Since we’ve been fairly dedicated to a weekly date night for quite a few years now, I’m always somewhat surprised to find out how many people say they never go out with their spouse. Some of them appear to have great marriages so they must have some other thing making it work (like good quality time spent together at home, or maybe frequent trips together?) but my husband’s and my hobbies are different enough (and engrossing enough to each of us,) not to mention our caring for our kids and fulfilling church callings keep us busy enough, that we could easily let the friendship & love part of our relationship die (and become more like just business associates) if we didn’t actively promote closeness with scheduled time.

Oh, and for longer trips we’re kind of to a point where our families aren’t very able to watch our kids for us, so for a recent trip we hired a young couple in our ward who have one toddler to stay at our house and watch our kids for $100/day. I’m not sure how worth it to them it was when all was said and done; I’m sure my four kids were a handful (especially since it turned out our toddler argued with their toddler all day long every day,) so I guess I’ll find out if it was worth it to them if they say no next time. And yes, that was a lot more expensive than family watching the kids for free, but we factored it into the cost of the trip (and we don’t get away very often) and IF you can find a way to pay for it, of course our kids’ well-being and the well-being of our marriages is worth investing in. It was a TON of work to plan for that trip, but worth it, and I knew the kids would be very well-cared for. (And btw we are in Utah — I know there are parts of the country where you could NEVER find full-time childcare for just $100/day.)

In the end, I am always glad I went. I care for my kids enough, a few days of tragic abandonment in an otherwise charmed childhood are just what all of us need.

I think that putting one’s spouse first is important, but the exact way this is done is going to look different for every family, and there is not one right way. Someone mentioned feeling judged for leaving their kids, but on the other hand, I’ve also felt pressure to leave them when I didn’t want to. (This is not so much for date nights, because those are just between dh and me, but for many other church-related things; that could be a whole other thread.)

Before that, I had a great girl in my neighborhood that I used to hire. She was wonderful with my kids, and it got so she knew all of our household routines. It was a perfect situation. A funny aside is that when she was about 17 or 18 she came over to our house in a cute little car. When I complimented her on it, she said, “Thanks. You bought it for me!”

=)

I was so much happier being a mom for the next few weeks, which made me feel like it really was worth it. Although I can’t imagine going like that every few weeks in order to renew myself, but maybe if we had the weekly date night after that, it would stretch the effects out even longer. We’re still working on that one.

We also double up on the budget by giving each other entertainment-related things (I got symphony tickets for my birthday one year, for example). Or my parents got us season tickets to a theater. It helps us to have a Scheduled Event, like a play or a concert. We do maybe one of those a month, and then more low-key things other nights.

As far as babysitting goes, we do spend a lot more on it now than we used to. My mom watches for us as well, which is nice.

I always love it when DH plans stuff. But I agree that it’s important to take matters into your own hands if it won’t happen otherwise.

We got frustrated with trying to find girls willing and able and trustworthy. It isn’t always so easy. And with my health, I often just don’t have it in me to go out anyway.

So we are working on an in-house date, and looking forward to when our oldest is old enough to babysit.

I believe in the principle, just have experienced that it’s not always so easy in practice. (Or maybe we just haven’t tried hard enough?)

I think you guys (Jennie and Michelle) make an excellent point that once you’ve got a lot of kids (and at least for me, four feels like a lot) finding people who are willing to take them overnight becomes a lot more complicated. We have to get tag-team adults (my parents or my mom/godmother) when we’re going to be gone for more than a night. There’s a lady in my ward with six kids, and when she and her DH went away for ten days this fall, she had them all farmed out to six or seven different families at various times. That feels like a LOT of work to set up, and a lot of indebtedness to carry around. Sometimes watching a video just feels easier. Even if it doesn’t count

We can’t do overnighters except when we have relatives in town. With six kids it’s just too impossible, plus I’m not cool with letting people who are relative strangers stay overnight in the same house as my children.

But I am completely crazed about date night. My husband and I have been out of the house at least one night a week since the day we were married. Usually two nights a week. We really get on each others nerves if we don’t have that chance to reconnect on a regular basis.

We’ve done this at every stage in our life. Even when we haven’t had much money or have had four children under age 5. Marriage is a very high priority to me and I refuse to shortchange ours.

And watching videos together is NOT a date. Sorry.