Comments on: Beyond Mommy: Knowing Who I Am

By: Sue

Sue — Sun, 12 Apr 2009 05:44:55 +0000

I just found out that my quote, given in an earlier comment (no. 25) is not anonymous, but is by Jane Stone. I wanted to give her credit for her beautiful words.

“The most visible creators I know of are those artists whose medium is life itself…the ones who express the inexpressible without brush, hammer, clay, or guitar. They neither paint nor sculpt—their medium is being. Whatever their presence touches has increased life. They see and don’t have to draw. They are the artists of being alive.”

Thank you, Jane Stone!

By: jendoop

jendoop — Sat, 07 Mar 2009 21:47:56 +0000

Rachel- mmmmm, so good. thank you.

By: Rachel Leavitt

Rachel Leavitt — Sat, 07 Mar 2009 18:43:47 +0000

To me this issue is not necessarily about finding myself or having me time, but about becoming who Heavenly Father wants me to become. Part of who he wants us to become involves developing all sorts of talents. Me personally, I’m interested in birth, it’s my profession, but I’ve also felt like it has helped me as a mother. I think the same thing goes for other interests.

I think we have to remember that being a mom goes beyond runny noses and changing diapers….this is an eternal job…something that is meant to be a part of us in the eternaties….being a mom means reaching out, being creative, bringing joy to the world. It means using our talents to help others fulfill their work. How can we do that unless we develop other aspects of who we are.

Choosing to develop talents beyond the stay at mom home thing, in my opinion, is a necessity to becoming who we should become. Sometimes as mom our time needs to be spent looking after the kids and helping them, but other times it requires that we create something beautiful within ourselves. What I really think is that when the end of this life comes and we look around for our roles…we will discover that what we have done in bringing up our children and what we have done to better ourselves and those around us will all role together into what we call a mother…

By: Giggles

Giggles — Sat, 07 Mar 2009 07:22:35 +0000

Beautiful!

I turned 30 last year, and while I never planned on being single and alone this long, I can look around and be grateful that I’ve been given this time to really find out who I am and what I do and to create a real identity for myself, something that will only be added to when I do become someone’s wife and someone’s mother.

An older brother in the ward asked me a few months ago if getting a Ph.D. wasn’t a lot of education for being a mom. Being a mother certainly doesn’t require a graduate degree, but being me does. When I do get married and have kids, my identity will include my schooling, my travels, my attempts at theater, my random love of belly dancing. And all of that will only augment the me that will be a wife and mother.

By: JKS

JKS — Sat, 07 Mar 2009 06:04:53 +0000

SO many good comments!
I think I am like esodhiambo and feel like I love being a mom and love being me, and I can do both.
I both agree with and disagree with the “seasons” idea. Sure, there are seasons, but don’t let that be a reason to do nothing except mothering during any season.
I think I am lucky in having such a great mother. She was a SAHM who did it her way. She didn’t sacrifice everything that was her in order to be our mother. I would come home from high school to hear her discuss the interesting political articles she had read. Sure, there were a few times in her life where she was overwhelmed with six kids and a household to run, but most of the time she had a well balanced life that she enjoyed and used many of her talents. Like Rebekah, I loved hearing my mother tell about herself, her past, etc.
Except for the first few years with two little kids, my life as a mother does feel balanced. I love how Tristi points out that we need to raise children to take responsibility for themselves. I feel like the older two need me for some stuff, but I have taught them how to take care of themselves in many ways so they aren’t just sucking my energy all the time.
It reminds me of talking to my daughter about future relationships. If you treat yourself with respect, others around you pick up on that.
Your children will pick up on how you expect to be treated. You can train them.
I feel like parenting should be done with the end product in mind–the big picture. You can’t just try to get through the day every day or you will always just be putting out fires.
My kids get to see that I do things that don’t have anything to do with them but are important.

By: Lisa

Lisa — Sat, 07 Mar 2009 04:13:50 +0000

Loved this post and all the comments. I have gone through much of the same experiences as many of you. I find as I near the empty nest, that I have lived a wonderful life as my children’s mother – but how grateful I am that I also grew and developed my self as an individual.

If you haven’t seen the new video put out by the RS check it out. We were meant to create – which to me is all part of exploring and developing our selves.

http://broadcast.lds.org/video/create/RS_2009_02_00_Create_HD_eng_.wmv

By: Red

Red — Sat, 07 Mar 2009 01:16:57 +0000

Thanks Angela. I think it’s important to remember to allow our sisters to choose what fits best for each of us. You really don’t have to go get that Masters or write a book to be your own person! But you can if you want to.

I watched my Mom miss out on raising her children because she became very involved with “being herself.” It’s tough to find a balance, and isn’t it better to err on the side of the children? You only have one shot at being there when they need you most.

By: wonder woman

wonder woman — Sat, 07 Mar 2009 00:19:02 +0000

Thank you, Annette. I love the way you write. And it’s the first time I actually know the poster here!

I suppose I’ve never thought too much about this. Growing up, I always wanted to be a mom and a teacher. I thought I’d go on a mission, too. God had slightly different things in mind, and I was okay with that. I have always enjoyed being a mom, but also knew that wasn’t all there was to me. For a time when I had a newborn and another child not quite two, I was pretty harried. But I think I was so busy then, I didn’t even have time to realize how harried I was! They grew, husband was out of school, he got a “real” job, we bought a home, and things have slowed considerably. Honestly, a big part of that is having TV and internet. I am so much more aware of what’s going on in the world outside of my little bubble. I’m also connecting with women all over the world, and finding that I’m not alone.

I don’t have “plans” for my future outside of children. And that’s okay with me. I am content to develop myself and my personal interests while raising a family. (Like you, Annette, but probably not published!) I am confident in my ability to be myself, and be a mom, and let my children know there’s a difference.

By: bekah

bekah — Fri, 06 Mar 2009 23:44:22 +0000

I learned the same valuable lesson several years ago from a wonderful sister that I had the priviledge to visit teach. I was a young SAHM with 2 small children, and my husband was working long hours at a difficult job as he started his career. My friend had 7 kids, the oldest on missions and in college, the youngest in grade school. Due to some financial difficulties, she worked two part-time jobs. When she learned that we had both participated in the drama department during our time at BYU, she insisted that I help her with a musical that the institute from the local university was putting on. One evening, as we drove downtown to rehearsal together, she was telling me how her husband had told her that adding this play to her schedule was too much–that she had too much stress in her life to handle one more thing. Her reply to that was “but this is the one thing I really WANT to do…so I will.” She reminded me of parts of my own personality and talents that had been pushed to the side during “busy” times, and helped me rediscover myself and make time for the things that I wanted to do, instead of just the things I had to do. That keeps me sane. And hopefully allows my children to grow up in “my light”. (I love that story!)

By: dalene

dalene — Fri, 06 Mar 2009 23:39:18 +0000

Great post Annette–thanks!

As opinionated and selfish as I was BC (Before Children), I understand and remember how easy it is to lose oneself.

And I will forever be grateful for the friend who helped me find myself again.

Her name is Jane. She’s about 8 or so years older than I am and an amazing mother of six. When I met her she asked me very specific questions about myself and she helped me remember my life BC. From then on she would always introduce me by saying, “This is my friend Dalene and she’s a great writer.” (This before she’d ever read a single thing I’d written.)

Her reminders encouraged me to take time for myself and make time to do the things I enjoyed doing.

Perhaps it is because I rediscovered ways to be proud of me and I found friends who know and loved me for me, I also take sincere pleasure in being referred to “Shane’s wife” or “Luke’s (or any of my other children’s) mom.”