I’ll never be Heather or Courtney or Gabby

Posted by Shelah | June 18, 2010 | 27 Comments

In blogging circles, I’ll never be known by the name of my blog (as in “Dooce says this” or “cjane says this” or “Design Mom says this…”).

You know what? In all likelihood, neither will you.

I had visions of grandeur when I started my blog back in 2005. Since I was too chicken to audition for plays in college, I’d never fulfilled my dreams of becoming a household name as an actress, so I’d do it as a blogger. Every afternoon, I put my toddler down for a nap, parked my preschoolers in front of the television, and wrote for at least an hour. When I wasn’t writing, I was thinking about what I was going to write. I wrote bad poetry, I wrote lists, I wrote about what I was reading and where I was running and what I was cooking. I ranted about how hard it was to have three little kids and a husband who was never home and live in a new city. I wrote about whatever would help me hold onto the thin thread of my sanity. I tried to be funny; I aped the casual, somewhat snarky language of the blogs I read. I posted polls, did all of the memes, courted blog awards, and religiously commented on my friends’ blogs (and their friends’ blogs) in an effort to get people coming back to mine. I woke up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom and checked for comments. I took pictures of my adorable children and my adorable house, and the adorable things my adorable children did in my adorable house. I worked it.

Did it make me rich and famous?

Nope. Not a bit. None of the stalkers my husband feared ever materialized. (Is it strange that I’m a little bummed out about that?) And he still works his day job.

Other than comments and, by extension, fame, I wasn’t sure what I wanted out of blogging back then.

Over the years, I’ve tried to figure out if I was writing for myself, for my kids, for my extended family, for disseminating information, or for my all-important READERS. I’ve seen bloggers do all of the above successfully, but I think I was trying to do it all at first, and while it kept me busy, I’m not sure if it was very satisfying. Finally, I decided that I’d focus on a few things I love the best. In my case, that’s reading and running. So these days, I post mostly about books I’ve read, but also throw in a smattering of posts about races and my kids and my house and some random musings every once in a while. It works for me, and it doesn’t dominate my life and my thoughts the way it used to. It makes me happy in a way that it didn’t when it was all about the numbers and the comments.

Other bloggers have other motivations. A few years ago, I interviewed Marilyn Brown for the journal, and I was intrigued by what she said about how she wrote about her family when she wasn’t busy with other writing projects. She says, “One of my favorite things to do is to turn toward the family as my audience. For one ten-year period I did a monthly newsletter, writing wonderful rose-colored blurbs about positive events in the lives of each member of the family. When I put stories about their goodness on paper, they responded with more excellent behavior!” Although Brown doesn’t blog, I know many bloggers who write about their children and family in the way Brown does, drawing on their strengths to inspire future good actions.

Still others are working in the vein of Virginia Woolf, at killing the notion of ” the angel in the house,” disabusing audiences of the idea that mothers are self-sacrificing and genteel and pious and pure. I used to think that straight talk and parental angst was my aim. Then my mom found my blog. Then my kids started to read. Suddenly writing about all the ways my kids and family drove me crazy didn’t seem like such a good idea any more.

Why do you blog? Does blogging satisfy the purposes you hoped it would when you started out as a blogger? Do you wish you had a little more blogging savvy?

If the answer to your last question is yes, today is the very last day to sign up for Segullah’s Writers Retreat on June 26th. We have a panel assembled of some of Segullah’s finest bloggers– and they’re eager to help you fulfill your blogging potential.

Category: Daily Special

Comments

27 Responses to “I’ll never be Heather or Courtney or Gabby”

Angela T.
June 18th, 2010 @ 6:12 am

Two years ago the initial purpose of my blog was to keep family and friends updated. We had moved across the country two months after having our first child and grandma wanted pictures to brag about.
Now it has spiraled into, as I put so eloquently on my header, “Another journal disguised as a family blog” that has brief cameos featuring my husband or son in pictures.

What can I say? Life happens.
SilverRain
June 18th, 2010 @ 7:29 am

When I first started online journaling, I wrote as a way to share things with a few friends. A public journal, if you will.

That blog is gone, taken down because of an online stalker (and it’s not fun or glamorous, I might add.) I moved into the LDS blog world. My main blog now has the purpose primarily of sharing my struggle in faith as I try to become a better disciple. I write for myself, but I write publicly in case what I learn can possibly help strengthen others, and so I can get feedback on what others think about some of the conclusions I reach.

I have a second blog that is not advertised that I use mostly for me. It has snippets of funny, uplifting things I notice in life. It’s purpose is to celebrate joy in this world.

My newest and third blog is private and contains all the down-and-dirty ugly things I have struggled with throughout the final stages of trying to save my marriage and the implosion that happened after I failed. It is documentation for me, so that I don’t lose myself or forget the reality of what I’ve been through. Maybe some day my children will read it, but that is not the purpose.

It probably says something about me that I have to compartmentalize like that, but it has helped me immensely. Typing is easier for me than handwriting journals, because of the pain in my hands. Plus, a computer is often more readily available than my journal. I can see, after learning how to blog, why we are supposed to keep a record.
SilverRain
June 18th, 2010 @ 7:30 am

Its purpose. *blush* What a long week this has been.

And thank you for this post. I think it’s a great chance to self-evaluate.
Rosalyn
June 18th, 2010 @ 8:46 am

I really enjoyed this post Shelah! I don’t think I was even aware of the possibility of blogging celebrity when I started my blog (in 2006)–it just seemed like a good way to keep our family (across the country at the time) updated about our life. But I have to admit now that there’s a part of me that thinks it would be fun to be discovered (although I’m realistic to know that the voice I project on my blog is not nearly that interesting to anyone who doesn’t already know and like me!)–this was especially true after I realized that CJane was a girl I graduated high school with, which made fame seem suddenly less implausible.

But I’m okay with not being famous. I still blog pretty regularly about my family, mostly because the blog has become pretty much the only record I keep (I used to journal regularly, but the blog has supplanted my journal).

I’ve recently started a second blog, though, as a place to write out things I’ve been thinking of (and for the discipline in writing them out) that used to disrupt my family blog (and, I suspect, bore most of my readers, since the majority of my extended family is not quite as interested in introspection as I am!)

Mostly, I’m pretty happy with my blogging–but then, that’s mostly because I try to keep my expectations low! And because I write mostly for myself.
traci
June 18th, 2010 @ 9:15 am

I love to blog. It is a writing release. My husband and I both write and it lets us share our writings. I do a lot of food posts and furry children and sometimes just what we’re doing. It’s just a nice hobby.
FoxyJ
June 18th, 2010 @ 10:08 am

I also started blogging in 2005, and I’ve had phases of hoping for fame and glamour. I mostly started because we had a bunch of friends blogging at the same time; they are all writers and much more witty than I am. I’m not totally sure why I still blog; partly to share in a community with friends (assuming anyone is still reading it–some days I have my doubts), partly to practice the craft of writing. I’m married to a writer and have lots of friends that write and would love to some day figure out how to do it well. Interestingly, blogging got me back into keeping a private journal as well. We also did start a blog about our kids with pictures of them for family members.

I have no idea when/if I’ll stop blogging. I love figuring out what to write and reading the writing of others. I’m excited to come to the conference and learn more about writing!
Blue
June 18th, 2010 @ 10:15 am

I don’t know if I’m happy or a little bummed that I didn’t make “stalker status” in your book.

I can relate to so much of your post. The “blogging for comments” phase was a zany time, and I don’t miss it at all. Now I blog for therapy…it’s a grat way to clarify my thoughts and zero in on things I might not take note of otherwise.

I’m excited about the writers retreat and studio night. Excited enough to get off work to attend. It’ll be terrific and I hope you all know how much this attendee appreciates the work you’ve done to put this event together. ♥
Jill Shelley
June 18th, 2010 @ 10:41 am

My blog gives me a place. A place to share what strikes me. I don’t even like to watch movies alone. If I can’t share it with someone then I don’t want to watch it. So finally, with my blog I have this place to share. There are so many interesting, enlightening, thought provoking things happening every day. And time is running out for all of us…I want to make the most of each and everyday.
Natalie
June 18th, 2010 @ 10:48 am

Ahh… the purpose…

I blog for relationships. I blog for creativity. I blog for a hobby and an escape.

I’ll never be famous, but it is a fabulous thing to be able to sit down and write.

Its also helpful in my career – the experiences being “pitched” stuff, working with brands, etc. is interesting to me.
Selwyn aka Kellie
June 18th, 2010 @ 11:08 am

I blog to work out what I’m feeling, thinking, and how to cope with what issue is consuming my thoughts and/or life.

I can’t WAIT for the Segullah retreat!
Amira
June 18th, 2010 @ 11:50 am

My blog has always been for me and not whoever’s reading it. What it’s done for me has changed depending on where we’ve lived. Sometimes it’s just a place to keep track of what I’m reading, and other times it’s been a significant source of social interaction, especially with Mormons. It’s definitely satisfied what I need, or I’d quit. There have been times when I haven’t needed it much, but I know that won’t always stay the same.
Jill Shelley
June 18th, 2010 @ 12:01 pm

SELWYN….This question is for you….You live in Australia so how can you go to the retreat…isn’t it in SLC? Am I missing something here?

btw, Selwyn has a great honest soul searching blog.
Sue
June 18th, 2010 @ 12:51 pm

Why do I blog?

Now, that’s an interesting question, one I’ve considered before. I even wrote a post exploring it once, and I think what I ended up deciding is that I have a serious need to be heard. As it happens, blogging has become one of my favorite ways of filling it.

Years ago, I went through a phase of wanting to get things published. Three books and numerous magazines, anthologies, and literary journals later, I discovered the art of blogging. And you know what? I like it best of all.

Why?

For a few reasons. First, I like the complete creative control and its attendant satisfaction. I can use music, pictures, and words to express whatever is in my mind or heart on a given day. Second, I can get immediate feedback and even establish a continuing dialogue. Third, I can form relationships with people who create their own stuff and allow me to react to it.

What could be better?

(Another benefit is that the blog can be printed regularly by Blog2print or Blurb for an instant personal history!)

=)
Jennie
June 18th, 2010 @ 1:42 pm

I have really thought about why I blog and the main reason for me is to have something that is all about me, me, me. When you’re a mom (especially a mom of six kids) everything is about the kids. They are everywhere and everything. Which is fine–I knew that’s what I was getting into when I had them. But I love having a blog that isn’t about my kids. Well, sometimes it is because that’s my job. But it is only about my kids if I want it to be.

I can talk about myself, movies I like, things I think are interesting or dumb or funny, myself, places I go, food I eat, myself. You get the idea. A blog has really been a place for me to remember who I am besides just a mom.

The greatest thing about blogs is that there is no right or wrong. A mom blog that is pictures of kids and cute things they say is no less of a blog than that of somebody who is snarky and brilliant. Not everybody can be Pioneer Woman, and that’s OK. That’s what is so amazing about blogs. Your blog is what it needs to be, whether it’s an examination of faith, an exercise in creative writing, or a reminder of why you do the day-to-day monotonous mom stuff.

I love blogging!
Jennie
June 18th, 2010 @ 1:44 pm

Who is Gabby? Guess I’d better figure that out.
Selwyn aka Kellie
June 18th, 2010 @ 4:22 pm

Jilly Shelley – in answer to your questions, yes the retreat IS in SLC, yes I DO live in Australia, and YES I am coming over to attend the retreat! I am so excited!
Emily W.
June 18th, 2010 @ 7:08 pm

I blog as a way to “brain dump”. Sometimes it’s the only way to get the thoughts out of my spinning brain!

So I figure, since I’m doing it anyway, may as well get paid for it. Only problem is, no one wants to pay me for it!!!

Gabby=Design Mom
Sage
June 18th, 2010 @ 9:00 pm

Great post for us bloggers! My first reaction to finding out about blogging was that I could create my own little “magazine.” It was so cool! I’ve wanted to write/be a writer since I was about 8, so it was a good place to practice. I related well to this post because I’ve been through most of those stages (the bad poetry/the political opinion/kid photos/life lessons/books/my day’s schedule, etc.)–in other words-my own little magazine.

But mostly I have enjoyed blogging for how it has helped me learn about myself. I have conquered the comment envy (really!) and learned to just post whatever I want.

Blogging is fun for me because it makes me feels more connected to other people, even if only eight people read my blog. But that’s enough, I mostly blog to keep track of my life.

I also have a private journal, but only for the really juicy stuff!

I am looking forward to the retreat too! Luckily my niece’s wedding is bringing us out from NY! See you gals there!
DeniMarie
June 18th, 2010 @ 9:35 pm

I posed this question to my own small group of readers just a couple weeks ago because I couldn’t come up with an answer!

Why am I doing this? Every couple days or so for YEARS I have been posting stuff on this little blog of mine, but why I am I doing it?

Of course part of me wanted them to beg me to keep blogging and tell me how incomplete their lives would be without me. Why else would I post my thoughts and pictures in such a public way? But was I really doing it for the twelve or so people who check the blog all the time?

Most people tell you the blog is for them to keep track of their children and history and journal yada yada..

I do like the blog for those reasons. It forces me to take and (gasp!) organize pictures of the kids, but is the blog supposed to be a glossy advertisement for my perfect family? What about all those recipes, rants, and pleads for help? They didn’t seem to go along with that image.

I guess maybe the real reason I blog is because I want people to hear what I have to say, and know I exist. Yes, those people are mostly family–although some are weird friends of my husband, and still others are long ago acquaintances, but I still want to tell them how I make BBQ lentils. The blog is my yelling out to no one in particular: Hey, I’m out here writing stuff, so make a comment!
Courtney
June 18th, 2010 @ 11:30 pm

When I first started blogging I had just given birth to my fifth child. My oldest was 4. I needed an outlet. Something adult. Something for me. It has always been all about my kids but it is still for me. Now it is still that but it is also my photo album, scrapbook and journal.

I love the community aspect of blogging. Plus, in the time I have been blogging, we have moved cross country twice and blogging is a way for me to maintain contact with family and friends.
Red
June 19th, 2010 @ 9:50 am

I’ve thought a lot about this.

The most valuable thing about my personal blog is that it nudges me to put my thoughts into words. Words that could be consumed by others. It doesn’t matter who or when, but the process of thinking and writing and editing helps me understand myself better. And it leaves behind a record of me that I am happy with.

Comments and fame and money were never the reasons I started blogging to begin with. So it’s easy for me to be happy for Courtney or Gabby. But not Dooce. She’s just mean.
Gabrielle
June 19th, 2010 @ 5:56 pm

Jennie– *I’m* Gabby! LOL, not that Gabby…
I love reading other people’s funny, clever, thoughtful blogs. But my blog is just a simple chronicle of my life. A record I can go back and read in a few years when the details of this part of my life have gone hazy and dim. Things I think I will never forget really do fade away, never to return, unless they are recorded.
90% of what is on my blog is most likely not particularly interesting to anyone but me, my close family, and my future self. But that’s really not why I write.
Writing about my life gives me a chance to appreciate the good, get perspective on the bad, and helps me to live more consciously and deliberately every day.
I have a chronic disease (a particularly virulent form of MS), and I don’t know how long I will be able to be the active mom I always wanted to be. I hope I have a long time (!), but my future is uncertain. If I don’t have the kind of time I want to have, I want my children to be able to look back on my blog, and know who I was. I can’t teach them everything I want to teach them right now. They won’t remember it all. But whatever I record on my blog will be there forever– for whenever my children are needing and ready to know about their mom– who I am and how I loved them.
Stacey
June 22nd, 2010 @ 3:51 pm

The question of why I blog is something I’ve thought a lot about. It seems most bloggers do. I too had dreams of becoming a blogging celebrity at one time, but now I just blog.

I blog because I love to laugh at life. I love to make others laugh. I love to share a tender moment. I love to write. I’ve found blogging to be a fabulous way to keep me writing. It’s a great outlet and way to social network when I’m so busy with my family’s activities so much of the time. It’s also been a wonderful way to feel social even though I am mostly talking to little people all day long.
Sonora
June 25th, 2010 @ 1:34 pm

You have taken the thought right out of my head. I have had visions of grandeur that I have yet to achieve, but I have found some wonderful friends, some wonderful support, and a link to the outside world during this first year of my twin’s life. Blogging saved me this year.

I admit, I still have visions of grandeur. I would love to be like dooce. I don’t know that it will ever happen or quite how to get over the desire to be that person, but in the mean time I am finding so much joy in documenting my life and my children’s lives. I am a terrible journal keeper and I guess my blog is a gift to my children.
Michelle
June 27th, 2010 @ 2:40 am

Once in a while I break my recent no-comment rule (I still read regularly!) to comment on a comment:

“But whatever I record on my blog will be there forever–”

I think it’s ESSENTIAL to make sure we back up blogs (print in hard copy form, keep a copy on our computers or a disc or external hard drive or something) if we care about preserving them. There is simply no guarantee that a server won’t die or a company won’t fold or be bought out or whatever. I think sometimes we can get a false sense of security about how long our blogs might really live ‘out there.’ Maybe it will be forever, but maybe not.

And Shelah, maybe this happened before I got there, but I hope this post got mentioned somewhere in your panel presentation or materials. I think this is a great post for people either interested in starting a blog or well into the world of blogging. As SilverRain said, the self-reflection is good.

And I love this: “The greatest thing about blogs is that there is no right or wrong.”

p.s. I’d love to see a discussion about why people read blogs and the potential blessings and pitfalls that come into play on that end. As blogging usually includes community dynamics, it is not just about writing but about reading. Introspection on motivations and what impact reading experience has on one’s life can be interesting as well.
Mary B
June 28th, 2010 @ 9:17 am

I started my blog six years ago as a way to share photos with my adult children, parents and siblings. Two years later it began to morph into a venue for writing, aided by the increasingly unreliable nature of my digital camera.

So now it serves as a place to put the essays that start composing themselves in my head whenever I learn something new or make a new connection between ideas. I have the kind of brain that enjoys sorting and framing ideas. Articulating that, either verbally or into print, is something I find satisfying. And, of course, writing down those ideas helps me to remember them later.

I would be surprised if anyone other than my adult children and a few other family members ever read what I post, which is about right for me.
Mary B
June 29th, 2010 @ 6:48 am

Are you familiar with David Elkind’s theory of Imaginary Audience in adolescent development? It grew out his study of most teenagers’ sense that certain others who are important to them are as aware of their actions and appearance as they are and a resultant tendency to feel on-stage, noticed and visible and to therefore make decisions as to how they will act or speak based on that sense of being observed.

Kristina Frankenberger did research which was published in the June 2000 Journal of Adolescence, which indicated that the sense of Imaginary Audience continues into most people’s young adulthood, and begins to fade in the late 20s early 30s.

I think your description of the evolution of your blogging experience is a wonderful example of that kind of healthy transition.