Formerly a television writer and romance novelist (though she doesn’t like to admit that), Mama calls parenting her three beautiful boys her most challenging job. You can take a peek at her life at The Elmo Wallpaper, which is featured on the New York Times blog roll where she has also been a guest columnist.
When my friend Michelle asked me to write a post for Segullah’s blog, I was a bit daunted by the task. I have read Segullah in the past, mostly Michelle’s work, and I know the caliber of writing on the blog. Even more, I cowered at the prospect of writing about Mormons for an audience of Mormons… as a decidedly un-Mormon agnostic. Yikes.
I was not raised with a religion and I am not raising my children with religion other than what they pick up in their Episcopalian private school. I have been friends with Mormons my whole life and yet I have barely a layman’s knowledge of the religion, so please understand that when I write my impressions, they are not the impressions of someone with an educated religious background. Instead, I have acquired most of my impressions about Mormons from mommy blogs and Segullah itself!
When scrolling through the Mormon blog world, my first thought is how are all Mormons so pretty? Seriously? I have never met an ugly Mormon. I’m not talking about having perfect figures or unblemished skin. I am talking about natural, glowing beauty radiating from your pores. What is up with that? Is it the extraordinary consumption of ice cream in Utah? Is it the water in your temples? A material used in your special underwear? Whatever it is, I want in on that.
So I completely support the Mormon practice of having large families, because it is amazing to me to see all the beautiful children pouring out of your homes. I’m jealous, too, that your religion gives you free reign to have as many children as you would like without fear of judgment. For me, my grandmother started asking me if “the pill failed” when I was pregnant with my first (very planned) baby. By baby #3, my family members merely shook their heads in disbelief and asked if we would be “getting fixed” now. In my culture, babies are considered expensive hurdles to a life of leisure. I wish they were welcomed with the kind of joy and expectation that the Mormon religion gives its members.
Even more, the Mormon families I see and read about challenge me and show me that I can do more. Sometimes I feel like it’s impossible to make family and children a priority in this society, but the Mormons show me it is in fact achievable. I only have three young boys; Mormon families much bigger than mine manage to compete in athletics and excel academically while also giving back to their communities and their friends and making room for dedicated family time. Mormon mommies seem to put in the extra effort that sometimes I feel like society tells me I don’t have to give. They actually bake for bake sales. They make Halloween costumes. Their children play instruments, and that is no small feat.
Mormon “family nights” and cultural traditions around the holidays also push me to create traditions for our family too. We might not have the Mormon religion to structure our activities, but that does not mean we can’t follow suit and practice our own dedicated family nights or our own holiday traditions like reading a certain Christmas story. When I see that Mormon families really do take such practices seriously and make time for them, I feel energized. I can do that too!
From where I stand, Mormons are kind of the Sandy characters of America. You know Sandy – from Grease? She’s beautiful (of course), a little mysterious, the new girl. She seems to live her life morally and properly. And I kind of want to be like her, but I get the sense that it’s pretty tough to keep up that pace. After all, it’s tough enough for me to find enough hours in the day to run the household I do, with only three (ridiculously crazy) children and work and school, no church activities included. I consider showers a luxury. I can imagine that running a larger household and being involved in such a structured community of church activities is probably pretty rigorous. I can see there might be pressure to be “perfect.”
However, I do envy that sense of community, and the sense of support, that emanates from the Mormon religion. I get the vibe that Mormon families really KNOW each other; that the Mormon religion enforces a focus on family that truly does benefit both the children and the parents and keeps the generations close in a way that the rest of modern society struggles to find. I would love to have that for my family, to be a part of a community like that.
Is Mormonism as good as it looks? What do you think is the best non-religious aspect of being Mormon? What practices and traditions from Mormonism do you think would most benefit the average American housewife or mother? Do you feel there is pressure to be “perfect?” How does that differ from pressure on other American women? How is it similar? And yes, how do you do it without caffeine? No, seriously?
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Tags: LDS church, lds women, mormon women
Thanks for writing this Mama. And I am sorry for outing you as a romance novelist.
I think one of the biggest perks of Mormonism is the instant community. You can move anywhere in the country, the world, and you’ll have a dozen visitors and meals and easy connections with friends.
What a kind post, Mama. Thank you. And if you saw what I looked like when I dragged myself out of bed this morning, you’d know for sure that not all Mormons are beautiful.
And the caffeine thing? I’m one of those naughty Mormons with a serious Diet Coke addiction. Diet Coke helps make planning my 4th consecutive Relief Society Christmas Social possible.
For me, one of the best non-religious aspect of Mormonism is definitely the ready-made community it provides. When my husband and I moved to MN in 1998, I’d just quit my high school teaching job and had two kids under the age of two (22 mos and 2 mos) and knew absolutely no one. Within a week I had a community that cared about me: visiting teachers, a play group to attend, a place to go (for THREE HOURS) each Sunday to get to know new people. People invited us to dinner. It was such a relief.
But, yes, there is pressure to be “perfect,” although I agree that American women in general feel that pressure, too. I might have to pop back in a little later and opine in that direction . . .
But thanks for your great post!
oh yes, mormonism is as good as it looks, if not better! Although as someone living in the Midwest bible belt, not all people share your positive views of mormons around here. We’ve actually had a few very friendly neighbors until they found out we were mormon and then quit talking to us. I would love to know what they think we believe. But in answer to your question, I think one of the best ‘perks’ to our religion is that it teaches us to commit and sacrifice for something greater than ourselves. Ours in not a ’sunday religion’ where you can anonomously show up for a sunday service and that’s it. We are all asked to help serve each other and really get to know each other like you said. Serving others helps us to love each other, thus producing the sense of community that others have talked about. And I really do think having a ‘family night’ would benefit all American families. A night to spend time together, play games, teach values, set goals, etc. And I guess I would be one that does it all without caffiene…if it’s around, then I drink it, so i just try not to buy it, and then I’m forced into healthier options. Thanks for the interesting post.
I think that one of the best non-religious aspects of being Mormon is the community. We are there for eachother. A year ago we moved from western WA to Idaho. Half the ward showed up to help us move in. Meals were brought in and other people just stopped by to introduce themselves and welcome us. It made the move to much easier. I love that we look out for eachother. I love that I feel like I have “insta-friends” no matter where I live.
As Mormons, we’re asked to do a lot. And from an outsiders perspective, they might think it’s too much. But I’ve never, ever felt the pressure to be perfect. I just try to do the best I can and little by little improve myself.
Can I tell you how refreshing it is to read such a positive post on Mormons from someone who is NOT? Thank you for this!
I agree that American women in general feel the pressure to be perfect; maybe LDS perfectionism has a different form, though?
Without caffeine . . . I don’t do a lot of extras and I really try to get enough sleep and eat right.
I’m in for the instant community. Also, the built-in scouting program is awesome.
What practices could benefit the avg housewife/mother? The counsel to spend time in daily prayer and scripture study, eating dinners together, temple attendance, and teaching children to love work (speaking of which, my toddler is begging me to turn on the vacuum and clean up the office, so I’m not able to elaborate more).
You’ve energized me!
My life IS good. (But I knew it was)
The pressure? It’s there, but I’ve learned to look at it with the same eyes as I look at the pressure to dress “right” or the pressure to drive the right car or hang out with the “right” people or have a perfect house. I make my choices, know they’re good for me, and am happy with them. The fallout is mine, and I accept it. You should see the piles on my counters… I think age has a lot to do with being comfortable with the skin I’m in.
The sense of community has been mentioned in almost every comment. That’s my number one: going anywhere in the world and instantly having a group of friends and family to call your own.
I like being peculiar.
That’s the [safe] rebel in me.
Thanks for a great post!
I think daily scripture study (of whatever you believe
) and/or meditation on things that have nothing to do with stress is absolutely necessary. That and not letting your mind turn to complete mush – meaning, try to keep learning and growing in all aspects of your life. If I don’t get at least a little bit of that every day, I am not a pleasant person to live with!
And how do we do the cleaning, cooking, churching, child-rearing, and wife-ing without the aid of caffeine? That is a good question. I’ve never had that dependence, so I don’t know anything different. As long as I’m eating healthy and have some sort of exercise, I have enough energy to get everything done that I intend – key word – to do (as long as I’m not pregnant or nursing). And I think there was a study about how an apple wakes you up better than a cup of coffee. I think that held true for me in college. I ate one every morning when I got to work at 7:40AM.
I really like Mormonism. When I am working hard to live the teachings of the Gospel, my life feels complete and full and satisfying. I think following the practices of this religion give me energy, too. And it’s really nice to have a lot of ladies from around the area that you can be friends with, all in one spot once a week.
Mama, do you know what a gift you’ve given by writing sharing your compliments with us? Thank you!
I can think of several non-religious benefits to being a Mormon. There’s the sense of community, and the leadership skills acquired through church service that make planning a school party something I can do in my sleep. If it weren’t for the callings I am asked to fill, I wouldn’t get outside myself enough. Of course, these benefits all come from our faith. We wouldn’t be doing any of these things if we it weren’t for that.
I think all American women feel the need to be perfect, but I don’t feel it any more so because I am LDS. In fact, I feel like we have a edge there. We are told every six months in our general conferences that we’re doing a good job. We are reminded that we needn’t do more than we can. We are reminded that there are many great things to be doing, but that we must choose between the “good, better, and best” of them so that we are not yanked in all directions.
Being a Mormon has pulled me through every tough time in my life. What could the average woman use to help her? Have an unshakeable source of strength to hold onto when things are hard.
This is such a generous post; I think most Mormons (me, anyway) love to hear people speak well of us.
_What do you think is the best non-religious aspect of being Mormon?_
The structure and organization that facilitates Christian behavior and creates a sense of community. Once in college I was driving across the country with a friend, and I rolled his car in the middle of Kansas. We called his dad, who said to get in contact with the local LDS ward. And there was a family from Salina, Kansas, who did not know us from Adam, who fed us pizza and took care of us in the aftermath of the accident. We were strangers, and they took us in.
I should be clear that I don’t think this type of kindness is unique to Mormonism at all; there are good people everywhere. What Mormonism did for me in that situation, though, was provide an instant network so that I could access that goodness.
_What practices and traditions from Mormonism do you think would most benefit the average American housewife or mother?_
Daily prayer, daily scripture study. Again, I don’t really think those are unique to Mormonism though.
_Do you feel there is pressure to be “perfect?”_
Oh yes. But there is also mercy, too. And a lot of the pressure is of my own making.
_How does that differ from pressure on other American women?_
Ah, I don’t know. I suspect it’s pretty similar, with perhaps an added layer of religious guilt thrown in there for good measure.
_And yes, how do you do it without caffeine? No, seriously?_
I don’t know about the caffeine thing. It’s all about what you’re used to. I’m not used to it, so it’s really no biggie. But I will tell you, I just love the smell of coffee. Every time I go to Barnes and Noble I drink it in. The smell, not the coffee.:-)
Again, thank you for your kind words. I hope we live up to them.
GReat piece! I am glad we come across well! Growing up around mostly non members and living in scantily mormon populated New England I know that sort of mormon dinstinction. I love nothing more than hearing “Oh I love my Mormon friends”. Our industriousness and invovement in things can make us quite an oddity. I still have a neighbor reeling from the fact I make homemade donuts!
I love being mormon. I love the sense of connection and community. The shared knowledge,value set creates and instant bond. I love the big picture view we have. I shared a room with a woman from canada last weekend at a medical conference. She was so astounded by the breadth of our beliefs and they way they line up with things that are good for us (physically/emotionally in her view) and make us happy.
Honestly I don’t feel “the pressure” but that’s my personality. I am ok with good enough! I am nont competitive or comparative- thats a big secret to my happiness. I do like having high standards set, the idealism is motivating. I wrote a post here about the decline of happiness in repsonse to a NYT article. I think the biggest recommendation I would give is less about practice and more about thought. If you have firm beliefs and ideas that are solidly grounded and you try to implement those, you get happiness (happiness comes as much in purpose, sacrifice and work- as in leisure). It’s swaying to the ever changing cultural demands that leave people empty and confused. Rituals and routines surrounding families (prayers, scriptures, Family nights,sabbath observance) from a family scientist perspective are well documented in research to prevent destructive behaviors (addicitons, etc)
Life is great with just hot chocolate!
Community, definitely, but something more.
Did you happen to see Stephanie Nielsen (NieNie) on Oprah last week? My main takeaway from that program, besides conquering the impossible, was the joy she takes from being a wife and mother. In a time when “housewife” is a dirty word, Mormons are taught to cherish our children and appreciate the opportunity to make a home for our families. Being an at-home mom can be very isolating and repetitive. NieNie and so many others have made the decision to savor the times when their children are young. To make life special with impromptu celebrations and fun traditions. That the often boring job of being a mom doesn’t have to be that way with a little imagination and creativity and the right attitude.
That attitude is one that I love and am trying to embrace.
Mama, thank you for your courage to write on Segullah and for what you’ve shared. I was once the only Mormon in a Catholic school, so I understand going into the religious arena alone can be a bit daunting.
Your ideas about Mormons were interesting, but not entirely true. Unfortunately, I know a few ugly Mormons, inside and out. However, one thing about Mormons is that they really try NOT to be ugly inside. Most continually strive to better themselves. They learn from their mistakes, repent, apologize, and move on to better things. That is one thing that I love about Mormons. There are examples of goodness all around me and for my children.
Mormons, for the most part, are tender. They love each other and Jesus Christ. They weep over babies, growing children, an act of kindness, and passionate testimonies of Christ. They love without reserve.
I think that you explained really well the inability to understand what drives us. “She seems to live her life morally and properly. And I kind of want to be like her, but I get the sense that it’s pretty tough to keep up that pace. After all, it’s tough enough for me to find enough hours in the day to run the household I do, with only three (ridiculously crazy) children and work and school, no church activities included. I consider showers a luxury. I can imagine that running a larger household and being involved in such a structured community of church activities is probably pretty rigorous.” We also consider showers a luxury! It is tough keeping up the pace, as it is for all women, but what non-Mormons might not understand is the motivation behind it all.
For me, there is a deep sense of duty and conviction about who I am and what my mission is on earth. Better than any caffeine, this knowledge sustains me and helps me get up in the morning and do all the things I need to do. I am not paralyzed with regret or being a “lost soul” or worrying about how to spend my time to find myself. I find spiritual strength in God and I find myself through all the jobs I am doing – being a wife, a mother, a visiting teacher, a Sunday School teacher, a housewife, an artist, a writer, a friend, etc. I don’t feel like I’m explaining this really well. It is difficult to explain. All I can say, that there is a vast confidence I have in my Lord. It grounds me and helps me to expand at the same time.
I am not saying this makes life easy, it just makes life “supported.” I never feel alone.
Okay…now on to getting the toddlers out of the bathtub. (-:
Thanks so much for your very generous and beautiful post!
For me, Mormonism is better than it looks, because it encompasses so much more than all the outward things. I find real peace in calm in my faith.
I would agree with others that community is the best non-religious aspect of our faith, except that I can’t. To me community is at the heart of our faith, supporting one another. It is a very faith-based principle in my book. Community is at the heart of any faith that seeks to change us from the inside out, and support that change from the outside in. It is often difficult for me, and I believe for all of us, to draw lines between our culture and our beliefs.
I find one of our most wonderful emphasis is on education–and as a mother, that is very beneficial. I also love that we really think it’s important for kids to learn responsibility, to have things they are in charge of cleaning around the house. I love the idea that we can teach our children that a loving Father in Heaven gave us talents (be it musical instrument playing, etc.) that we should develop for our own enjoyment, and for the benefit of all.
I also love that on some level motherhood, and fatherhood, are valued. That doesn’t always play out. We are part of the larger, non-Mormon culture after all. But I believe we have at least a little boost above and beyond the average stay-at-home mom in that arena.
Caffeine? I am sometimes seriously jealous of my friends who get their cup of Jo every morning (and a glass of wine at dinner, and go to trendy wine tasting parties as I live in wine country). And yes, I am a Diet Coke drinker. And whenever I get together with other moms they want to go for coffee–that’s fine I drink herbal tea. However I find it a little uncomfortable when I invite the ladies over. I don’t have coffee to offer them, and that’s just the normal, polite thing to do. Do you have any suggestions in that arena?
Sometimes I think I am failing some sort of important test, because I feel no pressure to be perfect. None.
And other times I think that’s probably because I don’t have kids yet. The Mormon world is a different place for mothers. So … maybe when I start THAT party I’ll begin feeling the pressure. (Which I will do my best to ignore.)
And I’m personally anti-caffeine, which is, in fact, a rarity in Mormon culture. I, like Amelia, live in the Midwestern Bible belt, and when I see all the people around me walking around with a coffee mug glued to one hand, I feel like they’re tethered. They have no ability to live without it. That idea scares me, so I stay away even from soda. I’d rather be tired than addicted.
Thanks for your post. It’s awesome.
What a lovely post to start the morning with! Thanks for such a kind view of the forest for those of us who are often lost in the trees.
I agree that one of the benefits of Mormonism is the leadership experience. I don’t know that I’d otherwise have much opportunity for public speaking and teaching, event planning, etc. It’s given me a lot of confidence (and an understanding of how much the success of anything depends on the generosity of other people invovled).
There are several practices would benefit the average Jane. Spritual focus (prayer, meditation, reading), healthy eating, financial responsibility, family time. These are, of course, not exclusive to our faith, but adding the element of faith consecrates the principles for me and gives them deeper meaning.
Thanks again for your post. The caffeine line made me laugh!
It’s better! –And thank you for the kind things you wrote.
I have the happy perspective of joining the church just before I was married. So, my family is much like yours.
Which is why, for me, the best non-religious aspect is the community of commonality. Once you’ve chosen to live your life a certain way, it’s awesome to have so many people around that live like you do. So many people buoy me up and sustain me. That’s also where the pressure to be perfect comes in, but I think that has to do more with human nature (insecurities, pride, competition) than with mormonism.
The average American (non-mormon) housewife could use some praise for her role as homemaker! I wish every woman could unapologetically raise a family and dedicate herself to homemaking without scorn. Families are the cornerstone of a functioning society! What could be more important? And, I believe, nothing is more fulfilling.
Most women seem pressured to emulate celebrities. Our society praises women that are thin, well dressed, career driven, rich, self absorbed…all the things that will not bring lasting happiness. It’s really very sad.
I LOVE my life. It’s not perfect–far from. But I feel meaning and purpose in everything I do, even in laundry and dishes.
I wouldn’t trade my knowledge of the Gospel, or this life of domesticity, for the world–or anything it has to offer.
And caffeine. Your body adjusts.
Really, it does. My pick-me-up in the morning is often a playlist from itunes, a heartfelt prayer, or wrestling match with my two young boys.
All caffeine really offers your body is a chemical boost. Your thoughts can effect your brain in the same way. It’s quite amazing. You should try it sometime!
Love this post! Thank you.
One of the best parts of Mormonism is knowing that you don’t have to be perfect. One the first things I learned in the LDS faith is that there has only ever been one perfect being on this earth, Jesus Christ.(Whew, good to know that role has been filled, I’ll audition for something else!)
I love the comparison you made to Sandy fron Grease, it’s a great example because it shows what happens when you sucumb to the pressure to be PERFECT, you crack, and end up in a pair of black leather pants chasing John Travolta at the fair!
We may seem like the Stepford families of America, but we are facing the same challenges as everyone else. Things like family home evening, doing service, attending Church, give us reminders of what is really important.
Thank you for sharing your kind words, I love hearing about Mormons from a non-Mormon point of view.
Funeral potatoes, seriously I love them. Mormons make the best funeral potatoes, ever.
I do love the sense of community. One little outgrowth of that is this little email group run by the Relief Society in our ward. I never delete them, I archive them all because they paint of picture of who we are. Someday if someone wants to know what it to live here right now right now read the emails.
A few of the recent subject lines:free dining set; lawn trouble help!; found kitten; job opening at BYU; refrigerator for sale; needed: empty cat food cans; Sunday Summary Oct. 12, 2009; free baby boy clothes; looking for a book to borrow; help needed for temple ordinances; last call for Saturday bike ride; box of Sage for the taking; want bell peppers anyone?; does anyone have a disco ball they are willing to lend?; collecting children’s summer clothes for victims of recent tsunami; needed winter coat for little girl 3-4T; needed: help putting in a lawn; hiring someone to do a small sheet rock hanging job; needed: help moving; free furniture; surprise! a tree in my yard is full of apples got any apple sauce making gadgets I can borrow?; making room for daughter and her family to move in with me… giving away lots of books; guitar for sale; neighborhood meeting; free kitchen canisters; Halloween Costumes, I’m looking for… I’ve got to lend…; stolen bike; baby girl clothes, walker and swing; canning tomato juice class TONIGHT; stolen bike recovered!; odd request: empty wipes box; Amish bread starters anyone?; sewing assistance needed; bulk pears on sale! $0.61 a pound; have you done your visiting teaching? please report; yard sale/looking for work; kittens anyone?; neighborhood family activity/breakfast reminder; coupons; free mattress set; private Violin/Viola lessons, preschool Coop, playing cupid…
I just love it. I’ve even know of a couple of sisters upon moving out of the ward requesting to be left on the email list, to be able to hear the loving, caring, prattle of your neighbors made the move less difficult for them. The email group is not an official function of the Relief Society and it serves the entire neighborhood not just members of the church, but it is an product of that watch care.
Every ward/neighborhood may not have this same means of providing that connectedness but regardless the means, our hearts are knit together the same, I just love that! and the Funeral Potatoes.
To your beautiful comment: Some would say the glow is the Spirit, but the outward beauty is a Utah thing. Totally sub-culture.
You asked “What practices and traditions from Mormonism do you think would most benefit the average American housewife or mother?”
Moms have a huge impact on what kind of world we leave behind. The message that would most benefit America’s moms is knowing, really knowing, that your job as a mom is IMPORTANT. Children aren’t a hurdle. Not all moms know, really know, how important they are and how noble their role as mom is. (Too many equate the paycheck with the importance of a task and jump to the wrong conclusion about motherhood.)
There is something powerful, for me, in feeling a sense of duty and obligation. It engenders strength in my children, it makes me a less selfish person. Duty isn’t talked about very much in the world today. We are drowning in self-help books that teach us how to make ourselves happy. And yet as a society, we are less happy than ever.
My personal belief is that is has something to do with duty. I feel bound to the people in my congregation and my family. Duty fosters a type of love that brings me tremendous satisfaction and happiness. I feel responsible to do my part, to contribute what I can in time and love. And for my part I have been richly rewarded with love in return. I have a really powerful conviction of this principle.
But I agree with MisMel, I’ve known some terrible examples within my faith. I’m sure I behave terribly at times. But I think we need to be gentle with ourselves and those around us, because we’re all working really hard and trying our best to be good people.
I wish more mothers could find true happiness in raising their children. It only came for me, though, when I truly committed to that whole duty thing I spoke of above. I hate to use the word surrender, but it’s appropriate. I surrendered. But enjoying my children and enjoying my family work has been worth every ounce of freedom I gave up. It’s a truckload of work, but recognizing and acknowledging the work is so important! And the work makes the contented feeling more meaty and filling, so to speak.
And the caffeine? Well, there’s caffeine in chocolate, isn’t there? So I guess I have no authority to speak on the matter…
Wonderful post, and I wrote so much that I just posted it on my blog…
And I LOVE how Jenny said, I like being peculiar.
That’s the [safe] rebel in me..
This was such a generous post. Thanks!
Diet Coke is how I do it.
I don’t know if Mormonism is as good as it looks or not. I think Mormons are pretty much like everyone else, sometimes happy, sometimes not. Our families have plenty of the same problems everyone else has. But I do love the same things you’ve pointed out about Mormons. To me, my religion is not a recipe for a perfect life, but a resource when things go badly.
I’m a true-blue Mormon, but I’m also a feminist. My perspective on having babies is that it’s a bit over-emphasized in relation to other ways women can develop their talents in life. For instance, I don’t think teenage girls need so many lessons on how to prepare for motherhood. But given the choice between the general American narcissistic culture and the Mormon uber-family culture, I’ll take the Mormon one. I also highly value the civilizing affect Mormonism has on men; I think Mormon men are on the whole very dedicated and loving fathers.
Is Mormonism as good as it looks?
Yes — wholeheartedly, gratefully yes.
What do you think is the best non-religious aspect of being Mormon?
- Gotta add my vote to the community, family, sisterhood of it all.
What practices and traditions from Mormonism do you think would most benefit the average American housewife or mother?
- Definitely personal and family prayer and scripture study, Sunday and temple worship, family home evening — they are revitalizing, sustaining, healing….
Do you feel there is pressure to be “perfect?”
- Motivation and encouragement might be better words for the reason we strive to do better each day. It all stems from a desire to return to our Heavenly Father, and to be with our families forever.
How does that differ from pressure on other American women?
- Maybe in the reasons why? And in the wonderful reassurance of the Savior’s Atonement, that enables us to repent for the mess-ups.
And yes, how do you do it without caffeine? No, seriously?
!
- Prayer, scripture study, temple worship, family, “sisters,” the Gospel of Jesus Christ….
It is truly wondrous, and humbling, to see how much following the Savior can bless your life. Seriously
Loving this post and comments as a non-Mormon avid reader and lover of Mormon Mommies and their blogs.
Note – I wish other American women knew that the Atonement was for all of them, too! So many — in and out of the Mormon faith — forget the great love of God that it represents, and the opportunity to repent, repair, and move on.
What a lighter load we’d all carry if we could just remember that!
– the Atonement meaning Jesus Christ’s suffering for our sins!
Sorry!
What Michelle said! The instant community – the genuine instant community that I feel being a Mormon is something else.
Case in point – when my husband and I decided to move to South America to travel and experience life a little, the moment we stepped into that chapel in Montevideo, Uruguay, we immediately had more than thirty incredible new friends who accepted us and invited us into their lives openly – regardless of our completely different culture, background, lack of rio platanese spanish vocabulary and shyness.
Thanks for this post.
I love being Mormon for the community and the family focus — helps me keep my priorities.
I think the celebration of womanhood and motherhood is such a boon to my life. I also agree with those who say that the daily devotional activities we are encouraged to do, both personally and as a family, are significant. Also, the perspective about who I am and what life is all about (the eternal perspective of things, what matters most and how the hard times are part of the plan for personal progress and growth) really helps me in my day-to-day life. This eternal perspective is especially helpful with my struggles with chronic illness, but also when I feel like I’m not good enough.
The understanding about the Savior helps counteract my personality to want to be perfect. My illness has helped curb that to some degree, too. (Again, growth from trials enters in!)
I disagree with whoever says that not consuming caffeine is the exception. My body doesn’t like caffeine, so it’s not hard. But honestly, the spiritual elements of faith to me are VERY energizing.
Thanks again for the post.
I love this post and I want to be your friend!
I enjoyed your candor and honesty– it’s refreshing to see “myself” through someone else’s eyes!
I’m in a household of all men too. A husband and three sons. I have a hard time separating spiritual aspects from practical ones–we are taught that all good things have a spiritual purpose. I love what the Church helps me understand about how wonderful the men in my life are, body and soul. Too often, men and women, boys and girls, are painted as being in opposition to one another. The Church teaches us how to work together for the benefit of all.
Also, my background is in science, which fascinates me. I’m grateful for a religion that emphasizes growth, development, education and the eternal pursuit of wisdom. My love of science gives me things to learn about, but my faith gives me things to hope for. It is my balance.
I am not Mormon, I am like you. I wasn’t raised with any real religious base but am currently trying to find a good path to direct my children toward. I want to give them the opportunity to seek out what religion COULD BE to them as opposed to being a “non-thing”.
With that said, the blogging community has led me to several Mormon blogs and the women I get to converse with always seem to give me a positive spirit. Without sounding flighty and slightly strung out like a 70s hippie chick, it’s an energy and vibrance that I GET when I read their words. It’s cheerfulness and love and hope. I love it.
I came over from one of my Mormon “reads” today, and I’m happy that I did. Have a wonderful Friday.
Mama–
Thank you! I second {third, fourth, fifth!} what everyone else has said–it’s wonderful to see such a positive outside perspective of Mormonism. Of course I like to think that most of my non-Mormon friends have a positive perspective of Mormons, but I feel that the media so often gets it wrong–or at least chooses to focus on the negative–that it really feels great to read your positive perspective. So thank you.
I agree that the community/social aspect and the instant connection you feel with other Mormons is the best non-religious part. However, to be honest I think that actually does speak to the heart of our religion and doctrine–we are commanded to be as one. So there’s that. We too moved recently and had people to help us move in and another mom who came and picked me and my daughter up from the airport. Yes we miss our old friends, but we always know we will be welcomed with open arms wherever we go. And if we ever got stranded somewhere, we would know exactly who to call for help. It’s a comforting feeling.
I think if there was one thing I could pass on to non-Mormons, something that might help them in their every day life–well it’s actually a doctrinal principal from our church, but I think this is WHY we put the family at the forefront–is the fact that you’re not just raising kids in the here and now, but you’re raising an eternal family. I believe the things I’m doing now are of eternal significance. I know there has been a resurgence in society in the importance of being there for your children–being present, maybe staying home, whatever–but I have never thought of being a mom as a second rate job like so many people do because I know it’s of lasting, eternal value.
That might not help since like I said, it’s a doctrinal principal so you might have to actually believe in it first..
But I think that one truth could help a lot of people put their families into perspective.
That prettiesness you say? Must be the light of Christ.
After reading your post, I think the best aspect of being Mormon is having a large family and not feeling like I did something wrong for having those precious kidlets. In my case, I am a stay-at-home mom, so most of my friends are LDS. I suppose sometimes people outside the Church might wonder where my sanity went to have a large family (7 kids), but my attitude is they are mine, and precious, and I do my best to raise them well. Having said that, do I feel pressure to be perfect? No, I don’t, but I do feel the need to do what’s best for my kids. Perhaps that’s my Type B personality speaking, and my Type A counterparts do feel more pressure, but I think for the most part it’s an internal thing.
How do we do it without caffeine (coffee)? Since I never have drank coffee, I don’t know any different!
:~D
I watch very little television because I got tired of the ubiquitous portrayal of women as being sleazy sluts or stupid bimbos. The gospel of Jesus Christ elevates women by teaching us that we are all glorious daughters of God, who have the divine privilege of motherhood – bearing and nurturing and teaching God’s precious children. I think all women would benefit from that knowledge.I live in Utah and when I visit my daughter in California, I always have to readjust to the demeaning practice of men staring at my chest, which just doesn’t happen very often in Utah. I love belonging to a faith that respects and appreciates women. I wonder how aliens intercepting our television waves would perceive our culture.I suspect they would think we have a very unhealthy obsession with violence and sex.
Just before I had the treat of seeing the movie Bright Star this week, I read a review by Peter Travers, who writes for Rolling Stone magazine. He ended his review with, “A literate, lyrical love story in the age of Hollywood crass. I must be dreaming.” We do live in a crass and vulgar culture. I yearn for the era of the romantic poets, but I also appreciate another, so-called “non-religious” aspect of my LDS culture. I can still experience theater, dance, or music at BYU and trust that it will be a virtuous and lyrical feast of creativity.
Mormonism, or the gospel of Jesus Christ, is better than it looks. If people understood the amazing blessings that come from truly living the gospel of Jesus Christ, I think they would be lined up for miles to get baptized (and more Mormons would live up to their spiritual privileges.
Last winter I spent a week on a Hawaiian cruise with my unhealthy aunt, who is addicted to coffee and cigarettes. She spent amazing amounts of energy negotiating how to get her next cigarette or cup of hot coffee. This experience made me very grateful for my health and freedom.
This post and comments were fun to read. Thanks!
How fun to read a post from a non-Mormon. Thanks for taking the time…I enjoyed it.
In answer to your questions, I’d have to begin by saying that (for me, anyway) Mormonism must be even better than it looks. Because I manage to enjoy all the good things you mentioned without feeling the need to be perfect. (Good thing, too, because I am nowhere close!)
The best non-religious aspect of Mormonism would have to be the complete sense of community and the strong family ties. I think non-Mormon mothers would benefit from giving themselves permission to make their children and families a first priority, even before significant careers. I also think that family home evenings would be well worth adopting, as well as greater commitment to time spent together, both inside and outside of the home. Further, while it would be hard to replicate the closeness that exists within the church community, I would still (if I were a non-member) want to find some community and become an integral part of it, giving and receiving in meaningful ways to form the kinds of bonds that sustain individuals and families through good times and bad. I also love the fact that every time I move to a different city, I have immediate friends and connections, along with a sense of continuity through both custom and worship.
I feel that spirituality is critically important too, along with prayer and meditation in whatever form that takes for you.
Some Mormon women do feel pressure to be perfect, just as some other women in our society feel that pressure. Personally, I think such needs depend a lot upon who you are and what kind of personality and neurochemistry you have. One thing’s for sure, I wouldn’t want to give up having high standards and ideals in order to feel less motivation or impetus to do what I think is right. Doctrinally, members of the Church are not expected to be perfect. They are expected to be doing their best, yet they are frequently counseled not to “run faster than they have strength.”
I enjoy feeling that I have a specific meaning and purpose in life, and I like the responsibilities and obligations that go with that belief. These are centering and grounding for me, and belonging to a ward where members work together as one to create and maintain a religious community is soul-satisfying.
As for the caffeine, I can’t do it anyway. Hops me up completely…makes my pulse race and my blood boil. Pretty easy for me to forego that pleasure …
Mama – what a cute post! I didn’t read through any of the comments because I dont have time but I just wanted to say…
My experience of being a Mormon hasn’t been all “Osmond-y” and it surely hasn’t been without pain and the life experiences that pulled me away from it. But I do want to express to you that even without the community, culture, and perks of Mormonism, I truly have a testimony that it is the Lords Church – meaning the fullness of his teachings are being taught within this gospel.
It took me years to be able to know this, and knowing it is the biggest “perk” of being Mormon. The family of my brothers and sisters in this faith is secondary. I hope that you will at least investigate the beliefs of this religion and see for yourself if you feel the glow that only the relationship with your Savior can bring. It’s not an exclusive membership ya know…
What a great post, I loved it! Being born and raised in the LDS church I sometimes take for granted my lifestyle. I am only 30, my children are small and I feel like my life is only really begining. I don’t know how it’s all done, but I do know this- I have been taught pretty much since day one to serve. And I know that when I dive into service head first I tend to not focus on all the negative out there. Not only in the world, but with myself as well. When I am helping out with one thing or another I’m not sitting around focused on my own insecurities or faults. I’m focused on someone else, and knowing that I’m helping to make a difference. (Plus I think it’s so wondeful for small children to see first hand ‘niceness’. They are learning at 3 and 5 that the widows in the neighborhood love homemade dinners and visits, that the parks need to be picked up, that some childrens parents may not have enough money to buy them a gift on Christmas… it’s nice to tell them, but it’s even better to show them- mormon or not).
I also love the closeness. But I know that it’s not all inclusive to mormons. I attend a fabulous playgroup weekly. Granted I’m from UT and 80% of the group is Mormons, it was started by a Mormon mom and we usually meet at her house, but still. There are a few non morman gals and their darling children that come along each week and it’s great! I think just stepping out and making new friends with everyone is great!
I don’t know where I’d be without the Gospel in my life. It truly gives me hope and on those dam-awful days I know that I have at least one friend I can talk to even if He is in Heaven. And as far as caffeine is concerned, gives me a headache. Plus, when your then 2 year old asks for Diet Coke for breakfast you know your introuble and I through every can out… sometimes I do long for the sweet, ice cold goodness, but I ultimatly feel so much better without it (do does my wallet!).
Thanks again for the post, it was fabulous!
I’d have to agree with others that Mormonism is a lot better than it looks. Outsiders see happy, shiny people. Insiders know that we have the same problems and trials in our lives as non-Mormons (addictions, affairs, rebellious teens, money problems, unemployment, deaths and sickness), but we can pull through them with the strength we get from our intimate spiritual and emotional relationships formed by so many shared personal experiences together, plus our belief in a God that loves and knows us each, individually, by name. We believe that because of Jesus, there is a much better world awaiting us after we leave this one. We know that even when the bad things come our way, and even when God can’t take away the hurt and pain and suffering, that He is still listening to our prayers and sending us relief through His tender mercies, small miracles, and friends who show they care by bringing by a casserole or watching our kids for us. We know that Jesus knows *exactly* how we feel when we are suffering and in pain and darkness. We can feel joy and peace, even when life is not happy.
Some of the best non-religious aspects of Mormonism (in addition to those already listed) are the (1) emphasis on education (formal or not), constant learning, and constant teaching and sharing of skills. Especially the women of the church are constantly encouraged to teach each other the skills that will make us better women, better mothers, better wives, better homemakers, better citizens, better followers of our faith and religion. (2) The belief in the importance and value of real men and fathers and (3) the complimentary belief in the importance and value of real women and mothers. (4) Health and behavior codes: no alcohol, coffee, tea, smoking, drugs, partying, sleeping around, fidelity in marriage (The caffeine/no caffeine thing as it applies to cola and chocolate are up for debate within the church.) (5) Because we are basically assigned a job at church, and because we don’t get to “apply” for what jobs we want, and because those job positions are frequently changed, we are forced to learn new skills, forced to find new talents, forced, basically, to stretch ourselves and learn what we’re really capable of. Further, we are put into those jobs with people that we get to know on an intimate level because of all the time we spend working together, in a non-typical work environment where we are encouraged to share feelings and impressions.
The practices and traditions that would most help the non-Mormon homemaker would be (1) the constant education with classes teaching any and all sorts of helpful skills (cooking, childcare, gardening, relationships, communication, literacy, etc, etc.) and (2) the Mom Network that comes with being a part of a Mormon congregation. You have other moms/homemakers to turn to with your questions or dilemmas.
I loved your insightful and complimentary post! Thank you for sharing!
How heartwarming to read this post. Thank you for finding so many positives. I feel like being a Mormon shapes my life in so many positive ways.
I don’t feel the pressure to be perfect (at least not too much I think) because my mother was such a great example of being herself AND a wonderful wife and mother her way. She taught me that I would use my own talents to be the person God wants me to be. So I feel comfortable choosing to NOT do things that others might and concentrating on the things that I am most interested in or good at or that my family in particular needs. Perhaps from the outside it looks like everyone sews a Halloween costume or enrolls all their children in sports, but really each family and each mother is making individual decisions.
I do feel like there is little else besides church in our (American) culture that encourages having children and staying married even through the difficult times. I view that as a huge help since I’ve been married 17 years and I am now old enough that “the world” often sets things up so that a man feels like it is the next step to leave his marriage and date someone younger who has not had four kids.
I also appreciate the accepted attitude in our church that parenting is a huge purpose in our existance so it is far more important that work acheivements, money, power, looks, etc.
What a breath of fresh air!
I love your perspective.
Benefits we have that would be of the most help:
I think our single greatest strength is our love of families, and that is something the whole world could use! I love that my heart feels tied to my parents, grandparents, great-grandparents, and especially my children, and I know their hearts are tied to mine. They are more important then any friend or any possession or any compensation, and we are so happy to be a unit.
With that, the other great advantage is our love of womanhood and motherhood. That is something EVERY woman needs. To understand that you don’t have to compete with men to prove your worth, they know our worth and hopefully so do we — to understand we are amazing creatures and our gifts should be celebrated — to understand our talents should be used and nurtured, and that our children are our greatest pride and happiness. Being a woman is the bomb-diggity, and Mormonism helps me embrace that!
Also, marriage. I might want to mame my husband, but I’ll never divorce him. And I have the gospel to thank for that!!
i think one of the best things about being a mormon is how other parents and individuals help me raise my kids.
sometimes “hearing it from mom” doesn’t carry the same weight as a caring teacher or leader, and it’s my greatest desire that they turn out to be happy, contributing members of society who make the world around them better. i don’t have any idea how i’d raise my kids to be honest, respectful, moral, great-hearted beings without the myriad examples that they see on an on-going basis through regular participation in the church.
i know lots of churches have youth groups and whatnot, and i’ve attended a number of different churches throughout my life. in just the past week alone i’ve been to catholic, protestant and mormon services, and visited christian scientist, jewish, budhist, and LDS temples, plus a buddhist monastery. i’m kind of fascinated with different styles of music, interpretations of scripture, the cultures of various belief systems, and how the practitioners live their beliefs.
the differences in connectivity in a religion that requires sacrifices of it’s members vs. those that are more “buffet-style” (come and take what you like, leave what you don’t) is marked. i think meeting regularly with the same set of people, who are in your geographic area (we don’t pick and choose which church we will attend as most religions do), and having a lay ministry (no paid clergy, and we all have the opportunity to participate in teaching and nurturing one-another) is key to the continuity that has been so critical to me.
in the world at large, there are ways to implement a close-knit community in one’s life, and there are wonderful, great-hearted people everywhere. but being Mormon sure makes it easier to find a core of this type of person, even if (or perhaps, especially if) you have to move. and it helps children navigate their way through the teen years, and youth who are transitioning to adulthood keep their footing when they move away from home to still have that same instant-connection and welcome no matter where their path may take them in the world. and none of this even touches on the peace that learning the gospel have given me. my life would be a complete wreck without it.
i loved your thoughts Mama! ♥
perfection is an aspiration that not many people i know actually take upon themselves. i think more accurate is that we’re all trying to do our best…though the bar may be pretty high in some cases. we often reach for lofty heights, and don’t find anything wrong with the pursuit. but there is room enough among us for all types, and the race is to the steady, not the swift.
Is Mormonism as good as it looks?
Yes for the most part, but it takes a big commitment.
What do you think is the best non-religious aspect of being Mormon? Knowing who I am and where I fit in. What practices and traditions from Mormonism do you think would most benefit the average American housewife or mother? Teaching your children to serve others and that they have a greater purpose then self fulfillment.
Do you feel there is pressure to be “perfect?” I think there is pressure to seem perfect.
How does that differ from pressure on other American women? I think we feel more pressure to be the perfect wife and mother, while we don’t feel the pressure to have a career.
How is it similar? I think we all want to be good Mom’s and wives yet we define the meaning differently. For example I want my son’s to serve a mission and I spend time teaching them so that they will be prepared. I am sure there are things you want from your boys and you are preparing them differently.
How do you do it without caffeine? I am a convert and I drank coffee as a young adult It was really confining because after a few months I couldn’t wake up without it and I always had trouble sleeping at night. When I joined the church and quit the caffine I no longer needed anything to wake me up in the morning and I slept better at night too! I have to say when I drive past the local coffee shop on the way to school each morning I feel sorry for the people lined up for their daily dose. Think of all the money you could be saving.
PS: The caffeine thing? We probably make up for it with chocolate
♥
Thanks for the love, Mama. You’ve inspired me to try to be kinder. I agree with the many comments about community. I think a big part of my personal appreciation of motherhood and desire to do my best as a mother is based on the mormon belief that every child is a child of God and has existed eternally. It is a privilege and an honor to give birth to and love and teach a precious child of God.
Mama, it was so delightful to read your post. Thank you!
It’s hard for me to put into words the things I love about my religion and how it helps me. But, like many of the other commenters, I love the sense of purpose my religion gives me. I love our church’s emphasis on the family. I love the helps I receive in raising my children. I love our focus on education and service. I love the value our church places on womanhood and mothering. And I love the growth and skills and sense of community I receive from serving in church callings. NonMormon families could benefit from all of these practices, as well as the daily practice of prayer and scripture study–these help keep me grounded and happy.
And I’ve never missed the caffeine! A little chocolate once in awhile is nice, though.
Hahaha, I DO do it with caffeine. It’s one of those lovely gray areas.
I think one of the best non-religious things about our religion (is any of it really non-religious though?) is our goal to be charitable and do service. Because it is a little known fact in most of the world that the greatest joy is achieved when you give of yourself willingly to those in need. And I’m not talking about $5 to the Santa outside the grocery store or a check to Good Will once a year. I mean getting your hands dirty service–making dinners for a mother with a new baby, weeding someone’s yard who is sick in bed, shoveling snow for the old lady next door–these are the kinds of things we Mormons are encouraged to do as often as possible. And it really does bring us such joy. Maybe that’s where the glow from our pores comes from.
Chocolate, oh chocolate. Yes, that’s my caffeine fix. It’s not every day, but it sure is a good thing.
It is very difficult for me to separate any of my life into a non-religious aspect, because it is all so intertwined. But for me probably the best part is being able to love being a stay-at-home-mom without feeling guilty about it. Like so many other commenters, I think society in general would benefit from a stronger focus on families. Some of my best friends are non-Mormon with wonderful families, but they don’t always have the same support from others that we do in the church.
I feel pressure to live up to who I am and to do my best, but not to be someone I’m not. That said, I enjoy my almost daily can of Dr. Pepper. I never could stand Diet Coke.
As a non-Mormon, regular reader of your blog and of Michelle L’s, I have to chime in that I wholeheartedly agree! Reading Michelle’s blog as well as Nienie and CJane leaves me with a feeling of wanting to pack up my kids and move to Utah and convert.. I agree that everyone seems beautiful, happy, and surrounded by friends and family, something that I so wish I had. I wish there was a “Magic Mormon Pill” that could turn my life into some semblance of what I see on these blogs, filled with happiness and light and love. I have nothing but respect and admiration for what these great moms seem to effortlessly achieve.
Danielle, I really, really wish it was effortless. And there certainly is a lot to be happy about. But it isn’t happy roses and fuzzy bunnies every moment of every day, I’m sure every Mormon in the world would agree that life is pretty much like it is everywhere in every faith. Hard. The thing that I feel is different for me is the eternal and spiritual perspective and strength that I get from my faith. That makes it a lot easier to smile and enjoy what comes my way.
Danielle, if it makes you feel any better, I’m Mormon and I read those blogs and come away wishing I could be like them too.
I’m sure this has already been said but I really love no matter where I go, there will be insta-friends. The church is true wherever you go and knowing if we move across town or across the nation wherever my new ward is there will be people who have the same beliefs, morals, faith and values that I have.
Yes I do think there is pressure to be perfect, but it’s put on by ourselves, no one is perfect and we all know it but we think others are perfect or appear perfect…I don’t air out all my dirty laundry just as I know others don’t…we’re not perfect but we want to be..it’s about finding a balance between striving for perfection and being miserable and depressed about getting to that perfection. And I don’t think it differs from any other American woman who compares herself to other mothers/women.
You wondered why we are so beautiful. A few times I have gone to Utah, where there is a high population of Mormons, I was in awe that there were few ugly people. It was just as you described, glowing people. It’s not what I see at home. That glow is the Spirit of the Lord. Striving to do His will and serve blesses us and makes us happy. Also, we are encouraged by our church leaders to dress modestly and be clean. Who is going to look happy and glowing with their body hanging out all over?
The best non-religious thing for me is trying to constantly improve and do better. We have Relief Society meetings regularly just for the women where we teach one another how to do a lot of that stuff you envy on the Mormon blogs. And community? Yes. My husband is in the military and when I need a hand in caring for my family while he is away, my ward family is right there to help. When I went to see him graduate boot camp with two children, I trusted a member of the church who I’d only spoken to on the phone to babysit the kids for a few hours so we could have some alone time. What a blessing! I don’t know how I could ever do it alone.
Danielle,
I’m gonna pipe in here and say that maybe you could find out when a gathering is taking place in your area. You don’t have to be committed to convert or anything to go — just see if they can let you know when they are having a Relief Society gathering or a ward activity to give you a chance to make some friends.
If you were in my area, you could be my buddy at our next activity!
Thank you for your great post! I find it fascinating to get someone else’s view on where I am standing, and your post certainly gave me thinking material!
While I don’t know about being an American woman or mother, I know about being an Aussie woman and Mum so will answer accordingly =)
I think the best non-religious part of Mormonism for women is the community. All different ages, races, abilities, interests, experience come together with one common belief. From that sparks and generates friendships and relationships that simply don’t have the fertile ground to spring from in ‘modern life’.
I find that as an LDS female, the idea of “perfect” is clung to by members of the Church, almost in denial and contradiction to what our teachings, scriptures and leaders tell us. It seems to me that the things we feel pressure most to be perfect in are not the same as non-LDS pressure points, namely there is a perceived pressure for getting and staying married and having children. Anything less is ‘failure’, and a feeling of being disconnected from the ‘norm’, whereas in general Aussie culture those things are just seen as ‘life’ and ‘choice’.
Thankfully we Mormons are a ‘peculiar people’ so being different from the norm tends to work for me!
And my caffeine replacement is humour, though that may just be me =)
Is it the extraordinary consumption of ice cream in Utah? My nine-year-old thinks that ice cream is essential, no matter where one lives
Thank you for sharing such a kind post about Mormons. So refreshing to hear from someone who likes us for the majority of ourselves, instead of yet again focusing on the unfortunately bigoted minority. Ours is the only religion it is still socially okay to discriminate against. Thank you so much for providing another voice.
And, yes, ice cream is part of the secret Mormon diet
Loved your post!
I’m a convert to the Church. That means I wasn’t raised in the Church. In fact, I’ve only been a member about 19 months now. My perspective is likely to be different from other members as a result.
I don’t know the Mormon culture very well. I’m still learning more and more of the gospel daily.
But, here’s my viewpoint:
You ask – Is Mormonism as good as it looks?
Not sure how it looks to you.
Seriously I don’t know who you know or how the represent Mormonism. 
I’ve known fabulously generous examples and bigoted prejudiced examples of Mormonism. It’s important to remember that we’re all humans and we’re all flawed. Some flaws are very obvious and some are well concealed.
You ask – What do you think is the best non-religious aspect of being Mormon?
For me being Mormon is all religious based because I’m not part of the “culture”. It’s about following Christ and his teachings. About striving (even though I fail continually) to be his light unto the world.
I suppose a non-religious aspect could be trying to constantly improve myself. It’s based in religion, but others could adapt it without following the gospel.
You ask – What practices and traditions from Mormonism do you think would most benefit the average American housewife or mother?
Assisting our children and families in being the best that they are able to be. Accepting them as they are and yet helping them to realize their individual potentials.
Listening and interating with our children. Knowing them and spending quantity time with them.
You ask – Do you feel there is pressure to be “perfect?”
In my ward (congregation for non-Mormons) there is pressure to present a perfect image. There is a fair amount of gossip and there is pressure to meet all sorts of silly cultural standards that are in actuality not gospel based.
What thing that annoys me to no end is the idea that we must wear cosmetics, fashionable clothing, and be pretty.
I was a bit taken aback by your comments about Mormon women being pretty because there is a lot of pressure to present a certain physical image, then I realized there are lots and lots of pretty women who are Mormon and perhaps some are your friends.
You wrote – How does that differ from pressure on other American women?
It differs only in that at least the Mormon pressure comes primarily from a basis of caring about grooming and health.
I think the Mormon culture has taken true doctrine and in some areas distorted it to an ideal that is unhealthy.
You wrote – How is it similar?
It’s similar in that American culture shows women how they should dress, act, etc. and Mormon culture does the same.
You wrote – And yes, how do you do it without caffeine? No, seriously?
I never used caffeine before I joined the Church so I can’t help you out there!
I can tell you that my husband just switched his addiction to coffee to a Diet Coke addiction.
Many, many Mormons still ingest caffeine, the form just differs from the primary American choice – coffee.
This just made me feel happy to read, as I was in a melancholy mood tonight. I’m glad you don’t think we are “freaks” like some of my relatives do.
I to enjoyed your sayings of mormons. Yes it’s a nice to hear good things about us from those who are not of our faith.
For the most part I believe the replies to your post were from women in and out of the churdh. This reply may have a different slant on things that you asked. Why? I am a guy. The only pressure I feel is to be good enough to deserve the beautiful things of Christ. First and formost the Priesthood. Doing the things needed to hold the Priesthood is rewarding in it’s self.
My children are gone but I do have two beautiful grandaughters that I try hard to do right by them. Being a male I can’t comment on pressure that the sisters may feel, I only can say how good it is to be among women that are as the sisters are. My wife has given me more than I thought women to have. A woman that is close to our Heavenly Father is a treasure, regardless of her faith. The work that the sisters do in the church and what I think it must be like to have a child, makes me glad I am priesthood holder.
Being close to our Heavenly Father and His son Jesus Christ, I feel, is the cause of our looks. When you see someone that is happy, they do look pertty. All Mormons including this one, wish the good feelings we have of our heavenly Father for all people.
What ever faith we may be, lets join hands and thank God for giving us His love and beautiful creations.
If you have got this far, you know that all mormons are not good at spelling. Sorry for that, May God bless all.