38 Responses to “Hair Insecurities”

1. rebekah
   February 16th, 2009 @ 9:25 am

   oh my goodness, i have major curly hair issues, and the dry weather of winter always makes me want to shave my head and go bald.

   i’m addicted to the low messy bun. i need help.

2. Sue
   February 16th, 2009 @ 9:40 am

   I like my hair medium short, with a cut good enough so I don’t even have to use a brush but can just blow it out quickly using my fingers.

   The cut is definitely key. It costs me a bit more, but it pays for itself in saved time and effort!

3. Shelah
   February 16th, 2009 @ 10:03 am

   see– you’re definitely a step ahead of me if you blow-dry your daughter’s hair. That just doesn’t happen at our house. I like to say it’s to keep the split ends at bay, but really I’m just lazy.

   I too feel totally hair-and-makeup challenged. I’d love to wash it, run a comb through it and just let it be every day, but sometimes I can be convinced to pull out the hair dryer so I don’t go around with a sopping wet head. Style just doesn’t happen.

4. courtney
   February 16th, 2009 @ 10:11 am

   My hair is a thorn in my side. It’s in that weird place between curly and straight, so if I don’t do anything to it, it looks like a rat’s nest. I’m addicted to ponytails, but I long for beautiful hair. For me, speed and beauty are incompatible.

5. kelly
   February 16th, 2009 @ 10:16 am

   I have really curly hair but it has been in a pony tail or bun for um… about 4 years… once in a while it gets *cute* but it is very rare… My 11 yr old daughter has an adorable shoulder length cut that she primps and drys and properly does each and every morning… thank goodness I kept all those hair accessories around My three year old daughter has hair down to her bum… she hates it to be touched… she has a very tender head… I try to put it in braids or ponytails daily… some days I dont win that battle. Id cut it if it wasnt so pretty… My two year old daughter has just a whisp of hair and wont keep anything in it (no braids, no ponys, no clips)…. thank goodness her hair is pretty low maintenance like mine…
   Somedays I dream of getting a cute cut that I can quickly blow dry and look put together… if you figure out how to get speed and beauty compatable… pleaseeee let me know

6. Giggles
   February 16th, 2009 @ 10:47 am

   My hair is dead straight. No curl to it at all. And unless it is shoulder length or shorter, it’s really too heavy to hold any curl I try to put into it either. I can generally get the ends to look slightly curled though.

   Once I accepted the straightness of my hair and stopped trying to make it be something it wasn’t, life got a lot easier. And I think I got a lot better looking too.

   So I go with the straightness, I wear a head band to keep it out of my face or pull the sides back. In the summer my hair is often in a quick bun and I’ll put a flower slightly off center on the bun to dress it up if I feel like it. My hair is almost to the small of my back right now, so it’s definitely too long to hold much of a curl at this point.

   Accepting that your hair will never look like the magazines where they had 3 or 4 stylist working on it, unless you have 3 or 4 stylists available to work on your hair all day (in which case let me know how you did that) is big. Accept that your hair is what it is, just like we accept the rest of ourselves, and you get along with each other (you and your hair) a lot better.

7. FoxyJ
   February 16th, 2009 @ 10:55 am

   I’ve always had stick-straight hair that is a bad combination of both thick and fine. Up until I went to college I spent so much time and energy trying to get it to be curly–it was constantly permed and fluffed, etc. It was also usually fairly long, but when I was 17 I finally decided to try a short haircut for the first time. It looked so great on me that I’ve mostly had a bob since then. It’s usually around chin length, and so I just wash it evey day and then spend about 5 minutes with a blow drier and round brush fixing it up. I’ve gone through a few phases where jealousy of the long, lush hair of others got to me and I would try growing it out. But it’s so thick that it would be just stick straight and flat, and even my hubby agreed that my face looks better with a short cut.

   I’m honestly not very invested in my daughter’s hair, although I still feel bad when I look at pictures of her when she was 2 and had lovely blond curls cascading down her back. Of course those curls were usually matted and tangled beyond belief. So when she was about 3 1/2 we switched to a bob and it was great for a few years. During the last few months she’s decided that she wants longer hair, and since she’s now more willing to let us brush it and put in pigtails we’re letting her grow it out. I’ve never blowdried it, but on Sunday mornings I do sometimes curl the ends under so it looks nice. My only angst with her hair right now is that for the last 6 months she’s been battling a scalp issue and I worry that other people notice her crusty, oozing scalp and get grossed out. I think we may have finally found a shampoo that works, but now her head smells so nasty!

8. Katie
   February 16th, 2009 @ 11:03 am

   If you are willing to be brave and make it in to a hair stylist, you can have them give you a cut that will work with a large round brush. That way when you dry your hair in the morning you will be able to style it with the brush at the same time without worrying about curling irons and straighteners. It will be mostly straight, but with a slight curl at the bottom and a bounce of volume.

   I personally tend to rotate my hair between curly, straight and a french braid, but on a study abroad with less time for my hair I loved the round brush.

9. rebecca
   February 16th, 2009 @ 11:13 am

   Ha. Hair.

   So, I also have that medium curly hair (meaning, it isn’t curly in all the right places, but won’t do straight do’s either). Ladies, I have two words for you. PRODUCT and CUT.

   If you have the right cut (meaning, right for your hair) your hair will take no time to do. Find a good stylist (there are plenty of them). The first cut might cost you, but you can go to super cuts after that and have them just touch it up. If you are always wearing your hair in a pony tail, it is time for something new. It is just hair, it will grow if you hate it. Most of us are afraid of having the “mom” cut, but you can get an updated, sassy version of it. Trust me. Good hair will make you feel lighter and having hair that is easy to do and looks styled will make you feel BETTER. A long bob looks good on most people w/ straight hair. Like FoxyJ said above, I bet her hair looks AWESEOME (and it is the kind of cut some of us curly heads would die for). If you have curly hair, it is especially important to have a good cut. While curly hair will hide a multitude of sins (and an extra few weeks of color growing out) having it cut the right way will save you tons of time. It was a whole new world for me when I got the right cut that layered the curl right way so that it wasn’t too heavy. I love my hair now.

   Product…. most of us could use a little help from product. I am not saying to go to the salon and drop a bundle. Target has plenty. For example, with my hair (semil curly, semi straight). If I have a good cut and use the right product (a little gel and a little leave in conditioner) I can take a shower at night, sleep on it wet and just spritz it in the am and it looks great. 5 minutes tops. Super fine hair can use a bit of hair wax. Curly hair needs some anti frizz stuff…. but really, it is easy once someone shows you what to do.

   As for what I do with my daughter’s hair. Lets see. One of my daughters is black and it takes me about 2 hours to wash/brush her hair and another 4 or 5 to braid it (of course, then we leave it for a few weeks). It isn’t a big deal once you get used to it (but any time you are feeling unsure about what to do with your daughters hair, come over and braid some of my little one’s hair and you will feel MUCH more confident;-).

   Im really not crazy or a girly girl, but I hit the hair wall a few years ago and got a great cut and it made all the difference. Taking a little bit of time to look “put together” in a small way has gone a long way in my attitude towards a lot of things. We are worth taking care of.

10. Brenda
    February 16th, 2009 @ 11:56 am

    I have the worst hair on the planet. Seriously. It’s so thin and straight as a board. I do spend a lot of money on it, keeping it short and getting it foiled so it looks decent. But if there is one thing I’d change about my appearance, it’s my hair.

11. Zannah
    February 16th, 2009 @ 12:04 pm

    I think the key to hair is figuring out how to make YOUR hair look good, rather than going with a style you just like in general. Typically, the texture of your hair will change roughly every seven years, so your style should also change periodically. I used to have really straight hair, and a few years ago it started going wavy so I was caught in that must-do-something-to-it place if I didn’t want it to be all wonky. It’s finally gotten to the point where I can wash it and let it air-dry and be wavy in a good way (assuming humidity is above 50% or so), and I’ve learned that when I’m visiting dry climates, I’m much happier if I blow-dry it straight.

    If you want good hair, get a good cut from an amazing stylist, and make sure to explain that you want something that plays up the natural strengths of your hair rather than something that’s trendy right now. Honestly, it’s better to pay $75 twice a year for an amazing cut that gives you the freedom to do virtually nothing and look good, than it is to obsess about looking bad. The key is knowing what your hair does naturally and using it. You don’t wear jeans that look horrible on YOUR body, so why would you try to have a hairstyle that doesn’t work with YOUR hair?

12. Brooke
    February 16th, 2009 @ 12:53 pm

    as a curly-haired girl myself, i LOVED kylie’s essay. i constantly have hair issues and it always baffles me when people compliment it. i really think they’re complimentary of the oddity of it: the fact that it air-dries REALLY THAT CURLY.

    also, i feel like utah is hair-obsessed. does it not seem like everyone is a hair-stylist? and that every little girl has the most darling, blow-dried a-line with a beautiful clippie on top?

    sadly, my daughters fall short of that mark. i blame their slightly curly hair.

13. JM
    February 16th, 2009 @ 1:31 pm

    I’ve always hated my hair. It’s been straight, curly, and everything in between thanks to three pregnancies. The only good thing going for it is that it holds color like nobodies business. I have it done every 6 months.
    Interesting thing…. After losing quite a lot of weight, I started hating my hair less and less. I realize now that it wasn’t so much the hair as it was the head holding it. Sure, I still have relatively crappy hair, but it’s easier to live with it when you like your face. Just goes to show that it’s always something. If you weren’t hating your hair you would be hating something else.

14. wendy
    February 16th, 2009 @ 2:13 pm

    I love this subject–great post, Emily!

    I’ve got that awkward inbetween stage of waviness that will never consistently be cute wash & wear no matter how great of a cut I have. However, after nearly three years of bad haircuts (of all price ranges), I’ve gotten pretty good at trimming here and there to make things better, and waiting semi-patiently for it to grow out AGAIN.

    My favorite story about my history of hair insecurity happened when I was in college. I wanted to grow it out and save money, so I just used a headband or clips for probably a year or more. It went from ultra-short to shoulder length. By the time I got it cut, the hairdresser did a great job, everybody raved, but I didn’t like it–I couldn’t see that it looked good. I seriously cried for three days (every morning when I did my hair), knowing I was a hair failure because I couldn’t recognize what cute was. That issue still rears its ugly head every so often.

    I don’t have a lot of hope for new haircuts or new hair dressers anymore, but I’ve got one I’m comfortable working with. I stress-out for about a week after a haircut, trimming here and there every day or so, until I finally create something that will “do” and then I just go with it.

    It’s good that I have a son.

15. Emily M.
    February 16th, 2009 @ 3:06 pm

    Thanks, everyone, for indulging me with your comments and encouragement.

    Wendy! I do the same thing with hair. I’ve gotten hair cuts and been told they looked cute, and they don’t look cute to me. I cannot recognize cute on my own.

    JM, last time I lost a lot of weight, I had a similar experience. The weight’s back, but once my broken leg heals I am going to resume the diet that it interrupted. And then maybe my hair will be magically better.

    It is good to hear that other people have hair issues besides me… and I’m curious, Rebecca/Katie/Zannah, what’s a reasonable amount to spend on a good haircut? I usually spend $25 plus a tip, and the girl I go to makes it look good, but I can never duplicate it. Yes, I have even bought the exorbitantly priced product. Also I have done the round brush thing. Neither seems to produce consistent results. I don’t think I could bring myself to spend $75 on a haircut, because 1-it would grow again, and 2-I would doubt my ability to reproduce it.

    And what’s a reasonable amount of time to spend doing your hair? Wow, Rebecca, I am in awe–four to five hours.

    Shelah, I don’t blow dry it at all since I broke my leg. It just goes in a little pony tail thingie on top. Not nearly as cute, but much easier to handle.

    I took kind of a lighthearted approach to this post, but the issue runs pretty deep for me. As you can see by my next comment…

16. Justine
    February 16th, 2009 @ 3:07 pm

    I say go short! My hair isn’t an inch long anywhere on my head, and I LOVE IT! But I do have to ‘do’ my hair every day or I look like a boy. But it takes 2 minutes to do, so it’s pretty easy.

    Em, you’re beautiful anyway you do your ‘do’.

17. Amanda
    February 16th, 2009 @ 3:09 pm

    I love how easily everyone can talk about their hair. I could probably write a whole essay on the struggles of curly hair in humidity. But for now, I just like giggling to myself on how completely foreign this post would be to my husband (and equally fascinating to me).

18. Emily M.
    February 16th, 2009 @ 3:19 pm

    This is an excerpt from “Beauty for Ashes,” my essay published in the most recent volume of Irreantum:

    January 2003, four days before my mother-in-law’s funeral. I drove through the snow the way I always do: fists tight on the steering wheel, back tight with tension. I needed to keep myself composed as I ran errands. Driving in snowy conditions did not help.

    I had gone to hunt for something to wear to the funeral. And, without thinking too hard about it, I pulled into a beauty salon with a “walk-ins welcome” sign, and I walked in.

    “Do you have anyone free now?” I asked the receptionist. She had perfect hair, gently flipped, nice highlights. The salon smelled like musky shampoo, something with a lot of herbs in it. Lavender and anise and who-knows-what-else.

    She looked me over, at my worn jeans and ponytail. I have a four-month-old baby, I wanted to tell her, and I’m just not putting that much into looking good right now. But you can’t really do that; you can’t wear around a sign that says: I look frumpy today because . . . Because it takes half an hour to blow dry my stupid hair and even then it doesn’t look right. Because I keep forgetting to buy new mascara. Because my fashion sense is permanently stuck in the eighties. Because I cringe at spending more than fifteen dollars on any item of clothing.

    “I think Janet’s available,” she said. “Come back.”

    Janet was a bit plump. Not fully overweight like me, but nicely round. With great hair, of course. But I liked her more because she was not rail thin like the receptionist.

    “What are we doing today?” she asked.

    “A cut to look like this,” I told her, pulling out a picture. “Don’t layer it too much; I’m not very good with styling it.”

    “Is this for something special?” she said. She walked me over to the sink and ran her fingers through my hair.

    “It’s my mother-in-law’s funeral,” I said. “I just need it to look good for that.”

    All of a sudden I was emotional, trying not to cry. I had been shopping all morning, and I hadn’t cried, even though I hated shopping. I had focused on trying to find something appropriate that also managed to make me not look fat (baby weight, I told myself, baby weight).

    As I sifted through clothes and checked the tags for sizes, I did not cry. I picked out a skirt for the funeral: brown plaid, with a fringe around the bottom, and a long creamy wool sweater. With new shoes too, black flats. I even told the shoe lady what they were for, my voice neutral, without emotion. But here, sitting in the hairdresser’s chair, the tension from shopping and driving in the snow fell away, and I let the tears come.

    “Were you close?” Janet asked me.

    I nodded. I sniffled. Somehow I could dump all this now, when I had been strong in front of the shoe lady. “She lived in my basement for the last two years,” I said. I told Janet about Mom. How she loved my son, her only grandson, and played with him every day. Doctors told her she would never live to see any grandchildren, but she had. The diabetes that had been killing her for many years finally won.

    Janet went on cutting, listening, saying “That’s too bad,” or “wow” at needed intervals. I kept talking.

    “She was a musician,” I told her, “and she composed Primary songs. So we want the music at the funeral to be really good. I’ve been out shopping for new clothes, something to wear to it, and then I realized I hadn’t gotten my hair cut since before Norah was born, and I need that done too. I want to look nice.”

    “I could style your hair for you that morning,” Janet offered. “For free.”

    “Oh you’re kidding. I wouldn’t ask that of you,” I said. But I was thinking what a relief it would be to have someone else do my hair on the morning of Mom’s funeral, to be sure that it looked all right, to have one less thing to worry about.

    “I would be happy to,” she said, “just come early with it already wet, and I’ll do it for you.” She smiled at me and finished blowing my hair dry. It was a layered style, not too many layers. Enough to give it body; enough that I knew I would never be able to do it just right by myself.

    She walked me to the cash register, and we set up a time for me to return. Back in my car I began crying again, but not from grief. It was the kindness of this woman, who had given me a little beauty for my ashes.

19. rebecca
    February 16th, 2009 @ 4:03 pm

    Hey there… reasonable amount of time for ME is 10 minutes or less.. if I am blowdrying it and round brushing it (sometimes I do that…) 15. I usually take a shower at night so it has to be something that translates…

    I pay about double you do for a hair cut, but I live in San Francisco…so it is pricier here. But I do an 8 dollar cut in between.

    As for my daughters hair, braiding takes about 4 or 5 hours and UNbraiding can take the same, so we split it up over a few days… but it looks super cute in between. Brushing is the worst part. But, that is just part of life for little black girls. Usually she falls asleep and so we do some of it during naptime.

20. traci
    February 16th, 2009 @ 4:07 pm

    The last entry really got to me. Thank you doesn’t seem appropriate, but I don’t know what else to say.

    My hair used to be long and thick and greasy as could be. I had perms to try to deal with it. Sometimes I would have to wash it twice a day.

    Then the chemo pills from breast cancer, it become thin, dry and breaking off. I got cholesterol treatments and it really helped.

    The visiting Missionary Sisters used to try and work with my hair but to no avail. I walk with forearm crutches and it is a mess in my face – i like it long.
    So I wear hats. My hair sticks out under.

    Down side – people think i’m minnonite.

21. Zannah
    February 16th, 2009 @ 4:45 pm

    Rebecca — a quick tip: I helped a few friends do twists rather than braids. Looks cute, lasts as long as braids, and takes half the time. Plus, you can do cute headbands with the twists, too, if they want a bit of a daily change.

    And Emily — it’s not how much you pay, it’s the quality. I’d expect to pay at least $40, and this is probably a bad thing to say, but I get better results from male stylists. It tends to be something they’re more serious about (rather than just something they’re doing while they wait to have babies) and they tend to listen a bit more carefully. Ask around until you hear rave reviews, go to someone, tell them what you want – which in my opinion is a style that works with your hair and will grow out well – and if you don’t like what their response is, don’t have your hair cut. I think sometimes we women are too afraid of hurting someone’s feelings. I say bollocks to that; they’re providing a service that you’re PAYing for. Make sure it’s something that’s *worth* paying for. Oh, and if you’re in Salt Lake, I have a couple of recommendations.

22. Leslie
    February 16th, 2009 @ 8:27 pm

    this is why god gave me 3 sons-
    I have no patience for a blow dryer or styling!

23. Jennie
    February 16th, 2009 @ 9:31 pm

    I’m not crazy about my hair. It’s fine, whatever. I have a style that changes about every two years. My big thing is make-up. I’m so in love with it. I have lipstick, powder and concealer in my 72-hour kit.

24. Emily M.
    February 16th, 2009 @ 10:46 pm

    Traci, thank you. I’m so glad the comment spoke to you.

    Rebecca, ten minutes or less would be fabulous. I’m looking at twenty to twenty-five, and I’m just not interested in doing that every day. Part of that is lack of expertise, I’m sure.

    Zannah, one day (maybe as a post-diet reward) I will get brave and go to someone expensive. But they have to be nice. Really, really nice. And not roll their eyes at me or huff when I ask for super basic styling tips. I hate that.

    Leslie–I have two sons. How do women with multiple daughters do it?

    Jennie, you make me laugh. And also, I bet you will feel so much better in a crisis with those comforts. Good call.

25. Marissa
    February 16th, 2009 @ 10:53 pm

    Yes, hair troubles. Pre-pregnancy, I had hair that was my biggest complement. Long, thick, un-dyed, curly yet manageable, blond with natural sun streaks. Post-pregnancy, it’s thinning so much I can see far back on my scalp from the front, it won’t grow past my shoulders, is a fluffy mess (not even cute fluffy) and is grayer by the day thus requiring dye jobs once a month.

    I resisted styling my hair for years, always just trying to hide it in a lump of a bun and pretend it looked OK. Then I’d had enough and chopped it (something I had always resisted because my father loved my long hair). I did it and I like it. Yes, now that it’s not even curly, but a blobby, briary mess, I have to blow-dry it AND straighten it, but it gives me peace of mind that at least I look decent when I go out and not all frumpy (always avoidin’ the frump).

    So I just decided that I had to put the time in. I’ve found a routine that works for me so that I don’t have to eat up hours at a time, I do it in segments. And as I’ve gotten better at it it takes less time.

    I think the bottom line is that you have to be comfortable. You’ll know it when you have it.

    And about your daughter. Don’t feel bad. As I said, my father really loved my long, silky hair which he’d brush just for fun (he was jealous, I think, ’cause he was going bald!). One day, my grandma decides it would be really cute if I had a “pixie” cut. Yeah, dad was beside himself with anger.

    It’ll grow back and when it’s no longer a fight, she’ll take care of it on her own.

    Good luck!

26. m&m (other Michelle L)
    February 16th, 2009 @ 10:54 pm

    All I can say is that I’m grateful I have a daughter who has a knack for hair. I have pretty much delegated to her.

    I have never been good with hair and never liked doing it. I seek for a cut that takes 5-10 minutes to care for.

    But I usually only get a cut every 4-6 months.

    I won’t even say how much I spend. (Just know that much of the time, my awesome sister does it for free. I’m the queen of cheap.)

    This is making me want a haircut, though.

27. wendy
    February 16th, 2009 @ 11:59 pm

    Emily, I loved that second post, too. I also cried at my last hair appointment for personal reasons that caught me off guard like yours. How generous that she offered to do your hair the day of the funeral.

    Whoever suggested male hairdressers, I agree. Not sure why I haven’t gone that route for so long.

28. Michelle Glauser
    February 17th, 2009 @ 1:25 am

    I get jealous when I’m surrounded by girls who have fabulously gorgeous hair, but when I think about how much time they must spend, I feel more satisfied with my hair. At the moment, it is simply long. All I do is wash it, and sometimes I blow dry it. If I haven’t washed it, I put it in a messy bun or a ponytail and that’s good enough for me. You can easily spice up plainness by using a headband or a ribbon.

29. jeans
    February 17th, 2009 @ 9:36 am

    Anybody seen the blog girly-do’s (Yikes)? I have a daughter with perennially stringy hair – very unlike mine, which is coarse and curly and looks awful with any kind of hardware in it – and I always wondered how wonder-Moms did these things and now I know… it takes a LOT of time on Sunday mornings…

30. Zannah
    February 17th, 2009 @ 10:12 am

    Emily – screw post-diet reward. You won’t feel a need for great hair as much then. Save up 5 bucks a week for the next 8 weeks, then go get your hair cut by someone who knows what they’re doing. Making one part of you look amazing is so often a motivator to make other parts of you look amazing too. Also, nothing wrong with asking for styling tips, but I think the best cut is one that you style yourself. People should never worry about trying to recreate the stylist’s scrunching and over-productizing. In fact, I never like the way they style my hair; you just go there for the super-easy cut that naturally works so well with your hair that all you need is 3 minutes and the right brush – and honest-to-goodness, that really is possible. [steps off hair soapbox]

31. Selwyn
    February 17th, 2009 @ 4:15 pm

    I could do anything to my hair except dye it and people wouldn’t mind. I have a really unusual copper/red/orange colour, all natural. I’ve had it short, medium and long-down-to-my-backside long.

    I’ve always had an “endure it” relationship with my hair. People always saw and recognised my hair first, and didn’t feel the need to notice anything else about me. The curse of gorgeously coloured hair – you can’t escape it.

    Of course, I COULD escape it by dying it, but I’m now at the stage where I don’t want to because it is part of me.

    That being said, only recently have I tried to work out what works for my hair and my face. I agree that you need to talk to whoever is doing your hair, and if they aren’t listening to what you say you want and need YOU NEED TO LEAVE!

    The best thing that happened in December was a great friend (who is a hairdresser!) kept bugging me about getting streaks put in my hair. I surrendered to being “girly”, she put them in, gave me a trim and actually explained to me what my hair needed to do to compliment my face. She talked about my best features, how to hide my wide forehead, and how my hair cut could do it all for me. It. Was. AWESOME!

    I haven’t had my hair cut since, though I know when I book in I now have the confidence to detail specifically what I want to whoever I decide can cut my hair.

    As the mother of 2 boys, I’m the only one who “gets” what a good haircut can do for a gal – but a happy mamma is a good thing for all, especially with awesome hair!

32. Melissa
    February 17th, 2009 @ 5:06 pm

    This discussion has been fun to read! I have hair troubles too–fine, thin, mousy brown (used to be blond). I’m so happy for those who have found good styles for their hair. That’s awesome. My biggest problem is that I can’t bring myself to go get it cut every six weeks. It’s just not worth the money to me. So even though I complain about my hair, I recognize that it’s my fault for not choosing to invest in it more.

    I have three sons and a little girl. After three boys, I was a wee bit scared about doing her hair. There are some good hair blogs out there (not as intense as the one linked above). Sometimes I resent the pressure to make her hair look good, but I admit that it feels good when she looks cute. She doesn’t care about her hair yet, which is also nice.

33. Carrie
    February 18th, 2009 @ 10:56 am

    I haven’t figured out my hair yet either. I use a round brush while I dry. It makes it okay.

    But let’s talk about doing a daughter’s hair. What a freakin nightmare, people! She hates ponytails, fine. We’ll skip them. But her hair is this wavy, fine mess that is constantly getting in her runny nose.

    My solution. I blow dry my 5 year olds hair twice a week. Is that crazy? It stays looking lovely. I don’t know how, but it works. It still gets in her snot, but at least the onther 3/4 of her hair don’t look like a rat’s nest or an oily mess.

    I just wonder how long I’ll be doing this? Till she does it on her own???? That’s years and years away… what I have started?

34. Amy
    February 18th, 2009 @ 11:57 am

    Beautifully written. Thank you for sharing. I too have hair that has been the bane of my existence since birth. I have heard some mothers count toes when the baby is first born, I examine hair folicles, praying I did not carry on my hair deformity to the next generation.

    Isn’t it wonderful that something that causes us pain, could be where God let’s the ‘tender mericies’ touch us.

35. Heather O.
    February 18th, 2009 @ 10:08 pm

    Emily you have absolutely lovely hair. Thick and straight and shiny and such a pretty color. Truly, it’s gorgeous.

    But I sympathize with you on the difficulty of straight and slippery hair. It’s hard to get it to stay in anything- a braid, a ponytail, or anything resembling a style. I’ve come to terms with my straight and slippery hair by spending a little more on hair cuts, going to a real salon rather than a supercuts place. I usually get it slightly layered, something that I can let air dry and then blow dry at the last minute when it’s still damp. If I had to blow dry my hair when it was completely wet, it takes a half an hour at least. I imagine it’s the same for you. And blech, who has time for that?

    But I’ve also given up a little bit, and have just sort of accepted that I will never look perfectly coiffed. At least I almost never have bed head–one of the benefits of straight and slippery hair.

36. Emily M.
    February 19th, 2009 @ 10:42 am

    Girly dos, jeans!! Holy cow. Heather O., see, I got all kinds of compliments on my hair when I was little. Long and straight and nearly white. But since I had kids, it’s developed a funky wave thingy. Thank you, though, you are kind.

    Zannah, it may not be a post-diet reward. But I am holed up in my house with a broken leg, so it will probably be a celebration in a couple of months when I can drive again. Thanks for the encouragement, though .

    Melissa, yeah, there is pressure to make her hair look good. I want her to look like there’s someone taking care of her. Some of that is about me, though, more than her.

    Carrie, after my daughter got her first haircut, I blowed it dry every couple of days, and it looked very good. I may return to that once I get on my feet again.

    Selwyn, I love red hair. So beautiful.

37. Lara
    February 26th, 2009 @ 12:03 pm

    Okay Emily, first off, I read Segullah all the time and I had no idea it was YOU. Funny.

    I have hair issues, too. Seriously just overcame them a couple months ago. I walked into an expensive salon, asked for their best hair person and told her the truth. My hair is huge and thick and I don’t know how to deal with it. I told her to please be honest with me, since most hairdressers told me I could do the trendy styles and they would be fast. But they lied. I couldn’t, and they took over an hour. This woman was very honest. She took the time to teach me what to do with my hair, which products to use and which tools. And what do you know? Since November I have had cute hair and it really takes me only 20 minutes (which is 15 minutes slower than my fast pony tails I wore for the last 10 years, but I think it’s worth it).

    Also, I have three daughters and I am hopeless at doing their hair. There are a lot of little girl hair blogs around though. Google them. Amazing tips there, and when I do their ideas, my girls look pretty darn good.

    Good to reconnect…

    Lara (Preston) Neves

38. Emily M.
    February 26th, 2009 @ 2:59 pm

    Hi Lara! I’m so glad you like Segullah. It is good to reconnect. The magic of Facebook…

    You’re echoing the comments here, which boil down to my need to find a really great hairdresser. I think I need not just someone who’s pretty good at cutting hair, but someone who is to hairdressing what an editor is to writing.

    Thanks for commenting . I bet your girls are darling–they have good genes.

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Segullah Sampler of Blogs

• === The Jet Set » Are Your Toilets Really That Clean?
• Dandelion Mama » Gratitude
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• === The Jet Set » Et Voila
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• Seagull Fountain » Breastfeeding at the Museum

Click here our page of selected recent posts by LDS women around the web, with excerpts.

Footnotes

• Inside One Mormon Family: Raising Faithful Children
• Are All White People Racist?
• Who’s tough on sin?
• Women and Children First?
• Who Says American Parents are Inferior?
• Why French Parents are Superior
• How Not to Blame the Victim
• A Child of Divorce
• Solo Hometeaching a Single Woman
• I couldn’t decide which was more terrifying: having more children than I could care for, or not having more children despite continuing hunger. Please, I prayed. Let me know.
• Men, Women, and Mormon Blogging

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