I am a feminist. I used to be afraid to say that aloud for fear people would think I was that kind of feminist. But the truth is I am a feminist and I have known it since the day I called out my dad for not letting the Laurels go deep sea fishing when he was perfectly willing to take the Priests.
That said, some time ago in Relief Society the discussion went a little too far on a “we women do it better” tangent and I got all squirmy in my seat. I acknowledge that some of the stereotypes about men and women in the church may have some truth to them. I recognize, with sadness, that not every woman has had positive experiences at the hands of the priesthood holders in their lives. I realize I’ve been a bit spoiled: I grew up with a righteous father (who was, however, still a product of his time). I am married to a righteous priesthood holder who treats me as an equal. We have three sons whom we are trying to raise to be respectful of women. And one time my bishop actually made it a point to thank me for speaking my mind (which I admit I have done on more than one occasion). But whatever the reason, I feel I can still care deeply and speak out about women’s issues without wanting to go off on the good guys.
So while I’m not afraid to call it out when I hear a priesthood leader (not in my ward) say a sister shouldn’t be allowed to say the closing prayer or I see a sister who participated in a meeting overlooked when the person conducting says “thank you brethren” at the close of the meeting, I’m also not afraid to acknowledge some of the quiet and often thankless service I see being done by men and boys who try diligently to honor the priesthood that they bear and to serve in whatever capacity they are asked.
Here is a random sampling…
One blustery January day I found myself having to stop by a friend’s house to pick up something after church. It was bitter cold. It was snowing horizontally. And the wind was blowing so hard I could hardly open my car door to get out. Walking up behind me were two Deacons, out collecting fast offerings in that kind of weather. I admitted to myself that there is good reason I didn’t go into postal work, and if I had a calling that involved going out in rain or sleet or snow, it’s entirely possible I would be a slothful servant and find excuses to put it off until later. Much later. Yet there there were the Deacons out doing their job, just like they are every month for two weeks in a row and in all kinds of weather.
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Some time ago the decision was made to expand the Relief Society room at the stake center where my ward meets. After the addition was completed it was evident–especially through the art–that great care had been taken to create a lovely space for the sisters in our stake. A short time after we resumed holding Relief Society in our new room, one of the stake Relief Society leaders came to recount the story behind the work that was done and the sacrifices that were made to get it done. It turns out the stake priesthood leaders, who have more meetings to attend than just about anyone, have traditionally provided refreshments at some of those long meetings. I don’t know if that comes out of the budget or from personal donations–that didn’t really matter to me. But I was touched to learn that the the brethren had volunteered to give up their refreshments for well over a year for the specific purpose of being able to fund beautiful art for our new Relief Society room.
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This summer our ward held our annual Relief Society progressive dinner. We happened to be meeting at several houses along the same street. I had to bail out early and as I walked past the house where we had met for appetizers I noticed a member of our Elder’s Quorum quietly taking down the tables and chairs. It hadn’t even occurred to me that because we were meeting at three different homes, three different venues would have to be set up and taken down. Now I know women are perfectly capable of putting up their own tables and chairs, but I appreciate the thoughtfulness on the part of our priesthood quorums who take care of it for us whenever we ask them to. In fact I know they often offer to do it without being asked.
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These may be simple acts of service, but I see such service rendered by many of the boys and brethren in my ward and stake on a regular basis: cub scouts raking leaves, home teachers doing home repairs, three of the men in my ward giving up part or most of their Saturday to help out when raw sewage backed up in our basement, a neighbor building grow boxes for a single mother with many mouths to feed, my own son laying his hands on my head to assist in giving a priesthood blessing. In my mind these are no small things.
What about you? We often hear the home teacher horror stories and read about good priesthood bearers gone bad. But let’s take a minute today to seek out the praiseworthy and of good report. In what specific ways has your life been blessed recently by the men and boys in your life? How did that make a difference for you? If you are a mother of sons, how do you help teach them to honor their priesthood and use it to serve?
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Tags: priesthood, service
It’s funny how hard it is to write or say the word feminist now isn’t it? We used to shout it and be in people’s faces.
Maybe we grew up and mellowed and saw more of the truth, instead of just our little parts. I like your essay!
I lived alone for 28 years and did most things by myself or with the aid of other women. But now and then, only a man seemed to be able to do things – and they would just show up and do it and that always meant alot to me.
My husband and i share some of the chores, since i am mobility disabled. He runs the sweeper. He hates it and he does it for me! It overwhelms me, every time. My dad, a product of his time – never did anything to even p/u after himself.
My husband says I am the most traditional woman he know in the house. But i have also realized that that is also libertion. I have the choice today.
The one thing i don’t back down on now is education. I frittered it away in my youth and now self education is important to me. But I try very hard to encourage young women to be educated and to keep it up. Also the basics of literacy – this is at a supreme low where i live.
i constantly read literature of strong women – women who made decisions. I need to see a larger world to make those decisions.
Men. I have been fortunate in my life. There are 2 sexes for a reason!
Thank you Traci. I always love seeing your comments here and learning from your perspective.
I’ve never liked the word “feminist” myself. I suppose it’s because I’ve always associated it with women who dislike and distrust men. Who have a little bit of bitterness about them. Maybe we need to redefine the term to mean “someone who sees the full value of each gender.”
We all know of men who just don’t get it. They will be chauvinists and misogynists for life. But, you are so right, there are also so many men, and boys, who live up to and exceed our expectations. I am very fortunate and blessed to be married to one of them. My husband is supportive of everything I do. He encourages every hobby and interest, every calling and responsibility. He was behind me one-hundred percent when I chose to quit working right before our first son was born. This was when we were on a strangling budget and he was still a year away from being a new convert.
He continues to support my role as a full-time mom by using his vacation time twice a year to give me a vacation. He stays home with the kids for three or four days and my time is my own to go and do as I please. The best part is that when it’s over, he thanks me. He thanks me for all the work I do for our family and tells me sometimes he forgets how hard it is to look after three boys and manage our lives. Hearing that is the greatest reward, let me tell you!
My husband joined the church a year and a day after our oldest was born. He worked the missionaries over pretty hard, but once he decided, he was sure. He’s been sure ever since. His commitment to being a worthy priesthood holder is inspirational to me. He views it as a responsibility, not a right. He strives each day to be worthy to exercise that priesthood, should anyone need him.
He provides a stellar example to our three sons of what a husband, father, and priesthood holder should be. He speaks to them regularly about what kind of men they want to become. He reminds them that the way they treat and speak to girls is indicative of their character, and that even more indicative is the way they speak about girls with other boys. My boys value the gospel and they are excited for the opportunity to teach a home teaching lesson or to pass the sacrament. I credit my husband for this.
I am happy to say that there are other men in our ward who are also committed and supportive. Who go about their lives quietly doing the things they ought to do. It seems the obnoxious ones get the most attention. Maybe it’s time we stopped a good man in the hall and offered up a thank you. Men need encouragement, too.
Thank you, Dalene, for the reminder.
Thank you for your comment, JM. I agree that men need encouragement too and I feel that way especially about the boys and young men. It’s easy, especially with our own kids, to get after them when they’re out of line, but they also need us to catch them being good. They need to know that the good things they do make a difference to us.
By the way, here is Merriam Webster’s definition of feminism. I believe it’s more our perception of the word than its true definition that makes it seem disagreeable to some:
1 : the theory of the political, economic, and social equality of the sexes
2 : organized activity on behalf of women’s rights and interests
Amen.
I am surrounded by wonderful men who will respond to cries for help at any hour of the day, and who will move heaven and earth to make things even a tiny bit better for the women in their lives. And I feel blessed every day because of it.
Nice post. Once when we were visiting my husband’s elderly & widowed grandmother in her rural home, she happened to mention how much she loved her home teacher. It has become my favorite example of home teaching done right.
Knowing she lived alone and far from neighbors he called her every night to make sure she was feeling well and check if there was anything he could do. Every. Single Night. It didn’t take a lot of time but it demonstrated his love and service and meant the WORLD to her.
Dalene! thanks for the Webster’s. that fits
My great great grandma owned a dairy – because she had gone to enough school to be able to “write and do figures”, while her husband did the barn dairy work. They were equal in many ways.
Her daughter, my great grandma, married had 2 boys and lost her citizenship because her husband was German. When he left her, divorced, she raised the boys. He came to visit with his new wife – grandma greeted his new wife with a hug and whatever she wanted for dinner, since she was the guest.
All she asked was that the “fancy hat woman from Chicaga” not take her boys, farm or cats – to let her have them.
Chicaga had no interest in the farm.
Could i do it? NO! but it was her own form of liberation to be able to live the life she wanted. to raise her boys the way she wanted. to work menial jobs, be without much money – so she could be home with her boys when they were home.
she taught me alot about feminist – before i knew the word – she knew what she wanted and did it!
Just last weekend I was left in charge of a ward get together. What was to be a no-fuss, virtually no set up outdoor activity, became an indoor scramble because of rain. During most of the set up I was the only woman there. It was a group of men who were cooking scones (outside in the rain under a canopy) and a group of young boys (9, 8, 6) who set up about 90 chairs in the gym. No joke. Those little boys did it all by themselves. It was their dad outside heading up the scones and I felt profoundly grateful for a man who has, by example, taught his sons to work and serve cheerfully. Their mom is pretty amazing too.
As for the whole “women do it better” thing, I find that attitude patronizing whether coming from a man or a woman. Sometimes it feels like it is said to distract us from the fact that the opposite is believed by so many. It feels like a pat on the head to be told how special I am simply because I am a woman. It’s like a teacher constantly reminding a child, “Hey, you’re not slow. You’re really smart.” At some point the kid is going to wonder why the teacher keeps saying it. Then the kid will realize only certain kids gets reassured- those the teacher thinks are slow. Know what I’m saying? Why keep bringing it up if you don’t think it’s an issue? If every time you went to your doctor he said, “By the way, you don’t have cancer”, wouldn’t you get a little paranoid? Like, “Wait, did he think I had cancer? Why would he think that?”
It’s the same with being reminded how special I am because I was born with girl parts. I don’t believe I am more special based on gender and I don’t like sweeping generalizations.
Rant over. Great post.
I have always felt the love of my Heavenly Father for me personally through the Priesthood. I wholeheartedly agree ~ let’s hear it for the boys!
In what specific ways has your life been blessed recently by the men and boys in your life? How did that make a difference for you? If you are a mother of sons, how do you help teach them to honor their priesthood and use it to serve?
I must say that my life is bountifully blessed by the men in my life. My dh is a wonderful husband and father. He walks in the door from work, always seeks me out right away to say hello and give me a kiss and then asks what he can do to help after he sets his things down and goes to the bathroom. He does all the dishes. He changes the sheets on our bed each week. He takes out the garbage. He is a father, not the “babysitter.” He encourages me to get out several evenings a week, and gets the kids bathed and to bed on those nights.
I also have a wonderful FIL. In truth, he is what I always wanted my dad to be like. He is an amazing example of dedication, service, and faith.
I have also been blessed by truly loving and concerned priesthood holders, especially over the last year. My dh is still active, but does not believe, including his belief in the priesthood. Because of one of my children getting baptized this year, it has finally had to come out into the open a bit. The priesthood holders in my life have stepped up to the plate for me and my family. When I told my bishop what was going on (and has been for almost 4 years now), his response was everything I’d hoped it would be: compassion (for both me and my dh), love, empathy, and *not* gearing up for my dh as a “project.” Before I left his office that day, I got a beautiful blessing from him. One of his counselors, who is one of dh’s best friends, has also been a great help to us. Our home teacher, another of dh’s best friends, and now our EQP, has gone way above and beyond in his love and service to me and our family. On Sunday, our RS lesson was on Pres. Eyring’s April PH session talk entitled “Man Down!” I couldn’t stop thinking about these men who I believe have been put into dh’s life specifically as his guardian angels to help bring him back. Our new EQP is especially dedicated to my dh and his welfare, not because of duty, but because he really loves my dh as a friend.
Further, I got a new stake calling this spring, and I just can’t express how amazing the stake presidency and high councilors are. I have been so blessed to serve with them and see their character and example; truly loving and concerned men full of the spirit and charity, constantly serving, serving, serving. I have been bowled over and awed by their concern, service, and charity, and respect for the women of the stake.
Lastly, my oldest son (8.5 yrs), has been so sweet in the last couple of months, giving me long back rubs when he can see that I’m tired or stressed.
How did these men and boys make a difference for me? It has made all the difference in the world!
What a wonderful post, and I’m excited to hear the stories.
My very favorite priesthood moment was when I went to counsel with my bishop when I was going through a painful period in my life. I can’t remember what specifically he said to me, but I remember him getting out a tissue box and crying WITH me. I left the interview feeling God was aware of my situation, and that He had confidence I could rise above it.
Thank you so much for this post. I’ll make sure my husband sees it. We always joke about how at the General Relief Society meeting women are repeatedly told how perfect and wonderful they are but then at the General Priesthood meeting the men are regularly chastised for not taking care of their women, pornography, or abusing their wives. I think both approaches are a little bit sexist and play to preconceived stereotypes.
I also hate that it is the trend these days that all the husbands on TV (sitcoms, mostly) are stupid and hapless. Belittling men is ultimately just as damaging to women (and families) as belittling women.
So this post is refreshing. Thanks.
I loved this essay. Thank you!
I’ve got good men in my life, all around.
In keeping with your priesthood service example, the ward I was in previously had about a billion little kids and our elder’s quorum president had 5 of his own. Whenever we had RS activities, which was often, we would need babyitters from the EQ to watch the kids while we did our thing. Without fail this EQ pres. was there every time, no matter how many other men did or more often did not show up to help him. He was a great man and a great example.
I most definitely relate to this post, and love your thoughtful words. I, too, am a feminist, as I think most of us are. But the greatest feminist I know is my own father… he always taught me I was just as good, just as smart, just as talented… and since I’m his only daughter, he thought maybe I was even more so. I’m mellowing as I grow older and can truly see and love the place good, honorable men have in our lives. Whether it’s my bishop who supports me 100% in my calling and expresses great faith in me, or my husband who knows I am his equal in every way but is thankful for our differences and assignments — it is good to reap the blessings of their goodness and love. One more example: last night my husband and I were talking about one of our home teachers, who I also see a lot of because we both work with the youth. We have always commented on how much we like him and also that he is a little different. I was telling my husband when this brother says kind things to me, I can tell it is sincere but it’s also a little strange. And then I realized — it’s because he does not use sarcasm! I have never heard him be sarcastic. He doesn’t say “you’re awesome except for the fact you’re weird.” He just says “you’re awesome.” That is a great example to me and my husband. We appreciate the influence of good men in our lives.
I love this topic Dalene. Here’s a partial list:
1. Bishop A. He was my bishop when I was a teen and I have never forgotten his powerful testimony. He told us that his central goal in life was to become like the Savior. Several years later he became the stake patriarch.All of my childhood bishops were very influential because my father had died when I was little.
2. Bishop R. I was in his ward during a crazy time in my life when I was being stalked by a psycho and was a single mom. He always saw me through spiritual eyes and would give me amazing priesthood blessings. When I asked for a big, scary looking home teacher, he assigned me a gigantic parole officer who was a former college football player. That home teacher baptized my son and was a great role model for my kids.
3. More recently, when my children have had health problems connected with missionary service, our stake president and bishop have been the calm spiritual giants in the center of my emotional hurricane. Both of those men always knew the perfect thing to say to calm my fears. I also will be eternally grateful to the mission president who did everything in his power so my son could return to complete his mission in Germany.
4. I also love President Uchtdorf. There was a time when the only priesthood leader my youngest son would listen to was President Uchtdorf. I’m grateful that President Uchtdorf makes “being good” seem so totally cool.
Awesome post, Dalene! I don’t have enough functional brain cells this morning to write more
but I love what you wrote and the pro-men comments here!
I could easily replay many MANY times in my life when the priesthood has been there and been a blessing to me, but none so much as 11 years ago. My dad had been hospitalized in December of 97. While he was in the hospital, my grandfather came 15 miles out of his way each day to make sure our chores were being completed before my mom came home from work. He would get us started on making dinner and doing our homework. It wasn’t for many years after this that I found out that this stint in his life caused some pretty big health concerns for him, but he willing dealt with those problems to help his daughter out. 3 months later, my dad was set to be transfered to a rehab hospital to recover more fully. As I walked through the door (after a fairly typical school day) I saw all of my siblings crying and my grandfather standing beside the door. He informed me that my father had slipped into a coma and would not be alive much longer. He then gave me and each of my siblings a priesthood blessing.
As my ward learned of the news we had a flood of food brought in by people throughout our stake, but it was so much more than that. One of the men in our ward, the new Scout Master (my dad was the previous one) came to our house every Tuesday to make sure my brother went to scouts. A sweet neighbor of ours (a roofer by profession) came and fixed our roof for free. Another man from our ward made it a point to stop by every Sunday morning and help my mom get us all to church (never mind his wife and children getting ready without his help). We had the scouts come help with our yard work when it proved to be too much for my younger brothers to handle on their own. IT seemed after my fathers death, our house started falling apart. One thing after another went wrong and broke down, and each time, someone would be there to help us fix or replace it at the lowest price possible. These wonderful men, both young and old, watched over my mother for the following 3 years she lived there.
Now, I am blessed to be married to one of the best priesthood holders I know. And with him, my respect comes from so much more than his priesthood responsibilities. MY pregnancies are not the easiest and I am currently 2/3 the way through my third pregnancy. My sweet husband is such an amazing man. Not only is he always there with a blessing when I need one, but he cooks (When I can’t), and cleans (I am not allowed to do certain chores like mop, sweep, vacuum), and plays with our daughters, and watches them so I can get out of the house every month or so… He does all of this without complaint, and after pulling a 10 hour day to boot!
My blessings are too numerous to count, but I can say this. LET’S HEAR IT FOR THE BOYS! Great article. Thank You.
I love men. Fathers, husbands, sons, home teachers, bishops, all of em.
I love this post! While I consider myself a feminist (to the core!), I am very bothered with the reverse sexism I so often see in our culture. And, as someone else mentioned, it is perpetuated by so many tv sitcoms– it drives me nuts!
One praiseworthy example I have is when I moved 18 months ago (exactly!). I had just given birth to my daughter on a Friday, and we were planning on moving on Monday. When we got home from the hospital Sunday night, we realized we had not really packed anything and we had no one to help us move. My husband called the brand-new EQ president (called that very day) and asked if he could help. He said no problem! The next day, he showed up with about 8 other men (and some of their wives). They had us packed, moved, and cleaned in FOUR HOURS. Seriously, everything was finished in four hours. Often we think that the women are the ones who have to arrange service and be in charge for anything to get done, but what a disservice to the men to have that attitude! That Elders Quorum President arranged the entire thing. It meant the world to us, and was so incredibly meaningful. That is exactly how the church should work– by men and women serving each other.
This was a wonderful post. I agree, totally, with your sentiments. I attended a Relief Society meeting once where the comments about the men may have been getting a little out of hand.
Then, this dear widowed sister – Sister Gibbons made a comment. She told about how while her husband was a bishop, he received a call to go to the hospital. An elderly sister in the ward was in the hospital and needed a blessing.
Sister Gibbons was a little bothered that he’d have to leave on such short notice, but she noticed how humbly he prayed to prepare for the blessing. She was able to accompany him to visit the ailing sister. They got dressed and left to the hospital. When there, he began to give her the blessing, and felt prompted to give her a ‘release’ from this earth. It was really surprising to everyone, and she (the ailing woman) peacefully died during the blessing.
On the way home from the hospital, Bishop Gibbons cried, and explained that he never had experienced anything like that. Sister Gibbons, of course, comforted him, and was grateful that both of them had been able to be with the woman and her family during these last moments.
Anyways – the story is compelling, but the interesting part is what Sister Gibbons explained – The men of this Church hold the Holy Priesthood. We need to help them magnify it. Men, good men, that DO honor their priesthood make us better women – they magnify our roles as Wives and Mothers. They help us to be more tender and compassionate. We need to recognize the blessings they are to us.
Okay…sorry about such a long comment. I loved the post!
As the mother of five boys, I am grateful for this beautiful post.
The priesthood provides an incredible framework for teaching boys service– learning to serve does, of course, start at home. But priesthood duties seem to come at the perfect time in a boys life to teach “we aren’t kidding about serving your fellow men.”
I adore having a houseful of boys and will dearly miss my oldest when he goes to college next year– who’s going to change my flat tires and clean the pantry when he’s gone?
I love this post and the comments. I am so lucky to have a wonderful husband and I hope I can teach my three boys to be so willing to help and that they will feel my gratitude. It’s so true that we need to catch them being good and praise them for it.
This was a great post. I think sometimes men, and the service they do, are forgotten as we women go about our busy lives. I have many great men in my life. I feel very lucky and blessed. It makes me very happy when young men are raised to know and feel the importance of the priesthood. And how to use it.
Just recently we needed someone to help with a priesthood blessing and it was too late at night to call my father. My husband called one of the young men we know and he said he’d be right over. It made me very happy to know that he would be willing (and able) to help. He changed into a dress shirt, stopped whatever he was doing, and came over. His demeanor was calm and respectful. It made me very happy to know that, although these kids can be wild and crazy at times, they have been taught correct principles.
Side note Dalene. Your son is one of the great examples of a worthy young man. Good job mama.
I am so grateful for the many ways the men I love and that love me serve me and my family constantly.
I think the power leaders of a ward and stake often get a lot of thanks (deserved, they really do work hard in the service of the Lord. DH is bishop now, believe me, I know) but I wish there were a way to more adequately thank all the wonderful men you have mentioned today (that is if they would let us
).
I think of my FIL who was a nursery leader for 8 years straight. He loved that calling and hated to be released and did so grudgingly. His calling now is as “Brother Friendly.” Officially, he gives a message about the Friend in Sharing Time, but really he is there to corral and help all those boys who are too cool for school, or too young and afraid for Sunbeams or new in the ward, or friendless or whatever. I have had people I don’t know come up to me when they realize the relation (uncommon last name and they live in our stake) to say how grateful they are for him because he loved a child in nursery, gave them a reason to attend church during a difficult time because their children had to see him or or in some other way touched their family’s life. I don’t believe he has ever held a leadership calling. But I also don’t believe he has EVER missed a month doing his home teaching. EVER. It is just what he is. It’s how he taught his boys and they are fine upstanding priesthood holders who take their priesthood responsibilities for the sacred trust they are. He and others like him are the backbone of the Lord’s church, they are our lifeline and I am so grateful for the ones I know and everyone like them.
thank you for this post, for the comments. how blessed we are!
I would say I’m in the process of discovering my inner feminist. It has never really bothered me that women in our church don’t have the priesthood (I have enough on my plate already, thank you very much!) but there was a gospel doctrine lesson a few months ago that really got to me. Basically, the scriptures were being interpreted to say that there is special Godly knowledge that can only come from faithfully exercising your priesthood. The whole lesson was directed entirely to the men in the room and the silence from and about the women really got to me.
I don’t want to be that person, but I raised my hand and held back tears to say, “What does that mean for women? Does that leave us out?” My comment was quickly dismissed by several of the men and even a few women who glossed over the same old sayings (women don’t need it because they are already sooo spiritual, being a mother is equal to having the priesthood, etc). I felt like no one could or wanted to answer my honest question, and I silently cried for the remainder of the lesson. I was really hurt and embarrassed.
After the lesson was over, the teacher, who I’ve known most of my life, sat next to me to talk about my concerns. He honestly shared some of his experiences and questions about the topic. As the men filed out of the room and the Relief Society gathered, he and my husband stayed and talked with me. Their demonstration of just caring about how I felt, not dismissing me as a crazy feminist, and honestly exploring the topic, made a big difference.
Thank you. In a world where some portray men as idiots, pigs, arrogant, out of touch, stupid etc. I am so thankful to you for writing this post. I want my boys to grow up just like their father. Good men, doing their best, trying to be strong. Just thank you for your post.
Mindy, I love your story. I am grateful you had men who were willing to be there, right there, and to acknowledge your concerns. I hope you can find peace as you ponder these things.
(FWIW, my fave talks on this are here and here.) I think there are many layers of truth to what partnership means. This may not be a popular statement, but, honestly, for all that I am passionate about women’s issues, I don’t think feminism as a philosophy can really capture the complexity and layered richness of the gospel model of partnership.
As to the post questions, I have so many examples of men who reflect that spirit of true partnership, who embrace the priesthood as a stewardship to create an enviroment where everyone, men and women, feel the power and love of God in their lives — through ordinances, doctrine, service. I have had amazing bishops who care and listen — one when I was single, one with whom my hubby worked as a counselor (oh, I learned so much from that bishop!), others who have sought me out and cared about my health problems and other difficult challenges. And now, I have stake leaders who KNOW me and reach out in many ways. So many examples of wonderful, caring men who in my mind reflect God’s love in what they do.
I am grateful for the way that my husband honors his priesthood. He takes his calling and responsibilities seriously. I’ve watched him get up at the crack of dawn to attend stake leaderships meetings and bishopric meetings, drop what he’s doing to assist the bishop in giving blessings, and sacrifice countless hours of his time in service to the Lord. But I’m especially grateful that he uses his priesthood in our home—it’s so comforting to know that I can call on him to bless me or my children at any time.
And I’m grateful that my sons are learning how to honor the priesthood, as well. My thirteen-year-old is one of those deacons who battle snow, wind, rain, and hot sun every month to gather fast offerings. My seventeen-year-old takes his home teaching responsibilities seriously. It makes my mother heart proud to watch my boys grow into such fine men.
btw, dalene, just wanted to say thanks for this post. It brought tears to my eyes.
So much gloom and doom in the world…I appreciate this uplifting topic!
The most Christian man I’ve ever met was my husband’s uncle. He was born in a generation where the men worked out of the home, and the women did home stuff. Consequently, when his wife had a debilitating stroke at a too-young age, all who knew them worried about how they would cope. The extended family talked about where to move the couple, since “Dad doesn’t even know where the laundry room is.” Within a very short time, it became apparent that he was fully capable, maybe not of running a household like Mom did, but certainly of learning. The family marveled at his sudden ability to cook, and familiar things, too. He explained “I went through Mom’s cookbooks,and tried the recipes with splatters on the pages. It’s not so hard, once I did the research on how to do it.” He also figured out laundry, including ironing. He did the ironing in the middle of the night “because it makes her sad to see me ironing. I don’t want to be a reminder of what she cannot do; I just want fresh shirts in the closet.” He read up on how to do vacuuming, and learned to tend her beloved flower beds. He also read up on local places with family-friendly restroom facilities, so she could continue to attend concerts and plays. There were so many things he just quietly learned to do, and shrugged off any mention of his newfound skills. It was simply what needed to be done, so he simply did it. The love in that house was tangible.
I appreciate and love my Home Teachers so much because of the help they have given my sons and I, and the example they are. They come every month, tailor their message specifically for my sons, and encourage them to do well.
The blessings most recently of men and boys in my life have been on two separate occasions. First,when my eldest son’s tie came undone 2 minutes before we had to go to church, and I had no idea how to do it properly, and no time to Google it. So I told my son to ask our Home Teachers (the Branch President and his son) to show him how to tie his tie. I will always have the image in my head of our little branch hallway full of the priesthood holders, every single one with their ties undone, going step-by-step through the procedure with Hatro. Every week our Home Teacher asks Hatro how his tie tying is going – and he repeats the procedure whenever he is asked (and sometimes just pulls Hatro’s tie undone anyway to go through it again).
Hatro received the Aaronic priesthood this month. To see the priesthood of our branch nurture him, teach him and encourage him is a humbling and extraordinary privilege.
I try to teach my sons that the Priesthood is an amazing blessing and responsibility, and they need to strive to use it and do so willingly and worthily. Thankfully they have seen that in their own lives, so it’s not just theory but concrete evidence.
(Oh, and I have to recommend Steve Biddulph who has written amazing books – “Raising Boys” and “Manhood” most relevant here – that deal with society’s treatment of boys/males, what boys need, and how to deal with it all. Check out http://www.stevebiddulph.com/)
Thanks for the thought provoking post!
Selwyn – your story made me laugh and cry. I laughed when you said you didn’t have time to google it. The internet didn’t even exist when I had that problem; I think there was a diagram in a scouting book that I would consult. The image of the hallway full of priesthold holders going step-by-step through the procedure is what made me want to cry. It just reminded me of all the sweet home teachers we’ve had over the years, who would take my sons to the general conference priesthood session and then out for hamburgers afterwards. I never had to ask them to do that; they just always were cool that way. When my daughter was dating her husband, he asked her why she didn’t have negative feelings towards men, considering that her parents were divorced. She replied, “We’ve always been blessed with amazing bishops and home teachers — why would I have negative feelings towards men?”
m&m – I appreciated your comment because I definitely do not consider myself a feminist. Sure there are a few ignorant men out there, but there are just as many ignorant women. Is there an organization I could join that battles ignorance?
True feminism–EQUAL partners with the guys.
False feminism–women are better than men.
Thank you for sharing your wonderful stories. (And she-bop–thanks for the shout-out about my boy. I feel the same way about him, but I’m pretty sure he doesn’t even know that. I need to do better at showing him!)
m&m–I believe one can be a feminist and still recognize and appreciate the richness of partnership. If the world understood the nature and value of righteous partnership, there would be no need for feminism.
Women wouldn’t get paid less for the same job for which a man receives more compensation (been there, done that–it’s just plain wrong.) More importantly, abuse, rape and female genital mutilation and a whole list of atrocities against women and female children would not be accepted practices in some cultures.
As defined above (comment #4) and as I use the term, feminism isn’t about pointing out ignorant men. It is about speaking out and caring about basic rights that should help women and children feel and be safe. Causes that can lift women a little closer toward partnership, or, for those women who have to go it alone, toward self-reliance and basically a fair shake.
OK, stepping off the soapbox now. Don’t want to threadjack my own post.
Dalene, I actually appreciated your soapbox speech because I’ve been observing LDS feminists for about 30 years and I’ve only seen them do two things: complain about the ignorance of priesthood leaders and mock Ensign articles. Maybe they need to talk more about the issues you just mentioned and I wouldn’t have such a negative opinion of them. Thanks for helping me see your real agenda. It isn’t really a threadjack because the first line of your post was, “I am a feminist” and my first thought was, “Oh, I’m sorry…”
I married a man utterly diff’t than my father. I am so blessed. I never have had to ask my husband if it’s okay for me to go out with the girls, take a class, purchase stuff… I never have to do it. And because I don’t – I treat his trust, his love by always giving him a heads up – and asking, even though I know the answer is always yes – because that’s how we roll around here. I love my freedom… being with him.
I married a man who looks for ways to make my life easier. He has helped me out cleaning up the kitchen, vacuuming…cleaning all the toilets and the trash. He does the last two all the time because he knows I hate it. I married a man who will lead me dancing around a kitchen.
He’s the man who comes home bone-tired but takes the time to make each of his little women feel special. My girls can’t wait for Daddy to come home because he makes them feel loved. It’s fun for us to create surprises for our guy.
Men like this… are priceless. I am a feminist… a feminist who understands how much I love my man. How lucky I am to have found a man like this. When we appreciate the men in our lives – they increase their confidence, their devotion, their abilities. Synergy baby.
I have also been blessed by great Bishops in my life. The power of Priesthood blessings have increased my faith and my testimony. As a woman… I feel loved by my Heavenly Father who provides sentinels to guide my path.
Queen Scarlett- we could be twins with the exception of the dad part- my dad was exactly like my hubby. Well put and thank you~
I’ve really enjoyed reading everyone’s stories! As a single girl in school and far from home, I’ve gained a huge appreciation for faithful home teachers and the influence of righteous priesthood holders in my life. And can I just say it? A guy fulfilling his priesthood duties just makes me heart go pitter-pat and my knees weak. It’s so attractive.
My now favorite Righteous-Priesthood-Holder-in-Action experience happened about two years ago when my home teacher was finishing his monthly visit (he tended to have inactive companions whom he could never quite persuade to come consistently, so he was often a solo act) and he asked the standard line about whether there was anything he could do to help my roommate and I. We asked if he could help us unblock the clogged sink in our bathroom. He said, “No problem! I can totally do that with a plunger.” All three of us then crowded into the tiny apartment bathroom and he attacked that drain with gusto. And then with the first plunge, a huge geyser of filthy water erupted out of the sink’s side inlet and covered all of us (but mostly him), and the rest of the bathroom with gunk. We couldn’t stop laughing for about 10 minutes. Best. Hometeacher. Ever.
We live in Colorado and today we had a big snowstorm. We rent a condo where snow removal is paid for by the HOA, so we didn’t have to shovel at all. Yet, my husband came home from work early and took us over to an elderly lady friend’s home to shovel her snow, without being asked or even thanked (she was either asleep or not home). I have to admit I was not too excited to go. In this area, my husband is often so much more giving and sacrificing than I am. I am so lucky to be married to him!
The priests who bring the sacrament to my father-in-law when he can’t come to church are what come to mind at first.
A while ago, in fast and testimony meeting, I felt the Spirit tell me to get up and thank the Aaronic Priesthood, specifically the deacons for the fast offerings and the priests who help my father-in-law.
I think that it’s good to talk about how much we appreciate them on a blog, because it makes us aware. I think it’s even better to tell them, in person, or perhaps publicly, or maybe to their mom (where they can also overhear?) how much we appreciate their goodness.
One Sunday I was struggling with a health problem of a fairly personal nature that I didn’t necessarily want to discuss with our home teacher. I did want a blessing, though, so my husband suggested that I call my son (who lives an hour away) and ask him to come and assist. I didn’t want to do this because I didn’t want him having to drive so far. (I think you can see where I’m going with this.)
When he heard I wasn’t feeling well, my son volunteered to come and help with the blessing. He left a house full of friends on a Sunday evening, including a girl he’s interested in, to drive down and administer to me and then have to turn right around and drive an hour back. Best of all, I could tell he was absolutely thrilled to do it for me. In fact, he insisted that he wanted to be part of the blessing.
I thought it was pretty cool, and I felt loved.
Recently I was on vacation with my kids on the east coast. My husband, who had stayed home to work, came down with the H1N1 virus (swine flu) in Utah. With 104 fever, he couldn’t get out of bed for three days. I called our brand-spanking-new home teachers who came over immediately with a blessing of comfort and a tupperware full of lasagna. It was the first thing DH had eaten in days. They even came to the airport to pick us up the next evening so DH wouldn’t have to drive. They jumped at the chance to be of service, with no thought for their own health. Thankfully, they didn’t get the virus and neither did their families.
I was touched that, so far away from home, there was someone I could count on to take care of my business and my husband. I love having that support there when I need it!
This topic is so close to home for me right now. This semester my fiancé and I decided to take the institute class about preparing for a celestial marriage. Last week’s class covered the differences between men and women (which seemed to me to be a lot about how women are more loving and sensitive and spiritual then men) and then ten minutes of the hour and a half class on the roles of men. Tonight’s class was entirely about the role of women. The teacher just completely glossed over how important and valuable men are.
I told my fiancé that I am marrying him because he is loving and spiritual and all that stuff and I in no way consider myself better at it than him just because I’m a woman. The way the teacher conducted the class seemed very degrading to men to me and left me with a sour taste in my mouth.
I have known many great and honorable men. The zone leader on my mission who went out of his way to make sure my companion and I, the only sisters in the city, felt a part of the zone. Who left their lunch appointment uneaten the moment they heard that my companion and I had been trying to reach them that day to make sure we were okay.
The bishop who opened his house to me at 10:30 at night when I was dealing with some challenges in my life and couldn’t be at my house by myself that night.
The home teacher who, because of health issues, wasn’t always able to be visit me in my home each month but always checked to make sure I was okay every month.
The young man in my ward who was the only young man, faithfully passing, and then preparing, and then blessing the sacrament in our ward as he grew up, going home teaching faithfully each month. And all of the men in the ward who acted like older brothers and fathers for him since he did not have either, helping him prepare for his mission soon.
My father who has been a perfect example of love and patience and kindness and service to my mother.
My fiancé, who came the moment I called one early Sunday morning in the worst pain of my life to be with me and comfort me and drive me to the hospital while I threw up in his car (we’d brought a bucket just in case) while I experienced my first kidney stone. And who supports me in all of my dreams.
Let’s hear it for the boys indeed! Thank you for this post.
Giggles and EVERYONE, I’ve loved all these comments and felt very inspired after reading this. Thank you. We are so lucky to have such wonderful men in our lives, aren’t we?
[...] sex sells. I suspect some, maybe most, of the traffic was from Mormon males suspicious of feminists masquerading as devout Mormons. Okay, so I’m stereotyping. I just hope the BYU Rush Limbaugh [...]
I loved this post, it made me cry. Many people look to their Bishop for strength and support. I look to those that work with him. Having a husband as Bishop has really made me appreciate all of the rigtheous men who help him, support him, work with him, and do all they can to forward the work for Christ and his people. I cannot begin to tell you how much love I have for his counsellors and exectutive secretary. Every day I see the influence of those men and how hard they work. At church we only see the tip of the iceberg. Thank you to all of them, from the deacons upwards who pass the sacrament and set my young son an example.
What a wonderfully uplifting post, Dalene. Thank you!
I’m truly awed by the many wonderful young men I have encountered over the last ten years. I know that much credit goes to their parents, but really I’ve met so many great young men. I don’t have brothers, so I feel very unprepared to help my boys prepare for adulthood. Fortunately, my husband is really wonderful. But it helps to see good young men preparng, blessing and passing the sacrament. It inspires my boys when they have home teaching visits from our bishop’s son, who teaches them the gospel. My boys are motivated to serve missions when we have fine missionaries eat at our home, who share their enthusiasm for and love of the gospel with them.
I’ve seen many fine examples of priesthood leaders working dilligently to reach out to ward members, support primary,and quietly stepping up to responsibility.
My current favorite example of quiet, manly service is that of the father of twin boys who both have autism. The boys are in a class with 6 other incredibly rambunctious boys. This father sits with the boys every Sunday during opening exercises. He wraps his arms around the boys, calms them, and shows them such love. His quiet service truly makes a tremendous difference in the primary, but most especially, to the boys that class.