I Get by With A Little Love from my Friends

Posted by Justine | September 25, 2009 | 30 Comments

180px-The_Y I climbed the ‘Y’ in Provo with my girlfriends on Thursday. We pounded out the 12% grade, checking our heart rate monitors (to make sure we weren’t dead… you know), we panted and huffed. We laughed and gabbed while we trekked up the hill as fast as we could. We’re trying, us middle aged mommas, to kick each other into better shape.

What we’re succeeding at doing is keeping each other sane.

I’ve been exercising with some of these women for years. We used to run together, but now that I can’t run anymore, they decided to also stop running so we could stick together. We’ve taken up climbing mountains. And biking.

“The important thing is that we do it together,” one of them said when they quit running in solidarity with me, “We’ll walk together.”

She brought me to tears that day, the day she gave up running because I had to give up running.

As we got toward the bottom of the mountain, almost back at the car, my legs were numb, my knees were threatening to buckle. I held on to one of my friends shoulders as I hobbled my way off the trail. I banged on my legs with my fist, trying to get the feeling back, and together we laughed about her pushing me up the mountain in a wheelchair.

I have M.S., and it has started to rob me of the long road of life that I thought lay ahead of me. It has detoured me in strange and unexpected ways. It has cost me a few relationships and has laid claim to what I thought were essential parts of my identity.

But I have been dearly repaid for those losses by my girlfriends.

The Hebrew word for friend is (roughly) ra’ar. The word shares it’s roots intimately with the word Shepherd. The Savior speaks of His friends often in the scriptures. He begins dozens of sentences in the New Testament with, “Friend, …”

And then the Savior transitions into Shepherd. He uses these words to describe the same things. He uses the language of friend to complement the language of shepherd.

My girlfriends are watching over me. I hope I’m watching over them. The Savior, that “Great Shepherd of the Sheep”, is my friend and a beautiful example of friendship. He sent me shepherds to guard over my tender soul and keep it safe from the ravening wolves.

So we hobbled to the car together. We talked about climbing it again. We talked about climbing as long and as often as we can.

We didn’t talk about running.

And then we ate cookies.

I love my girls.

Category: Daily Special

Comments

30 Responses to “I Get by With A Little Love from my Friends”

m&m
September 25th, 2009 @ 11:10 pm

Wow.

What a blessing these women are.

And what a blessing you are to so many.

Keep on climbing, girl.
wendy
September 26th, 2009 @ 12:06 am

Beautiful, Justine. Truly.

And ditto to what m&m said.
Sage
September 26th, 2009 @ 2:18 am

Loved this too. Thanks for the insight on friend and shepherd. Beautiful.
traci
September 26th, 2009 @ 5:20 am

With the previous posts this week on the body, this falls right in line. It is a wonderful post. What wonderful friends you have.

I walk with forearm crutches and i am reminded often that walking puts us on even keel with the rest of the world. If we don’t walk, it is not the same. A friend asked me recently why i do not go to a wheelchair. I immediately thot that she has not had trouble walking. Anyone that has, has fought hard not to go to a chair. We know that the world is different from a chair. The biggest thing i have found is that many in the world infantilize you – talk baby talk and high voices, and to be frank, ask dum questions – “Did you go to school?”

Ram Dass (let’s see what age group is reading now) – had a stroke several years ago and the therapists wanted him first to learn to walk. We balked and won. He mentioned that in India if you were important people carted you around. But the larger point he was getting to was that he had spent his life lecturing – he wanted to talk again.

I have heard that we put an inordinate amount of emphasis on walking – but i also know how hard it was on my husband physically when for the 1st time i had to be in a wheelchair following carpal tunnel surgery, for 67 days. (Not that we counted, and i am one of the few people you know who gets surgery on their hands and can’t walk, hehe.)i know how sad it was to me when my husband got together with his college friends and they wanted to come back to the big city and do an art walk – and one asked him in a hush voice, “what will we do with her?, will one of us have to sit with her while the others go around? I was not supposed to have heard. I saw my husbands face, and knew that he would choose to not be going with them. How sorry i felt for him and how much we loved eac other – and of course, the unfairness of it all. I could stay home, easily, and let him have a night, but the remark left a bad taste in everyone’s mouth.

You have great friends. I have some great ones also. People who see beyond and work their lives so we are included in it. I love the friend=shepherd. Gives me lots of food for thot, it how I look at some current relationships.

Thank you again, ladies!
Kay
September 26th, 2009 @ 7:25 am

I love this and can relate to it in many ways. Quite simply without my friends I would be lost. They listen to me, cry with me, talk me through so many things. They are there when life is hard to cheer me on, and there when life is good to party with me. They shop with me, read with me, and eat amazing amounts of chocolate cake with me. They keep me sane, watch over me, and believe in me. I did not have a close family, although I adored and was loved by my Gran. My friends have become my family, my sisters of the heart.
Sharlee
September 26th, 2009 @ 8:55 am

You have brought me to tears this morning, Justine. I love you!
Marintha
September 26th, 2009 @ 9:27 am

Justine,
What amazing friends! I hope I can be that kind of friend.
Melissa M.
September 26th, 2009 @ 10:30 am

Justine, that was beautiful. Really, what would we do without our friends? I’m so glad you climbed Y mountain and wish you many more climbs.

And traci, your comments touched me as well. Thanks for sharing.
Jennie
September 26th, 2009 @ 10:43 am

One of my friends called me a couple of weeks ago to see if I wanted to be her running buddy. I was like, “me? Run? Uh, no.” Maybe I should reconsider.
annegb
September 26th, 2009 @ 11:16 am

lovely, ditto what everybody else said.
Jenny
September 26th, 2009 @ 11:17 am

Sweet Justine.
“…the day she gave up running because I had to give up running.”
That’s a true friend. I was brought to tears by your post as well. May the road always rise up to meet you.
joylenskey
September 26th, 2009 @ 11:52 am

“laid claim to what I thought were essential parts of my identity”

I’d love to read a post expanding on this idea…
Michelle L.
September 26th, 2009 @ 12:01 pm

Justine, this was absolutely beautiful. BEAUTIFUL. I’m in tears too. What would we do without our friends?
Justine
September 26th, 2009 @ 12:24 pm

Traci, I totally understand what you’re saying! Thank you for sharing it.

And Joylenskey, I have so much to say about that, it’s already filled pages and pages of my personal writing. Maybe I’ll share some of it someday. The process of finding out who I really am without all the external designations is a rich and complex topic, for sure!
Rosemary
September 26th, 2009 @ 2:12 pm

I have been blessed with some wonderful friends and I know my life is better because of them. When I started at BYU in 1965, I was put at random in an apartment in Heritage Halls with 5 other girls. Four of us became really close. Now, 44 years later, they are still my best friends. A few years ago, we had our first reunion in many years and had such a wonderful time that we have repeated it twice more. One is now on a mission with her husband and we are already talking about our next reunion when she returns.

We women seem to really need our friends and I think it is wonderful for us to take a moment and reflect on how much we love and appreciate them. Thank you for reminding us. What would I do without such friends?????
Selwyn
September 26th, 2009 @ 3:21 pm

Isn’t it amazing the places you’ll go with the most amazing friends?

Thanks for everything in your post Justine!
Gabrielle
September 26th, 2009 @ 4:15 pm

That was very nice. I was diagnosed with MS almost 4 years ago and I am now mostly in a wheelchair. I relate strongly to what you said about losing parts of what you thought were your identity. I’d defined myself largely in terms of my strength and capability. I don’t have those anymore, at least not in the same way.
Bless your friends for being there for you. And how wonderful that you also realize how blessed you are to have them in your life.
Melissa Y.
September 26th, 2009 @ 7:38 pm

Many, many hugs to you Justine!!

Words aren’t really enough, but I’m hoping for wonderful things for you. I’m glad you have great friends!
Stephen M (Ethesis)
September 26th, 2009 @ 8:25 pm

What we’re succeeding at doing is keeping each other sane.

What a wonderful line.
Handsfullmom
September 26th, 2009 @ 8:40 pm

If that is not the essence of the gospel, I don’t know what is. How blessed you are to have sisters like that.
Brooke
September 26th, 2009 @ 10:01 pm

just having listened to the general relief society meeting, this can’t be more appropriate to the idea that we are to be there and help one another along. on literal or figurative trails in life.

i love you, justine. you’re an inspiration to me in many ways!
Adri
September 26th, 2009 @ 10:02 pm

Justine… Love your thoughts. Love you! I wish I could climb the “Y” with you, too. Maybe next summer before retreat day???
Heidi
September 26th, 2009 @ 10:31 pm

I loved this. It makes me feel a little jealous though. What do you do when you don’t have these type of friends. I have been struggling with this lately. I used to have a best friend and she has recently decided she doesn’t need me because she has sisters. Now I am just left behind. Perhaps I will just need to branch out at my age (which I thought I would be more established by now in the friend department) and make new ones. It seems like high school all over again.
m&m
September 26th, 2009 @ 11:02 pm

The process of finding out who I really am without all the external designations is a rich and complex topic, for sure!

For. Sure. I have come to think this is one of the most difficult and soul-stretching lessons that come with chronic illness. I’ve yet to talk with someone w/ chronic illness for whom this isn’t a central element of the journey.
ashley
September 27th, 2009 @ 6:27 am

Justine, this spoke to my heart today. During the times I doubt everything else that should be solid in my life, I never have to question my friendships. I’m so glad I have amazing girlfriends watching over me. Not everyone is blessed with that. I’m glad you’ve got that too — you deserve it.
Marintha
September 27th, 2009 @ 2:01 pm

Justine, I really hope you share some of your personal writings with us. I think the topic you mentioned very much needs to be explored.
Justine
September 27th, 2009 @ 3:28 pm

Heidi, I’ve had times in my life when I didn’t have close friends nearby. It’s always so hard to have to start over – for me, it feels like I’m 8 years old again, hoping someone will want to play with me. But then there is almost always someone, waiting in the wings right under my nose, that bubbles to the surface of my life and spreads warm arms of love around me. I just always have to make sure I’m putting myself out there enough to be open to it.

There really are wonderful women everywhere. Godspeed in finding your next dear friend!

And maybe the next Saturday I post I’ll pull something on the identity topic. I would be interested to have that conversation.
Sondra Hudgens
September 27th, 2009 @ 4:53 pm

You crazy kid. I love you and I am a wreck because today I needed to read that really badly….I’m just a big baby. After telling an old friend about my life for the last couple months, the funeral, all the wierd stuff she cracked up and just said…how come you aren’t on zoloft or prozac or something…and I said it was because I had good friends I could laugh with about it. It is so true. So thanks for being cheaper than therapy while at the same time getting my behind in shape. It doesn’t get better!
tammy
September 27th, 2009 @ 11:01 pm

So fun to read about our mid life adventures. This is definately better than therapy. Life can bring it on and we can hike it together.
m&m
September 28th, 2009 @ 12:23 am

I really hope you share some of your personal writings with us.

Second that motion.