Comments on: Love, marriage, sex

By: matt nathanson fan

matt nathanson fan — Sun, 24 Jan 2010 07:42:11 +0000

You have an interesting point of view

By: Laurie

Laurie — Mon, 04 Jan 2010 01:40:24 +0000

I have read about half of the posts here and it has made me think of several things. This is a topic that I feel very strongly about, and I have had several conversations with my friends over the years who “just don’t like sex that much.” While that is a whole other conversation, here are my initial thoughts.

First, we had a lesson in RS about what we can do to show our husbands we appreciate them. No one mentioned sex for a very long time until a good friend of mine mentioned timidly how she feels that intimacy is something that is important to remember. And then someone tried to shoot her down by saying that *sex is not intimacy.* Why is it that we are so afraid to talk/think about sex? I think about sex all the time, and it does not make me a *bad* person, it makes me want my husband. Every Day. And I can’t use any chemical birth control either, but there are ways to still enjoy each other and also not get pregnant every month when you are ovulating.

Second, we wait to have sex till we are married (ideally, or we at least are taught to). Then, we live to the standard of monogamy, which I fully am in support of. But really sisters, if we aren’t having sex with our husbands they have NO OTHER OPTIONS. They wait till we marry them and they covenant to be faithful to us and forsake all others. Most men need sex, it is how they express love and receive love in return. If you have not read the book The Five Love Languages, it would be good for all couples to read and learn how to communicate love to each other. I don’t even know how many friends I have told to go to a lingerie store, buy some *naughty panties* and just let themselves enjoy sex. Get out of the mentality they drilled into all of us as young women and let yourself physically love your husband. You really might enjoy it yourself.

And I agree, we all go through good times and more difficult times, and in reality we can all do better at many things in our marriages. This is just one that I feel really strongly about, because, for some reason, I have heard from A LOT of women how they don’t enjoy sex, and consequently they don’t engage in it much, and I see the effect it has on their husbands and marriages. Just my 2 cents.

By: Snow

Snow — Sun, 03 Jan 2010 16:12:10 +0000

All have great suggestions that I knew but have fogotten. But I have a question. Do you think that any of our men are posting these types of questions or suggestions? Is this an accepted role of women? I’m very feminine and I’m not what they call a feminist. I appreciate men for what they are. I’m just really curious about how everyone here is responding. Its all beautiful and I have re-learned and I thank you for that. But I”m also curious, what is he doing to help the situation? I’ve never run into a thread that men are posting to on this subject.

By: Linda

Linda — Sat, 25 Jul 2009 06:21:00 +0000

My husband had also gained quite a bit of weight and on one occasion had stated that men liked attractive wives as their ‘arm candy’. I nicely threw it back at him that wives (Me)also need an attractive man as their ‘arm candy’. To my great surprise, he started eating healthy, running and working out five days a week and to this day has lost close to twenty pounds!! He’s looking great and I tell him so every chance I get!

By: Jen

Jen — Fri, 17 Apr 2009 04:17:36 +0000

Spending time together is very important. Why would you get married to be away from one another? Good article!

By: To Anon 4

To Anon 4 — Sat, 20 Dec 2008 12:17:42 +0000

I know this is way past the discussion date, but wanted to talk to anon 4 if you’re still listening. I have had similar feelings: that I didn’t marry my true love, that I’d made a mistake that couldn’t be corrected. I even used to worry a lot about the scripture that says “whosoever loves and makes a lie” will be counted with liars and adulterers. Was that me? Sometimes I felt like I’d married the wrong man. I fasted and prayed to love him. And I learned to love him, even be in love with him. I focus on his good points, I practice not criticizing and apologizing when my pride surfaces. After 12 years of marriage I finally learned to enjoy sex and give more of myself to him. Life is much better for both of us. Keep praying. Love him the best you can. You will be blessed for your efforts. Satan does not want you to have a good marriage, show him you are better than that.

By: Blue

Blue — Sun, 30 Nov 2008 19:02:10 +0000

I thought I’d compile a list of the song suggestions mentioned above, so they’re all in one place if anyone is interested. So without further ado, here are the Segullah reader’s favorite love songs:

Air Supply’s Making Love out of Nothing at All.
Kenny Chesney’s Me & You.
“Digame” by Anna Nalick.
“Falling Slowly” from the movie Once,
Your Body is a Wonderland by John Mayer
Save Room for my love by john legend
Walnut Tree by Keane
“Stay Now” by Jem
“Come on Closer” by Jem
“Transatlanticism” by Death Cab for Cutie,
“The Wind” by Cat Stevens,
“Such Great Heights” remake by Iron and Wine,
“Say I Will” by Peter Breinholt,
“Hold You in my Arms” by Ray LaMontagne
“All I Want is You” by U2
“Lucky” by Jason M’raz
“uando Amas A Alguien” by César Banana Pueyrredón
music of the Afghan Whigs
music of Twilight Singers
“Come on get higher” by Matt Nathanson
“Johnny and June” by Heidi Newfield
“Banana Pancakes” by Jack Johnson
“Lets Stay Together” by Al Green
”She’s got a way” by Billy Joel
“Just the Way you are” by Billy Joel
“The Luckiest” by Ben Folds
There You Are by Martina McBride
When I Said I Do by Clint Black & Lisa Hartman Black
We Danced by Brad Paisley
Like the Rain by Clint Black
Bryan Adams
Rascall Flats
album: Norah Jones, “Come Away With Me”
“I Will be Here” by Steven Curtis Chapman
“Standing Right Next to Me” by Karla Bonoff
“Fields of Gold” by Sting
“Whenever, Wherever” by Shakira
Little Foothills Heaven by Corb Lund

By: Cheryl

Cheryl — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 03:41:35 +0000

Coming from a woman who has had ongoing health problems for several years and sex is NOT on my top 100 things to do and sometimes it is uncomfortable and not fun…I still do it. I WANT to please my husband, I WANT him to know I am still attracted to him after 12 years and that I LOVE and appreciate all he does and puts up with from me. Sometimes ladies you just have to do it and 99% of the time I am so glad I do because it is fun, feels good and bonds me to my husband like nothing else. A lot of time I don’t want to in the beginning but I know my sweet husband needs the validation it brings him. I think sometimes we as women can be so selfish with sex and thinking if we don’t want it it’s okay. Well…think of him and how important it is to him and don’t you want him to feel that important and validated coming from YOU?? I have grown up a lot the past 3 years and want to do it for him and most of the time it’s good for me too

By: Shelah

Shelah — Sat, 08 Nov 2008 21:15:34 +0000

I’m way too late to contribute to the party here, but I just wanted to say thank you for your music recommendations! I’m burning a cd as we speak and I think my DH will be pleasantly surprised when he gets home from work tonight!

And if anyone has questions they’d like to post at fmh, send them my way and I’ll see if I can hook you up (fmhshelah@gmail.com).

By: dalene

dalene — Sat, 08 Nov 2008 18:28:48 +0000

Great post and discussion Michelle. I agree that there is room for both parties to do things–even simple random acts of kindness–that can increase intimacy on all its levels.

At the same time I will never forget the last time I saw my grandfather (he was 98) alive. It was at the end of one of the worst episodes of his dementia I had witnessed–an hour that troubled and exhausted both my grandmother and me. Yet in a brief moment of lucidity he looked me in the eye and asked me to put my grandmother to bed and to take care of her. Of all the aspects of his life that were completely upside down, what he wanted most was reassurance that she would be OK.

The tender love in his eyes and his voice definitely transcended any physical barriers that existed between the two of them (they’d had separate bedrooms as long as I can remember).