I am not sure where that line is, but it seems to me that sometimes asking for help might help keep us from getting to the breaking point.

That in a way can make it all the harder to know how and when to ask for help, but I can’t help but think that sometimes it’s wise to do so BEFORE we fall apart.

I think this can be especially difficult with persistent challenges (you mentioned depression, I deal with chronic illness, as you know). Sometimes I will ask for help to help prevent completely losing it. For example, when my husband is out of town, I simply don’t push myself to get up in the mornings, even though I probably could. Doing so would likely put me behind significantly in both physical and emotional ways, so instead of pushing like that, I ask for help. I have a friend who takes that morning shift for me, and that’s that. That has become a line that I won’t question anymore, even though I probably *could* push harder in that way. But it, in my world right now, would be unwise to do so.

I also feel that the Spirit can help me figure out when I am asking amiss and when it’s really ok to just ask and let it go, not feel guilty about it. The example from above is one that I just let go, because I know the consequences of not doing so, and they aren’t good for me or my family.

I think, too, that sometimes if we are feeling like we are drowning, we can think of something specific that someone could do for us. I did that a few months ago when I really could tell I needed help, and I was scared to death to ask. But someone offered, ‘let me know if I can help’ and I did. It was very, very hard, but I really needed the help (she helped w/ some cleaning that I just couldn’t get on top of because of my migraines). It was also a defined task so I and she knew when it was done — and it was something that had lasting effects (the cleaning they did left its mark for weeks).

Wow, that question, surprising… totally new thought in my head. The breaking point timing fit my understanding of self-reliance in the Church (we only ask for help when we can’t do for ourselves). Asking prior to that limit and without needing to feel guilty about it would seem a radical change for me.

We cannot make ourselves our own Gods, we absolutely must rely on the Lord. The idea that we can do all things on our own is arrogant of us (I do it all the time, though!)

But there is a fine line to be walked between relying on the Lord in all things, and asking the Lord what breakfast cereal to eat before you’ll make a choice. We are commanded to be strong and use our intellect, but it is in the attitude of understanding that all knowledge and understanding comes from the Lord.

I’m just like you, though. It’s very difficult for me to ask for help. Yet I don’t see it as a deficiency when someone asks me for help. I’ve got to get over it somehow…

So, my thought in return is this — do we always need to be at a breaking point to ask for help?

Echoing Jenny’s comment, how can we know when we’re truly at a breaking point, and not just shrinking back from a challenge that needs just a little more effort on our part?

How do we distinguish wanting help vs. needing help? Is there really a difference between the two?

Jenny, you say you’ve passed on offers to help you. What would you ask for?

What would help someone suffering from depression? Can we truly offer assistance without judging her in one way or another?

How persistent should we be if we’re turned down by someone we deem as needing service?

On the same note, how should we deal with exceedingly pushy people who offer [unwanted] help?

Lots of jumbled thoughts as this hits close to home. No one wants to be a project, and that’s not a matter of pride imo. It’s like the difference between visiting teaching for the numbers or for the sisters–in the long run, the lack of love will overshadow any good done.

love that last thought, Foxyj — service can build relationships and bring us together. The phrase that comes to mind for me is knitting our hearts together. I also think that if we all always pretended that all was always well, we’d probably not really get to know each other very well, and what of mourning w/ each other and empathy and all of that? I think it’s often when we are willing to risk and be vulnerable when we can really come to know each other and not feel so alone in our struggles.

Still hard to find lines, because you can’t just go share with anyone and everyone. And you don’t want negative fallout from your sharing (as Angie’s situation and others’ have shown can happen.)

I love receiving help. My mom is dying of cancer right now and my ward has been bringing meals in while I fly back and forth from San Diego to Salt Lake City.

My hubby could certainly handle dinners, and even my teenagers can cook, but these tangible meals of love help me feel the love of my neighbors and the tender mercies of GOd.