I’m gonna live forever, I’m gonna learn how to fly!

Posted by Michelle L. | October 22, 2009 | 32 Comments

IMG_8094 copy Tearful parents, a missing little boy and a shining silver balloon sailing against the magnificent backdrop of the Rocky Mountains— all so that mom and dad could get a little screentime.

And who can blame them? A near-tragedy that hits the national news these days is almost a guarantee for a tabloid cover, a book deal, maybe another shot at a reality show. Why should all the attention go to parents of sextuplets?

Well, I might blame them. A little.

Americans are obsessed with fame. YouTube, American Idol, Dancing With the Stars, People, Star, The National Enquirer, blogs…. Mormons certainly aren’t immune to this national/international mania. We do, in fact, cultivate our own micro-celebrities of authors, General Authorities, crafters, singers and bloggers. Everyone seems to be for vying for their own place in the sun or eagerly following the lives of others. Both are spiritually damning.

God commands that we “put no other Gods before him” not for His benefit, but for ours. And the personal pursuit of fame– “I’m going to live forever”– is the antithesis of Christ’s “I am the way, the truth and the life.”

We all enjoy approval and the giving and receiving of accolades is healthy. But sometimes I find my self-worth being determined by the opinions of those around me. I go from accomplishment to accomplishment, from “hit to hit,” until I recognize how empty I feel.

Recently, I expressed concern to my Bishop that I didn’t know how to make everyone happy in my calling. His reply? “Don’t worry if people like you. Worry about doing the will of God.” My work, my life, my family flow much more smoothly when I work for what’s right, rather than the praise of men.

Cultivating talents for the glory of God can be a tricky balance. To me, Mack Wilberg, Conductor of the Tabernacle Choir, is an ideal example. Bach-like in his composing talents, his fresh arrangements have invigorated the choir for the past decade. Wilberg single handedly resurrected “Come, Thou Fount of Every Blessing” back into the Mormon musical repertoire and has written dozens of compositions and arrangements.

But Wilberg shies from attention, avoiding awards and interviews. He accepted the very public role as conductor of the choir, but as a service and a passion, not to increase his own personal fame.

How can we, as Saints, glorify God and contribute to society? Do you see an obsession with fame in society (or is it just my grocery store with all those magazines)? Do you find yourself looking to others for approval? How do you think the internet and blogs have contributed to our own bright or dim sense of stardom?

Comments

32 Responses to “I’m gonna live forever, I’m gonna learn how to fly!”

Jenny
October 22nd, 2009 @ 5:21 am

We all seek validation in some form. The internet provides a whole new world of options for this. I literally have to stop as ask myself the question: WHY am I doing this? Is it to seek approval from others? What is the motive?
There has always been (to some extent) an obsession with fame, whether one seeks to be in the spotlight, or holding it. It IS possible to do good works, and not be glorified by others. Like everything, the balance can be tricky.
Justine
October 22nd, 2009 @ 6:21 am

It makes me so uncomfortable to watch people clamoring for attention and acclaim. It seems we lose sight of ourselves when the goal becomes notoriety or fame. People do things they would never otherwise do. I think Jenny’s right, validation can feel rejuvenating, but it can come quietly from loving family and friends, it doesn’t have to be in the newspaper to work.

I have too strong an opinion on this to say more. I’ll just end up getting in trouble.
annie
October 22nd, 2009 @ 7:31 am

What a great post. I don’t long to be famous but, if I’m really honest with myself, I have always wanted to be a little “different” from others around me (finding some way to be distinct), which adds up to the same problems but with a smaller audience .

I think we can help our children not buy into that trap by being careful how we talk about achievements and glory and honors, being sure to include our appreciation for our kind neighbors and quiet service and hard work and talents. (It *is* tricky to encourage talent development without getting all caught up in the comparisons, though. I like your Wilberg example.)

I love what someone once told me: “you can get a lot done if you don’t care who gets the credit.” So true and the opposite of fame seeking!
Katie
October 22nd, 2009 @ 7:44 am

“We do, in fact, cultivate our own micro-celebrities of authors, General Authorities, crafters, singers and bloggers. Everyone seems to be for vying for their own place in the sun or eagerly following the lives of others. Both are spiritually damning.”

Are you arguing that the attention General Authorities receive is spiritually damning?
Catania
October 22nd, 2009 @ 8:21 am

Can we Glorify God and Contribute to society? I think so. For one, I’m grateful for all of the people who had passions and pursued them. Because of their dedication, I am able to enjoy good art, music, media, and literature. So – I totally think that it is possible to be contributing to society while also glorifying God.

Do I see an Obsession with fame in our society? YES. I have to admit, I think that it is horrible. It seems to be contributing to so many other problems, too.

Do I find myself looking to others for approval? Sometimes, yes. And I hate when I do this. there are a few reasons why: 1. Sometimes I’m being shallow and pathetic. 2. Sometimes I’ve created something, and I want to see that it pleases others, too.

Has the internet contributed? Yeah, I think it has. Of course, it, like everything else – is a double edged sword. In one way, it is making people even crazier for their “15 minutes of fame.” However, I also am grateful for the internet because it can bring many people a sense of community. It is great to discuss gospel topics. It is fun to discover new art or music. So, like everything – the internet seems to be a breeding ground of good and bad alike.

Thanks for the thoughtful post. The idea of fame and popularity is intriguing. You would think that we’d all be able to get over ourselves (and popularity) sometime after junior high.
Michelle L.
October 22nd, 2009 @ 8:34 am

“Are you arguing that the attention General Authorities receive is spiritually damning?”

Ah, good catch, Katie. And I would have been wiser to use a different example. But President Hinckley’s words come to me, “Adulation is poison.” I do think that GAs have to make a conscious decision to remain humble. And they do a good job at it. We might recall an example from the past where a GA’s desire to sell more books cost him his integrity. I don’t think that is happening today and I apologize for mentioning General Authorities in that context.
FoxyJ
October 22nd, 2009 @ 8:39 am

I’ve never cared much about celebrities or becoming famous myself. But within my own small sphere I do want people to notice me and I want to be special. I like it when I get together with people and they know who I am and read my blog. But, my patriarchal blessing cautions me that many times in my life only God will remember me and approve what I do–so I try to remember that.

As far as General Authoritie–first of all I read that sentence as not related to the next one. I haven’t known too many who are seeking for fame. However, I do think we do spiritual damage to ourselves when we elevate them in our minds to some sort of ‘special’ or ‘celebrity’ status. They are ordinary people given a big calling they have to fulfill. When we assume that they are somehow more ‘special’ or more spiritual than we could possibly be, I think that is damning to us because it stops our spiritual progress. Each of us is just as loved in the eyes of God as any of the General Authorities and their families. It also makes me uncomfortable when people seem to choose ‘favorite’ GAs who are more ‘cool’ than other ones and really build them up. I don’t thinkt that’s what the Lord wants us to do–although it is human nature. Perhaps that’s why the scriptures keep repeating “God is no respecter of persons” and “all are alike unto God”. Do we really believe that?
Karen
October 22nd, 2009 @ 8:44 am

I really appreciate this post for one main thought. It is what your bishop said to you “Don’t worry if people like you. Worry about doing the will of God.” I have had some struggles recently because of things said by someone I thought was a friend, about my husband and me. Things which are tied into my husbands service in our ward. I have felt hurt, betrayed and angry. But this quote from your bishop jumped out at me and reminded me who’s opinion really counts.
Thank you.
corktree
October 22nd, 2009 @ 9:02 am

Annie, I really appreciate your comment. I have always stood out in church because of some different opinions on certain subjects, and even though I have always told myself that I don’t like the way it singles me out and makes me feel disconnected, I think I may actually seek it out as a way to be noticed. I hadn’t thought about this before. I guess I need to re-evaluate why I hold on to some beliefs so strongly. For the most part, I DON’T want to conform if it means giving up standards and convictions, but I don’t want to be an attention seeker either. I try to remind myself that I have a lot to offer people around me from my experiences and learning, but I guess I need to guard against sharing my talents and knowledge in order to be “known” for what I know and do. That’s tricky indeed and needs help from above to be successfully humble, I’m sure.

As for blogging, I’m trying really hard to find the balance that doesn’t leave me feeling empty. After finally turing my comments off so that I wouldn’t check for them all the time, I feel better about what I choose to write about (it’s my non-family blog), and I have found that I really DO do it for me because I enjoy the writing process and the way that it helps me get my thoughts out. There are plenty of places on the internet for discussions, and I didn’t want to get caught up in my own ego anymore, (or have it deflated on a 0 comment day).

I thought about going private with my personal blog, but for some reason, it makes it less fun to write for, even without comments. Why is that? Am I still massaging my ego by checking to see that people are actually reading it?

It makes me wonder where the whole internet world fame will lead and if this is some giant test of our characters since we have actually been told to get our lives out and in the open for people to see. I know most people struggle with this the same way, but I find myself hoping that such a voluntary struggle has some purpose in the end…and if not, we really do need to get over ourselves and get off the computers to do some real good in the world.
Sage
October 22nd, 2009 @ 9:12 am

Great post! And FoxyJ, you took the words out of my mouth responding about GA and spiritual damns. It is important to remember we can be just as righteous as someone with a “big” calling. And I’m sure they have to strive for humility. When I was called to be RS president, I had to pray for humility. I got more than I’d had. I’m still working on it. Humility is KEY to living the gospel. I think that’s why this post is so important. We have to be humble to eschew the glories of the world for the quieter glories of serving God.

Thanks for reminding me not to care how many/few comments I get on my blog : )!
Kerri
October 22nd, 2009 @ 9:25 am

First of all, I love that picture. (Millcreek Canyon, I’m guessing?)

Secondly, I think this is a good, thoughtful post topic. As a musician, I have certainly had times when I’ve wondered if my desire to perform has been more for adulation or for the uplifting of the human spirit. When I was in college, I found that 2 Nephi 32:9 really spoke to me: “But behold, I say unto you that ye must pray always, and not faint; that ye must not perform any thing unto the Lord save in the first place ye shall pray unto the Father in the name of Christ, that he will consecrate thy performance unto thee, that thy performance may be for the welfare of thy soul.” When I’m interested in being an instrument in God’s hands, it changes so much about my motives and my preparation. I have loved the refining process of really allowing myself to put His desires first. It allows me to let my mistakes mean less and my communication mean more, which is freeing, and it takes a lot of the ego out of life, which is also freeing. Prayer has been the key for me to put God’s will above mine.
Michelle L.
October 22nd, 2009 @ 9:46 am

yep, that’s Millcreek. Good eye, Kerri.

I wanted to write a bit about it in the post but ran out of room. Taking a photo like that gives me a deep sense of satisfaction– not pride, but delight in the gorgeous day, the beautiful girl, all the possibilities of life before her. It glorifies God. And I feel good about sharing it. I occasionally have the same experience in writing (though it hasn’t happened for a while) when I know the words are a gift and meant to be shared.

I’m certainly not advocating that we stop sharing our talents– I NEED your talents to brighten my life. But as Saints, we should constantly evaluate our motives, “Am I doing this because it IS good or because it makes me look good?”
corktree
October 22nd, 2009 @ 9:56 am

I also wanted to comment on visible VS non-visible callings. If took me a long time in my current calling as choir director to define success in our performances by something other than whether we received comments or praise from ward members. After 2 years I am finally satisfied with knowing that if anyone, even if it’s just the choir members, felt the Spirit more strongly because of our choice in music, then we have done our job. Of course, I suppose there is a certain element of pride to how spiritual you can be as well. Hopefully I’m closer to figuring this out, but it struck me that some local callings can have an element of fame or at least notoriety to them as well that we need to watch out for.
martha
October 22nd, 2009 @ 10:06 am

This is a wonderful post for thought Michelle!

I think celebrity is often a tool of the adversary. It frequently encourages people to compromise their integrity and virtue, it often encourages selfishness and pride, and it distracts us from what is real, of value, and what truly brings joy.

I have a difficult time feeling “good” about blogging. I always have to question my motives, and I often find myself feeling that it is just not the best way to be spending my energy no matter what the justifications are.

I feel that our callings are an excellent place to learn how to glorify God while contributing. I realize again and again that my “high profile” calling is to facilitate opportunities for others to discover their worth and as a byproduct I will discover mine. When I feel pride boiling a little, I remember where it comes from, and tell myself that there are things that I am to be taught by those I serve.

On the other hand, there are times, when I have had to go against the flow of popularity and make the hard call. I know the difference by how I feel inside. And sometimes I feel peaceful and unpopular all at the same time.
SilverRain
October 22nd, 2009 @ 10:07 am

Just as money is not the root of all evil, but the love of money, so is fame not spiritually damning, but the pursuit of fame is. That is the difference between your average General Authority and Britney Spears.

Well . . . one of the many, many differences.
cindy baldwin
October 22nd, 2009 @ 11:30 am

This brings up another interesting point that I’ve been thinking about this year – as blogging has gained popularity, there has emerged a genre of “disaster blogs” – blogs focused on the disasters or major health issues of individuals. Some of these become hugely popular and through their blogs they’re able to get a lot of support, including financial support to cover the cost of their medical bills.

I’ve seen this happen a LOT over the past two or three years. On the one hand, I think it’s admirable that a community of strangers will band together and help those in need. But on the other hand – for every lung transplant patient who has a hugely popular blog and gets an enormous amount of much-needed support, there are hundreds of other lung transplant patients whose blogs never get noticed and who never get the support they need. (I use the example of lung transplants because I have a genetic lung disease and so I seem to read a lot of transplant blogs!)

I’m not condemning the popular blogs; like I said, I think it’s great to see a bunch of kind-hearted strangers rally to raise money, send encouraging emails, etc. It’s just the discrepancy between these and all of the millions of people enduring similar trials and with similar desperate needs, whose stories are never recognized, that makes me uncomfortable.
jenny
October 22nd, 2009 @ 11:31 am

“Are you arguing that the attention General Authorities receive is spiritually damning?”

I like your response to this Michelle and FoxyJ.

I was recently at my Grandmother’s funeral in Salt Lake and the widow{of the hinted at GA}’s funeral/viewing was taking place at the same time. (Actually, there were three in all.) There were many GA’s there and you could hear a little hum and buzz of excitement as people from the other families arrived for their viewing. I overheard one guy on his phone just outside the building, so distraught, because he had just had his picture taken with Dallin H. Oaks and he didn’t press save. I really felt for the General Authorities in attendance, {attendance at a FUNERAL!} because even if they never seek any sort of adulation or fame, it is always present for them no matter where they go.
Ian Cook
October 22nd, 2009 @ 12:16 pm

“Are you arguing that the attention Segullah receives is spiritually damning?”
Erik L
October 22nd, 2009 @ 2:15 pm

I never worry about becoming famous because I already am! I am the most famous dad in my entire immediate family.
Angela
October 22nd, 2009 @ 3:08 pm

I’ve been thinking about this idea as it pertains to achievement in general. Generally speaking, Mormonism is a “high achieving” culture. We’re taught to set goals and work toward achieving them from a very early age. And this is a good thing–mostly.

The problem comes, imo, when we conflate achievement with happiness and begin to believe that real joy comes from being successful. Some of the most joyful people I know are people who are pretty average: average looks, average family income, very few “show-offy” talents to speak of. And some of the most stressed-out, anxious people I know are people who are exceptional in some way, or in more than one way. (I realize I’m generalizing here–of course there are unhappy average people and peaceful, joyful exceptional ones). But beyond the pitfalls of fame-seeking, I think it’s important for me to teach my children that one does not NEED to be gorgeous or rich or talented or super-intelligent in order to be happy. As a matter of fact, sometimes those qualities are real impediments to joy.
Leslie
October 22nd, 2009 @ 4:11 pm

“How do you think the internet and blogs have contributed to our own bright or dim sense of stardom?”

I always hope for an innate sense that I will be able to feel the spirit of a blog. I love those women who uplift, share, and when I close their space, I am left a better person. When I read about the shimmering pieces of their days, I am left with an awareness of my own shimmering pieces. I love blogs that share, create dialogue, and are anchored with authenticity.

Because of some blogs, I now make great pumpkin bread, have met new friends, have new songs to listen to, can partake of great quotes, and I have learned to relish the everyday act of living. Isn’t Stephanie (Nei Nei Dialogues) so genuine and authentic? This is a blog that shimmers because the writing has purpose, audience, and she has such a spirit within her. She IS what she writes. You can tell that she isn’t writing for stardom, but to remember her story. As Joan Didion says, “I think I have already lost touch with a few people I used to be.” Isn’t this one of the essential reasons for why we write in journals and record our days?

If writers of blogs are looking for stardom, I am not sure if it will give them what they are truly looking for. Yes, there is money to be made, but there are also a myriad of ways that we can contribute to society. Blogs do, however, create a space where we can record, journal, uplift, and enlighten. This is when it contributes to the brightness, which is just what Segullah does for its readers.
Malisa
October 22nd, 2009 @ 4:24 pm

It was good for me to read this today. It helped put my head back in the right place. I can also see a fresh new view on my calling that has been troubling me these past few weeks. Primary choirister is one of those callings where you walk a fine line between doing what God wants you to do or wanting others to think you’re awesome.
jendoop
October 22nd, 2009 @ 5:54 pm

In my own observations I see that youth are very preoccupied with fame. Especially if they are lacking a good IRL role model. They clamor for some sense of direction and purpose. So when they see famous people on TV looking successful and happy they want to be famous so they can be successful, happy, and admired also. This is where we, as LDS people, need to be involved and concerned about fame. If we continue to support and praise people like Steve Young, Gladys Knight, or Nie Nie it gives youth, and the rest of society, famous people who are also good role models. Instead of leaving fame to people so demoralized I can’t even stand to mention them.

Another aspect to this is our need to monitor the famous people our children are exposed to so they understand that what they see in the media isn’t reality.

With church ‘stardom’- I’ve gotten a tiny taste of this having just been called to a stake calling. It is strange to have people know me that I don’t know. People are more friendly and more interested in me, it is uncomfortable. I know that really it isn’t about me, it’s the calling. I can definitely see how it could go to your head without the gospel to keep you grounded. Which is why it is so good that callings are temporary.

There is an interesting thing about stardom on the internet – it is largely anonymous. Few people in my everyday life know of my good works online. I like it that way because I can do good things without feeling the pressure that any stardom might bring (I wouldn’t even call it stardom, it’s just increased contact with people I wouldn’t know otherwise.)

Another benefit of internet stardom is the opportunity the everyday person has to be recognized as special. I help with mormonwomen.org , where ordinary Mormon women are profiled and recognized for the great things they do everyday but don’t get “fame” for. Seeing their life on the site changes some women’s view of themselves. They come to understand that they are worthy of praise, are special and important, and are a great example of the believers. Everyone needs to know that they are important and special. Maybe fewer people would seek fame if they felt an inner sense of their value.
Emily M.
October 22nd, 2009 @ 9:32 pm

Random thoughts on a great post…

President Hinckley’s words are so interesting to me. Adulation is poison. Why is that?… I think because when you start to believe in the adulation, you don’t see yourself clearly anymore.

I have very limited publishing experience, but small as it is, I really like the connection I feel with people when they read something I’ve written. A few weeks ago someone commented to me that they had read something I wrote at just the right time, just when they needed it. I felt grateful… if I had not put my writing out there, and hoped a little that people would read it, she would not have found the words she needed. There’s a connection that comes when someone reads something I’ve written at just the right time, and tells me so. I feel … incredibly validated, like I was blessed to create something necessary for another person. Validated on a deep level. It’s like they approve of my soul, in a way that makes me feel honored and humbled and a little giddy. Maybe that’s why it’s so addicting, and so dangerous.

I think that the fulfillment of some dreams/plans/lifes work automatically involves being public. Not everyone can be Mack Wilberg, and let excellence be its own publicity. If you want to write books, you’ve got to put yourself out there and publicize what you write, not for adulation, but because no one will read your words unless you do, and unless your books sell well, you won’t publish again.

Does that mean that you should abandon your dream, because it inherently involves asking people to buy your stuff and support you? I don’t think so. But I do think you have to be careful, and stay grounded if you ever experience the headiness of success.

Great stuff, Michelle.
Sage
October 22nd, 2009 @ 10:27 pm

Emily,
I like your idea that you don’t have to give up your dreams in order to remain humble.

My brother and his wife are very talented musically. I’m sure they could have made good money and notoriety if they’d chosen to promote themselves. They sing in a free community choir and direct their ward choir with distinction.

My only regret is that more people are not blessed by their musical gifts. I’m just now realizing that artistic gifts can actually be a service! I’m a little slow! Reading or seeing something uplifting does more for my spirits than a tater tot casserole!
Shelli
October 22nd, 2009 @ 11:15 pm

I’m new to Segullah, but I had to add my voice to this conversation. I know what it feels like to go from very visible to invisible. It’s hard, like many have mentioned, if we don’t know who we are without the praise and the attention. We’re commanded to love others as we love ourselves, and I think if we blog or sing or write because we love our life and we want to rejoice in it that’s a fine reason. I think that’s when gratitude is our motivator, and I’m sure God is fine with that. When fame or attention is our motivator we’re craving more of it, and we’re probably not as grateful as we should be. So we can chase our dreams and fulfill our callings and relish our capacity to do so many things – all the while praise Him because we realize we’re nothing alone. And that’s okay.
m&m
October 23rd, 2009 @ 12:03 am

I talked to someone recently whose story was told to a fairly large audience…by someone else, but told all the same. Many people were touched. This is a woman who doesn’t WANT to be in the limelight, but IS in a way…and she realized that it’s not always bad. I have seen people seeking God’s glory and He uses them and their ‘fame’ for His purposes.

The heart matters. I don’t envy anyone in the limelight, but some people just have that as part of their mission, imo. To do that with humility, with an eye single to God’s glory, I think is a true gift, and I think it can be done. But I wouldn’t want to be that person. And I imagine it must be very, very hard.
Selwyn
October 23rd, 2009 @ 3:57 am

I think the way to glorify God and contribute to society are the one and the same – by doing what we know to be right, for God, others and not ourselves.

Reading your post I had “Glory to God in the highest, and peace to His people on earth” singing in my head – do the first first, get the latter. As others have said in their comments, we all know someone who has reflected the glory to God in someway from something they have done themselves, and that is a greater sort of celebrity than on any magazine. (Though maybe the angels recording are actually editors…?)

I don’t look to others for approval, particularly with regards to blogging. I can’t imagine anyone saying my blog is pretty with lovely subject matter, but I don’t blog for anyone else, I do it for me.

Though comments are a lovely perk. Particularly when they tell of how something I shared helped them help someone else – that’s when I thank God for making something good come out of something bad.
Sue
October 23rd, 2009 @ 11:15 am

What an interesting topic: glory-seeking. I’ve always had to be careful not to go there because, as a writer, I definitely have a need to be heard. And I do seek the attention of my readers.

For me, there are two wonderful things about being a writer. First, getting something down exactly the way I feel it. Second, sharing it with others.

I feel deeply nurtured when people “get” what I write. And receiving that feedback is important to me because it completes the writing circle. Quite simply, I do write to be heard…and not just to be heard by myself.

The way I keep from getting in trouble with this loop is to always remind myself that any gifts I may have come directly from the Lord and would not exist without His involvement and approval. Because I enjoy these gifts beyond all reason, I do my best to ensure that I am worthy of that approval which allows me to continue to use them. And I do consciously try to consecrate their use to God.

On the blogging question, turning off comments would not work for me, because the exchange is an important part of what I’m looking for…the dialogue and connection.

When I was in high school, my English teacher told me, in front of the entire class and with a note of exasperation in her voice, that I had “a need to be heard.” At the time I was embarrassed and felt that her words had a negative connotation. Now, I just realize she was right. I do like to be heard. And I like to hear others, too.
Michelle L.
October 23rd, 2009 @ 3:07 pm

sue– I just love you. Thanks for your thoughtful contributions to our conversations here at Segullah.
ESO
October 26th, 2009 @ 6:04 pm

I must be missing out: who is a famous Mormon crafter?
Paula
October 26th, 2009 @ 10:47 pm

Michelle L., what’s your calling?