thing I wonder about though: the bishop may often be aware of confidential things that the home teachers are not, things the person would rather just keep with the bishop, and things they need counsel on. I think there are more of these confidential situations than we realize. It seems to me that it would be better to go ahead and ask the bishop than to not receive a needed blessing at all.

I agree and that is why I clarified. Usually the ‘littler’ things are less confidential, yah? (also, I was responding more to someone who had been the wife of a bishop and some people always asked the bishop, probably when they didn’t need to.)

But I also had a thought today, something my friend pointed out to me. While it’s sometimes nice (and sometimes essential, perhaps) to have the person know what you are going through, I can’t help but wonder if sometimes we limit ourselves by thinking the person has to have some detailed level of knowledge about our lives. At some point, if someone is in tune, he can say what needs to be said, (Emily, your example of ‘what happens this week will not be your fault) w/o having all the details.

I also think God can help us know whom we could ask for a blessing, if we start by asking Him for help to figure that out. I had an experience once where I was driving home from the temple, and felt like I needed a blessing NOW, and I had someone come to mind.

Lastly, sometimes I find that it’s been helpful to get blessings from people who don’t know all that is going on in my life. I think my husband actually appreciates sometimes when I ask someone else. I think it helps us both hear what the Lord says through others as well as through him. What’s been most amazing to me about doing this is that I have seen patterns in blessings from different people, all of who didn’t have the whole picture of my life. The patterns have been amazing. They have helped me see that God is aware of me, and helped me start to really sense what messages I need to pay particular attention to.

Now, again, don’t get me wrong, of course sometimes the bishop will be the best choice. But I just have been thinking that maybe sometimes we can exercise faith that the Lord can speak through others even if they don’t know all that is going on. And I think we gain from the process of asking — just as you talked about, Emily — even if the vehicle for the blessing is imperfect, even if the situation is less than ideal.

Blue, I’m dying for you, girl. Please, please take Michelle up on her offer. Pray that you can know of others who might be willing. I can think of others in your ward who might be.
mormonhermitmom
August 18th, 2009 @ 12:55 am

Hm. I’ve usually been on the “only in extreme emergencies or setting aparts” side. Maybe I need to rethink that, and not just for myself.
Selwyn
August 18th, 2009 @ 1:07 am

I talked myself out of asking for a blessing on Sunday. I can’t exactly pinpoint why, but it mostly came down to feeling as if I should just do what I know needs to be done and hope and pray that I’ll do okay.

That, and everyone was leaving the chapel to go home. And I didn’t want to be needy, though I still wasn’t sure if I WAS needy, so if I wasn’t sure, then I didn’t really NEED a blessing because I wasn’t really in need!

Right?

After reading this post and the comments, I’m thinking maybe I was wrong. But I’m still not sure. Thanks for the thinking material!
Giggles
August 18th, 2009 @ 1:20 am

Just Sunday my home teacher was telling me that in his home growing up, blessings were only given if you were actually dying. I think too many of us feel that way. We all need more help than just when we are dying.
Kay
August 18th, 2009 @ 5:11 am

Segullah gives me so much to go away and think about. Not growing up in the church I know that I missed out on having the priesthood in my home and seeing it in daily use. I honestly did not know that you could have blessings whenever you wanted/needed/felt inspired to have them. I always felt they were for emergencies only so to speak. I missed out a lot in that respect over the years. I look back at my mission, which just about killed me off, and think it could have been so much better with that kind of help. I joined the church at 16 and was married at 31, in all those years I only had 5 home teaching visits. There wasn’t even home teachers to turn too.

Now there is no excuse for me, but I still rarely ask. I must be really, really sick to ask. Even then I look back at my pregnancies in which I vomited for 40 weeks each time and was REALLY ILL, and still I did not ask because I thought it was just routine, part of life and not special enough. Since when was I not special enough!! I always make sure my children have them for illness, new school year, big changes etc. Why not me?

My husband is a good man. He is in tune with the Lord. He is available. Why do I not use his priesthood more?

As for asking Bishops or home teachers for blesisngs, I have so often felt that maybe people overuse their Bishops when they should be using their home teachers. As you can see I am very judgemental!! My husband, who is a Bishop, tells me otherwise. He tells me that if they need to see him then they need to see him, it is as simple as that. We should not judge others needs. Also, maybe he needs to see them and know what is in their heart right then. He is guided by the spirit but not able to personally know everything about everyone, sometimes the only way for him to know a situation is if they go to him individually, as not everyone, myself included, will discuss things with their home/visiting teachers.

The priesthood is there and maybe I don’t access it as much as I should. Something for me to work on.
Strollerblader
August 18th, 2009 @ 4:10 pm

Blue, I definitely know where you’re at. THAT has been the hardest part for me with my dh not believing anymore (but like your dh, he still attends church)– is the lack of priesthood in our home. I grew up in a home where we technically had the priesthood, but there was no way I wanted my dad to give me a priesthood blessing, knowing his behavior the rest of the time. I got 2 blessings from him growing up: my confirmation and one other time when I was 11 and very sick. So I was SO happy after I got married to have a priesthood holder in my home. (I’d had great friends to turn to in college when I needed blessings.) My dh gave me blessings before I had all 4 of my kids. But then, things changed…

Just in the last 3 months, we are coming out on the other side a bit (since my dh did not baptize my 2nd child), where there are a few people who know about my dh, including our HT, our bishop, and my FIL, whom I can turn to for a blessing. Still, it is awkward and it does make it harder to ask for a blessing. (Where should the blessing take place? Are they going to have a companion for it, and if so, then who, and how will that affect my dh’s secret? etc, etc) This post makes me sad because I was just thinking last week how much I wanted a blessing, but just the thought of who to ask, and all the social awkwardness surrounding it have prevented me. I feel so sad after waiting all during growing up to have a righteous priesthood holder in my home, to have it taken away from me. The priesthood has always meant so much to me, probably because it was something I wanted but couldn’t have for so long, and it just really, really hurts to have it taken away again.
namakemono
August 18th, 2009 @ 5:12 pm

I`m with Dovie in no.1 – with a non-member husband, it is hard to ask other people sometimes – eg my hometeacher lives 40 mins drive away. So often I wish I could just ask my husband…
In Embryo
August 18th, 2009 @ 8:47 pm

I wish that in Priesthood they helped the brethren know when it’s appropriate to give a blessing or not. There are times I’ve wanted/needed one, but my husband has been reluctant — is it too often? is it right to give multiple blessings for the same/a similar illness (ie. migraines)?

Not having grown up in an LDS home, he hasn’t had the example of a blessing-giving father, and hesitates sometimes. I need to remember to be patient with him in his learning how to serve on the Lord’s behalf.

I can only imagine how intimidating it must feel — to need to bless someone as the Savior would — wow!
anon for this one
August 18th, 2009 @ 9:29 pm

I often struggle with asking my husband because I struggle with wondering if he will REALLY be in tune or if he will simply be telling me what HE thinks is right. My biggest trials in life come from challenges with our relationship. He is a good man in many ways but it is hard for me to trust his judgement.Wow, seeing that in print really sounds prideful. I guess I need to work on trusting the Lord even when he’s working throgh an imperfect son.Still scary though.
m&m
August 18th, 2009 @ 11:41 pm

There are times I’ve wanted/needed one, but my husband has been reluctant — is it too often? is it right to give multiple blessings for the same/a similar illness (ie. migraines)?

I think the blessing is as much for enduring the enduring trials than removing them. Elder Oaks talked once about how healing blessings can come either from actually having the illness/trial removed, or being given the strength to endure the trial. I can’t imagine there being a one-blessing limit, particularly when the physical healing isn’t the way help is coming.

At least that is how I approach it. I HAVE to get the help to deal with the chronic migraines and other pain. I just need constant help, and blessings are part of my arsenal for facing it all.

Here’s my question: Is it really the priesthood holder’s job to respond about whether it’s appropriate or not? If it is an act of faith to ask, barring a firm revelation about saying no (at which point direction about what to say will come from the Source), I can’t imagine it really being that person’s place to reject such a request.

Or am I out in left field on this one?
m&m
August 19th, 2009 @ 1:48 am

I think the blessing is as much for enduring the enduring trials than removing them.

I should have said that it can be as much for such a situation. (I’m so sorry about your migraines. I know a little of how awful that is.)
Kathryn P.
August 19th, 2009 @ 6:16 am

M&M: I think you’re absolutely right. Richard Eyre gave some beautiful suggestions on this topic at a BYU Family Expo. Unfortunately, you have to listen to the entire talk because there isn’t a transcript for it. He suggests that in the spectrum between giving too many priesthood blessings and not giving enough, he’d rather err on the “too many side”; however, he also suggests that there aren’t many men who really ever have to worry about that. My husband is the Elders Quorum President in our ward and he agrees with Brother Eyre– he would like the members of his quorum to give more priesthood blessings. I read Emily’s post to my husband and suggested he read it to his quorum with some of the comments. Brother Eyre also tells about a general authority holding a question/answer fireside at the Harvard institute. One question was from a return missionary who asked how he could have more spiritual experiences. The general authority replied, “Use your priesthood more.” Here’s the reference for that talk:

Creating Spiritual Experiences in Your Home
Speaker: Richard Eyre & Linda Eyre
Event: BYU Family Expo 2000
Date Given: April 3, 2000
m2theh
August 19th, 2009 @ 9:03 am

I have a relative who pretty much gets a blessing if she stubs a toe. I personally feel that you ask for them when you need them, though I’m thinking every other day or even every week is a little excessive.
m2theh
August 19th, 2009 @ 9:08 am

One more thought. There was a time when my husband wasn’t able to give priesthood blessings and I wouldn’t have asked him due to some of his struggles. After attending a 12-step group I was able to realize that his problems weren’t necessarily my problems and his secret wasn’t my burden to carry. You don’t need to broadcast your troubles to the world, but it’s okay to reach out to your home teachers or close friends who are worthy priesthood holders. It’s not your fault your husband is choosing to no longer believe, and you should not be suffering for it.
Mom in the Mountains
August 19th, 2009 @ 12:09 pm

Thanks for this post. I really needed it today. My husband and I are going through a very challenging time together right now- He was notified last week of a sudden and very unexpected impending job loss in a job he has had for 3 months and has loved and been very successful at (no fault of his own)– having to cancel a contract to buy a house because of this pending job loss, and being threatened with a lawsuit because of it– having to begin preparing ourselves for another move, packing, looking, IF he can even find a job quickly– losing insurance with a baby on the way, I’ll be 8 months pregnant when his job is supposedly going to be eliminated, and so if he can’t find another job within this company by the time his position here is eliminated, we’ll have no insurance at all when the baby is born– stressful, and very frightening to say the least. It’s been difficult because he tries to carry the weight of this burden by himself, and yet it hurts to see him struggle with this, and the fears he is carrying now are my fears as well. It’s terrifying. And this was supposed to be a stable job that he could enjoy for a long time.

I’ve tried to encourage him to get a blessing, but he struggles with asking for a blessing. When we had the miscarriage last December, I had to pray that someone would feel prompted to come visit with him and offer to give him a blessing. Thank goodness our friend was in tune with the spirit and came just at the right time.

Yet, I’ve struggled to ask him for a blessing with all of this “happening to him” although it is happening to us. But I really want one, and I really need one. I need the comfort and the direction blessings give me.

I’ve learned through some of my challenges– even ones I wasn’t comfortable discussing with my husband– that the Lord is mindful, and knows my heart and my struggles and will answer those innermost prayers.

Why is it so hard to ask for a blessing sometimes?
Mom in the Mountains
August 19th, 2009 @ 12:11 pm

I want a blessing. I will ask him for one tonight. Thank you again for this post.

p.s. I wish I had had the advice about a blessing every week on my mission! It would have been very beneficial and helpful during a couple of dark days/weeks/months…
Faith.Not.Fear
August 19th, 2009 @ 2:37 pm

Dear Mom in the Mtns,
My heart goes out to you — I was in a similar situation when we were expecting our fourth — be sure to check and see if you can get COBRA insurance — you pay the premium, but you can continue your same insurance coverage for another few months. Hopefully paying the premium is cheaper than paying the whole cost of childbirth. (Google “the consolidated omnibus budget reconciliation act” for more info)

During that time, we both struggled — him worrying about having a job, me about the baby. One day I was led to 1 Nephi 17 (especially the first few verses) and peace returned! Within a few months, my husband was able to find a new job, and we were able to have our baby with insurance (I believe it was still under COBRA).

May God lighten your burdens, giving you both strength to make it through! And may the Priesthood bless you both!
_____________________

P.S. Check out today’s Mormon Message on lds.org —
You’re Never Alone by Sister Elaine Dalton — awesome!
Mom in the Mountains
August 19th, 2009 @ 2:58 pm

faith.not.fear-

thanks for the info. I’ve been terrified of COBRA since I’ve heard it’s really expensive (and after looking up the terms of COBRA, it would be under the plan we have), but it looks like we might get a break because of a new law that’s in effect until Dec of this year, making us eligible for a huge price reduction. That eases my mind a lot. I will check out the message on LDS.org today as well. Thanks again.
Faith.Not.Fear
August 19th, 2009 @ 6:12 pm

Glad to help! Hope it all works out!!!
Mom in the Mountains
August 20th, 2009 @ 8:28 am

I hope so too. Yesterday was a rough day. After watching the message on LDS.org, I felt a lot better. Today is looking good. I know that Heaven;y Father loves us and knows what’s best. I just sometimes wish I could see the big picture now instead of later. I am so grateful for the priesthood, though. It does help give me a sense of direction. Thanks for listening!
Blue
August 20th, 2009 @ 11:33 am

after reading all the comments on this thread, i’ve noticed that the problem isn’t availability of priesthood holders who COULD give blessings, it’s the 1) discomfort of asking for one, and 2) logistics (where, who, etc.) that we struggle with. i know i could ask any number of righteous men to bless me, and i know they’d do so happily, but it’s just so awkward to ask. i guess that’s a clever form of pride though, and a handy tool in satan’s box to keep me from benefiting from priesthood blessings. it’s SO much more comfortable to humble myself with before my spouse…allowing him to see me weep (well, that’s what happens when i get blessed anyway), and being vulnerable and whatnot. it’s kind of an intimacy that i’m not really cool sharing with another man. but i can probably focus on this and make some changes in myself to make PBs more a part of my life.

i wonder what men who need blessings do? is that a home teacher job? i guess they have this predicament all the time, and have to overcome it in order to benefit from this option.

lots of stuff to think about. Man, i ♥ Segullah!
Emily M.
August 20th, 2009 @ 11:48 am

Hugs, Mom in the Mountains. I hope that priesthood blessings and prayers can give you the strength you need to get through the next while.

Blue, you make such a good point: receiving a blessing is an intimate and vulnerable thing, something that you would just rather share with a spouse than with another man. I had never thought of that aspect of it, but it’s true. Even though it should be more about the priesthood itself, it’s still awkward.

Which is not to say it can’t or shouldn’t be done, just that there is a different dynamic, isn’t there, as a married woman versus a single sister missionary. You articulate that aspect of it well, and I confess that even with the previous comments I had not thought of it before. I know the Lord understands where you are at… it takes an extra measure of humility to ask, and hopefully the blessings will be correspondingly rich.
rainsplats
August 26th, 2009 @ 10:54 pm

My family has needed more priesthood blessings this year than in previous years. Mostly they’ve been for big events–surgeries and life changing decisions.

I’ve learned two things:
1. Ask early. It’s better to give him time to prepare himself spiritually – my father likes to have time to fast and study the scriptures. Too often I wait until the last hours before my need to convince myself that I really need a blessing.

2. God is generous with His gifts and His love. I always feel so loved and at peace after a blessing. Answers to prayers become crystal clear. I’ve never regretted asking for a blessing.

The other thing that stands out in my mind when we talk of priesthood blessings is a Conference talk from 2008: http://www.lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?hideNav=1&locale=0&sourceId=7d04558fcc599110VgnVCM100000176f620a____&vgnextoid=2354fccf2b7db010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD
“The father gave his son a priesthood blessing, but no improvement was immediately evident.

Several hours passed by, and the mother knelt by her son’s side, pleading in prayer to Heavenly Father for the boy’s well-being. They were far from home in an unfamiliar country and did not know how to obtain medical assistance.

The mother asked her son if he would like to pray with her. She knew that merely waiting for the anticipated blessing would not be enough; they needed to continue to act. Explaining that the blessing he had received was still in effect, she suggested again petitioning in prayer, as did the ancient Apostles, “Lord, Increase our faith” (Luke 17:5). The prayer included a profession of trust in priesthood power and a commitment to persevere in doing whatever might be required for the blessing to be honored—if that blessing at that time was in accordance with God’s will. Shortly after they offered this simple prayer, the son’s condition improved.”

That mother’s faith gets me through the day.
S
August 29th, 2009 @ 8:24 pm

I too thought that blessings were only in times of true need, and was uncomfortable when my wife would ask me for a one when she thought she might be coming down with a cold.

But one day when she asked me for a blessing for a cold, the first words that came out of my mouth were, “Your Heavenly Father is glad you asked for a blessing. He has blessings he has been waiting to bestow upon you.” I learned then not to stand in the way of anyone’s blessings.