Comments on: Body Image for Boys?

By: Faith Not Fear

Faith Not Fear — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 03:37:08 +0000

My six year old makes similar comments, many following his pre-teen and teen sisters.
My biggest heartache comes when one of them, in frustration, calls the other “fatty.”
We, as a family, should be cheering, not jeering. There’s enough of that out in the world — shouldn’t be coming from within.
Thanks for bringing this back up — I guess all of our kids need Elder Holland and Sister Tanner’s talks!
And a lot of cheering from home!

By: Noreen

Noreen — Wed, 15 Jul 2009 00:17:44 +0000

I am so thankful to have found this. I have never written anything on the internet before but this issue with my son has been on my mind constantly and to the point of tears. My 6 yr old son has been telling me for 2 wks that he does not like the way he looks. That he wants to lose weight because he has a belly. He does not. He has been complimented for how attractive he is and people have encouraged us to put him in modeling since he was born. We would never do that. Apparently he saw something on a cartoon about how overweight teen boys look vs muscle bound teen boys look (based on the caricatures)and that has set him off. He has been trying to walk around holding in his stomach and has complained to us how hard it is to walk around like that all day. We have been reassuring him consistently and have gone through the interrogation as to if one of his friends has said something to him and he denies it and attributes it to a cartoon that he saw. Quite frankly, the cartoon he saw was one that I never allow him to watch and have the channel blocked but he saw it at a relative’s house. So based on all this, I agree that we should continue to focus on healthy lifestyle and choices and continue to reinforce those messages. One of my point’s in all of this is that again at this age I cannot underestimate the impact of even a cartoon. This has reinforced to me that even though he is no longer a pre-schooler, what he hears and sees requires supervision and discussion. I cannot protect him from everything, nor do I want to be over-protective, but open communication and age appropriate choices have to be the standard, and this experience has supported this continued approach.

By: Are Teen Boys Starving to Death? | Teen Checkup | Internet Safety

Are Teen Boys Starving to Death? | Teen Checkup | Internet Safety — Mon, 01 Dec 2008 02:28:36 +0000

[...] Body Image for Boys? [...]

By: Carina

Carina — Fri, 31 Oct 2008 07:48:16 +0000

I struggled using ‘berate’ when writing the sentence for fear it would be misunderstood. I’m using it in the context that the child used it in–he himself is using it as a pejorative.

That’s my question: instead of seeing a difference and commenting on it, the child had a negative reaction, one of self-loathing. Where is that coming from? How can we stop it?

My fear is that my children begin to think negatively about themselves before I even have the chance to make an impact about unique body shapes.

By: JKS

JKS — Fri, 31 Oct 2008 06:47:44 +0000

“JKS – I know Autumn’s child and he’s not chubby. That’s the crazy thing about her son’s statement: he’s not, by any stretch of the imagination, chubby.
When children begin to berate their bodies for absolutely no reason that’s when we have to take a step back and wonder What on Earth is Going on? ”

Why is being chubby berate-able?

Why did Autumn describe her son’s friends as “hyper-monkey-metabolism children”?

Her son’s friends noticed a difference in build. Even Autumn noticed a difference in build. The friends were trying to put words to it. He was trying to put words to it.
I repeat, these differences need to be explainable AND okay. You can’t tell children their body shapes are exactly the same. You CAN tell them that body shapes are unique, but that is just fine.

By: mormonhermitmom

mormonhermitmom — Fri, 31 Oct 2008 06:22:25 +0000

This is tough stuff to deal with. One of my daughters was tested a year ago because I thought she hadn’t grown out of her “baby fat”, and the doctor said she was pre-diabetic and needed to lose weight. We tried walking every day, and that got us both down about 10 pounds, and then school started up and the pounds came back. We got her in taekwando, and she did get more flexible, but she never gave it her best and ended up hating it. We try to keep the sugar treats out of the house most of the time, we try to encourage medium sized portions, we try to compliment her on anything she does well, but we realize this may be her struggle the rest of her life. I struggle with my own weight that ballooned with having kids. I get upset thinking she is having similar problems and she’s a kid. I never wanted her to have this problem at this age.

Why does it seem so hard to find a content state in between extreme views, either actual severe problems with weight (whether too much or not enough) or obsessive worrying about a problem that doesn’t exist?

By: Carina

Carina — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 22:00:53 +0000

JKS – I know Autumn’s child and he’s not chubby. That’s the crazy thing about her son’s statement: he’s not, by any stretch of the imagination, chubby.

When children begin to berate their bodies for absolutely no reason that’s when we have to take a step back and wonder What on Earth is Going on? What is a child seeing, reading, watching, hearing that makes them–at increasingly tender ages–question their beautiful bodies? I’m all for reality, or celebrating differences, but how do we combat the creeping dysmorphia?

By: angie f

angie f — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 20:31:00 +0000

I miss the openness of the culture on my mission (Brasil). If someone was fat, you said it and no one expected any sort of PC mincing of words. Because I wore big loose dresses, I was known in some areas as aquela loirinha gordinha (that little blonde fatty!). I’ve heard similar stories about other countries. I sometimes wonder if our fixation for “elephant in the room” language skills, where we believe not calling a spade a spade will somehow make it a rake is actually damaging in its own way.
I have struggled with my weight through lawschool, having 5 kids in 8 years and being “blessed” with sturdy Danish genes. But I have tried in all of that to teach consistent exercise and good nutrition by example. And yet, my 9 year old just told me that she’s tired of me always being on a diet (I HATE diets, couldn’t stick to one, if paid). When I asked her what made her think I was on a diet and she said, because you always want us to eat fruits and vegetables and not have dessert very often. I feel like all we can do is call a spade a spade, love everyone around us as they are and model the best health skills we can manage, all the while trying to get better where we can and need to. And pray, pray, pray for our children to see all of this in the best light and gain their own testimonies of their divine worth and the amazing gifts that are their bodies.

By: JKS

JKS — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 16:33:48 +0000

Zina,
That’s a good question! All I know is that people (children) often have physical charactaristics that make them feel “different.” I don’t think it is helpful to deny differences. Do we actually think there are no differences in weight in children?
My children are extremely tall (only tall girls realize the potential pain of that). Am I going to deny it when my teenage girls tell me “I’m too tall!”
My best friend’s son is extremely skinny. He also has a blood disorder and looks practically gray sometimes. Everyone comments on how skinny he is. She doesn’t appreciate it. She doesn’t want him to feel bad about it. Her family has weight problems and they don’t see it as an insult. Skinny boys, however, do feel self-conscious about it eventually. Should she insist that he is not skinny? No. She doesn’t need to.
What if your child has a different skin color and wonders about it? You can’t tell them that it is untrue.
What you can do is talk about how the world would be boring if everyone was the same. How we wouldn’t be able to recognize you if you looked exactly like everyone else. No one looks the same as you. Isn’t that great? You are the only one who looks like you!
(Well, twins might need to be an exception explained here).
Maybe talk about how some kids might not understand that everyone doesn’t look exactly like them. Some kids might be confused when someone has different skin color than them. They might think everyone needs to be the same.
I tell my kids the word “fat” is a rude word and should never be used about people. I don’t deny the existance of overweight people. Their father is very overweight. People come in all shapes.
My daughter is at the beginning of puberty (11). She already thinks her legs are fat (she told me once in a puberty talk). I don’t worry too much because it is normal for a girl to worry about the changes. Puberty puts fat on a girl. It takes a few years to adjust (but the body keeps changing). I remember thinking I was fat right around 6th grade, because my body was changing and I was comparing myself to my child body. My daughter is actually slender. I just keep emphasizing things like how it is normal for your body to change, and sometimes girls worry about it way too much. I have tried to tell her things before it happens. Like teenagers thinking drinking and smoking are cool. If you warn them beforehand about these kinds of traps, it helps them realize it is a trap. I try to explain how sometimes teen girls are so worried about how they look (their hair, their makeup, their body parts) they can’t enjoy life. Isn’t that sad? That I don’t want that to happen to her.
It’s not that the word chubby is bad. It’s just that you have to acknowledge that every kid’s body is different. He apparently isn’t as skinny as his friends’ bodies are. You have to make that explainable and okay.

By: Tiffany

Tiffany — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 14:46:48 +0000

My 5 year old has said to me on numerous occasions that he is fat. He is a beautifully, healthy perfectly normal little boy. Frankly, it makes me want to cry that he says that. I don’t know how to combat it. I don’t talk about being fat or make comments about other people. My husband, who is a bit overweight, berates himself in front of the kids and I think that my son is picking up on that.
If I find the magic solution, I’ll let you know.