Comments on: just show up

By: Kirsty

Kirsty — Sat, 22 Aug 2009 00:08:02 +0000

Ben, I have a son named Ben too. I see him in the same way your mom sees you, as a completely remarkable, spiritual giant who will change the world. Totally unbiased of course.

Your mom’s post made me really, really think about the messages and pressure I may be putting on my kid who I am irrevocably in love with. Does he know this or does he feel like he needs to continue to be the overachiever in all things for me to think of him as special? These are things I need to ask him, more importantly, these are things I need to show him, and your awesome mom’s incredible post may have everything to do with the future success of our relationship and the way my kid sees himself.

Reading your post brought tears to my eyes because you clearly are the person your mom knows you to be. I can’t imagine any mom could be prouder of a kid then yours was reading that post. Heck, I’m proud of you and I don’t even know you. I really feel like I was led to this thread for a reason today, thank you both for being part of my little miracle.

Thanks also for restoring my hope in teens, Ben. That’s no small thing.

By: Sue

Sue — Fri, 21 Aug 2009 22:49:03 +0000

Great post and comments…I especially loved Ben’s, of course! Cool kid.

Here’s the thing. I’ve made plenty of mistakes as a mother, most as a result of my own issues. The beautiful thing is that every time I take responsibility for my mistakes and explain to my children that it was about me, not them, and that I am sorry, they have openly and lovingly forgiven me.

If the standard was that we had to be perfect parents, all of us would be failures. I think that the standard is that we all have to be humble parents, and Michelle’s post shows that she is definitely that…

By: Katie

Katie — Fri, 21 Aug 2009 03:26:18 +0000

Oh Michelle! You are so great! Thank you for sharing… your not so perfect moments! My boys are still quite young- but just a few short years away from what you are going through… so you are a great example to me- because obviously, Ben seems like such a great son. My oldest is nine, and helps me everyday to be better (along with my others, of course!) It gives me hope- because I screw up, big time, every day!! Motherhood is so difficult sometimes, it is so great to hear that I am not the only one!

On ‘short’ Patriarchal Blessings (if you will) mine, is so called short, and somewhat non-specific, but I have always felt that the wonderful priesthood holders that surround me; my dad, husband, leaders, have added ten fold to it… and my husbands patriarchal blessing adds to mine, because it talks about our children… What a wonderful blessing that we have the opportunity to have a PB, think of people in the world today that are confused, it would mean the world to them , if they knew that 1, HF exists and 2- he loves them and knows them… that is the most important than any detail about our ‘future’ life!

xoxo Katie

By: Blue

Blue — Fri, 21 Aug 2009 01:45:18 +0000

michelle, when i read this the first time, i was in ny visiting a bestie there who has really struggled with mothering her kids. as we read this together (how timely!) it had a deep impact on her and we had a really great conversation about mothering. it was 100% inspired. thank you for sharing it, and referencing it again today. i meant to let you know this when i had more online time than we had up there, and am glad to have this chance to share my gratitude to you.

perhaps this whole experience will help you, and others, who have been less than satisfied with their PBs to see them differently. because isn’t that what our hard things do for us in life? if this hadn’t happened, you mightn’t have had a chance to revisit your feelings about your blessing. so it’s a chance for lots of healing and growth all around. that’s a beautiful thing.

you are a gift! ♥

By: Clarice

Clarice — Thu, 20 Aug 2009 15:37:41 +0000

I echo Sage’s words above. I love that I can come on here and laugh, and cry all at the same time. This post was beautiful, and Ben’s response, yes, funeral reading material. You both are lucky to have each other as mother and son.

As for partiarchal blessings, I remember being hurt that my father didn’t come to mine. He doesn’t do too well with big, special events, and apparently he was having a bad day. All in all, it was probably a good thing he didn’t come, since you want to have the spirit there as much as possible. It was his loss…more than it was mine.

By: Sage

Sage — Thu, 20 Aug 2009 13:40:34 +0000

Michelle and others who have responded so kindly to “disappointed”‘s rude comment: thank you for being an example in word and deed of a follower of Christ. As I was reading through the comments after crying through the article and learning how to improve my own problem with high expectations with my oldest son, I was cut to the core by such cruel words. I wanted to respond in some viciously rude manner about how “disappointed” shouldn’t read Segullah or be allowed to make comments. But you all responded with love and understanding. And when I read Ben’s comment, my heart melted. I was thinking last night how Segullah is like having the best visiting teachers of my life available almost every day. Thank you again for sharing your struggles. They help me in so many ways. Love you all. Even “disappointed.” (at least I’m trying to).

By: Faith.Not.Fear

Faith.Not.Fear — Sun, 16 Aug 2009 21:34:12 +0000

Perhaps this is why we’re counselled to keep our blessings private and personal (“It might be appropriate to share a patriarchal blessing with close family members, but it is sacred and should not be discussed lightly.” Ensign, June 1994) — so we won’t be envious or critical.

I know I was a bit jealous when I first saw that my husband’s was two legal-sized pages, single spaced. Mine is the front & half of the back of a letter-sized page.

I’ve since realized that they are for us, individually! That mine is for me, and his is for him — neither better than the other. Takes a lot of burden off!

By: April

April — Sun, 16 Aug 2009 19:31:40 +0000

Patriarchal blessings are such a funny thing! The Patriarch in our Stake is amazing and he gives these long detailed blessings. I always felt uncomfortable about mine on my mission. I didn’t want people to know how many pages it was.(In my stake mine was short) The hard part about the blessing is that The Patriarch’s see the same things it’s just how much they choose to expound on what they see. Where mine say details about my mission, someone else may only know they will serve one.
I’m sorry you felt dissappointed with the vagueness of your son’s blessing. Often we put so much hope into something, we fail to prepare for how we’ll feel if it doesn’t work out the way we have imagined. All to often our children are the ones who help us to learn about ourselves, from this I imagine you can learn that the length or clearness of a blessing isn’t a reflection of you or your child’s spirituality or Heavenly Father’s love for either of you.
As long as you have reassured Your son of your love for him and the reason behind your dissapointment, I am sure you will both learn from this moment and maybe even have a good laugh about it in the future.
Peace to you as you are only human but learning to be Heavenly!

By: christine

christine — Sun, 16 Aug 2009 04:32:28 +0000

Maybe we could get a submission about Patriarchal blessings and experiences with understanding and coming to terms with them? Michelle-your humility and sorrow for making a mistake is a great example of turning to the Savior and what a great response of forgiveness from your son!

By: m&m

m&m — Sat, 15 Aug 2009 23:33:22 +0000

Just a side note about patriarchal blessings…I find that the older I get, the more layered mine becomes. It has not ended up being what I thought it was at the outset. I still end up being convinced that even a “short, vague” blessing can, over time and in the Lord’s own way, unfold with layers. Just like a simple verse of scripture can mean many different things over the course of a lifetime.