Comments on: I’m so offended! http://segullah.org/daily-special/im-so-offended/ Mormon women blogging about the peculiar and the treasured Thu, 09 Feb 2012 16:08:16 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Laura http://segullah.org/daily-special/im-so-offended/#comment-170944 Laura Tue, 12 Jan 2010 11:41:10 +0000 http://segullah.org/?p=5506#comment-170944 Doctrine and Covenants 64:10 I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men. Doctrine and Covenants 64:10 I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men.

]]> By: Téa http://segullah.org/daily-special/im-so-offended/#comment-170925 Téa Tue, 12 Jan 2010 05:59:15 +0000 http://segullah.org/?p=5506#comment-170925 I've had a blog post forming in my head about that, Latter-day Guy. Fun to see someone thinking alike... fun for me, anyway, you can take it however you want ;) I’ve had a blog post forming in my head about that, Latter-day Guy. Fun to see someone thinking alike… fun for me, anyway, you can take it however you want ;)

]]> By: Latter-day Guy http://segullah.org/daily-special/im-so-offended/#comment-170919 Latter-day Guy Tue, 12 Jan 2010 04:38:37 +0000 http://segullah.org/?p=5506#comment-170919 Do our sins offend God? If so, why doesn't he just "get over it"? ;-) Do our sins offend God? If so, why doesn’t he just “get over it”? ;-)

]]> By: sc http://segullah.org/daily-special/im-so-offended/#comment-170765 sc Mon, 11 Jan 2010 06:07:12 +0000 http://segullah.org/?p=5506#comment-170765 I used to tell people that I wasn't easily offended, but then about a month ago as I was thinking about it, I realized that, at least sometimes, I AM easily offended; I've just taught myself to get over it fast. My family has traditions both of holding grudges (I have a story from my Grandma which will soon be 100 years old...) and of letting abusive or close-to-abusive behavior slide, so I'm kind of dealing with both sides of this-- both acknowledging that hurtful things are hurtful, and then either confronting the problem or letting it go (depending on the severity). It's an ongoing learning process for me. Sometimes talking it out with someone else really does help tons-- validation makes a huge difference, for me, and after that I can often let it go or take the problem to the proper authority (which are not necessarily mutually exclusive options). An event happened when I was thirteen which was so hurtful that it changed the course of my life. By then I had already decided not to hold grudges, which was definitely helpful; it meant that my steely determination to prove Certain Parties wrong was channeled in to a determination to learn the scriptures really well. I now have stronger scripture study habits than almost anyone I know; and because I studied the scriptures, I came to know the Savior, His character, and in particular His love for me and knowledge of me. I learned for myself that nobody can stand between me and God, if I don't let them; and that knowledge is very, very precious. It was not, I have to say, painless or cheap to gain this knowledge, but it has been more than worth every bit of trouble. I am currently actively working on not letting offense stand between me and loving other mortals. I know that this is possible because I have, in times past, been immune to possible offense from certain groups of people (such as students in a class I was teaching, or a small child I loved). I love Conference talks on forgiveness and posts like these, because they renew my determination to pursue this goal. (Also, since some here were interested in not-giving-offense Conference talks, I felt that Elder Renlund's talk about keeping a soft heart was excellent. He sort of focused on the kind of soft heart that listens to the Lord, but I think that his counsel is equally applicable to keeping soft hearts towards one another.) I used to tell people that I wasn’t easily offended, but then about a month ago as I was thinking about it, I realized that, at least sometimes, I AM easily offended; I’ve just taught myself to get over it fast. My family has traditions both of holding grudges (I have a story from my Grandma which will soon be 100 years old…) and of letting abusive or close-to-abusive behavior slide, so I’m kind of dealing with both sides of this– both acknowledging that hurtful things are hurtful, and then either confronting the problem or letting it go (depending on the severity). It’s an ongoing learning process for me. Sometimes talking it out with someone else really does help tons– validation makes a huge difference, for me, and after that I can often let it go or take the problem to the proper authority (which are not necessarily mutually exclusive options).

An event happened when I was thirteen which was so hurtful that it changed the course of my life. By then I had already decided not to hold grudges, which was definitely helpful; it meant that my steely determination to prove Certain Parties wrong was channeled in to a determination to learn the scriptures really well. I now have stronger scripture study habits than almost anyone I know; and because I studied the scriptures, I came to know the Savior, His character, and in particular His love for me and knowledge of me. I learned for myself that nobody can stand between me and God, if I don’t let them; and that knowledge is very, very precious. It was not, I have to say, painless or cheap to gain this knowledge, but it has been more than worth every bit of trouble.

I am currently actively working on not letting offense stand between me and loving other mortals. I know that this is possible because I have, in times past, been immune to possible offense from certain groups of people (such as students in a class I was teaching, or a small child I loved). I love Conference talks on forgiveness and posts like these, because they renew my determination to pursue this goal.

(Also, since some here were interested in not-giving-offense Conference talks, I felt that Elder Renlund’s talk about keeping a soft heart was excellent. He sort of focused on the kind of soft heart that listens to the Lord, but I think that his counsel is equally applicable to keeping soft hearts towards one another.)

]]> By: Loralee http://segullah.org/daily-special/im-so-offended/#comment-170722 Loralee Mon, 11 Jan 2010 01:27:49 +0000 http://segullah.org/?p=5506#comment-170722 I remember being terribly hurt by something someone did to my husband and me, and as I was pondering and praying about it, the answer came to me as I was picking some strawberries from our garden: "take her some of these beautiful berries". Maybe it seems silly, but I followed the prompting, and immediately felt better about the person and the situation. I remember being terribly hurt by something someone did to my husband and me, and as I was pondering and praying about it, the answer came to me as I was picking some strawberries from our garden: “take her some of these beautiful berries”. Maybe it seems silly, but I followed the prompting, and immediately felt better about the person and the situation.

]]> By: rk http://segullah.org/daily-special/im-so-offended/#comment-170664 rk Sun, 10 Jan 2010 16:33:59 +0000 http://segullah.org/?p=5506#comment-170664 anonn, There is a very good y-tube demo at bullies2buddies.com that gives some really good ideas about dealing with exclusion. I would urge you to watch it and show it to your daughter. anonn,

There is a very good y-tube demo at bullies2buddies.com that gives some really good ideas about dealing with exclusion. I would urge you to watch it and show it to your daughter.

]]> By: anonn http://segullah.org/daily-special/im-so-offended/#comment-170609 anonn Sun, 10 Jan 2010 04:57:11 +0000 http://segullah.org/?p=5506#comment-170609 This was one of the hardest Christmas breaks I've ever had. I watched my cute teen cry and cry over not being included, being left out, being forgotten...whatever could go wrong with her and her friends, seemed to. We talked alot about feelings and how she could learn to be strong, and deal with it. I also talked alot about the Golden Rule, trying to make sure she understood that just because someone was acting mean to her, she shouldn't act the same. And then it happened. I realized one night as she left to go with some friends she was purposely leaving someone out. I was furious. And to make matters worse, it was one of my friends kids. Since that we have had many long talks about behavior. I still don't know all the answers, I wish I did. I guess we all have to plod along on this big ball called Earth and try to figure things out. This was one of the hardest Christmas breaks I’ve ever had. I watched my cute teen cry and cry over not being included, being left out, being forgotten…whatever could go wrong with her and her friends, seemed to. We talked alot about feelings and how she could learn to be strong, and deal with it. I also talked alot about the Golden Rule, trying to make sure she understood that just because someone was acting mean to her, she shouldn’t act the same. And then it happened. I realized one night as she left to go with some friends she was purposely leaving someone out. I was furious. And to make matters worse, it was one of my friends kids. Since that we have had many long talks about behavior. I still don’t know all the answers, I wish I did. I guess we all have to plod along on this big ball called Earth and try to figure things out.

]]> By: Linda http://segullah.org/daily-special/im-so-offended/#comment-170564 Linda Sat, 09 Jan 2010 19:34:14 +0000 http://segullah.org/?p=5506#comment-170564 I too tried to teach my children that no one can make them feel anything. Now that they are grown on occasion they have to remind me of that when I say "She made me feel----?" With all my heart I believe we control what we feel but boy it is so hard sometimes to remember that. I too tried to teach my children that no one can make them feel anything. Now that they are grown on occasion they have to remind me of that when I say “She made me feel—-?” With all my heart I believe we control what we feel but boy it is so hard sometimes to remember that.

]]> By: eljee http://segullah.org/daily-special/im-so-offended/#comment-170559 eljee Sat, 09 Jan 2010 19:21:27 +0000 http://segullah.org/?p=5506#comment-170559 In response to #41, I've found that in certain types of situations the best way for me to avoid being offended has been to take control through kindly, but assertively, taking task with the offensive comment or action. There are some things that you can--and should--just let go by the wayside. But sometimes something needs to be said. When I was childless and going through long-term infertility, I sometimes was the recipient of the most offensive and insensitive comments. It took me years to learn to directly address those comments. I didn't argue with or get upset at the person. I just kindly and matter-of-factly corrected them. To the sister who told me that maybe the reason I didn't yet have a child was because God didn't think I could handle it, I said gently but firmly that God usually tests us by giving us trials we think we can't handle, not by refusing to let us experience challenges. To the people who go on and on about how easy adoption is and how lucky I am to not have to be pregnant, I nicely but firmly tell that that there is no easy way to get a baby. These sound like simple things, but they have helped me take control! No longer am I a victim of other people's comments, yet I don't get mad or contend with people either. This is much better than saying nothing but then stewing or being hurt for weeks afterward. In response to #41, I’ve found that in certain types of situations the best way for me to avoid being offended has been to take control through kindly, but assertively, taking task with the offensive comment or action. There are some things that you can–and should–just let go by the wayside. But sometimes something needs to be said. When I was childless and going through long-term infertility, I sometimes was the recipient of the most offensive and insensitive comments. It took me years to learn to directly address those comments. I didn’t argue with or get upset at the person. I just kindly and matter-of-factly corrected them. To the sister who told me that maybe the reason I didn’t yet have a child was because God didn’t think I could handle it, I said gently but firmly that God usually tests us by giving us trials we think we can’t handle, not by refusing to let us experience challenges. To the people who go on and on about how easy adoption is and how lucky I am to not have to be pregnant, I nicely but firmly tell that that there is no easy way to get a baby. These sound like simple things, but they have helped me take control! No longer am I a victim of other people’s comments, yet I don’t get mad or contend with people either. This is much better than saying nothing but then stewing or being hurt for weeks afterward.

]]> By: Sharlee http://segullah.org/daily-special/im-so-offended/#comment-170544 Sharlee Sat, 09 Jan 2010 16:13:44 +0000 http://segullah.org/?p=5506#comment-170544 Sue (#37), thank you for your thoughts. Not only do I wholeheartedly agree with you, but you have given me some important insights. I have to admit that I've often felt impatient with people who are easily offended, but your comments help me understand where they might be coming from and why that might be the case. The question now, I guess, is, if there are people in our lives who are quick to take offense, what can we do to help them break free of that victim mentality? Sue (#37), thank you for your thoughts. Not only do I wholeheartedly agree with you, but you have given me some important insights. I have to admit that I’ve often felt impatient with people who are easily offended, but your comments help me understand where they might be coming from and why that might be the case. The question now, I guess, is, if there are people in our lives who are quick to take offense, what can we do to help them break free of that victim mentality?

]]>