Impending Doom?

Posted by Leslie | January 15, 2010 | 26 Comments

Life is good right now, in fact too good.

Everyone in our family is healthy, including my parents. My husband has a very stable job with a great work life balance. Our marriage is solid. We’re comfortable financially. My boys are having a good year in school. I am in a good creative groove. Really does it get any better than this?

All around me I see it though. People’s parents and children dying. People dealing with difficult medical diagnoses. Natural disasters. Financial struggles. Families falling apart. Children going into self destruct mode. I feel like I am tempting fate even enumerating the state of my life and blessings. I feel like I am holding my breath. Waiting for the other shoe to drop. Like my turn in the queue is coming up for some major adversity. It can’t go on like this, it never does. It’s too perfect, like the calm before the storm.

It’s so easy to be happy at times like this. Life is rolling along so smoothly. Sure there are little waves, daily hassles (like a two year old in a screaming phase) or demanding callings, but nothing to really rock the boat and make me hang on for dear life. I’d love to just freeze time. To live out the next 60 years in “this” part of life. I’ll readily admit it makes me a little bit afraid for the future, not sure I really want to open the next set of doors. I know the cycle of life. I know that laughter has it’s opposition in tears.

As I listened to NPR on the way to pickup my son from preschool the other day they talked about how while we think old people are unhappy but, they are not, in fact they are happier than younger people. I doubted this was true? Really? Is the best really yet to be, because I can’t imagine it. I am in my prime. I have energy, vitality, a body that works. I looked into mirror the other day as I danced with my boys in the office and faced down the reality that one day the image that stared back at me would be very different, and I, like my 96 year old grandmother, would not be able to move like that anymore, and then what?

I remind myself it’s easy to get caught in a cultural trap. To somehow connect easy with happy, to erroneously hinge it all on comfort and youthfulness. I was intrigued by a recent podcast I heard on Bhutan’s concept of gross domestic happiness. They talked about the inherent different in the eastern/western definitions of happiness. Surely from a gospel paradigm our understanding of true happiness is far from the worldly definition. It’s so much more complex woven with fibers of hope, peace, purpose, and wisdom.

A Ted Talk also challenged my outlook on the future and happiness. It talked about how false are beliefs are about happiness. Like the more choices we have sometimes, the less happy or content we are and the irony of how the things we think make us happy, often don’t. It gives the example of two sets of people, those who won the lottery and and those who became paraplegic, despite what we’d expect, a year after these events they actually experienced the same level of happiness.

I try to reflect on the Lord’s questioning to the apostles, as the tempests raged, “Why are ye so fearful? How is it that ye have no faith?” To remind myself that it has been the adversity of the past that has made me able to experience the sweetness of my joys now. To trust and believe that what is still up the road will be for my happiness and my good.

Where are you in life right now? In calm or a storm? Do you look excitedly toward the future or look with a tinge of trepidation? How do you define your happiness? What have you learned in the tenuous opposition of life’s experiences?

Comments

26 Responses to “Impending Doom?”

anonymous today
January 15th, 2010 @ 10:48 am

I love this post. This was me a year or two ago, or even more recently.
The funny thing is, the shoes has dropped, and you know what, I am still happy. DH and I are fairly financially strapped at the moment, only buying food and other essentials. Plus, I am pregnant with #5, and as usual, very sick.
But I have learned through the years to rely on my faith in the Savior to keep me happy. I know these are temporary conditions we are facing. I still have my wonderful husband and children, and we will weather this storm and be better people because of it.
Rose
January 15th, 2010 @ 10:50 am

My family is in the “calm” right now. Everything is going smoothly along. A part of me looks to the future with trepidation, but the other part of me looks forward to it with excitement. Sort of like the song on Pocahontas “just around the river bend” there will always be something there be it good or trying and there is always something to learn from it. I like to think that good times are testing our ability to not be prideful and selfish and the difficult times are testing our ability to rise above it and still be certain of our faith and trust in God.
Jill Shelley
January 15th, 2010 @ 11:11 am

I so hear you. I think we also can feel this way if we have had tragedy strike suddenly in the past. It makes us realize life can change with one phone call or one dr’s appt. I suppose the whole trick is learning to enjoy the journey, and to remember the hymn, “I believe in Christ, so come what may…”
FoxyJ
January 15th, 2010 @ 11:15 am

The last few years have been very chaotic for me and my family and we’re finally in a spot where things are calm and stable. My husband has a great job and we recently bought a home. I’m about to have another baby and so far things are going great (my last pregnancy had some serious complications at the end). It is a wierd adjustment to have some stability and I admit a little fear at what the future might bring. At the same time, though, looking back at the last few years I can still see some happy spots in the midst of all the craziness. I don’t think we would want to go back and repeat some things but time has given me the perspective that most of the time life is fairly mixed and that we can also find joy. I also think I find happiness by the small things, as cliche as it sounds, because I can control them.
April
January 15th, 2010 @ 11:35 am

Yikes the beginning of this post makes me worry for you! I am too superstitious to ever say my life is going great.
I also saw something on Twenty twenty or a PBS special that said that Seniors are happier. It said they were more content because they were easier on themselves and others. Things that made them unhappy in their 30′s and 40′s just didn’t bother them anymore and with age came wisdom in dicernment they didn’t have when they were young.
I am currently facing a storm now, But I feel I am handling it so much better then I would have just 10 years ago. I often find when I look back on life, things were happier than I aloud myself to be. So I am trying to step back and appreciate life more and let myself be happier no matter the situation. It’s a struggle though. I find being easier on others always makes me happier though. Now to learn to be easier on myself!
JoLyn
January 15th, 2010 @ 11:43 am

We are now in a calm period after enduring a long-term turbulent one. I feel so grateful for the calm and the associated blessings…but I’m also very grateful for what I’ve learned through the storm. Those are things I could have learned in no other way.

I’ve also learned to look for the good in everything…and the good in the middle of a storm is especially sweet.
Claudia
January 15th, 2010 @ 11:43 am

When they say older people are happier they are not talking about infirm people. They are referring to those between 50 and 70, maybe 80 at the outside.

It would be nice if your life could continue as it is. Everyone needs good times in order to get through the bad.
Amira
January 15th, 2010 @ 11:50 am

I remember at the end of 2003 that I felt a bit like you do. I knew we’d been given a rest- we were really happy in the place we were with the home we’d built, a great ward and neighborhood, financial security, etc. But I also knew that storms were coming. And they did, and it hasn’t stopped raining in 6 years.

But I’m learning that it doesn’t really matter if it’s storming outside because I can be calm inside. And I am excited for the future. I know some things are coming up that will be hard for me, but I’m looking forward to seeing where we go and what we do.
Andrea R.
January 15th, 2010 @ 12:04 pm

Like some of the others that have posted, we are in a period of relative calm, relative happiness, and relative good health. However, we have come out of a really hard period of illness and stress, and I try to remember every day to be thankful for this calm in the storm and to store up reservoirs of strength for when it gets bad again. I don’t want to live my life waiting for the other shoe to drop, but because my family and I have been through some hard things, I want to enjoy the good days. I think the bad times help you appreciate the good ones more.
Anon
January 15th, 2010 @ 12:16 pm

Like the first commenter, I was in the same place as you not too long ago. And the shoe has dropped. We’re out of work, I lost a baby at 18 weeks pregnant, and the future is uncertain. But also like the first commenter, we’re still happy. We can choose to be happy and have faith, not fear, no matter our circumstances. It’s just harder at certain times than at others.
Jessie
January 15th, 2010 @ 12:29 pm

Life is pretty good right now for us, too, at least by my standards. Health, job, house, groove and all. Other people come up to me and say, “What a trooper you are! I don’t know how you’re so cheerful while you’re dealing with __(insert minor trial here)__”. Pish, tosh, I think, that’s nothing! You should see what we got through last year, or the year before!

I think HF gives us the calm before the storm times so that we can give others a leg up. There are so many around us who are dealing with tragedy and we can be there to offer a comforting shoulder or a ride or a meal. Then when we’re in the midst of our next trial, the neighbor who is coasting can help us. One eternal service round.
Pam
January 15th, 2010 @ 1:15 pm

I so feel you on this post. I found myself nodding my head through the whole beginning part. In the midst of all the awful and horrible things going on in the world, with the recession, and the natural disasters, and the illnesses, my life is currently near perfect. My children are healthy. My husband just received a truly amazing and exceptionally LARGE raise. Our financial situation is more stable and comfortable than it ever has been. My neighborhood and ward are AMAZING. My more extended family (including the inlaws) are mostly healthy and bolstered around us… I am in a place of peace and understanding with where my life is. BUT- the issue with me is so much worse in my mind, because for reasons I can’t explain, I feel like my life may be drawing to an end, and though the idea doesn’t scare me, it makes me VERY sad. I am currently pregnant with baby #3 (my first boy) and I am due to be induced in 2 weeks (if he doesn’t decide to come sooner). I can’t say that his birth will be my death, I can’t even say that I know I am going to die. It’s just a nagging feeling I have that I can’t seem to shake. That I am running out of time. And the idea of not being with my dear sweet little family for many years to come, quite frankly, breaks my heart. It does help to sing certain hymns (I do love “I Believe in Christ”). It does help to continually show my children and husband that I love them, and to tell them often. And in case my time is running out, I have made a recent decision to write my children and husband letters. As well as to keep my blogging up to date allowing my family to see and “hear” my voice, no matter what happens.

I guess this could sound extremely negative and depressing, but the truth is, it’s in the Lord’s hands. His will be done. If it is my time to go, then go I will, and hopefully I will go with the certainty of knowing it’s all going to be okay… And in the meantime, I have dinner to make, baby clothes to sort through, a hospital bag to pack, and plenty of laundry and dishes to keep my days filled to the brim. Oh the joy of being a stay at home mom! And I truly mean that.
Jennie
January 15th, 2010 @ 1:55 pm

The thing that makes me really worry is the health of my family. All of us have been completely healthy so far. I’m just waiting for someone to get diagnosed with cancer or something similarly awful.

I’m not a pessimist, I just feel like nobody gets off the hook when it comes to physical problems.

I so hope I’m wrong.
courtney
January 15th, 2010 @ 2:58 pm

Every time I pray I express thanks for the health of everyone in my family, and it makes me really nervous to do that– almost like I shouldn’t draw attention to our health because then the heavens might smite us. It’s ridiculous, I know, but I am superstitious against my better judgment.

We are currently coming out of the storm right now. We were out of work for almost four months, but my husband just got a great job, we moved to a great area, and I just started a big work-from-home project. It makes me nervous that things are getting better, because I wonder what the next storm will be. I was almost comfortable (in a weird way) with our last struggle, if that’s possible. But, as hard as the last year has been for my family, I have grown closer to God than I ever thought possible. Through all the trials, I have never been more aware of God’s hand in my life, and it is truly amazing.
Kay
January 15th, 2010 @ 3:13 pm

Last year was truly terrible, after several difficult years. Some things are over, others are not. I honestly cannot ever imagine feeling safe again. I have not felt at peace for quite some time, fleeting glimpses come but not for long. There are good things in my life, such as wonderful friends, it is not all bad. Peace and calm seem so far away though.
Jessica
January 15th, 2010 @ 4:30 pm

Four weeks ago I let my Dad walk out the door to drive himself to quick-care because he “didn’t feel right.” He was, unknown to either of us, suffering a massive heart attack. Before the night was through he had his chest opened and new veins bypassing the old, dysfunctional veins to bring blood back to his heart, and survival back to his horizon.
It has been a storm.
Weathered well,
but difficult.
In the past year as I have dealt with only two issues that have really challenged my peace, I have appreciated the direction given by Elder Oaks to “thank God for our adversities, and pray for guidance in meeting them. It is all part of the plan.”
Even with my head in my hands, the posture of hopelessness, I have thought about his words that “God offers us opportunities for blessings, and blesses us through our own and other’s adversities.”
I am stronger every time my challenges don’t kill me.
So…in this, I thank God.
Selwyn
January 15th, 2010 @ 5:10 pm

I’m reveling in a calm period at the moment. I’ve survived an awful 18 months, and now it’s time to live again. I’m looking forward to this year (and the next 3 years) – I’m hugely excited to being moving forward.

I think it’s important to appreciate the ebb and flow of life and happiness. To savour the tasty happy days instead of preparing for sour times that *may* be coming up. Faith, not fear is how I’m trying to live, and enjoy the breathing space when it happens. As ever, I remember one of my favourite quotes from Mother Teresa “I know God won’t give me anything I can’t handle. I just wish He didn’t trust me so much.” Thanks for the thinking material =)
Michelle L.
January 15th, 2010 @ 5:15 pm

Nope, I don’t think anyone can dodge the rough times, but your post here, your list of gratitude is a lot of what makes you happy. You choose to see happiness.

I think it’s good to note “wow, things are really going well right now,” so that you can look back at those times later. I remember writing on my blog a few summers back “this was the happiest summer of my life.” And it was! And the next summer was REALLY hard, but I know I’d had my golden summer.

You’ll always be happy Leslie, because you recognize God’s hand in the good times and the difficult times.
SmallAxe
January 15th, 2010 @ 8:46 pm

You all at Segullah would know more about this, and it relates to this post. Are there any LDS treatments of “tragedy” in the literary or philosophical sense? (Building on or responding to Aristotle, Nietzsche, Steiner, Barker, et al. either explicitly or implicitly) I’ve wondered about this issue for a while, but have never had the opportunity to ask about it.
Kathryn P.
January 16th, 2010 @ 12:48 am

szcz??liwy

That is the Polish word for happy, but it is bad luck to ever say you are happy in Poland, because you are just asking for trouble. Fortunately, I’m only part Polish, so I’m not afraid to say that I’m happy and peaceful. One of the most peaceful and delightful women in our ward is 96. She lives alone and still drives a car. I would totally believe that older people are generally happier…my favorite older women are filled with light and love and peace and joy… (Leslie, that is a beautiful photograph of your family!)
Lindsay1138
January 16th, 2010 @ 10:24 am

The last 3 years have been the worst years of my life, and so far this one has been filled with so much family drama that I’m afraid I’m going to lose it. I’d love a bit of calm, but we’re still in the midst of the storm!
Terresa Wellborn
January 16th, 2010 @ 12:11 pm

My 86 year old grandma died 2 days ago. While for some it might be a storm, for us it was a blessing, a gift of great happiness sprinkled with bits of sorrow.

Gram had a multitude of spiritual visitors come and welcome her to the other side a few days before she passed, among them her own grandma and her uncle.

She said that day, “Today is the best day of my life.” And we believe her.

Her experience in dying, a gentle death, a quiet death, has given us all great hope of our own deaths someday. And of even a greater happiness, one we cannot even comprehend in the mortal, physical realm, in the life hereafter.
Laura
January 16th, 2010 @ 3:10 pm

I have talked to Chris about this topic several times. I often feel like things are too good, I wonder about the “impending doom” He reminds me that we will work through whatever we need to…and carry on. We do need to be certain we have oil in our lamps–That’s crucial during the rough times.
The future does excite me, it always has!
m&m
January 16th, 2010 @ 7:11 pm

I struggle with this. I have experienced the reality of losing my health, so I know how unsure that part of life can be. And yet, I have learned a great deal the past seven years with that trial, and have learned that I am stronger than I thought I was.

Sometimes.

And other times, I still just feel plain afraid about all the things that still could go wrong.

I try to remind myself that faith and fear can’t coexist. And there is so much to love about mortality, as hard as it is — especially with the gospel. When I’m immersed in the work, I feel joy, hope, and happiness.
Get Ready, Get Set, Get Old « Course Correction
January 18th, 2010 @ 1:14 am

[...] @ 6:41 am Tags: aging, golden years, Mormon work ethic, retirement “What is a good thing about getting older?” my daughter asked several years ago while doing research for a sociology [...]
Donna
January 18th, 2010 @ 9:34 am

Nice post. Funny, I wrote a post a few days ago about contentment. I’m not sure if I am in a calm or a storm. We have a few tough things right now, but it always can be worse. I am grateful for all the good things in my life and know somehow we will get through with the Lord’s help. I try to remind myself that His plan is the one that always works out, even when it has the heartache and tough times. It’s all part of the plan.