#6, I know it’s gotta be a sucky thing to think about sicing the po po on a man you’ve loved as a father. Not that it makes it much easier, but there are hot lines which allow you to remain anonymous:1-866-DHS-2ICE (run by the Department of Home Land Security) or http://www.cybertipline.com (National Center for Missing and Exploited Children)

Each and every one of you is amazing. Thank you for sharing your stories, and more than that, your hearts.

My oldest brother started getting into porn at 14, the next brother was 12, the next brother refused it, and the forth brother was 10 when I found it on their home computer.

I love each of them more than I can say–I understand that they use it for stress, loneliness, anger, and recreation. I know they love their wives, that they are loved by God, and that as men they are SO vulnerable. But Porn has defined the relationship I have with my parents and siblings. I’m married to a man who has not had a problem with it–but most of the other men in my life that I love the very most are dogged by it.

In some ways, I’m benefited to know that being porn addicts does not make them evil–it is a sin like any other sin; gossip, dishonesty, judging others, covetousness. Porn is not WORSE than something else, but it is more painful than many of them; more encompassing of personal relationships. While a wife won’t blame herself for her husband coveting a neighbors car, she’ll take blame for her husband lusting over another woman.

I would also like to say that while I admire the ability for those that struggle to talk about it, my life was not blessed to know of my father’s struggle, to here him talk to people about his ‘problem’ as openly as he did. It was humiliating and I as sexualized earlier than I should have been. I would suggest that those dealing with this issue keep it between themselves, their spouses, their clergy, and those people who can help them overcome their issue. I believe my father ‘indulges’ a bit in just talking about it to other people. I also think it was easier for my brother’s to not only become involved but stay involved because dad did it and even though they were taught it was wrong, how wrong can it be when there is so much ‘acceptance’ of it in our home?

Heads in the sand puts our children at even more risk than they are just living at the time they live.

Thank God for the Atonement.

And thank you for this post. I read every comment and am humbled and yet inspired by the many people fighting this.

We all need to be aware, and I think this post is excellent and timely. Thanks.

I disagree with PaulM. I was married for almost 15 years and never knew my husband had struggled with this off and on our whole marriage. I treated him like an adult and trusted him even though he worked in the tech field. Porn is different from other addictions because it is always done in secrecy. That is a large part of its power. It is a solitary activity. My husband did not stay up late, but he did work at home. When I left to run errands, he was alone and could indulge. He was relieved to be discovered and anxious to get this out of his life. He found great success with Candeo and could move through it faster than meeting with a therapist once a week (although he did that too because I asked him to). He has fully repented and is happy to have the tools to combat any triggers that he comes upon. He knows it will always be a weakness, but it doesn’t have to be a sin. There is hope and there is treatment available.

I recently worked with a couple, the husband’s pornography issues were causing him to pressure his wife to participate in things she was uncomfortable with yet, it was what the pornography had taught him to want and was creating a very destructive dynamic in the marriage. The level of the addiction and failure of others to provide adequate support services only fueled the cycle, followed by guilt, and exaccerbated depression, anxiety, and anger issues.

To female currently struggling– I would recommend finding a good MFT or sex therapist. Open communication and professional support can help to ameliorate the current “bad fit” in partners levels of desire. Often times other maritial and individual issues play out/evidence in the bedroom either in the form of lack of desire or as well as compulsive sexual activity. It probably needs more exploration as to what is sort of at the root of things and work to develop a long term solution that will be healthy and strengthen the relationships.

I don’t like to get caught up in numbers or statistics other than that it is a problem. Alot of it stems from curiosity and lack of open opportunties to discuss sex. All of us have probably see it at one time or another (usually inadvertantly). But I have yet to see any study that actually measures it predominance and that could be extrapolated to the larger population. SO I don’t be live in using numbers you can’t back up/cite. Some regions and demogrpahics seem to struggle more than others. I also like to be careful in the use of the label of addiction. I think vigilance is important, while erecting barriers of access etc are good. In the end it’s about self control and choosing not to participate. Soon enough our children willbe grown adults faced with full access to whatever they’d like so we are really trying to help them develop life long skills far more than simply being gatekeepers.