I’d like to unbury my testimony…

Posted by Sunny Smart | November 7, 2011 | 28 Comments

Yesterday was Fast Sunday. As I sat in the back of the chapel, okay, as I sat near the front of the cultural hall (an improvement for us), I had a strong desire to share my testimony concerning some elements of the atonement and power of Christ. As I am wont to do, I sat there, waiting for a lull in the stream of willing testifiers. In our ward there is no such thing as a lull in testimony meeting. Children, teens, and adults take seats on the stand awaiting their turn to share experiences, faith, and gratitude. By the time the closing hymn should have begun there were still four people seated on the stand. I had missed it. This is the same story nearly every month. I feel to share, I wait, I regret. Testimony time in Relief Society used to offer a second chance, but now I serve in Young Women and there is no such opportunity. So, today I would like to share my testimony with you. I will try to write it as I would have spoken it, so forgive the lack of eloquence. Of course, you are free to tune out, take a child to the restroom, or whisper with your neighbor instead.

This weekend a friend and I were discussing various life experiences we’ve had and how they shaped us. As I was growing up my family faced a steady stream of sickness and death, among other hardships. It was a constant theme in our story. As a teenager I often found myself asking why. Why would God do these things? What was it I was supposed to learn that I wasn’t getting? Over the years my view of God has changed from one who causes these events to one who allows mortality to take it’s course. Sometimes He intervenes, other times He doesn’t (Though I’m not convinced that lack of desired outcome = evidence of His absence). I don’t know why things happen as they do, and as life has progressed I’ve realized I don’t need to.

What took me many, many years to understand was that knowing why (if there was a why) doesn’t change the answer to my sorrow. I believe a loving God allows mortality to take it’s course because He believes fully in the possibility of our ultimate rescue. The hardships that befall us are evidence of His perfect faith in the infinite power of the atonement of His Son. He knows that our greatest joy is made possible as we experience the healing influence of the Savior in our broken lives. There must be opposition in all things. In this contrast is the magnificence of our redemption made stunningly clear. Whatever and why-ever our life circumstances, the answer remains the same. We must turn to the Savior if we hope to find real and lasting peace. The purpose of our tragedies is, I believe, not laid out and chosen beforehand, but is decided by us, by our willingness to create purpose through faith, to allow the Lord to create beauty for ashes. In this way, all tragedy, sickness, sorrow, and heartache serve one purpose. To invite us to Christ. It doesn’t matter that I walk through one fire and you through another. The invitation is the same, the soul-changing outcome equally available and continually offered.

We all know the story of Peter walking to Jesus on the water in midst of a tempest. He wanted to believe that this was Jesus and that He had all power. However, “when he saw the wind boisterous, he was afraid; and beginning to sink, he cried, saying, Lord, save me.

And immediately Jesus stretched forth his hand caught him.” (Matthew 14:30-31)

I’ve wondered if Peter, believing in the power of Jesus to calm the storm, lost faith when that expected outcome didn’t happen. I know I have done that countless times in my life. I believe the Lord can do a certain thing, therefore I believe he should do that thing. When it doesn’t happen, my faith waivers. Still, the Lord is there, unwaivering in His desire and ability to catch me.

Something I particularly love about this story of Peter is found in verse 32:

“And when they were come into the ship, the wind ceased.”

Peter not only came to Lord in the midst of a storm, but they returned to the ship together with the storm still raging around them. No doubt Peter would have preferred the wind and waves to stop and be still. In the midst of the storms of my life that is what I so often desire. Instead, the Savior stood on those storm tossed waves and bid Peter come. He was in it with him. He walked with Peter through that storm back to the ship. While the Lord has the power to shield us from storms, and sometimes He does, I believe the power that changes us is His willingness to be with us and catch us in those storms. My personal belief is that the Lord didn’t cause the storm as a teaching tool for His disciples, though obviously I don’t know for sure. Ultimately it doesn’t matter. The source of peace and safety in the midst of our storms remains the same.

I am so thankful for a knowledge of the Savior and His love that has become written in my heart. I trust Him. I know He is there, ever watching over me, grieving with me, rejoicing with me, and inviting me always. He is the source of peace of light. He is my source and my testimony is that He is continually waiting for each of us to come unto Him that He might heal us. He has purchased your peace and mine and stands ever offering His gift to any that will receive it. In the deepest corners of my heart that were once buried in pain and are now filled with light, I believe it. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

Category: Daily Special

Comments

28 Responses to “I’d like to unbury my testimony…”

Sharlee
November 7th, 2011 @ 12:32 pm

Oh, Sunny, this was beautiful–and exactly what I needed to read this morning. Thank you.
Mark Brown
November 7th, 2011 @ 1:11 pm

Thanks, Sunny. I appreciate this.
mmiles
November 7th, 2011 @ 3:02 pm

Lovely Sunny.
Angela H.
November 7th, 2011 @ 4:02 pm

Thank you for this.
Rosalyn
November 7th, 2011 @ 4:11 pm

Thank you for sharing this! It’s beautiful.
Rosalyn
November 7th, 2011 @ 4:12 pm

Although now I have to admit that I’m nervous following you tomorrow, since my post is nowhere near this moving!
Sally
November 7th, 2011 @ 4:21 pm

This post is exactly why I keep reading the bloggernacle. So beautifully expressed.
Anne Marie
November 7th, 2011 @ 4:38 pm

This is absolutely beautiful. Thank you for sharing your thoughts here.
Sunny Smart
November 7th, 2011 @ 5:13 pm

Thank you for your kind responses- and for not dozing off during my testimony.

Rosalyn- I look forward to your writing. You have a wonderful voice and perspective. I’ll be looking for you tomorrow!
Marian Stewart
November 7th, 2011 @ 8:18 pm

i loved reading this. thank you!
Adrianne
November 7th, 2011 @ 9:11 pm

I’m so glad you didn’t stand in your ward or else I would have missed this insightful and heartfelt testimony. Touched me deeply!
jendoop
November 7th, 2011 @ 9:16 pm

Thank you for adding another piece to my understanding of the atonement. Your ward’s loss, our gain!
Linda
November 7th, 2011 @ 10:13 pm

You mentioned something about a “lack of eloquence” but I must have missed it! Beautifully written and powerfully conveyed.
Great reminders.
Melissa M.
November 7th, 2011 @ 10:13 pm

Loved this, Sunny. Thank you so much for sharing this beautiful testimony.
Marm
November 7th, 2011 @ 10:57 pm

I, also, “feel to share, wait, and regret” often. This beautiful testimony inspires me to not let that happen again.
Ashley
November 7th, 2011 @ 11:04 pm

Maybe you didn’t get to share it in church because there was a young woman living in China and dealing with her young father’s potentially permanent illness and change that needed to hear what your testimony was. Thank you.
Jo
November 7th, 2011 @ 11:40 pm

You hav blessed my life by sharing your testimony. My husband and I received some disappointing news from one of our children yesterday and my heart has been so heavy. This has given me peace and perspective….I knew it but needed to hear it. Thank you.
Rachel Jeffcoat
November 8th, 2011 @ 4:27 am

This is so beautifully expressed. Two things I’d never thought before: that God fully believes and has absolute faith in His Son’s atonement, and its power to heal us; and that the purpose of our suffering is not pre-ordained but decided by ourselves. I especially love this:

‘The purpose of our tragedies is, I believe, not laid out and chosen beforehand, but is decided by us, by our willingness to create purpose through faith, to allow the Lord to create beauty for ashes.’

Thank you!
Heidi
November 8th, 2011 @ 8:26 am

Beautiful post! I, for one, am glad you shared in this format. I’m positive that I wouldn’t have heard a word you said on Sunday, since my kids were screaming over crayons, punching each other, and blowing spit wads at our neighbors. I look forward to re-reading your deep thoughts whenever I need a boost. Like maybe again in ten minutes.
melissa dalton-bradford
November 8th, 2011 @ 9:10 am

Amen.
Paul
November 8th, 2011 @ 4:12 pm

Sunny, this is lovely. Thanks for sharing it.
Ginger
November 8th, 2011 @ 7:01 pm

Thank you for sharing your faith with us. I loved this line:

I believe the Lord can do a certain thing, therefore I believe he should do that thing.

I find myself thinking this too often as well.

In studying the atonement, we see that even Christ asked “why?” of God (Matt. 27:46.)
There are many answers to that, but there is only one way for us to have true peace, and that is by looking to Christ,
proud daughter of eve
November 8th, 2011 @ 8:10 pm

“All will be well.” Amen!
Emily
November 9th, 2011 @ 9:18 am

I like your insights on Peter’s experience in the storm with the Lord.

A few years ago I was struggling with being 7 months pregnant and having a new diagnosis of thyroid cancer. I remember a particular morning feeling overwhelmed with all of the unknowns and the heaviness of it; in the shower I was sobbing when I had an intense realization that the Lord was with me. That brought peace. I’ve never felt Him closer. The next day I was teaching Tell Me the Stories of Jesus in Primary and these lines really struck me: “Tell me in aspects of wonder how the Savior, ready and kind, *chided* the billows and hushed the wind.” The winds still howled in my life, but He quieted them. He stood in my storm with me and chided it.

So I firmly believe He doesn’t give us our afflictions, but He’s willing to feel every drop and wind of our storms right next to us. He creates *purpose* in our trials, but not the trials themselves.

Looking back at my storm, I’m grateful now to have a lively 3 year old and to be cancer-free. I just hope I’m not forgetting to want to be right next to Him.
dannyk
November 9th, 2011 @ 1:11 pm

This is really beautiful, thank you for sharing. I have come to these same conclusions about the nature of God’s involvement in our lives and in the individual trials that we are called to bear. I have also come to know that though God doesn’t always deliver us from our trials, he will deliver us IN our trials through that peace and comfort you spoke of.

“The hardships that befall us are evidence of His perfect faith in the infinite power of the atonement of His Son.” yes yes yes yes YES!!!
Carrie
November 9th, 2011 @ 8:50 pm

This will be with me forever: ” I believe a loving God allows mortality to take it’s course because He believes fully in the possibility of our ultimate rescue. The hardships that befall us are evidence of His perfect faith in the infinite power of the atonement of His Son. ”

Thank you.
Brittney Caman
November 14th, 2011 @ 2:06 pm

yes, thank you.
Michelle
November 14th, 2011 @ 6:28 pm

“In this way, all tragedy, sickness, sorrow, and heartache serve one purpose. To invite us to Christ. It doesn’t matter that I walk through one fire and you through another. The invitation is the same, the soul-changing outcome equally available and continually offered.”

I loved this.

I also think that ultimately, because of this, it doesn’t matter if He causes or allows trials (I think there is evidence for both in scripture). Even then, the answers in my mind are the same.

I am still trying to develop the kind of trust you express in this post, but it’s posts like this that strengthen my resolve to have such faith. Thank you.