42 Responses to “Launching our youth into adulthood”

1. Nona
   October 8th, 2009 @ 6:09 am

   Not only do they not notice what YW are up to college wise or anything, if you keep coming home every summer they wonder why you aren’t married yet. And when you finally do get engaged when you’re 22 they act like you’re an old maid and say stupid things like, “it takes some of us longer than others!”

2. Mille
   October 8th, 2009 @ 7:02 am

   I feel it’s more of a cultural issue inside and outside of the church. The achievements of men are almost always lauded more than women accomplishments. Growing up in France, where most of your support comes directly from your ward, any accomplishment from any ward member was a huge success for that congregation. Those members don’t have friends from different wards to fill up the benches. Maybe my point is…I just think it’s more of a Utah thing.

3. Kim
   October 8th, 2009 @ 7:21 am

   I didn’t feel like i needed a special rite of passage–in fact, my ward actually tried to make the YW medallion achievement more like getting your Eagle scout, complete with an individual ceremony, which I ended up never turning in my paperwork for the medallion so I wouldn’t have to participate in something like that. NEver wanted the whole ward to be staring at me if I could help it. Which I share in order to preface my comments because maybe my experience was individual to my personality.

   I did, however, feel a lot of joy in coming home each vacation from college and going to my home ward and talking to the adults who had helped to raise me, and watching our relationship change into that between two adults. I felt like they watched me mature and grow and become the adult I am today and the celebrated that change with me, just in a quieter fashion. Its still fun for me to return, now with my husband and two kids, and talk to these people who have known me since I was a toddler. And there is a sense, even after all these years, that they are looking at me and remembering the child and youth that I was and appreciating the growth into adulthood.

   Maybe for all the women who do get married within those first couple years of school, its not the same because you don’t “come home” in the same way after that–for me, I had 8 years of homecomings, including one year of living in the ward again, so I certainly felt the closure, and was able to feel the change when I left home for what I knew would be the final time and I was finally truly an adult on my own at 23, compared to my departure as an 18 year old college student who came home every chance I got.

   I can see how the missionary homecoming can feel the same, although I see so many of those boys who still seem to young–I think seeing them come in and out for a couple more years as they adapt into the real adult world would also add more to the sense of seeing them transition into adulthood.

4. Emily C
   October 8th, 2009 @ 7:51 am

   I never even noticed. Nor did I take issue with it.

   But I got married after my sophomore year at BYU (19), and coming home for a bridal shower and reception gave me just that opportunity to change those relationships to adult-adult ones.

5. corktree
   October 8th, 2009 @ 7:57 am

   In some ways I think the missionary homecoming talks encourage the missionaries to be more accountable to the people that know them and is perhaps an aid in propelling them into maturity, not just adulthood. I know it isn’t always the case, but it certainly helps, and many young men need all the help they can get.

   As for the women, with 3 daughters myself I do wish for more recognition and something that they can look forward to for accomplishments. I’m sure this would have to be done on ward levels though…and in advance enough for the programs to make it traditional in an area. It could be as simple as allowing them to prepare and give “longer than youth” talks before going off to college (if they choose, and in addition to options of medallion ceremonies) or some kind of acknowledgement for completing degrees, which is more important than we sometimes acknowledge. But, like you said, by then they are off and already living very adult lives and have already gained the same maturity as many returned missionaries, so maybe the boat would have already sailed. I don’t know, but I think I will probably be pushing for an option for my daughters wherever we live when they are approaching the age.

6. Christie
   October 8th, 2009 @ 8:28 am

   I absolutley agree with you. I think it’s very much one-sided in recognizing the accomplishments and maturity of the young men. The giving out of the medallion in sacrament meeting is almost automatic. No recognition or awareness of what the young woman has gone or how she has grown. It’s always bothered me.

   I don’t know if an “eagle court” type thing is the answer either. It seems like just one more activity to try and get attendance for, and, frankly, a lot of work for the YW president.

   On a personal note, I believe I know the two young men you are referring to, and I wish I’d been there to hear them both!

7. La Yen
   October 8th, 2009 @ 8:40 am

   The medallion thing is almost an afterthought, now, especially because they can get it as Beehives in the new program. Which is ridonk, but that is just my feeling on it after dealing with girls who never wanted to come to YW again because “We already got the thing.”

   I never needed a big ceremony in sacrament meeting, because I feel like I got it elsewhere–I got my YW in excellence (which they made a pretty big deal about, graduated seminary (with a big ceremony), graduated high school, came out as a debutante (I KNOW.) and went to BYU. All of these things were celebrated by those who knew and loved me within the ward. Our RS presidency in my home ward made a nice fuss over the incoming YW and we felt special and loved when it was time to transition. (Also, I really wanted to get the heck out of my home, so mostly I was just thinking about that.)

8. Janell the Great
   October 8th, 2009 @ 9:39 am

   I can’t say exactly where my transition from immaturity into young adulthood was – likely because there was no moment of recognition or transition.

   I often find myself frustrated by those in the church treating me less than as an adult and more as a sister who had yet to let go of her selfish, childish ways. Like an earlier comment, I think the community-level recognition of a girl’s transition is often reserved for a bridal shower or a wedding. Otherwise, I think on the more personal level the mark was when I received my college diploma and had the actual ability to support myself well.

9. Krista
   October 8th, 2009 @ 9:53 am

   Having the RM’s speak to report on their missions is very down-played compared to what a “homecoming” or “farewell” used to be, with the whole family participating and special musical numbers, and talks centered on the young man. I remember when changes were made to that practice and the mixed response from members.
   But a report on their missions is their testimony of the power of teaching the word of God with the spirit of Christ, so appropriate for Sacrament meeting. We have had many sisters who have returned from their missions with the same opportunity to report, to be welcomed home, and to join in the adult congregation.
   When I was a Young Woman, our Recognition night was for the entire ward, and I felt very celebrated and appreciated as a contributing member of our ward. My own daughter does not desire the attention, but works on her goals and wishes for that accomplishment, because she is very goal oriented. If she receives a scholarship to college, I know the ward would be forward in congratulating her… if she got married, I know the ward would support her… if she served a mission, I know her report would be looked forward to in sacrament meeting.
   Our children have so many opportunities to shine, to be celebrated. I don’t know that it is so important that it takes place in a formal setting, but that it does take place.

10. Tanya Spackman
    October 8th, 2009 @ 10:04 am

    I loved one transition thing my last ward did for the YW. The graduating seniors were given handmade quilts to take with them to college. Each quilt was personalized with fabric that reflected that particular girl’s interests. The RS would get together a couple times (or more, depending on how many girls there were graduating) to tie the quilts, and the younger YW were invited to come too.

    The Sunday after high school graduation (or somewhere near there), the YW and RS would be combined, and the quilts would be presented to the girls.

    Some might criticize this tradition as being too traditionally feminine, but those quilts ended up being gorgeous and the girls were always excited. I thought it was a cool tradition to mark their move on to college.

11. Angela
    October 8th, 2009 @ 10:10 am

    It has been quite a while since I’ve gotten my YW medallion, but I do remember thinking about all the praise the YM seemed to get (my 4 brothers included) when they achieved their Eagles. I hated being in the spotlight so at the time it didn’t bother me too much.

    But now that I’ve been an “adult” for many years and in the RS pres. for the past 2, I’ve noticed it more and more. Last year, one of our young sisters was preparing for her mission. A couple of weeks before she left, the RS pres. threw her a Missionary Shower. We decorated with the country’s colors (Germany), had a big map of where she was going. We played games with childrens books (matching English words to the German words), ate german food. Her family had actually lived there for many years and she was so excited to go back. They told us lots of stories of their time over there. We had a basket for cards and letters for her. It was an absolutely wonderful night…but not many people showed up because they had never heard of such a thing. They didn’t think it was as big a deal as when a young man chooses to go. And that hurt a little. This young woman is just as important to sharing the gospel as anyone else.

12. Collette
    October 8th, 2009 @ 10:18 am

    I see your point but I’m not sure I agree with everything. I understand the culture in the church not celebrating the girls the same and I wish I had the answer to change it.

    I served a mission which meant I had to come home to visit unmarried quite a few times. I married at 25 AFTER I had graduated from BYU. I remember feeling so old and mature but looking back I was just a baby. Speaking of which, I didn’t start having babies until I was 27 so, as far as Mormon culture is concerned, I was/am old. When my mom was my age her oldest child was 17. My oldest is 8. None of my mom-friends now are my age or older. People gasp when they realize how old I am. I guess a good thing about starting older is people always think you are younger than you really are!

    I remember being very frustrated on my mission about getting the right numbers. We were to teach so many discussions each week and talk to so many people each day and if we didn’t achieve the right numbers, our district and zone leaders had to speak with us. Some weeks my numbers didn’t reflect all of the hard work, emotion, and growth I experienced, yet I still felt successful. I voiced my concerns to my mission president. He told me that elders/men need concrete displays of praise more so than women. I believe that’s true.

    I’ve never served as YW president but I would think the best thing to teach all the girls would be that temple marriage is wonderful but not the measure of success and will not make you a good wife or your best self. It’s not a race. You’re not better than your friend if you get married first. Some girls are really ready at 19 – others thank their lucky stars the guy they dated at 19 didn’t want to marry them!(like me) My road to marriage turned out to be the best road for me. I know I’m a better wife because I had a few years under my belt to get to know myself better. I only wish I had felt that being unmarried at 21 (or worse, 23!!) wasn’t a bad thing. Our journeys are individual and each is wonderful. That’s what should be celebrated.

13. Jenny
    October 8th, 2009 @ 10:21 am

    Interesting thoughts; I remember the gradual transition for me, and I say gradual, becuase I think I was slower to mature and “get” adulthood than a lot of my female peers.

    I can see your point about YM turning into Elders/Missioanries and being able to feel and celebrate this transition with them, but I’d be willing to bet that as a youth leader and a parent of teenagers, you’re feeling this difference a lot more than the YM/YW are. I might be wrong.

    I also think that (generally) YW tend to mature a little bit more rapidly as they grow, than the YM do. Young women seem to find their way to adulthood just as a matter of the natural process of growing. Maybe part of that is that YW grow and mature through their teens and into young adulthood more obviously in a physical sense than YM do.

    I don’t find the differences to be stark; if a YW is going to serve a mission, she is eligible to go before her college days are over, same as the YM. It’s just spaced/staggered a little bit differently.

    As a final thought, the church (generally) has encouraged us to make less of a big deal of these farewells and homecomings, and I’ve noticed in our ward, that although we celebrate these commencements, the sacrament meeting talk really is just that.

    My first two children are boys, so I will tell you that I’ve shed tears over these milestones more than a decade before they started to really happen. My mother instinct wants to celebrate everything about them. Kids are a gift. I feel your tenderness.

14. Kristen
    October 8th, 2009 @ 10:26 am

    The problem is two-fold. First, we do not have many rites of passages for young women. Second, we define womanhood and female success, happiness, and achievement in exceedingly narrow terms – organizationally, culturally, and individually.

15. April
    October 8th, 2009 @ 11:03 am

    I agree with your post and feel that it starts when the boys are 12 and first get the priesthood. They are brought in with the men for opening excercises and from then on they grow till they eventually return from a mission. It is a seemless process, which if followed, will prepare them for all the service they will do in the church for the rest of their lives.
    I find in many of my wards there was no way for the Young Women to transition into Relief Society. The girls in our last ward would have opening excersises with the Relief Society once a month and then the senior girls were invited to stay for the lesson. I think this was a good way for them to transition. Our stake also had a trasitions dinner for all the young women who graduate high school. It was put on by the Stake RS presidency. It is important to include the girls as much as possible so they can also trasition with ease.
    I like Collette’s thoughts!
    Marriage and motherhood do seem to be a celebration of a womans maturity but what about the woman who do not reach these milestones? Is it fair to teach our daughter’s that only temple marriage is exceptable, when there are many good men who are not of our faith? It seems to me that many women could be happily married with children if they were more open to other possibilities. I have two daughters and I don’t want them to feel like temple marriage is their only option if they don’t get a proposal from an LDS man. I would love for my children to be married in the temple but I think the pressure is too high!

16. wendy
    October 8th, 2009 @ 11:35 am

    My transition was delayed by the Bishop in that he wouldn’t let me attend RS after graduating from HS; since I was going away to college in the fall, I had to stay in YW until I left (even though I turned 18 before graduating). I was ready to move on and felt irritated by the restriction.

    In our ward, we held a luncheon for the girls who graduated from HS, gave them their first VT assignment, invited their Moms, new VT companions and some other enthusiastic women from the ward. We made it fun and they seemed to enjoy it.

    I love the quilt idea above. My Laurel class held a going away party and wrote messages on dish towels for me. I loved that and used them until they fell apart twenty some years later.

17. Matt
    October 8th, 2009 @ 12:43 pm

    This is a great topic. I hope this doesn’t turn into too much of a threadjack, but here we go…

    Sunny, I agree with your first paragraph, but I don’t necessarily think that the Priesthood is the right discussion, either. Despite everything you mentioned, we still lose far more young men in the transition to adulthood than we do young women. Only a small percentage of deacons ever receive the Melchizedek Priesthood.

    I think the real problem here is that young men and women feel no need to grow up. It’s not just an LDS culture thing – it’s a Western culture thing. I don’t have time to do anything but generalize and stereotype, but too many adults are hanging out and playing video games in their parents basements (for the men, not sure what the women do).

    One example stands out. I recently took an LSAT preparation class, paying nearly $900 for the privilege. I overheard another student talking about how they sure they wanted to go to law school, but their parents offered to pay for this class, so they decided take it.

    Until our young people perceive a need to take some responsibility for themselves (by which I guess I mean earning a living, going to school with a purpose, “leaving the nest,” etc.), all of the symbols of transition will become less meaningful. The basic principle at work is that our children will feel like adults when we start treating them like adults and expecting adult things from them.

18. ErinAnn
    October 8th, 2009 @ 12:50 pm

    My ward has the all of the college students available (usually about 5) speak the Sunday before they head back for school again. It’s a great way to see their progress into adulthood and not forget about them.

19. Justine
    October 8th, 2009 @ 1:03 pm

    I would never have wanted something like that as a young adult. I would have been the one hiding in the closet if someone tried to make a big deal out of me becoming an adult. But I wonder if men need that more? I don’t know.

20. Matt
    October 8th, 2009 @ 1:10 pm

    I meant to type that they WEREN’T sure…

21. Sue
    October 8th, 2009 @ 1:47 pm

    In June, every one of our graduating seniors gives an adult talk about what they’ve learned as young men and young women growing up in the church. It usually takes two or three Sundays to get them all in, and I think the ward family does feel a sense of ward family success and closure.

    The YW are also given a special recognition evening that we call “Laurels of Honor,” where their achievements in the personal progress program are outlined and lauded. This is always a very special evening, and everyone is invited.

    =)

22. Matt
    October 8th, 2009 @ 2:15 pm

    Sunny,

    I totally agree with you. I often wonder if it’s even worth commenting on anything because it is nearly impossible to get your point across without following up with a thousand clarifications. I likewise hope that my post was not inflammatory.

23. Sunny
    October 8th, 2009 @ 2:24 pm

    Matt

    Not at all. I thought it was well said. An interesting discussion might be how we can more fully utilize the teaching of covenants and responsibility to help foster a smoother transition into adulthood. But that would be a threadjack. I hope you’ll not give up on commenting. I think male voices add a lot to discussions.

24. Annie W.
    October 8th, 2009 @ 3:08 pm

    Thank you so much for your thoughtful replies. I have had an unusual day and am just now able to check back in. You’ve given me so much to think about.

    I don’t think this is just limited to Utah; in fact (I meant to say in the post), I am on the east coast of the US. But I do see how culture (a ward’s culture, the culture of your region or country) could definitely assist in how we honor adulthood in young women, as Mille brought up.

    Thanks for the interesting suggestions for ways to acknowledge the growth for young women. I was hoping to find ways to send the message that the young women’s progress is important and to also allow them to acknowledge how many other people have a hand in their progress. Missionary shower. College shower. Ward-wide YW in Excellence. Quilts for graduating seniors. It’s great to hear how individual wards have found ways to express their joy for their emerging adults.

    As many of you have pointed out, this kind of recognition is not comfortable for everyone. Do I believe in recognition for the sake of recognition? No. And I think, on reflection, the reason why that particular homecoming was so tender and celebratory was because of the hard work contributed by everyone involved.

    Sunny, thank you for weighing in & I do appreciate your perspective. My post, as you noticed, was really more of a plea for instrumental help in adapting something for my young women as they graduate (and right now they really do sort of disappear) and move on. For me, where my time and thoughts are right now, that *is* the issue I’m mulling. But I’m grateful for your more eternal perspective on roles and responsibilities and timing as well as your insight that celebrations and ceremonies carry more weight when they have significant meaning (e.g., baptism, temple). I do agree that it’s important to focus on eternal perspectives and roles and responsibilities and we do that continually in YW. And I also think there can be an important link between what we say and what we do.

25. E
    October 8th, 2009 @ 6:02 pm

    Send the young women on missions! There, problem solved.

26. m&m
    October 8th, 2009 @ 6:27 pm

    This may not be a popular response, but I actually think that too much focus on thinking that somehow young men have it “better” can actually exacerbate the problem. The differences in roles and responsibilities simply ARE different between men and women; that’s part of our doctrine. As such, I don’t expect what happens to young women to be the same, and I don’t apologize to my own girls that it isn’t or won’t be. Even if I can’t explain all the reasons for the differences, I am anxious to help young women not see the differences as somehow putting them in a second-place role — because it’s simply NOT TRUE. I think one of the greatest ways we can help the young women is to help them really feel and believe that. If we reinforce the idea that somehow it’s the priesthood or the returned missionary status that determines worth or ward support or adulthood, I think we are missing the mark.

    That’s not to say that YW leaders and RS leaders can’t and shouldn’t seek direction together on what to do in that transition to help celebrate and reach out to those young women. If anything, I think women by nature and within the organizational functioning are more poised to make that happen in an effective way. We simply DO more together as women than the men do. I love the idea of quilts or other traditions to help YW look forward to reaching that transition. But I think it’s best not to stage it in contrast to what happens for the YM. It simply IS different and that should be OK to us, imo.

    As I listened to our RS leaders recently, I was struck by that again. The more we have our own testimonies of how important women and RS are to God, the less I think we will think that somehow we are missing something by not having the same rituals or responsibilities as the males do. I think womanhood requires a certain kind of faith in that reality of our worth. I ponder constantly the way to help instill that faith and conviction in my daughters and, if I ever work with them again, the YW.

27. Mindy
    October 8th, 2009 @ 6:41 pm

    From my husband’s perspective, all of the ceremony and recognition around men going on and coming home from missions really works to create a culture of extreme pressure for all the YM to go (and stay) on a mission. He felt like there was never a question of if he was going to go or not. There was so much pressure that it wasn’t ever a choice, unless he wanted to face the social ridicule of not going. He’s glad he went, but wishes he had been prepared in a more positive way.

    I went on a mission, and felt like it was entirely of my choosing. I had an equal number of people supporting my decision to go as those who discouraged it. So when it was hard (which it was most of the time) I could look back on my choices and the revelation I had received to go, which made it easier.

28. Giggles
    October 8th, 2009 @ 6:46 pm

    I think you’ve hit on part of why we lose so many in the transition from Young Women’s to Relief Society. Societies and cultures have always had ways to mark a rite of passage, but we seem to be missing a few.

29. mormonhermitmom
    October 8th, 2009 @ 7:21 pm

    I never felt my home ward looking forward to the elders’ homecomings more than the sisters’ homecomings. The foyer had two large plaques. One had a nameplate for each boy that received his Eagle, and the other had a nameplate for each girl who received her YW recognition. There wasn’t any big brouhaha for either beyond the brief handshake from the bishop in sacrament meeting.

30. m&m
    October 8th, 2009 @ 7:49 pm

    The differences in roles and responsibilities simply ARE different between men and women; that’s part of our doctrine.

    Oh, well on the sentence that needed to be proofread…too much going on today.

    You know what I meant.

31. Katie
    October 8th, 2009 @ 9:59 pm

    This brings up another angle I’ve never thought about on why they asked wards to stop having homecomings and farewells. I really do feel it is unfortunate that many wards continue to have the full shebang instead of the individual talks like they’ve been instructed, but I also understand how hard it is to tell a family no who is so wrapped up emotionally in the event. If a mother’s heart has been set on something for so many years, it can be almost impossible to stop her. Yet, discussions like this show why a more subdued homecoming is better for everyone.

    I like how Sue’s ward has each graduating senior give a talk each summer. That really seems like the most level way of involving everyone, including women who won’t go on missions until later and men who may not be able to serve a mission for whatever reason.

32. m&m
    October 8th, 2009 @ 11:15 pm

    This brings up another angle I’ve never thought about on why they asked wards to stop having homecomings and farewells.

    I thought that, too.

    I like how Sue’s ward has each graduating senior give a talk each summer.

    My wards have done this, and I remember doing it as a senior myself.

    And for all those who think that women never end sacrament meeting, I did that day.

33. Janelle
    October 8th, 2009 @ 11:16 pm

    My ward also has all of the graduating seniors speak. It is a nice way for the graduates to reflect on the time and energy ward members spent in their behalf.

    I wonder if the rites of passage for young women do happen, just later in the form of bridal showers and baby showers etc. Grooms and fathers do not get doted on in the same way as women at these stages in life.

    As far as transitioning into RS, I feel it is a function of the YW feeling like they are being treated as contemporaries by the members of the Relief Society. We as RS members are the ones who need to transition our view of these girls as our beloved ward daughters who need protecting into valuable sisters who deserve a voice and standing in the ward. I love seeing the college girls come home and raising their hands to participate in Gospel Doctrine and RS.

    I’ve lived in the same ward for over 30 years and I was impressed by the way my ward members gave me the space to redefine myself from child to woman. While in my 20′s I was able to choose women that had been my teachers and leaders when I was a youth as my counselors in a YW Presidency. My mentors could have treated me like a young hatchling that needed to be coddled and led, but instead they fell in step behind me, supporting me and sustaining my decisions. By giving me space, they allowed me to fly high, and I idolize them even more because of that experience. Unlike the men who get stratified into quorums that often break down into age groups, we in the RS are blessed to associate with all ages and benefit from the wisdom of the old and the enthusiasm of the youth.

34. Annie W.
    October 9th, 2009 @ 4:57 am

    Janelle, yes. Thank you for those insights about ward mentoring and the blessings of RS affiliation. Looking back to the thoughts I experienced that Sunday, I think that spirit of meaningful mentoring throughout the ward was really what caught my heart.

    As many have noted, perhaps the methods of mentoring our youth might be different but I do think YW need other women to be mentors in that transition. And they need mentors outside of the YW leaders in order to feel like a RS sister and continue their spiritual growth.

    Katie, in my ward’s defense, they do follow those guidelines for just a sacrament meeting talk rather than a full-blown homecoming. But since we only have one of those every year or two, they still end up feeling special and I think that’s okay. Love the idea of the graduating seniors speaking; I’m going to bring this up in ward council!

    Mindy, good point. It can be freeing to have fewer expectations and more latitude.

    M&M, thank you for articulating those thoughts. “I am anxious to help young women not see the differences as somehow putting them in a second-place role — because it’s simply NOT TRUE.” Loved that and agree. I think providing some meaningful experience of transition for them would only enhance those feelings of worth and support that message. Thanks to everyone for the great ideas and thoughtful responses. I’ve enjoyed the discussion.

35. Sue
    October 9th, 2009 @ 11:46 am

    As for the transitioning to Relief Society thing, we have had much less trouble with that since we started having joint RS/YW opening exercises every week. The YW even take their turn conducting.

    By the time they graduate, they are already very comfortable in Relief Society because they have already seen on a weekly basis how the women laugh and relate to each other (and them) firsthand. They realize that they can belong, too!

    It’s a good thing, and all of us love reciting the YW theme together every week.

    =)

36. Christy
    October 9th, 2009 @ 12:47 pm

    This is such an interesting post. I had never even thought of it before! It’s true, there’s a little more pomp and circumstance for the boys … and yet, I always felt very celebrated in my home ward. We had a joint RS/YW activity at the end of senior year, a big send-off for the graduating girls. Every time I came home to visit from college, ward members made a fuss over me, and the women especially were so excited and involved when I got married a few years later.

    I think there’s a lot to be said for a close-knit family ward, where all the members love and befriend each other. My “launching” into adulthood felt very special because of my ward.

    Also … this is yet another great reason to tone down the missionary farewell/homecoming ceremonies. I have loved the way the church is moving away from the big missionary productions.

37. Allison
    October 9th, 2009 @ 1:39 pm

    Missionary farewells and homecomings are offered to all (male, female, young, senior, singles, couples) who embark on missionary service. It’s not a matter of gender. It’s a matter of service. Missionaries leave their families for an extended period of intense, gospel-centered sacrifice and service.

    I’ve also seen wards recognize those who leave for military service. In this case, too, the young man or young woman is sacrificing/serving for an inconvenient cause bigger than himself/herself.

    In contrast, attending college and attending a YSA ward are both primarily self-focused endeavors. As such, should they be recognized or honored at the same level as missionary service? I don’t think so.

38. m&m
    October 9th, 2009 @ 7:07 pm

    Annie, I hope my comment wasn’t misunderstood as not supporting the value of exploring ways to celebrate and support the young women. They are fortunate to have a leader like you who cares.

    Love having YW in opening exercises, too. I think it’s as much about giving the RS a chance to get to know these girls so they are familiar faces when they graduate and start attending. Annie, does your ward do that?

    Another challenge w/ this, at least in my area, is that young adults have the choice of their home ward, a singles ward, or, of course, a college ward. Sometimes they are bouncing around so much it’s hard to keep track of them. Another reason to have familiarity and a connection that already exists, to know who they are and to have enough of an interest to want to keep track.

39. Michelle Glauser
    October 10th, 2009 @ 7:32 am

    You know, someone from the ward I grew up in wrote recently, saying the Relief Society President had asked that she write to keep me updated with the ward while I was away. Though I see that they were trying to be nice, I find it weird that I will never be seen as an adult who really has a home until I marry. I’m 24 now and I do not think I will ever live in that ward again. And yet, people still ask me when I’m going to go home and they don’t mean my home here in Leipzig, Germany. I wish this view could change, but all I can do is joke about it and hope to make individuals see how things really are.

40. Miggy
    October 10th, 2009 @ 11:40 am

    Yeah it’s not the same for women….but in certain ways it’s not the same for men. Where are the “groom’s shower’s” for guys when they get married? Afterall, aren’t they getting married too? Nowadays it’s more common to have a couple’s baby shower, but by in large, they’re still mostly a woman thing.

    In one sense I see what you’re saying, in another sense I think we can’t balance the scale in every way. And that’s OK.

41. Separate But Not Equal « Course Correction
    October 11th, 2009 @ 8:19 pm

    [...] daughter.  He’ll probably save a lot of money waiting for that to happen. An LDS woman recently expressed a wish for LDS girls to have the kind of “coming of age” event a mission is for LDS boys. But she [...]

42. Ashley Stolworthy
    October 13th, 2009 @ 4:18 pm

    I don’t have time to write everything that it is in my head, but I wanted to thank you for these thoughts. I think this is an interesting topic and one some girlfriends and I have been discussing recently. More to come later from my end… Thanks!!! -Ash

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