Looking Back, Moving Forward

Posted by m&m | April 9, 2009 | 34 Comments

In one of my favorite talks from this recent general conference (as though I could really pick a favorite), Elder Ballard talked about learning from mistakes of the past, and learning from the wisdom and experience of others.

I was sobered as he talked about learning from larger patterns, such as what is often called the pride cycle: “righteousness, followed by prosperity, followed by material comforts, followed by greed, followed by pride, followed by wickedness and a collapse of morality, until the people brought calamities upon themselves sufficient to stir them up to humility, repentance, and change.” Elder Ballard clearly noted that this classic historical cycle is emerging again in our society. He also was clear about how choices — at the individual and collective levels — can and do have spiritual consequences.

It’s sometimes hard not to feel helpless, even hopeless, in the face of societal decline such as we see around us. But we need not be part of the downward spiral. The message of the gospel as we heard again this weekend is clear: we can each choose where we stand. The Lord invites us through His prophets and His Spirit to choose faith, to be strong in the face of adversity in all its forms, to use our agency to press forward with hope and determination. Our choices can and will impact our own lives, and can and will leave a legacy for those in the future. And they can and will affect our life in the eternities.

Elder Ballard invited us to “follow the noble example of the faithful followers of Christ, such as the sons of Helaman, Moroni, Joseph Smith, and the stalwart pioneers….”

His list could (and did) continue. Many others in conference shared stories from the past to illustrate what mistakes we can avoid, as well as to inspire us to faith and obedience.

And this is where my question to you comes in. What noble people from the past help give you strength to move forward in faith? What stories from the scriptures, from Church (or your family) history, or from history in general, inspire you to want to do and be better?

And (if you are feeling brave), what lessons from your past (as wise as you are!) would you most want to share with others so that they may “be more wise than [you] have been“?

[added after the fact] I finally got a chance to include some of the stories that inspire me.

Comments

34 Responses to “Looking Back, Moving Forward”

Sage
April 9th, 2009 @ 3:33 am

Wow. Your summary is so spot-on of conference’s message. And isn’t it really the point of the gospel message–to keep moving forward with faith amidst the trials of life!

I like your question, especially because I don’t have an immediate answer. Have to think about it! My first thought was my pioneer ancestors who had the faith to leave their homes and travel to Zion. In my own life, the example of my husband who kept going to church by himself from age 12 on also inspires me. And then there are people from my home ward who, despite great wealth, remained humble and giving. It definitely helps to know the path of righteousness can and has been walked by those before us and around us of we choose to look for the good examples. I know if I think too much on the state of the wickedness in this world I can become discouraged. Thanks for the reminder to look for the good and to walk in holy places.
jendoop
April 9th, 2009 @ 6:41 am

It has been hard for me to identify with “heroes” that are far removed. I need someone close by, that I can watch. Someone I can put my hands on and say, “Help me, please.” So for me the people I thought of from your prompt are everyday people that those reading my comment won’t know.

My grandparents (both sides of the family) who ran farms, raised children and somehow dealt with the blows of life while keeping everyone alive and faith intact. Awe inspiring.

In my everyday life now, I see many examples of valiant and humble people trying their best to do what is right when things don’t go their way. Like the sister I visit teach whose marriage fell apart after 25 years, her life shattered, she made bad choices. She is repenting and in a week will be getting remarried, her new husband getting baptized and they are planning a temple sealing in a year. That is humble faith!

I could go on and on. If we open our eyes to individual examples they are all around us. Especially if we do Christ-like service and reach out to people that we may not meet otherwise.
dalene
April 9th, 2009 @ 7:48 am

Timely post for me. I just got word from my missionary son who’s only been out in the field six months that he is getting a new companion. A new missionary fresh from another country and culture.

Bad flashback to a time when I was in his shoes. I’d like to excuse myself from doing a better job by saying I was ill prepared, but there are no excuses. It’s not the wisdom of hindsight and knocking back a couple of decades being too hard on my 20-something self, but rather fact to say I did not rise to the occasion like I could have. Should have. It’s one of only a few real and deep regrets I allow myself to have entertain about my young adulthood.

But you can bet I’m going to be frank as I write and counsel my son who is so much more keenly aware of his own weakness than I was at that age and who has asked for prayers and support. I know he will succeed where I once was found lacking and that gives me hope.
SilverRain
April 9th, 2009 @ 7:53 am

Thank you for this, it has made me think. I see blogging as a way to share wisdom and life experiences, so that I might learn from another and maybe give another the opportunity to learn from me, like you talk about here. It feels more vibrant and immediate than learning from the past, and serves a parallel purpose.

One question I have relating to this, and to blogging, is how do we know what experiences are appropriate to relate and which are not? Anything written can be read by anyone, even in personal and private journals. I have neglected to journal many of my life experiences because I have worried it might make someone else look bad. Yet, even the things I have chosen to relate have come back to bite me. So, I guess my question is this:

Are there times when it is inappropriate to share personal history?
Tamlynn
April 9th, 2009 @ 9:29 am

Ah yes, decisions determine destiny. I don’t know about anyone else, but I felt all my troubles, reasons to whine, and little annoyances vanish when I heard the story of that poor woman and her tablespoon. I will remember her when I start to feel discouraged.
Justine
April 9th, 2009 @ 10:00 am

Tamlynn, I could barely even see the television screen through my tears when that story was being told. I’ve done so so many things that I wish I could get my thick skull to learn from. But I keep having to relearn and relearn over and over. It’ll be a miracle if I succeed at any of it.
jendoop
April 9th, 2009 @ 10:07 am

Stories like the teaspoon woman are a double edged sword- they do give us perspective. But they don’t give us the full picture of her life, it is just a snapshot, you could never encapsulate her faith, the fullness of her person and her struggle in that 3 minute story. I’m sure if we could talk to her she would be saddened to learn that we hang our heads in shame instead of feeling a sisterhood with her. Don’t get me wrong, I gained from it too, but I don’t want women the world over suffering in silence because their trials don’t equal the teaspoon ladies’. Love yourself along the way.
Justine
April 9th, 2009 @ 10:14 am

You make an excellent point. It’s pretty easy to look at others’ struggles and put ourselves down in the process. I think I felt a particular pain at that story because my mom spent the first 6 years of her life as a refugee walking through Europe during the war, trying to get to safety. I understand that struggle in ways I wish I didn’t.
Dovie
April 9th, 2009 @ 10:35 am

I think that there are times when it is not appropriate. Since my life is comprised about many different kinds of experiences some joyful, some humorous, some sad, some painful, some regretful, some sacred. I think that it makes sense that some things are to be shared in some setting and not in others.

There are things about my history that my children are not ready to understand and I am not ready to share. There are things that are to personal or sacred for general distribution. I have journals full of my life. Good and bad. I think that it is important to preserve that even if it is only for me. It is not who I am anymore but it is part of how I got to where I am and who I am now.

I remember at a RS board meeting years ago this topic came up. A sister was seeking advice. Some time earlier she had prepared a special FHE lesson in honor of a son still living at home, who was leaving for military service. She had spent much time effort and love in its preparation. She had involved all the other members of the family. The son didn’t show up. She as well as the rest of the family were crushed. She was also angry. She vented all of those feeling in her journal.

He matured into a wonderful, sensitive, loving son. She was so afraid that someday after she was gone he would read this entry and be hurt from it. She had been taught never to delete or edit journal entries and so she felt torn between leaving and removing the entry. I could see both sides of it and I don’t know what she eventually decided. It would be sad if it hurt him, but I also think there is value seeing wonderful people work through bad feelings or events be the better for it. I love to roll stories of my Grandmothers and mother over in my mind. Stories of when they were younger and not fully in possession of the things that make them the wonderful ladies they are now. It gives me hope that I though flawed have hope to progress.

Recently I’ve experienced a great need to find a place to process all my experiences and things in my heart. I used to be a avid journal writer. Not so much anymore. It is very cathartic for me to write and sometimes I don’t even know my own heart until I write it down. I needed a place that was more confidential than my paper journals (not that the space there has ever been invaded I just worried about the possibility so I could not be as candid as I would like). I needed a place to preserve the history of my family, and a place to record gleaned wisdom in the form of favorite books, music, recipes, scriptures, etc. Each of these venues serves a different purpose and so what is disclosed in each is different.

Sorry so verbose. Still getting all those pent up thinks out.
Tamlynn
April 9th, 2009 @ 10:41 am

I didn’t feel shame at all when hearing the story. It made me grateful. And happy. Not happy because of someone else’s suffering, but happiness in knowing that even in the most unimaginable, horrible circumstances, the human spirit is capable of enduring. The woman in the story had nothing to live for in the eyes of the world, but her faith was strong enough to overcome worldly opinions and despair.

Hearing stories like that give me encouragement, not guilt.
izzy
April 9th, 2009 @ 11:01 am

I love stories as a way to teach and to learn. If nothing else they make in easy to remember certain principles. Simple concepts like gratitude, perspective and charity. Just this morning I struggled to get my head off my pillow, I didn’t want to face the days daunting tasks. A strange thought popped into my head, “you don’t have to dig a grave with your bare hands” (cause that was even worse than digging it with a tablespoon.) Morbid thought but it did the trick, it put things into perspective and gave my gratitude. So off I go to face that list of to-do’s
Sage
April 9th, 2009 @ 1:04 pm

The thought that came into your head reminded me of when my first baby girl started developing severe eczema at three months (I have suffered from it too, especially during pregnancy). I was heart broken, crying, beside myself. My husband kindly reminded me she wasn’t dying, nor did she have muscular dystrophy like our friend’s son. At first I didn’t want to hear him, I wanted to keep wallowing, but it does help to have perspective and I did overcome my broken heart.
Mommom
April 9th, 2009 @ 1:49 pm

I recently started reading “Letters” by Sis. Hinckley. Her children compiled them after her death into this book and I have wanted to read it for a long time. I still have letters that I wrote to my own husband when he was deployed as well as the letters to my brothers when they went on their missions (and their replies). She also was woman who dealt with having to work through being seperated from her family and her husband and how to do what needed to be done. The first letter in the book is about the furnace being broken and the children being sick – I can absolutely relate.

Other women around me – Women whose children are grown, have children with disabilities, in many cases they face things I haven’t faced – but it’s how they do it. We have a wonderful relief Society and I learn from every single sister.

I often find it interesting when someone looks at me at says something that tells me they don’t know that I used to chase 3 children 2 and under around sacrament meeting. They just see the teenagers sitting in the pew and forget they were once little and that they didn’t always sit still. It’s easy to look at where a person is and forget that may not be where they have been.

As far as something to learn from me? No matter what your calling is – Activities Chairman, Nursery Leader, or President of an Organization always remember to make sure your family knows they’re first. You get released from your church calling.
m&m
April 9th, 2009 @ 4:30 pm

I’m enjoying everyone’s thoughts. Thanks for sharing. It’s hubby’s bday today and so I haven’t had a chance to respond more personally, but I will soon.
Giggles
April 9th, 2009 @ 5:15 pm

A friend and I were just talking the other day about life’s experiences. She mentioned that you just “live and learn.”

I replied back that if you can learn from someone else’s live, you’re doing a lot better.

That’s the comfort I take from my mistakes in life, that maybe they can be the “live” for someone’s “learn” and will have been worth it.
angie f
April 9th, 2009 @ 6:12 pm

A good and a bad example:
The good example:
My grandmother has always been a paragon of patience and rock solid faith to me. I always knew she had trials and poverty and difficult times, but somehow she always seemed to rise above it. As I began to have more children and chaos around me, I asked her one day how she weathered a particularly trying time in her life (2 young sons 2 and under, her mom had just died suddenly, she was caring for her 2 youngest brothers 10 and 12, doing all the washing, cooking and cleaning for her home and her widowed father’s homes–she still HAS the wringer she used to wash clothes with–and her wounded husband home from the war was sitting in his pajamas staring out the window all day unable to help or even process what was happenening) She said, “oh, I yelled a lot.” I cite this as a good example, because she wasn’t perfect. She was strong; she got stronger but she was and is still human and it has been so good for me to see that humanity mixed with faith through the years.

The bad example:
There was a family in our ward that lived down the street from my parents’ when I was a kid. When I was a teenager, the mom came up the street just after Christmas to tell us of their New Years’ resolutions to quit going to church and spend that time going to the gym so they could get fit again (she said church made them fat). I remember that as a watershed moment–the first time I could see a stupid adult decision for what it was. It wasn’t long before the family fell apart, divorce, troubled children, etc etc. Many years later, the father wised up and realized the horrors that vanity had produced and that he bore the responsibility for failing to teach his family better, but it was too late. They wanted nothing to do with the gospel. His new wife wouldn’t come with him to church, the new kids weren’t interested. It was very sad. He came to my wedding reception a few years later looking like death: the weight and responsibility of his choices were written with great sadness on his face. It became a very stern reminder to me of the far reaching consequences of my actions–especially where my children are concerned.

I think in a very real sense my blog serves this “live and learn” purpose for me. I too need to be able to write something out to process it, to have the life lessons stand out enough to have hope of not repeating the bad ones.
Tori
April 9th, 2009 @ 11:18 pm

That one hit me really hard, too!
m&m
April 10th, 2009 @ 12:04 am

I figure it’s about time I chime in with stories that give me strength.

I refer a LOT to the people of Alma in Mosiah 23-24.

Joseph Smith in Liberty Jail (mentioned more than once in Conference, I think)

The pioneers and their suffering, particularly in their trek and yearning for Zion — how many times they thought they had arrived, only to have to move again from their homes, their temples (or beginnings of a temple (e.g., Independence, Far West).

I am moved by the story of the Salt Lake temple as well, and that Brigham Young had the vision to do it right to stand for generations to come (if you haven’t heard the story, see this video, starting at about 4:17 — when they had to tear up the foundation after nine years and start over).

I am sobered by stories of those who apostatized in the early church (the Church has a DVD set (only $6.00!) that includes 29 different videos, and the ones about those early days, including Zion’s Camp, are some of our faves). These stories remind me of the importance of following the prophets in faith).

As I have struggled in the past several months, stories of endurance from WWII (including Pres. Uchtdorf talking about his mom in his talk on hope). I also read F. Enzio Busche’s biography a few months ago, and that got me thinking about that era as well.

One of my favorite stories from Church history was shared a couple of times this past conference — that of the rescue of the Willie and Martin Handcart companies. I loved how Bishop Edgley used that to call us to action to help those around us who are looking for work. (p.s. I wrote a post re: jobs recently — if anyone knows of job resources, let’s be sure to find ways to spread the news!)
m&m Michelle
April 10th, 2009 @ 12:12 am

I always like questions that make me think. I hope you or your husband have his story written down. Thanks for your thoughts!
m&m Michelle
April 10th, 2009 @ 12:18 am

jendoop, if you feel like sharing, I think we’d all love to hear inspiring stories about people in your life. It’s ok if we don’t know them!

And I agree about how much inspiration we can find from those around in, in the present. We don’t just have the past to learn from. I, too, have many people like that in my life.

I also love your thought about reaching out in service and being able to get to know people through that effort.
m&m Michelle
April 10th, 2009 @ 12:20 am

dalene, one thought that has been on my mind with this post is something my hubby’s granddad used to say — that we hope that every generation will get better. It’s encouraging to see the next generation making better choices, but also hard to reflect back on woulda-coulda-shouldas. Thank heaven for the power of repentance and the reality of the atonement!
m&m Michelle
April 10th, 2009 @ 12:27 am

SilverRain, I, too, love blogging for the reasons you have shared. (This was a topic I had thought about addressing…how the lines between the friendships online and those “in real life” are blurred in many ways. I care about, pray for, learn from, and love people in real ways whom I have never met in person. It’s an amazing thing how our spirits can connect through this medium.

As to your question, I think writing is a powerful medium for sorting through the stuff of life. I don’t always record everything in my personal journals, and definitely think that it’s important to be careful about what is recorded publicly and/or in email. These kinds of things can be accessed for so long by so many, ya know? Similarly, I think not everything should be saved for posterity.

But I think that it’s worthwhile to find ways to use writing freely as a private therapeutic tool, and then use the Spirit about how much to keep and what could, at the appropriate time, be discarded.
m&m Michelle
April 10th, 2009 @ 12:30 am

What a story that was!

I will say, however, that I think it’s important to not compare trials, either. We may not have to bury four babies and a husband, or have the same kinds of trials of others around us, but I believe that we each have trials that are often tailored to our own learning, and so it’s not just about how our trials compare with others’ but more about what we do with the trials we have.

The specifics of our journeys may be different, but the gospel answers are the same. It’s one of the reasons I like to reflect on the past, and why I’m grateful for those who are willing to share their struggles and their answers, because I find that the threads of truth are so similar. And I think that is why we hear stories like this — to remind us of the bedrock principles that can get us through whatever. Pain is pain, and we all have it in some way or another in life. (Pres. Eyring’s talk comes to mind.)
m&m Michelle
April 10th, 2009 @ 12:31 am

Justine, I know for a fact that there are many people who look to you as an example of faith and courage and determination. Love you.
m&m Michelle
April 10th, 2009 @ 12:32 am

I should have gone back and read all the comments again before I started commenting. You hit on what I was thinking. Thanks for your thoughts.
m&m Michelle
April 10th, 2009 @ 12:35 am

More great thoughts. Thanks.

Yesterday, my baby (age 7) had a metal shelf from the library at school fall on her head. I think sometimes having to endure the suffering of others, particularly little ones, can be very difficult. I’d rather have it be me than them, ya know?
m&m Michelle
April 10th, 2009 @ 12:36 am

Your comment makes me think of something Pres. Eyring said a while back, maybe when he was Elder Eyring…something along the lines of assuming people have trials when we meet them, because usually, they do (or, as you point out, they did). There are so many layers to all of our lives, and the older I get, the more that reality sobers me greatly, and makes me want to be a lot more compassionate, and a lot less judgmental.
m&m Michelle
April 10th, 2009 @ 12:38 am

Interesting that your friend would say that. Of course, we have to learn some things through experience, but oh, how grateful I am that we don’t have to just live and learn in a vacuum! That’s one of the wonders of the gospel, the scriptures, and the wisdom of prophets and the power of true principles that can be seen time and time and time again.
m&m Michelle
April 10th, 2009 @ 12:39 am

Angie, thanks for sharing the stories.

My journal and my blog and blogging in general are similar vehicles for me. I have fond memories of you writing in your journal back in our college days, and it’s great to see you continuing the recording process.
Tay
April 10th, 2009 @ 9:05 am

My mom is a good example of taking the good from the bad things surrounding you. She grew up with a father who wanted to just drink and party with his friends and a mother who gave up on him and left the family (she refuses to recognize that she is even the mother to 4 of her 6 kids). But somehow my mom could look beyond this and concentrate on the good examples in her life: her grandparents. It is from them that she learned how to live the Gospel and how to be a good mother. Sure she has her faults, but she was able to become a good and happy person. She could see that her grandparents were happy because they followed the teachings of Christ, and that her parents were anything but happy.

Because of her example and that of my great-grandparents, I know that with the right outlook we can have good in our lives. Even though you have to fight for it, it’s all worth it in the end.
Sue
April 10th, 2009 @ 2:16 pm

My favorite stories are those that feature the triumph of the human spirit over any given situation. I love “The Hiding Place” by Corrie ten Boom, where Betsie’s prayer of gratitude for barracks infestation at Ravensbruck is eventually validated by the fact that the infestation kept German soldiers from visiting as often to torment the prisoners. I’m also inspired by Victor Frankl’s example of man’s ability to choose meaning even in a German concentration camp. And I am particularly drawn to the survivor from the Willie Handcart Company who was grateful that he had become “acquainted with God in his extremities,”

I have certainly become better acquainted with God in my extremities, and I have had my share of these, some recorded for posterity and some recorded for myself, to be disposed of sometime before my death. I used to think I would dispose of nothing, but when my mother-in-law died, my husband read a few things in her drawers that disturbed him to a degree that I have decided to go through everything fairly soon and take out anything that might have a similar effect on my children. For the most part, though, I will leave what I have written for their use and hopefully, edification. I am not ashamed of any aspect of my history…or the written acknowledgment of my weaknesses…because I see them all as part of my journey and accept them. So any editing will be more along the lines of whether my children would want to know or could benefit from knowing a particular thing about my life.

The worst thing I ever went through personally was a dramatic surgical menopause that created a severe and long-lasting hormonal imbalance. This really rocked my world because, in the space of one day, I had crippling anxiety and depression instead of what had previously been an enjoyable neurochemistry. Paul’s “thorn in the flesh” experience was especially helpful to me and his model of learning to be “content in whatsoever state I [was] in.” (Philippians, last chapter)

But even worse to bear than my own trials were the tribulations of my children. Those definitely win the adversity prize in my life and cannot be shared here due to their individual and collective rights to privacy. The good news is that all is well now. =)

Finally, I loved the stories of adversity told in conference last week. I never cease to be uplifted and inspired by the courageous reactions of others to their struggles. At this time of year, of course, I am especially conscious of the Savior’s reaction to the greatest adversity ever experienced, His Atonement. What a debt of gratitude we owe Him, and oh, what we can learn from His story.
m&m Michelle
April 10th, 2009 @ 2:45 pm

Looks like the reply-to-individual-comments feature has been turned off. So when you see all those comments in a row, I hope you can match them as responses to comments above.

Tay, what a blessing to have such examples in your own life and family.

And Sue! I just ordered those two books, if you can believe it. Thanks for all your thoughts.
Claudia
April 10th, 2009 @ 5:22 pm

One of my favorite stories is from the book by Corie Tenboom called the Hiding Place. The book is really atribute to her sister Betsy. When she and Betsy were imprisoned by the Nazis for harboring Jews during WWII they were sent from their country, Holland,to a work camp in Germany. They were assigned to a barracks where the bunks were stacked to the ceiling and prisoners slept four across. There was a dim light bulb that they could read by. When the first arrived the first thing they noticed about the bunk was that it was infested with fleas.

Corrie coulnd’t see how they could live there, but Betsy took out the bible she had smuggled in and reminded her that they were to give thanks for all things. Corrie asked if that meant even the fleas. Betsy said yes. So they thanked the Lord for their blessings including the fleas.

Over time the used their contraband bible for a daily class and devotional under the dim light. This brought comfort all who shared their building. They were never disturbed by the guards who patroled and looked just inside the front door from time to time.

After Betsy died Corrie learned that the reason the guards had never bothered them was because of the fleas.

Betsy’s life and example of service and gratitude changed Corrie. I also learned the value of seeing what I have rather than what I don’t have, and to give thanks in every circumstance.
mormonhermitmom
April 11th, 2009 @ 12:27 am

The Hiding Place is an incredible book.
Our family histories are a place where I sometimes look for an example, good or bad, so my trials seem more manageable.
I had a great grandmother who wrote just about every day in her journals. One day my mother found her burning some of them. She asked why, and great grandmother said there were a lot of hurtful things in those books that no one needed to read because the events had happened so long ago. I wished she hadn’t in a way, but from what I heard from my grandmother and my great aunt, there were some family difficulties that were better left alone so that healing could occur. Only three of those journals existed after she died and I helped transcribe them so all our cousins could read them. In one of them, she recorded the death of her father, a Swedish convert who emigrated to America. Seeing her grief at the loss of a beloved parent, and the joy of a new grandson, was wonderful. She even wrote about the first time she listened to General Conference on the radio. Can you imagine four or five days of conference?

I don’t want to burn my journals because I know they might be helpful, or at least educational, to my future progeny. I try to be careful what I write so I can’t hurt anyone I love after wounded feelings have come and gone.