I Write?

Posted by Melissa Y. | July 20, 2010 | 23 Comments

I accidentally wore my Segullah t-shirt to the bank last week.

“So you’re a writer,” the banker said.

Dang, I forgot I was wearing that shirt.

“Um, yeah,” I said (my brilliant way with words already obvious).

“What do you write?” he asked.

Dang again, why do people always ask that?

“Creative non-fiction,” I said, hoping that would be a conversation stopper (and figuring that it sounded better than “nothing lately”).

A few seconds of silence.

“I actually like to write, too,” the banker said.

Well, I was not expecting that. “What do you like to write?” I said, because two can play at that game.

“Oh, mostly fiction,” he said, “just short things. I haven’t started on ‘my book’ yet,” making quote marks in the air with his fingers.

And just like that, we were friends (except that I can’t remember his name now). But I know that he knows what it feels like to struggle in front of a blank screen. I know that he knows the thrill of creating a world with words, the hope of finding the perfect phrase, and the fear of being told that the thoughts he’s wrung onto the page don’t really mean anything.

I know that he feels the both the weight of laying claim to a title like “writer” and the simultaneous joke of it all, because when it comes down to it, everyone and their dog is “writing a book” (said with air quotes). Being a writer is at once presumptuous and pedestrian.

I used to think that writing was about what I produced. I thought that in order to be a writer I had to…you know, write something. Or have written something. Or be planning to write something.

But now I consider myself a writer because I love it. That’s all. And I’ll wear my shirt because it’s not so much about me as it is about opening the door to have a conversation with someone else.

And it’s a cute shirt.

Comments

23 Responses to “I Write?”

Melanie
July 20th, 2010 @ 6:51 am

I love this post! And I love the thought that there are thousands, millions of people out there who write.
Natalie
July 20th, 2010 @ 10:41 am

Sigh… I went back to school and chose an MBA because I didn’t want to be grouped among all “those typical writers getting MFAs” but now I’m just “a typical 20-something getting an MBA” — and I realize that writers are a rare breed and the more you find the better.

(and I’m actually likings school… that’s good)
Rose
July 20th, 2010 @ 11:13 am

“My ‘book’” Lol!! Love it! Everyone and their dog is writing a book, one of the reasons I don’t want to write one ;D
Cath
July 20th, 2010 @ 11:27 am

I love this! Write because you love it. There’s the real reason. Very wise. And my favorite phrase? “the fear of being told the thoughts you wrung onto the page don’t really mean anything” – that’s how writing is. Like bleeding. Wringing yourself onto the page. At the risk of dismissal. But we continue to do it, as you said, because we love it.
Jen
July 20th, 2010 @ 12:46 pm

When you write, you definitely put yourself out there…that’s for sure. Thanks for this!

I didn’t buy a tee at the retreat, can I buy one now? (It’s one of those “shoulda-bought-it-but-I-didn’t-and-now-I-regret-it” thingys.)
Sue
July 20th, 2010 @ 1:37 pm

It IS a cute shirt!

Even after I had three books published, one of them by Deseret Book, I never called myself a writer or even an author. It seemed presumptuous, somehow, or maybe “pretentious” would be a better word.

What changed my feelings about all of that was when a member of my ward (our gospel doctrine teacher) began calling me as a poet. At first, he made me uncomfortable, but he would so often refer to and/or introduce me as a poet that I somehow got comfortable with thinking of myself that way. After all, I am a poet. I write poetry all the time and have since I was six years old; it’s part of my process of moving through and sorting out the world and my feelings about it. But I never truly saw myself as a poet until I realized that someone else saw me as one, someone whose opinion I respected. (Kind of a sad statement, eh?)

Anyway, once I felt comfortable calling myself a poet, I suddenly felt comfortable taking on writer and author as well. I even made a business card that I hand out to people when they ask for a certain poem after a talk or program. (A great idea, because I used to have to find the poem hiding in my computer somewhere and e-mail it to them. Now I just tell them to hop on over to my poetry website and browse!) On the card, I give my blog url and my poetry website url on one side; on the other side, I have written poet, author, and freelance writer. And I feel completely comfortable about calling myself any or all of these. Amazing.

This post is so interesting to me. Poet is actually where I live, and it wasn’t until I embraced and fully owned that part of myself that I felt comfortable calling myself a writer and freelance writer.

Are all writers so peculiar?
Sue
July 20th, 2010 @ 1:39 pm

Correction: (I wish we could edit these posts after the fact!)

Not “calling me AS a poet,” but “calling me a poet.”

*sigh*

=D
Tasha
July 20th, 2010 @ 3:33 pm

Sweet story. I too want a shirt, as I had the misfortune of not being able to attend the retreat. Could they be put in the Segullah store?

I would like to make friends with the guy at MY bank. :]
Melissa Y
July 20th, 2010 @ 4:45 pm

Sue, I’m not sure why it’s so hard to embrace the title of writer or poet. I don’t know anyone who has done it easily.

Maybe because it seems like there are expectations built in of what it means to write. Maybe because it’s a title that usually has to be assumed rather than given (though I love that the man in the ward gave you the title of poet). Or maybe because the process is so long (at least for me) and so vulnerable. I don’t like anyone to read anything I’ve written for at least several drafts, and it even makes me nervous to have someone in the room when I’m writing.

It feels like if I declare myself a writer, I should be able to produce on demand the way I sit down to play the piano (as a pianist), but writing doesn’t work that way, at least for me.

Thanks for the interest in the shirts, Tasha and Jen. I’ll check to see if we can put them in the store.
Jill Shelley
July 20th, 2010 @ 9:00 pm

I enjoy your writing style, Melissa. You ARE definitely a writer. It flows from you. To me, a good writer is someone who can write like they are sitting there talking to you. And you do.
Rebecca
July 20th, 2010 @ 10:14 pm

I bought the mug because I didn’t think I had the guts to wear the shirt. Now I am thinking that wearing the shirt would have been a good jumping off point. A commitment perhaps? I probably write less than a lot of people, but I find myself continually composing drafts in my head.
JennR
July 20th, 2010 @ 10:19 pm

I missed the retreat, but I want a shirt really bad!
Sage
July 21st, 2010 @ 4:34 am

It truly is a flattering shirt (even on my dd size chest). I wear it to exercise in (which is good news since I have worn it pretty often lately). I feel that same vulnerable insecurity about saying I’m a writer too. I had an essay published in college (20 years ago!!) and I write a blog (read by about 8 people). But I too love to write.

I love how you described writing. The process of finding the right word or the joy of creating a new place in my mind, or for me to make some order of my world with an essay–that is why I love to write. Thanks, Segullah, for helping me learn more about how to write well. I still have a long way to go. But one day(!!!) I will write my “book”!
Emily M.
July 21st, 2010 @ 7:45 am

Hi Rebecca! Get those drafts down on paper, I’d love to read them. I felt sad that I never said goodbye at the retreat, because I loved talking with you at the morning session.:-)

I have been asked by people if I’m a writer when I wear my shirt, and I always answer “I like to write,” because it’s hard for me to own it, even after Kathy’s great speech and other various pep talks. I am not sure what it will take for me to own the title, but someday maybe I will.
jendoop
July 21st, 2010 @ 11:01 am

Good post. Recently my daughter shared with a woman in our ward that I’m a writer. Then she asked me about it and we even talked about Segullah. She didn’t know there was a website, I clued her in.

Writing is like letting a long hidden skeleton out of the closet to walk around and share more secrets. Once you let a written piece go it travels, and people assume they know things about you from your work (which may or may not be true). There are a lot of assumptions out there about the creative process in general. I agree that the misperception of producing on demand is frightening.

I also liked this: “Being a writer is at once presumptuous and pedestrian.”
annegb
July 21st, 2010 @ 11:51 am

Where can I get one of those shirts? I’ll pay, I promise.

I just have to say, I haven’t gotten my Segullah yet. Nope. Hate to nag, but…..
annegb
July 21st, 2010 @ 11:52 am

Oh, PS, when people ask me what I write, I say “really good nasty letters.”
Emily M.
July 21st, 2010 @ 12:12 pm

Annegb (and all our patient journal subscribers), we are experiencing technical difficulties with our super-fabulous five year anniversary contest-winner double issue. We appreciate your patience — it will be worth the wait .
Selwyn aka Kellie
July 21st, 2010 @ 11:25 pm

It’s a VERY groovy comfy shirt, and I don’t think I’ll wear it in public that much – it’s too good to snuggle up in bed in!

Having gone to the Segullah Retreat, people I know here now know me as “a writer” which still substantially freaks me out. My writing is my own thing, for me, and the fact that people read what I write and seem to like it boggles my brain.

That said, I love to write. I write stuff. So, I guess I really am a writer (who owns a really cool shirt that says so!)
kristine N
July 22nd, 2010 @ 11:47 am

Some days I’m a writer; other days I despair at my lack of ability and tenacity. I also find myself composing essays, blog posts, and stories at odd moments, only to have those thoughts evaporate in front of a blank page.

But I love it, so I guess I’m a writer, too!

Thanks for sharing your experience. That is an awesome shirt.
Eliana Osborn
July 22nd, 2010 @ 2:03 pm

Such bravery! Maybe a skimpy would be more appropriate for all that ‘I write’ puts out there.
Stacey
July 25th, 2010 @ 1:20 pm

I also hesitate to say that “I’m a writer” and tend towards the safety of, “I like to write”. I’m glad I’m not alone in that! So many times, I find that my hesitation comes from fear, and lack of accomplishment. I think my ego gets in the way too sometimes. If you declare yourself a writer and someone wants to know what you’ve written and where they can go to read it and you have nothing…well, that’s a little embarrassing. Hence the statement, “I like to write.”
Whitney
July 25th, 2010 @ 8:26 pm

My favorite writing-club experience was with a Las Vegas cab driver. When I told her I was a magazine editor, she told me that she’s a writer as well — published on some poetry Web site and working on her first novel, entitled, “Naughty Mermaids.”