Dusting, and Other Horrors

Posted by Justine | November 29, 2008 | 42 Comments

I am a child of the 70′s.

I am a child of the post-60′s feminist battles. Women worked, women climbed the ladder, women accomplished things.

I think because of that, I really hate vacuuming.

I think I need to repent.

There was no talk of glass ceilings in our house, there was no discussion of what women do vs. what men do. There were no expectation less than master’s degree in our house — for all the children. Our home was a tenuous balancing act between home comforts and career pursuits. As an adult, I realize that my mother walked this tightrope for decades, pursuing her career, yet keeping our home clean and welcoming.

I never learned any of it, though.

I’m pretty sure she tried to teach me how to clean, sew, cook, organize, and dust. I just don’t think I heard any of it. I wasn’t going that direction. I was going to law school. I didn’t see any purpose for all those other things.

Now, I’m in mourning. I’m reading a fascinating book that lays out the case for housekeeping. A few snippets.

When you are home, you can let down your guard and take off your mask. Home is the one place in the world where you are safe from feeling put down or out, un-entitled, or unwanted. It’s where you belong, or, as the poet said, the place where, when you go there, they have to take you in. Coming home is your major restorative in life.

She then goes in for the kill:

It is your housekeeping that makes your home alive, that turns it into a small society in its own right, a vital place with its own ways and rhythms, the place where you can be more yourself than you can be anywhere else.

Just as Odysseus states in The Odyssey, “Each day I long for home, long for the sight of home”, I long for home, too. I long for cleanliness and order. Cheryl Mendelson (the author) goes on to explain

Our homes are the center of our lives and we should allow time and resources to make the most of them that we can, and to care for them in a way that consolidates and elaborates their meaning for each of us. At a minimum, we should avoid thinking that time spent on our homes is wasted time, or that our goal should always be to reduce the time and effort we spend on them.

This resonates with me. In it’s simplest form, I’d like to say that, “I want that.”

I feel the Spirit more when my home is in order. I feel peace more easily, our family communicates more easily. Why is it just easier to make things work when everything is ordered? I’m sure not everyone operates this way though, and we each have to seek out what will bring peace to our own homes.

I’m reluctant to say, but have finally come to realize that peace comes to my home when we regularly vacuum, tidy, dust, and scrub. Darn.

Does your spirit become chaotic as your home does? Do you find peace in order? Or are you well served by a different and more casual housekeeping approach? I’m fascinated to know if I’m the only one who just absolutely must sweep the dining room to get any calmness in my life.

Category: Daily Special

Comments

42 Responses to “Dusting, and Other Horrors”

Tronchik
November 29th, 2008 @ 3:54 am

Seriously, you need a Roomba. It vacuums for you while you worry about everything else. It also comes in a floor washing model called the Scooba. Amazing, really.
eljee
November 29th, 2008 @ 9:24 am

I detest doing housework, and I am not good at being consistent and organized about it. It’s a real struggle for me. However, I do believe that having a reasonably clean and ordered home is important. I feel a million times better, more peaceful, happier, more motivated, etc. if my house is clean. I’m not talking about spotless, just relatively clean.

Then there’s the other issue of teaching children to work, and teaching everyone (myself included) to value “family work”. As much as housework and other such things are looked down upon as menial, aren’t we helping to form this attitude? Is part of the reason that housework is drudgery because we haven’t been taught it’s value? Those kinds of contributions are not celebrated or honored in our society.

With all that said, it’s an uphill battle to implement change in myself and in my children. Even having a theoretical understanding of the importance of homekeeping, I still hate dishes and laundry and cleaning with a passion!
Ardis
November 29th, 2008 @ 9:49 am

I can’t say I enjoy dishes or laundry or sweeping *as activities* in and of themselves, but I do enjoy an orderly, peaceful home so I’ve come to enjoy, honestly, doing all those chores.

I’ve enjoyed it even more during the last few weeks since Pres. Uchtdorf’s talk on creativity, when I remind myself that I’m not just turning socks right-side out again, and I am not really just wiping a counter. I am creating order out of chaos, creating peace out of clutter.
Janet
November 29th, 2008 @ 10:17 am

I read a poem somewhere about how dusting your home is embracing the things that you treasure. I sometimes resent the time it takes to keep my home orderly and clean, and I’d rather organize than clean, but I do love and appreciate my home the most right after I have cared for it lovingly with a dusting cloth and vacuum.
wonder woman
November 29th, 2008 @ 10:29 am

I am not a fan of housework. At all. But if I blog all day long and ignore the house, by the time my husband comes home I’m so overwhlemed with all there is to do that it makes me crazy!!!

I, too, love the peace that abides in my house when it’s clean. But it does take work to get there.

Ardis already mentioned Pres. Uchtdorf’s talk but his talk HAS helped me in my household duties. I “*beautify* instead of clean. And if I can do a few simple “beautifying techniques,” (make beds, load of dishes, load of laundry, general tidy and vacuum) before I start blogging, my day goes about 93% better than otherwise.

I’m not saying this is what I do everyday. I usually go two or three days with my house in complete chaos before it totally overwhelms me. Then I wake up fresh and just say, “I have to do it.” Put on some good music, leave the computer OFF, and just dive in. And the industry feels SO GOOD. I’m always amazed at how easy it is just to get it done when I put my mind to it.
dalene
November 29th, 2008 @ 11:36 am

Justine dear, you just ruined my life. (*wink*) I can’t go on justifying my sorry existence any longer. Darn. (Oh no. Does this mean I have to start darning my socks now, too?)

xo
FoxyJ
November 29th, 2008 @ 12:06 pm

My mom grew up with an exceedingly picky mother and so decided that she didn’t like housework. So while we did some as a kid, it wasn’t emphasized very much. My hubby and I are somewhat indifferent to cleaning house, but we’ve both discovered that we love having a cleaned and organized house. Lately we’ve started taking a few hours on Saturday mornings to clean the house, involving the kids as much as possible (they’re 5 and 2). It’s a nice family time and I really like how it feels to work together and have a clean house. I also like to have everything clean before we go to bed so we wake up to a clean house.
Justine
November 29th, 2008 @ 12:59 pm

Dalene, it’s ok. It’s really ok. Just breath deeply and let go of the guilt. This is a guilt free zone.

I have started to follow some of this authors suggestions, and I’ve actually found that my housekeeping is becoming more of a joy. It’s more structured, I’m not putting it off until it’s a crisis, so it tends to be easier, and it doesn’t really interfere with my life like I thought it would. In fact, it’s become an important part of my life. I do feel, like Pres. Uchtdorf said, that I’m creating something. I’m creating this safe and warm environment for our family.

It’s actually become less of a burden, and more of a creation. The book really is pretty good. My dear friend Kate is the one that turned me on to it. It’s called Home Comforts: The Art and Science of Keeping House. Sorry, I don’t know how to link to it somewhere.
Suedonym
November 29th, 2008 @ 2:42 pm

I am reading that same book right now. I love keeping my home clean. I cannot function if it isn’t. And since I keep up on it, it only takes me a small amount of time each day to keep it that way.
Don’t get me wrong, I have days when it’s overwhelming and undone, and it is those days that reconfirm to me how important it is to have it clean.
I love pres. Uchtdorf’s talk as well. We are creating with homemaking.
Kathryn Soper
November 29th, 2008 @ 3:15 pm

My creado: The house was made for the woman, not the woman for the house.

And housework is a family affair. As a family, we serve the needs of our house so that it may serve our needs.

I enjoy the creations of those who make their homes their primary work of art. What I resent is the idea that this must be the case for every woman, that we’re shortchanging our families if our homes are anything less than glorious in their decor and level of cleanliness. I don’t buy it. I believe dusting is a worthwhile pursuit, and not a waste of time per se. But home beautification is no more or less worthy a pursuit than other forms of creativity which bring personal satisfaction and bless the lives of others.

Now I’m off to fold laundry, because if I don’t, we’re all going to be grumpy tomorrow morning when we’re trying to find our Sunday outfits.
Ardis
November 29th, 2008 @ 3:41 pm

There may be women who make their homes their *primary* work of art, but I don’t know any. Housework is the background art that allows other creative acts to take place.

Housework seems to be the new battleground that separates women. Just like marketplace mothers sneer at stay-at-homes for wasting their lives with the trivial (as if children and homelife were trivial), and like domestic goddesses sneer at women working in the public sphere for neglecting their families (as if bringing home a paycheck meant that you never rocked your children), now women who keep a home with a thoroughly lived-in look sneer at women who wash the dishes after every meal as if they were neglecting their families by making themselves slaves to housework.

My home is not my *primary* work of art.
CatherineWO
November 29th, 2008 @ 3:53 pm

My two favorite homemaking quotes are:

Comfort is the ultimate luxury. [Alexandra Stoddard]

My home is clean enough to be healthy and dirty enough to be happy. [An old saying]
Kathryn Soper
November 29th, 2008 @ 4:54 pm

Ardis, I think you’re right. I think that in the world at large, sneering is likely to be directed at women who see dusting as a loving gesture. But in Church culture, in my experience, it’s more the other way around. For the record, I’m not sneering at anybody (including women who never have dirty dishes in the sink–more power to them), nor am I interested in separating women from each other. All I ask is that nobody sneer at me for minimizing the amount of time I spend on housework (through the standards I set, the efficiency I strive for, and the children I load with chores). I know lots of women whose homes are their “thing,” and I know for a fact that some of them think less of me because mine is not.
SilverRain
November 29th, 2008 @ 5:00 pm

I think—and perhaps I’m wrong—that this post isn’t about whether you should or should not do housework, or how much time you should spend on it, or whether or not someone else is doing it like you are; but to look at the home as the canvas on which you paint your life, to see the work put into it as valuable and beautiful. Some paint with watercolors, others with oils, and some work with clay, but it is all art. Likewise should a home be a place wherein the characters of its inhabitants are lovingly displayed, and deeply cherished.
Jessie T.
November 29th, 2008 @ 5:24 pm

We’ve just bought our first home and I’m excited to make it my own. So far, with just rentals, I’ve felt like my house hasn’t really been my home. I love having a clean house but I’d rather be on the floor playing with the kids than scrubbing out the tub. With a 3 and 1 year old the things they can do are limited. Not nonexistent, but limited.

Most of the time it seems like I’m the only one doing any housework. Every once in awhile my dh will get bitten by the housework bug and race around cleaning everything thoroughly. I wish those times would come more often, although they’re usually prefaced by a “Wow, this place is really dirty! How did it get this way?” I don’t point out that most of those dirty socks in the living room are his and that the cereal bowls on the dresser are all his.

Is there anything better than sitting in a clean room, listening to music and blogging while the kids giggle their way through a game on the floor? Someday I’ll get there.
Mindy
November 29th, 2008 @ 7:42 pm

I think my abhorrence of housework subsided when I made myself a realistic schedule of how to get it all done and not hate my life…Also, I pay a cleaning crew to come in every once and a while to scrub the floors and the toilets. It makes my life so much happier. Seriously.
wendy
November 29th, 2008 @ 7:52 pm

I’m with you on this, Justine. It’s been hard to get INTO routines, but I am happier when they are there. My Mom didn’t put a lot of priority into housekeeping, but I did get some decent habits as I grew up. I’m not sure where they went after I got married, but it’s been an uphill climb putting those habits in place again.
dalene
November 29th, 2008 @ 9:07 pm

Justine, I understand. I’ve had similar epiphanies. I love your post and I’m going to have to borrow that book and check it out. Thank you for the recommendation.
Angie
November 29th, 2008 @ 10:01 pm

I have a nerdy (and I mean that as a positive thing!), sci-fi comment to add to this discussion:

Have you ever read Orson Scott Card’s “Alvin Maker” series? The main character is loosely based on Joseph Smith, but he sort of has super powers. His power is to be a Maker – in other words, to build up and create instead of to break down or destroy.

So, anyway, ever since I read those books, I designated myself a “Maker.” And when I am creating order out of the laundry chaos, I am actually manifesting my super powers.

Ha! ha! I think I need a costume. With a mask. And maybe some tights.
justine
November 29th, 2008 @ 10:07 pm

Angie, that is seriously the most awesome comment ever! My vacuuming super powers…

Kathy, I’m sure you’re right that there are some who would scoff at an unkempt house, but I would bet that most of us walk into others messy homes and sigh a big sigh of relief to know we’re not alone. I know I do.

But I’m also finding more joy in keeping house than I ever was taught that I could. There really is joy in the rhythm of it. And my kids are old enough that I don’t have to do it all alone.

The strangest thing happens to my family when we work together in the house — everyone gets along. It seems that no matter how much bickering was going on before, when we all kneel down in the dining room to scrub the floor, we come together. (probably because we’re all like Cinderella, as one of my kids pointed out).

I know every house has their own rhythms, but I am grateful to be learning what creates ours.
Shelah
November 29th, 2008 @ 10:22 pm

If it were just me in my house, it would be so neat, so clean, so perfectly orderly. Unfortunately, I live with four small tornadoes. So either I clean all day and act like a martyr, or I pick up once a day and let the rest go. It’s really hard for me to let it go. One day, my house will be quiet and clean and I’m sure I’ll miss the chaos.
m&m
November 30th, 2008 @ 2:18 am

I know every house has their own rhythms, but I am grateful to be learning what creates ours.

To me, this is key…figuring out what works, what clicks, what resonates.

I’ve been amazed at how involved the Spirit can be in the process, too. And how gentle the Lord really is (quite a contrast with how hard I have often been (and am) on myself). It’s such a line upon line unfolding for me.

And when I don’t worry about performing to some standard ‘out there’ but focus on whatever is right for us now, I’m so much more at peace.
Karen
November 30th, 2008 @ 8:39 am

Nice post Justine.
I don’t need perfect cleanliness to feel peace. Thank goodness, because that is hard to achieve at my house!
I usually feel that all my work is undone in seconds. I pick things up, they put(or drop)things down.

I have learned that I do better without major clutter. Which is why when I need peace, I start by making sure my bedroom is clean and organized. Then I can move on to other parts of the house. Keeping my room organized gives me a place to go when I need to escape the family clutter and I don’t want to be nagging at the kids, or doing it all myself.

I love what Ardis said “I am creating order out of chaos, creating peace out of clutter.”
Kathryn Soper
November 30th, 2008 @ 9:05 am

Justine, I agree–lots of us sigh with relief when we enter less-than-perfectly-kept homes. imo, the fact that we sigh with relief is proof positive of the lingering ideal of the apron-wearing-dustcloth-wielding housewife of the ’50s. We’re glad we’re not the only ones who need to “repent,” as you so humorously quipped in your post.

I’m all for emphasizing the spiritual/emotional value of housework if it helps me get the job done (which it does much of the time). But overenthusiasm in that regard can backfire. Sometimes scrubbing a toilet is simply scrubbing a toilet. It’s not a sin if I don’t find it a spiritually fulfilling experience.
Kathryn Soper
November 30th, 2008 @ 9:21 am

And Angie, I love your Maker comment! For the uninitiated: every time Alvin is confronted with the power of darkness, he can drive it away with even the smallest creative act (like crossing two sticks). I think about that often when I’m attacking the dirt around here.

Carol Lynn Pearson wrote a fabulous poem about the creative aspects of housework–I’ll have to track it down.
justine
November 30th, 2008 @ 11:27 am

The thing I particularly like about this book is that she states, quite emphatically, that we tend to use fancy decorations and such to try to compensate for our lack of ‘home-keeping’ ability. We use sentimental crutches (Martha Stewart, for example) to convince ourselves we’ve carved out a space for our families, when we’ve really just created a space that isn’t welcoming or inviting to anyone and causes increased stress to the owner.

She’s all about reality, and functioning within reality. Cleanliness does not have to mean fancy or foreboding. I really believe that my home needs to take the least amount of time to get an appreciable value, but it would be easy to spend vastly more time for a largely diminished return.

The spiritual aspect of it, for me, isn’t found in the work itself. It’s found at the end of it. The space I’ve created speaks peace to me. The work is largely the road taken to find that peace. And although the road can certainly be interesting and varied, it’s still just a road.
Kathryn Soper
November 30th, 2008 @ 12:27 pm

yep, as much as I can benefit from the positive spin on the meaningfulness of housework, for me it’s still primarily a means to an end. And I agree there are diminishing returns.

I want a Roomba for Christmas.
dalene
November 30th, 2008 @ 5:57 pm

I still want a maid.
shelah
November 30th, 2008 @ 8:03 pm

The thing that doesn’t speak peace to me is the fact that there really doesn’t seem to be an end to the housekeeping road. My kids “swim” in the wet floor as I wash it, leaving all sorts of finger and toe prints. If I turn my back to scrub a toilet, my toddler is pulling all sorts of stuff out of the cupboards. Having the whole house clean at the same time feels like an impossible goal.
Leisha
November 30th, 2008 @ 11:28 pm

I do feel the Spirit more when my home is organized and orderly. However, sometimes when the process of getting my home clean and tidy is making me frustrated, short-tempered and maniacal towards my active, busy (messy) children…I have to stop and realize that life is not a Pottery Barn catalog and my children aren’t paid models who pose in orderly perfection.

I usually have 3 or 4 piles of projects around the house, I love being creative. Being creative is a messy affair. God knows this, he’s the master Creator. I love a clean house, and I do strive, but come on, dusting on a schedule is seriously overrated. I bet Vincent Van Gogh never even touched a broom (thank goodness!)
Kathryn Soper
December 1st, 2008 @ 8:07 am

Leisha, that’s because he had womenfolk to do it.

Seriously.

A big light bulb went on when I read about how Thoreau was able to write _Walden_ because his mother and sister supplied him with food and clean underwear at regular intervals.

Then, there’s that infamous Brigham Young quote that says (not verbatim): “If the women do not accomplish as much as the men, that is because the women do not have wives to help them.”

So, I revise my previous statement: I want a wife for Christmas. (Not a sister-wife. Let’s make that clear. But heck, I can see some of the advantages.)

(And Leisha, I love your Pottery Barn line!)
Tiffany W.
December 1st, 2008 @ 11:30 am

This summer, I was struggling with my health. My house was a wreck–huge disaster zone– and it made me miserable. I find that I need to maintain a level of cleanliness and order to have peace and happiness. But I have also neglected my kids to be obsessively clean. Neither messy nor super clean are good places for me.

I don’t enjoy cleaning because there are always things I would rather do, but I find it necessary to my well-being. I discovered books on tape and CD, plus talks on the internet and that made all the difference for me. When I clean, I listen and I feel like I am helping my family but also enjoying the book.
Art, Creativity, and Being a Slob | Light Refreshments Served
December 1st, 2008 @ 12:41 pm

[...] an interesting discussion about housework going on over at Segullah. You should check it out and read the comments. Here’s what I go back and forth on regarding [...]
mormonhermitmom
December 1st, 2008 @ 2:59 pm

I heard a woman say once, “It’s a lazy mother who doesn’t teach her children to work.” I do the job much better than my kids do, but that quote nags me to push, cajole, nag and threaten them to do more of their own cleaning. And then I have to accept that they don’t do it as well as I do. I hate housework with a passion but I like the clean house when it’s done. The most depressing thing is seeing the order destroyed five minutes after the kids get home from school.

Maybe that’s why going to the temple is so peaceful…no kids to drop their backpacks in the celestial room on the way to the cafeteria for a snack.
Lucy
December 1st, 2008 @ 3:03 pm

Thank you, Kathryn! I’ve said before that I need a wife (and, no…not a sister wife either) and there you go saying it perfectly. Well, I suppose you were quoting Brother Brigham, but still…it was perfect.

I do need a wife. Because of everything everyone else said.
m&m
December 1st, 2008 @ 4:31 pm

I love that Brigham Young quote. Seriously.

This conversation to me highlights the different opinions and relationships that exist re: housework. I know some women who live to clean, and their homes show it. I think some people really have a talent for organization and cleaning, too.

I am not one of those women. Add that fact to health issues, and my house is very rarely ‘clean’ to the degree that I could check it off my list. And I can’t really schedule cleaning because each day is so variable in terms of energy that I have.

So, personally, I have to find more purpose than just the ‘end’ or I get really depressed. There is no end. There is no ‘done.’ But there are little triumphs: cleaning out a drawer, finding a flat surface again after it has been buried; getting our main floor to the point where I’m not horrified at the notion of someone coming inside. And sometimes even cleaning enough that we can have someone over. And so I try to celebrate those. I even celebrate when I do what I consider my basic minimums — a load of laundry and a load of dishes a day.

And I try to find ways to help my children be more wise and able than I have been. I think Sis. Beck helped us realize in her talk that a key purpose of housework for moms is to teach.

The other day, I asked my son what his fave part of the day was (our nightly ritual). He said, “Working.” (Dad had rallied them that day to get some good cleaning done.) I do believe there is a spirit connected with hard work — not just for the end result, but also because work, discipline, delayed gratification (work before play), etc. themselves are good for our spirits, even if they are not the usual kind of ‘spiritual experiences’ we tend to talk about.
Leisha
December 1st, 2008 @ 5:09 pm

Great point Kathryn…I want a wife for Christmas too. Anyone wanna be my sister wife? I’ll please the husband….you dust?
justine
December 1st, 2008 @ 9:36 pm

I suppose that’s the trouble, isn’t it? No one wants to be the dusting wife.
Kathryn Soper
December 2nd, 2008 @ 8:55 am

m&m, send your kid my way!

I agree–work has deep spiritual value. One reason, I think, is because it involves the triumph of the will over the lazy mortal mind and body.

For me, resisting temptation feels a lot like making myself do housework when I’d rather do something else. Same with going visiting teaching when I’m not in the mood, etc. It’s all the same dynamic.

And when I’m nursing a baby, I’d gladly be the dusting wife. (says the bod: “We already have a baby. We don’t want to make another one right now.”) Although, I’d much rather sit in the rocking chair and have my sister-wives bring me baskets of food (and large pitchers of ice water), like Thoreau’s sister did.
wendy
December 2nd, 2008 @ 9:47 pm

I’m loving this conversation.

m&m, I’m with you in that there is no ‘done.’ At least not for me yet. I have to be satisfied with partially completed tasks or I’d go nuts. My son cannot be occupied long enough for me to get anything big done. It’s the reality of his age/stage right now, and I prefer him happy to my getting all of the dishes done at once.

I don’t mind dusting, er, when I think of it, because I have a flylady duster with purple feathers, and there’s just something fun about that. Plus, there aren’t that many things to dust in a child-safe living room.

The thing about Thoreau cracks me up. Simple life with some benefits.
Marjorie Conder
December 3rd, 2008 @ 11:01 am

“No one wants to be the dusting wife.”

Whenever anyone mentions “your lovely wife”, my husband and I say (or even just look at each other and know what the other one is thinking)–”Yeah, we always leave the other one home.” –dusting.
m&m
December 3rd, 2008 @ 2:57 pm

m&m, send your kid my way!

Are you kidding? After all the temper tantrums and the like about cleaning, to finally have him say something *positive* about cleaning? Sorry. I think I’ll hold onto him, at least while this phase lasts.

(I forgot to mention that I had asked him why he enjoyed cleaning, and on his own, he said it helped him feel the Spirit. Priceless. Amazed me, actually.)

Marjorie, that made me chuckle.

(And yet I still wonder how many people do actually think that we do polygamy — when the whole FLDS thing happened, I think a poll was taken and the percentage of people who thought we still practiced polygamy was frightening.)