Keeping Quiet

I recently attended the wedding weekend of my nephew and his longtime girlfriend. My sister Susan (mother of the groom) gave a toast to the happy couple. Susan was warm, kind, and engaging – and extremely relieved when it was over and she could just sit down and nibble her cheesecake.

One comment she made in the toast stays with me. She mentioned that Martha, the new bride, brought the welcome addition of opinions and a voice to their “family of selective mutes.”

It’s true that my sister’s family is a quiet bunch. Some holiday meals shared with them over the years were punctuated by phrases as rowdy as “More turkey, please” or “Please pass the peas.” So it’s not a gab fest, but I love it. Over the wedding weekend – held at Martha’s family’s ranch in high redwood country in California – my two sisters, our spouses and associated siblings lounged in hammocks, sampled the zingy lemonade and generally got our combined heart rates slowed to a low, chill-axin’ lub-dub. While some of us went skeet shooting or took trail rides, others of us just sat contentedly in the Adirondack chairs and basked in the love.

I heard that the young folk stayed up late partying into the wee hours. And good for them! I’m old enough now to have earned the privilege of snoozing by 11pm without embarrassment.

I have thought about the reality that I’m quieter with my comments at Church these days. Is this just the effect of accumulating years? There are other young Turks (and Turk-ees?) now proclaiming and preachin’ it and keeping our Church family on its toes with lively discourse, much of it in the blogosphere.

It’s not that I’m silent. Anyone who has been in Relief Society or Gospel Doctrine class with me knows I speak my mind and have both a well honed “bull detector” and an impulse to get effusive about Gospel principles I particularly cherish.

Maybe I’m just not as noisy on the inside anymore. I have been through decades of internally wrestling with opinions/doctrines/policies that seem, in my view, not to “further the cause” and sometimes to cause actual harm. I tend not to get as riled, or at least not riled in the same way. I am more and more persuaded that God is a God of incomprehensible love, grace and mercy. I spend much more time trying to figure out how I can fulfill the promise I made while dressed in priestly robes – to build up the kingdom of that kind of God on earth.

It’s not the church as an institution I’m focusing on. It’s the kingdom of God; the Body of Christ; the Gospel of Truth. For me these days railing against some gaffe or discrepancy makes me lose focus. Nor am I willing to insist that everything is just peachy perfect. I’m trying to stay centered, connected to God and to seek peace, inside and out.

Part of my silence is also the by-product of having my words or comments misunderstood or dismissed often enough that holding my own beliefs – privately, intimately – is an act of self-preservation, pain avoidance, and an act of honor.

(Still, ironically, I am here spilling my deep thoughts for all the world to read.)

As often as I’m able I like to attend a university Advent service in Cambridge, MA, where the choir is filled with the voices of angels (however rambunctious they may be as students during the rest of their semester in college). To get a decent seat I have learned to go early. I get my program – handsomely printed on thick, ivory paper.

One year I noticed that the program notes included instruction that as a congregation we were invited to “keep silence” before the program began. It wasn’t a command to “keep silent.” It was an invitation to be an active steward of the silence, the reverence, the expectation of what was to come. Even though it was Advent, it was also an Epiphany for me.

With that understanding, I, too, want to be a “selective mute.” I am engaged in keeping quiet.

About Linda

(Prose Board) splits her time between the mountains of Utah and the prairies of Illinois, generally confounding the postal service. She compiles inspiring collections of LDS women talking about topics dear to (or prickly in) LDS women's hearts (visiting teaching, Relief Society, motherhood, etc.) through Cedar Fort Publishing. Her latest is "Muffins & Miracles: Church Service in the Real World." She also writes for children ("Come with Me on Halloween"), illustrates, writes poetry, plays with fabric and can be bribed with dark chocolate.

8 thoughts on “Keeping Quiet

  1. Your post reminds me of meditation – when I try to meditate the clamour of voices within often try to drown me out of the quiet stillness that is in there…somewhere.

  2. I love keeping quiet. I have come to realize that being a “selective mute” is sometimes the only way to keep an inner peace, like you said. That might not be the case for others, but it is for me. I love your description of being a steward of the silence!

  3. Personally, I am completely incapable of keeping my trap shut. But I see the value in it, the appeal and I wish I were more like you, like Mary who “kept all these things and pondered them in her heart.”

  4. Beautiful, Linda. Thank you. I am not yet so wise or articulate, but I feel I am easing into a period of greater tranquility and silence too. You captured it so well.

  5. I love this whole post, but the following particularly resonates with me at this time in my life, “Part of my silence is also the by-product of having my words or comments misunderstood or dismissed often enough that holding my own beliefs – privately, intimately – is an act of self-preservation, pain avoidance, and an act of honor.” I feel the pain of misunderstanding or complete disregard. I’ve written on these two points really recently.

    I mention that last bit only because it’s somehow easier to simply put out the thoughts and feelings into the blogosphere and let them do what they will (or allow God to use them as He will, is what I truly believe), than to speak them person to person have experience once again the misunderstanding/misinterpretation or disregard!

    Anyway, thank you for sharing your thoughts openly (while still in silence, witing without speaking, in all likelihood). ^_^

  6. How timely! I was just pondering about how I feel in the midst of my own transition to quiet and why. Sometimes I still have a lot to say, but more often than not I find that whatever I wanted to say wasn’t worth the trouble. Either I expended too much energy on something not as important as I let it become, or I have been misunderstood, like you, and wished I had just kept my peace. Good post.

  7. I am trying to keep my mouth shut, as well. I pray about it. Because a lot of the time, when I do comment, I’m angry about something stupid somebody else has said. And I bring contention into the room. When I do comment, I try to channel Cheiko Okazaki. Good post :)

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