My husband’s work schedule has ramped up, and he’s not been home very much. The upshot of this is that I am now fully aware of everything he did around the house. I also realize that I resent having to do boy jobs.
If you would have told me when I got married that there were specific jobs that I expected my husband to do, I would have laughed at you. This is the new age! Third wave of feminism and all that. We are equal! We will share the load!
Yeah, um, sure.
That worked for a little while, when we were both working/in school. But the truth is, since I’ve stopped working full time to stay at home with the kids, the division of house work has evolved to include some very specific expectations that I didn’t even know I had until I was expected to handle the load myself.
For example, the trash. Every time I see the trash, I resent I have to take it out. It’s HIS job. I have no idea WHY it’s his job, it just is.
Also, the dog poop in the yard. Totally his job. I mumble and groan that I have to do it these days, because really? Yuck.
Walking the dog was his job, too, and the fact that he’s been gone so much means that our already plump pooch is bordering on downright huge. But I’m just not up for dealing with a toddler and a dog at the same time, so, our dog sits in the sun and fattens up while I ignore her.
We split the yard work pretty well, and I used to find great joy in mowing the lawn. Now, I’ve repented of that, and have handed that job over to him as well. When he’s unable to do that, it’s going to be downright depressing to take that on as well.
We have never sat down to divide the household chores. In fact, we rarely talk about it at all, other than to push each other to do the dishes (neither one of us likes to do that). That, and he flat out refuses to clean out the fridge, saying that it’s too scary of a job. Both times when I’ve been pregnant and too sick to lift my head off the pillow, let alone keep ahead of whatever is growing in the fridge, DH compensated by throwing away any container that had anything suspicious looking in it. Because opening the container and washing it was just too much.
He’s also washed a toilet exactly once in our 11 years of marriage. But that’s okay. I don’t mind toilets. Bleach is my friend. It makes me feel righteous.
How are household duties divided in your house? Did you make specific decisions about how to manage them, or have your roles gradually evolved? Are there jobs that you subconciously think your husband should automatically do, and vice-versa?
The good thing is that we both like to polish our dining room table. So at least there is one thing that is always done around here.