Mothers Who Kneel

Posted by Brooke | February 25, 2009 | 59 Comments

We are scripturally admonished to pray always.

I don’t.

Sometimes I can’t even bring myself to string together an incoherent line of thankfulness before I fall asleep at bedtime (“Thank Heavenly Father you…day kids blesszzzzzzzz”)—after I’m already supine, the duvet pulled up to my chin, my head nested in a pillow.

Last conference, Elder Bednar used imagery that suggested a cycle to me, a daily round, an attitude with which to accomplish this whole pray always bit when he said:

“Meaningful morning and evening prayers are… a continuation of each other… They are not unrelated, discrete events; rather, they are linked together each day and across days, weeks, months, and even years.”

In other words (Bible words): one prayer begets another.

And to be spiritually prepared for your morning prayer, a heartfelt evening prayer is necessary. And vice versa.

Still. I read this, note that I’m missing a piece of that cycle by neglecting my evening prayers, then feel sleepy, head off to bed, brush teeth, grab socks from a drawer, nod off before amen.

It’s not that I don’t appreciate this beautiful counsel. It’s not that I don’t wholeheartedly love and endorse prayer. It’s not that I don’t have a testimony of its truthfulness, that IT WORKS! Because I know it does…

It’s not even that I’m coaxing myself out of trying to feel guilty for my obviously lackadaisical attitude toward something so holy. It’s just that I’m a wee bit flummoxed by my complacency towards it, and I wonder over it:

What does it mean?

The very attitude of kneeling implies submission, humility, honor, gratitude. And I know that the energy to kneel even when I feel oh-so-tired would be immediately rewarded by more meaningful prayer, a truer (and frankly, just real, not-interspersed-with-dream-sequence) nighttime communion with my God.

Which, trusting Elder Bednar (and I do), would lead to a better morning communion with Heavenly Father, indeed a better day of praying always. Indeed a better day.

So I can’t figure out why I don’t do it.

What helps you pray always?

Do you have rituals that you stick to in your personal prayer? In family prayer?

What assures you that your prayers will be heartfelt even in the face of goodness, no trial impending, no clouds in the sky? (For I find that I’m quite solicitous with my kneeling when I’m heartsick, when I—gasp!—need something…)

Oh, I know I’m an ingrate. But before you start, there’s one more thing:

How do you feel about kneeling?

Category: Daily Special, Slice of Life

Comments

59 Responses to “Mothers Who Kneel”

Michelle Glauser
February 25th, 2009 @ 5:48 am

I kneel, but it’s a little unconventional, because of my bunk-type bed. I kneel on my mattress with my head on my hands, which are on my pillow. A few years ago, I decided to boost my prayers and started with timing them. I know that sounds very insincere, but it lead to me now having longer prayers where I have time to personally counsel with the Lord. As for remembering, just do it. No matter what. First thing when you’re up, last thing before you sleep.
Lucy
February 25th, 2009 @ 5:57 am

Praying has been the hardest thing for me in all of my many years in the church. Which are many. I don’t do it well; I can’t do it. Meaning unable for some reason. My family were all Mormons but no one ever prayed and it wasn’t taught. I know. I don’t understand it either. So I’ll be interested in the comments here. Thanks.
dalene
February 25th, 2009 @ 7:30 am

Well put, Brooke, and I can relate to your struggle on every level. I am good about having a prayer in my heart and my head throughout the day–in fact just yesterday I was walking into the building where I work and I tossed up a heart-felt “thank you” for the feel of the air and the beauty of the sky at that very moment. But I’m not consistent with formal prayer. I’d like to blame my knees–scar tissue from knee surgery makes it extremely painful to kneel. But to be honest I stunk at it before my surgery, too.

I loved Elder Bednar’s talk and the concept of how opening and closing our day with prayer creates a continuous round of prayer. And so I’m still plugging away. Because I too know that prayers are answered in very real and specific ways. And thus I feel a bit of a hypocrite for still struggling with it.
wesley's mom
February 25th, 2009 @ 7:42 am

I have such a hard time with this. I find that I can pray in the shower, the car, while I am lying in bed waiting for my husband to finish his own (kneeling) prayers, but rarely do I kneel for my own prayers. Which, of course, always leaves me feeling a little bit guilty, and like my prayers are not quite good enough.
jenny
February 25th, 2009 @ 8:24 am

Ditto to all.

I don’t kneel as much as I should.
I have more informal prayers than I do formal ones.
I am uncomfortable praying out loud in a group.
I know I should spend more time/effort praying when I am not “gasp! in need of something.”
I know I could do better.

But I do have a testimony of prayer and I know that Heavenly Father hears and answers my feeble attempts at prayer. I am grateful for His patience with my imperfections.

(I will also be interested to hear what others have to say about this post…)
Julie P
February 25th, 2009 @ 8:26 am

I read the title of this post and am impressed that our children are so blessed to have mothers who pray on their behalf. If all children were so blessed.

After going through a severe crisis of my faith three years ago, I have had to rebuild my testimony and faith teeny bit by tiny bit. I had not realized, until I felt I was wandering without faith, that I was doing better than ok, before things fell apart. Sadly, my prayer life has been the hardest thing to add back (consistently and faithfully) and feel joy and sincerity in. It is one of the 2 things I am working on for Lent. (A Mormon who observes Lent? It is true.)

One of the “prayer practices” I do love however, is all about my children. Every so often, maybe every week or two, I will put my children to bed, and then sit or kneel by each and offer a prayer for just that one child, offering words of thanksgiving and asking special blessings for just that one. I appreciate the time to sit and think about each child in detail, and even though the kids are young, I hope they get, just a bit, how much their earthly and Heavenly parents love them.
suedonym
February 25th, 2009 @ 8:38 am

My strongest testimony is of prayer. I (like Dalene) have a prayer in my heart most of the time, and never miss family prayers both day and night.

Having said that, I feel that many of our family prayers are “vain repetitions” that bounce right off the ceiling. I do not spend nearly enough time one on one with my Heavenly Father really talking to Him. And I never kneel. And of course I feel guilty about this and wonder – if I don’t kneel, am I not showing my commitment, and why should He answer me?

But He does.
TJ Hirst
February 25th, 2009 @ 8:58 am

Prayer is the most difficult at night for me. I’m tired. I’m carrying the weight of the day around with me. I can’t concentrate on the words I am trying to speak. I know it’s not always the best, but I follow through. My morning prayers are more meaningful. These are the structure of my prayer routine. But, the heart of it is when I spontaneously kneel n my kitchen pantry or beside a chair in an empty classroom at church before or after I teach. What am I saying in these times with these physical actions: I need thee, even when I’m weak, especially when I’m weak, I need thee.
b.
February 25th, 2009 @ 9:07 am

I appreciate this post and the comments even more…thank you.
I struggle too.
I keep an open conversation with the Lord all day long, mostly in gratitude.
Elder Bednar’s talk really made me think. I haven’t yet changed my bad prayer habits….but I don’t like labeling them as bad either. I think the Lord understands, I really do.
Janet
February 25th, 2009 @ 9:22 am

I could have written this! Thank you for having the courage to say what many of us are feeling. One of my goals for 2009 is to have kneeling, vocal prayer morning and night. I haven’t done that well. On top of which I have been pondering on what I could/should give up for Lent. (after some blog posts last year I really felt that I wanted to prepare for Easter by participating in Lent) Last night as I was going to bed, without kneeling prayer, I was thinking that with today being Ash Wednesday, I needed to decide what to give up and thought perhaps I should ask God what he wanted me to do, since the purpose of Lent is to grow closer to Him. Then this morning, first thing, I read your post and I know what He wants. He wants me to keep my goal, to make a habit of kneeling, vocal, morning and evening prayer. Thank you for being an instrument in His hands to bring me this message.
Brooke
February 25th, 2009 @ 9:30 am

oh, to not feel alone in my little weaknesses. i love my segullah girls.

like most of you, the prayer in my heart is not a problem– it’s just the formal stuff. still i love hearing how you know the Lord understands.

and julie p., i love the practice of kneeling by each child’s bedside and offering specific prayers on their behalf. (just another thing to try and add to my routine.)
Brooke
February 25th, 2009 @ 9:32 am

janet: no words at your comment. just chills. thank you. xo
Mommom
February 25th, 2009 @ 9:41 am

I’ve had a testimony of prayer since I was very young. It has grown stronger as I’ve gotten older. I’ve had times where I knew I was having the types of prayers we’re meant to have. Where I took the time to think and meditate as I was saying my morning prayers. And then again at the end of the day. I treasured that time and those conversations.

Family prayer is something that has helped keep our family going through all the ups and downs. Even prayers at meal times are meaningful as we’ve learned to think about what we’re praying.

The key to all of those was a consistant schedule. Sometimes for family prayer, one person might be missing (at an activity or meetings) but you still hold it.

At the moment – I kneel. I haven’t always though. I will say that by kneeling I’m less likely to fall asleep during the prayer. Not that I might not say “Hope you know…. I’m really tired today” and make it tad shorter.
eljee
February 25th, 2009 @ 9:43 am

I just taught Elder Bednar’s talk in RS on Sunday and have been thinking about it heavily, so I was delighted to see it being discussed here!

I have never been able to consistently implement morning prayer. I have tried on several occasions, but I always fail. I excuse it by saying that I am awakened by my children, and hit the ground running each morning. There is no quiet space for prayer. And how can I get up earlier when I’m wakened throughout the night by a baby or toddler? My nighttime prayers have been shallow for months too.

I was truly inspired after reading this talk by how vital morning prayer is. The thing that struck me most deeply was Elder Bednar’s discussion of spiritual creation. By praying in the mornings and specifically discussing my upcoming day with Heavenly Father, I am creating that day and in large part determining how it will go. I think this concept of spiritual creation is very deep and profound, and I’ve been feeling inspired to make an intense study of it.

So for the past couple of days, I’ve been doing it! Hopefully I can make it a real habit. No, I’m not getting up earlier, but I’m making it a point to ignore the kids and the crazy until it’s done.

It’s been years since I’ve offered a kneeling prayer. Early in our marriage, probably in the cold winter months when we didn’t want to get out of bed, dh and I got into the habit of saying our prayers under the covers, kind of half-kneeling. I honestly wish we had not started this habit. I do think that prayers are more casual this way, and it’s way too easy to fall asleep.
Brooke
February 25th, 2009 @ 9:54 am

eljee, the part about the spiritual creation preceding the temporal creation really struck me too. it was one of those parts that i had to read and re-read. there is so much power in that idea, really: we can truly dictate the tone of our day through prayer.
Kay
February 25th, 2009 @ 10:00 am

I too taught this talk by Elder Bednar on Sunday in R.S. I loved preparing for the lesson and really wished I could just get all of the sisters to understand every message he gave.

At the same time I have to admit that since joining the church prayer has always been my problem. I have never felt comfortable doing it. I actually prefer to do ‘public’ prayers in meetings as they are less personal, also as you are asked in advance you can prepare for them. Which made me think that maybe if I prepared for my prayers more, instead of just launching into them I would do better. I sometimes wonder if my problem is that I never had a good relationship with my own father, so find the Heavenly Father relationship difficult too. Maybe, honestly I am just lazy and/or unrighteousness. It is comforting to know that I am not alone. Certainly no sister in my ward on Sunday confessed to any prayer issues, apart from myself.

I do kneel however. I do it because it feels right.
Mrs. Olsen
February 25th, 2009 @ 10:02 am

I have found my prayers are more specific, intense, and inspired when I have daily thoughtful scripture study. In my eyes, they are absolutely relative to each other. With 3 kids and life craziness, it’s the scripture study that has become more difficult, and my praying habits reflect that absence.
Kay
February 25th, 2009 @ 10:02 am

I have just read that comment back. I meant that it is comforting to know that there are sisters out there, i.e. segullah ladies who will admit to issues too. As I said, noone in my ward would admit to difficulties in the lesson.
Karen
February 25th, 2009 @ 10:03 am

I have always struggled with personal prayer. I have a prayer in my heart through out the day, but kneeling down and praying outloud has been difficult for me all my life. My legs ache, I have a hard time concentrating, I forget what I want to pray about. In the morning I forget to kneel right away so the day gets started before I remember, and then I keep putting it off. At night I am tired, or reading something. There always seems to be a reason.

I feel guilty about this. I feel like I’m not doing it right, not trying hard enough. Why is it so hard for me to just do it? Kneel and pray.

It is good to know that I am not alone. It is also good to read of those who have struggled and made progress.

I love Julie P’s idea of praying specific prayers for her children. I have prayed that way at times, but like the idea of making it a more regular occurrence.

It is good for me to be reminded of Elder Bednar’s talks on prayer. I will read them again today.
Rhonda
February 25th, 2009 @ 10:19 am

I have rheumatoid arthritis which limits my movement and mobility so that most days, the mere act of kneeling is more than I can manage. I find that I miss the act of kneeling, but I’ve tried to turn that inward. We kneel to show our submission — whether I perform the symbolic act or not, I can submit.

Kneeling aside, the important actions are the ones after the prayer is finished that reflect true submission. For me, that’s the hard part, and maybe one reason I don’t pray as often as I should. It’s easy to ask for blessings, but hard to submit and say yes to the Spirit’s directions.
Jinxie
February 25th, 2009 @ 10:19 am

I was just thinking this morning, as I was driving to work, that I need to work on my prayers. I can’t even remember the last time I prayed in the morning, and, more often than not, my evening prayers are far too quick, and I’m usually not kneeling. I take great comfort in this post and the comments thus far to know I’m not alone! I believe in prayer, and I know it works, I just need to put that belief into action.

Thank you for the timely post!
Michelle L.
February 25th, 2009 @ 11:09 am

Lovely post Brooke! I too, loved Elder Bednar’s talk– felt changed by it!– and then did nothing to improve the length and sincerity of my prayers(I think the timer idea is brilliant!)

I often feel guilty when remembering C.S. Lewis’ injunction that our bodies are connected to our souls and that kneeling in submission REALLY does matter. Too often,my prayers are casual and I pick up the phone or search the internet for advice instead of dropping to my knees.
FoxyJ
February 25th, 2009 @ 11:17 am

I was also inspired by Elder Bednar’s talk and have been trying to implement daily, kneeling prayer. Right now I’m blessed to have about 25 minutes alone to shower and get ready in the morning (hubby handles breakfast with the kids), and I’ve started adding prayer onto the end of my routine.I think it’s been helping–hard to tell at this point. I do kneel for my morning prayer, but not for my nighttime one–which tends to be a quick prayer said while curled up in my bed.

I’ve also been pondering how to teach my children more about the significance of prayer. We pray at meals and have family prayer at night, but most of the time they just throw out a quick little memorized prayer and that’s it. They’re only 5 and 2 (almost 3), but I really want them to understand that prayer is more than just words. My husband is inactive so I struggle with teaching them about the gospel by myself. Right now I feel good that we at least have a prayer routine and I try and set an example of meaningful prayer–it’s hard to teach something to them that I don’t have a strong testimony of for myself.
ClistyB
February 25th, 2009 @ 11:28 am

We don’t pray as often as we should either. And I even caught myself giggling inwardly as I saw some newly’s praying before a meal at Thanksgiving Point. Boo on me.
That being said, when I do pray, I always avoid the repetitive phrases. I try to keep it interesting for Him.
Strollerblader
February 25th, 2009 @ 11:50 am

I would have to say that my testimony of prayer and the relationship you can have with Heavenly Father through prayer is probably the strongest part of my testimony. Like Kay, I had a difficult relationship with my dad, but for me, that made it easier to go to my Heavenly Father, since He *is* the perfect father. So, my daily kneeling prayers started as a high schooler, when I could pray in my room with my door shut where no one would see me and mock me or make me feel embarrassed about doing something spiritual, and when my family life was so hard. They are what carried me through my difficulties with my family; it honestly was my lifeline and why I made it through and how I remained active in the church. During my junior year of high school, definitely my most stressful year of school, I wouldn’t be able to get to sleep at night because I was so stressed and worried about all I had to get done the next day, week, month. I would still be awake past midnight, when I had to get up at 4:30 or 5 for seminary. My mom shared a scripture with me, which I have classified as the best piece of advice I’ve ever been given. It is from Alma 37:37, and it says to counsel with the Lord in all our doings and He will direct us for good. And that when we lie down at night, we should pray that He will watch over us in our sleep, and when we rise in the morning, to let our hearts be full of thanksgiving. My mom explained that what I needed to do, was at night when I prayed say to Heavenly Father, “I can’t deal with these thoughts and stresses right now. Please take them from me tonight, and then I’ll take them back in the morning when I’m rested and can better deal with them,” and then in my morning prayer, to thank Heavenly Father for letting me rest and to ask for strength and help in dealing with all the things that were coming at me. It works as well now as it did over 20 years ago.

As a freshman at BYU, I was VERY grateful to have a non-member roommate. I needed a bit of space from all the Mormons — a little breathing room. And, it made it easier for me to pray. I’ve always hated the reaction I got from my family whenever I did something openly spiritual, such as bearing my testimony in church or being caught saying a personal prayer or reading scriptures. Their reactions have always embarrassed me. I’ve always felt like I needed to hide that from them to protect myself. And I always got the “goody two shoes” treatment from peers at church, so public religiosity has been difficult. But, having a non-member roommate initiated that “be a good example” thing in me, and thus actually made it easier to do. (In other words, for much of my early life, it was easier to be a good Mormon for non-members than to show that side to other members and be mocked for it.) Thus began (or continued) my habit of kneeling nightly by my bed (or on my top bunk) no matter who my roommates (and their sleeping boyfriend’s…) were, whether they were active Mormons or not members or religious at all, no matter what else was going on at the time. (Although I’ve always been a “late to bed” person, so that helps.)

That cemented my daily prayers for me, although for much of my life, they have only been nightly prayers.

Then I got married. And because it was awkward for me to show that spirituality to someone else, namely my new husband, I didn’t say my nightly prayers from the day we got married. And over a year into our marriage, I finally got the courage to bring it up to him, and ask that we have nightly prayers together as a couple. Twelve years later, and including a dh that doesn’t believe in the church anymore, we are still kneeling together each night before we get into bed and read scriptures together. (Daily scripture reading was also a survival tactic habit that I developed as a teen.)

A year or two ago, for one of my New Year’s goals, I made it a goal to have personal morning prayers. For while my dh and I have been good about daily evening couple prayers, I let my personal prayers go. And like someone else already mentioned, because when it’s my night to pray during our couple prayer, and I am the voice for both of us, it leaves out a lot of the pleadings of MY heart, plus those remnants of my past still haunt me about having others close to me witness me really open up spiritually, so our couple prayers don’t really include much of the deepest thoughts and desires of my heart.

So over the past couple of years, especially as I’ve dealt with my dh’s disaffection, my personal morning prayers have been so important, once again truly being a lifeline for me as I’ve had to deal with my dh’s disbelief in silence, since he hasn’t ‘come out’ about it yet. I’ve tried to make it a habit to literally roll out of bed onto my knees. I keep my arms under the still-warm covers and say my prayers while my dh still sleeps and doesn’t realize that I’m not laying in the bed anymore. Some mornings those prayers end up really short (gotta PEE!!!). I sometimes get interrupted by one of my kids. Sometimes I never make it to my knees because I’ve been summoned out of bed before I was awake and off and running to do something. And ironically, Sunday mornings are the hardest morning to have my prayer, I think mostly because my daily routine is broken and different. (Saturdays, too, but not as much since they generally aren’t as rushed.)

As a single college and post-college girl, I had the best relationship and daily dialogue with my Heavenly Father. I now treasure those memories of walking around campus having a running dialogue throughout the day with my Heavenly Father, and being able to have a personal relationship with him and personal conversation rather than formal, stinted awkward phrases. I treasure the times driving alone in the car and being able to think prayers for long stretches of road. As a busy mom, I don’t have that kind of quiet much now. So, I try to kneel and say my morning personal prayers. I have a ‘running thoughts’/meditation kind of prayer as I strollerblade each school morning, and we only slightly more than go through the motions as a coulple in our evening prayer, not wanting to show my vulnerability before my dh or to include things in those prayers that he’s ‘not on board with.’ But prayer is the reason why I feel like I have a personal relationship with my Heavenly Father, and why I feel I can go to Him with anything, and how I’ve received answers to so many things — because I’ve asked for them — and frankly, why I’ve made it to where I am today, namely not in a loony bin. I don’t know how I could have developed nor maintained my testimony and faith, nor stayed sane or believing and active, if not for prayer. I don’t know how I would know how much my HF loves me and knows me personally if it weren’t for Him specifically answering prayers that I’ve prayed, in ways that show His many tender mercies.

I love what the bible dictionary says about prayer, which Elder Bednar talked about in one of his talks a few conferences ago.

What is prayer? It’s not like HF doesn’t already know everything that’s going on in our lives and what we need. Prayer is our way to humble ourselves, to admit our inadequacy to ourselves before God, to see the need for an atonement, to get in touch with our inner selves. And kneeling for that prayer not only helps us focus (and stay awake), but it further helps us humble ourselves before our maker and freely pour out what is in our hearts and on our minds and what we struggle with and need help with. Kneeling for our personal prayers shows that they are more meaningful. Kind of like fasting is kind of a way to say, “Hey, over here! Listen to me!” Kneeling is also a way to make a prayer more noticeable not only to God, but to ourselves. Kneeling is not required of us for all of our prayers (which would eliminate all of my awesome dialogues with God), but does help a prayer take on more meaning, and should be done regularly. It shows respect and awe. It shows submission. It shows obedience and sacrifice. It helps us be in the right frame of mind.

As for Lent, in college my formerly-Catholic friend and I always used to jokingly give up s*x for Lent. Such a sacrifice for two single good girls who didn’t even have promiscuous possibilities open up to them! But, seriously, I do like to kind of give up something for Lent each year, and hadn’t remembered that today was the beginning of Lent. My dh thanks me for changing my Lenten sacrifice!
wendy
February 25th, 2009 @ 11:58 am

I wish I had time to read these all right now, but I postponed praying to get on the computer (alas, my shrimp salad).

Years ago I did what Elder Bednar described and it was wonderful. I loved how close I felt to the Lord, how faithful I felt, the perspective I had. More recently, I have been renewing my efforts, and I’m noticing a difference in my day and in my faith. Between then and now, I have resisted for various reasons. If I paid attention, I could understand why. The easiest for me to remember and describe here is that sometimes it was because if I prayed sincerely, I would have to acknowledge pain I didn’t want to feel.

Re: kneeling, I have rebelled against that, too. But now, making an effort to kneel, I see so clearly how it is a symbol of submissiveness. If I’m not willing to do such a simple act of obedience, what is that saying about my overall level of being willing to submit to the Lord’s will?

It’s so interesting to watch myself resist what I know to be so good.

Great post, Brooke!
Sue
February 25th, 2009 @ 12:18 pm

I have arthritis, so kneeling is quite uncomfortable for me. That doesn’t mean I never do it, but I do it only occasionally. For me, a kneeling prayer has become sort of like a fasting prayer. It’s a prayer where I want to sacrifice something extra because I am really needing something extra by way of an answer or comfort, etc.

I have often thought about requiring myself to kneel for every prayer, but I haven’t done this because I suspect it would make me pray less often and try to get it over with more quickly. In fact, I choose not to put too many “musts” or “shoulds” on my prayers at all, because I don’t want these to get in the way of the enjoyment I can feel in conversing with my Father in Heaven. But that’s my personality. If I put too many rules and regulations on something that should be a pleasure, it becomes considerably less of one.

I truly believe that as long as I am kneeling in my heart, my Heavenly Father is good with that. And I think He cares more about whether I’m praying and why I’m praying than how I’m praying.

JMHO, of course. (Some of my best prayers take place in the car.)
jendoop
February 25th, 2009 @ 12:27 pm

I remember that prayer is about my relationship with God. I wouldn’t want my child coming to talk to me grudgingly so I don’t go to him with that attitude. I talk to him when I want to. I kneel and say thank you for dinner and get up if that is all I can muster with a good attitude. Or if I have a bad attitude I try to work through those things with him if they persist. Often those bad attitude prayers are the ones I end up with wet eyes at the end, where he touches my heart, somehow softening what was so hard when I first knelt.

We Mormon women are too good at guilt. Don’t make your relationship with your Father about guilt. Make it about love, make it about his ability to listen and care for you, even when you fail and are imperfect. That is why evening prayers are harder than morning- in the morning you can say “this is what I’m going to do today” in the evening you have to face that you didn’t do it, that in some way you sinned and you have to face that reality. That is not what our prayers should be all about. It is a process, we are becoming. Get rid of that God who would want to punish you and make you feel bad about your sin for no other reason that for sheer retribution. Listen to his promptings about where you are in the process, let Him be your counselor and guide.

When I can’t focus on my evening prayers, when my mind won’t quiet, I write my prayer in my journal.

Elder Bednar’s talk was amazing, thanks for the reminder.
Kalli
February 25th, 2009 @ 12:30 pm

i love Elder Bednar. He’s so great.

the theme here is that everyone struggles with prayer, and it’s good to know i’m not alone. i always say my evening prayers kneeling, even though most nights they’re quite repetitive i know that i feel better and HE feels better if i say them anyway. the whole point of prayer in the first place is to align our desires with those of the Lord. the more we do it, and anyway we can do it, the closer we are to accomplishing that. kneeling or not.
Laura
February 25th, 2009 @ 12:55 pm

I think I relate to this, but in a different way.

I don’t think I’ve ever gone to bed at night without praying. Usually kneeling on my bed, head on my hands on my pillow.

It’s the kind of prayer I offer that is the problem. Too often it’s vain repetitions. And it’s so focused on what I’m grateful for in my life and what my family and I need.

My goal is to focus my prayers more on specific things. On specific needs of my husband and I and each of our children. (My mom, Janet who posted above, is very good at specific faithful prayers. And they are always answered. I always think that if I really need or want something I should just have her pray for it!)

I also want to focus my prayers more on other people. I should be asking, “Who needs my prayers?” and praying for them.

I should be saying, “Heavenly Father, help me to be who you need me to be, to help who you need me to help.”

I had a Relief Society lesson a year or so ago in which we talked about how our morning prayers could be a time to ask Heavenly Father, “What is that one thing you need me to do for you today?” And then we can go about each day searching to know how we can serve Him, by serving our fellow man.

I lived by this counsel for a while (until the newness of it wore off–so sad how that happens) and had some very special experiences of being led by the spirit to know who to love and serve each day. I truly felt the hand of the Lord in my life and felt blessed to be an instrument in His hands each day. I recorded my experiences in a journal given to me by the teacher of that lesson. It’s a precious treasure and reminder of what I really should be doing each and every day.

Thank you for your post and comments. I have enjoyed thinking about this and the reminding myself to do better at truly communicating with my Heavenly Father. I love Elder Bednar’s talk, especially the message about continuing our prayers, morning and night and throughout the day.
jenny
February 25th, 2009 @ 1:01 pm

Stollerblader, thanks for sharing all that. Some really great thoughts there; many I could relate to.

[This part in particular reminded me of something: "What is prayer? It’s not like HF doesn’t already know everything that’s going on in our lives and what we need. Prayer is our way to humble ourselves, to admit our inadequacy to ourselves before God, to see the need for an atonement, to get in touch with our inner selves."]

I love this quote from CS Lewis:
(I’m probably paraphrasing, because I don’t have time to look it up right now…if someone knows it exactly, feel free to correct me!)

“I pray because I have to. Prayer doesn’t change God, it changes me.”

So true.
Brooke
February 25th, 2009 @ 1:18 pm

strollerblader, thank you for sharing your story. you’ve truly inspired me. i love the image of you at your bedside, with your arms still under the warm covers. and, i love that you pray so diligently with your husband.

elder bednar’s “pray always” talk concludes with some questions about if the ones we love have heard our earnest pleadings on their behalf– and what that feels like to someone. i think in prayer we can be (and should be) more vulnerable, and i see how this act would be so beneficial for couples to get a window into the heartaches and worries of their spouse… perhaps a new way to get to know each other? even deeper?
Brooke
February 25th, 2009 @ 1:22 pm

oh sue, i love this:

“in fact, I choose not to put too many “musts” or “shoulds” on my prayers at all, because I don’t want these to get in the way of the enjoyment I can feel in conversing with my Father in Heaven… I truly believe that as long as I am kneeling in my heart, my Heavenly Father is good with that. And I think He cares more about whether I’m praying and why I’m praying than how I’m praying.”

thank you.
Mom in the Mountains
February 25th, 2009 @ 1:25 pm

Thank you for this post. It is one of the things that has bothered me about myself for years. Morning prayers are SO difficult for me, because, like others, I seem to hit the day running. I really could use to learn how to take that time in the morning for myself. At night, My DH and I have a routine- we say couples prayers, kneeling at the side of the bed, which lead into our daily prayers. It seems to make a difference.

Another thing I remembered was a talk by Elder Eyring, who taught that if your scripture reading is not where it should be, neither will your relationship with your Heavenly Father. Alas, I know it’s true, as I struggle with consistent personal study as well.

It’s amazing that by not doing *one* thing, it can affect everything else you’re doing. By not studying, my prayers are affected. And it goes the other way.
Kristine
February 25th, 2009 @ 2:48 pm

well, I would have to agree with you that I struggle a bit with the kneeling, and esp w/morning prayer.

One thing I always think is the saying, “To know and not to DO, is not to know.”

So I say I have a testimony of prayer, but I don’t think I really do, otherwise I would be using it. I BELIEVE what Elder Bednar said is true, but I don’t think I KNOW it till I DO it.

I think sometimes in the Church we confuse those — we believe things are true, but until we do them we don’t KNOW that they are.
cari
February 25th, 2009 @ 3:16 pm

This was a wonderful post, and the insightful comments have been great to read as well. The title “Mothers who kneel” brought immediately to mind a recent post by a good friend that some / all of you would enjoy reading. The title is “A Mother’s Reach.” It’s about the power of a mother’s prayers. You can find it here:

http://divergentpathways.blogspot.com/2009/02/mothers-reach.html
La Yen
February 25th, 2009 @ 3:56 pm

Really and truly, without guile, I thought I was the ONLY Mormon woman in the whole world who didn’t kneel. I have been beating myself up for years and years because “everyone else must not be as lazy and disrespectful as I am.”
Thanks. I feel like I can maybe get better at this now.
Emily M.
February 25th, 2009 @ 4:34 pm

Lovely, Brooke. Thank you.

I have missed kneeling ever since I broke my leg… now that I’m healing I need to get back to it. I feel more connected with God when I kneel. But more than kneeling, I need to revisit Elder Bednar’s talk.
she-bop
February 25th, 2009 @ 4:35 pm

Cari – that post you linked to was awesome. I have felt a few times in my life the INTENSE need to pray for something specific, not finding out why until much later.

And La Yen – you took the words right out of my mouth. I truly thought I was the only one who struggled with kneeling. This post makes me feel like I’m not alone, but that it’s something I need to try to do more often.
Inner Reprimand
February 25th, 2009 @ 4:41 pm

My husband and I are really good at praying all the time. We started back when we started dating. At first it was kind of weird to me that he wanted to pray every time we left for a date, but now it’s habit. Every time we go anywhere we pray right before we leave the house.

Sounds great, right? My problem is that we have so many “quick” prayers that I feel like they’re too much of a habit–that all my prayers are quick now.

We always pray at night, and usually kneel, but since we’ve been married we say our family prayer together and then just say our personal prayers silently. Like I’ve said, the frequency of our habits are great, but I’m worried that the quality isn’t all that good.

It sounds so immature, but I feel weird taking a long time during my prayer when my husband might be waiting for me, or vice versa. And our personal prayers are never vocal anymore because we want them to be private and we’re kneeling next to each other. The simplest thing is to go into another room, but I guess I’m too lazy.

For years I’ve been telling myself that I’ll just start spontaneously “thinking to pray” in the middle of the day and have the time (hah!) to find a “closet” and pour my soul out to God. A great dream, but obviously it has never happened.
m&m
February 25th, 2009 @ 6:56 pm

I have often thought about requiring myself to kneel for every prayer, but I haven’t done this because I suspect it would make me pray less often and try to get it over with more quickly.

As one with health issues, this has applied for me as well. But I have tried the past couple of days to make the effort when appropriate. This post makes me want to add a little more formality more often.

That said, I can’t help but wonder if we each have our ‘next step’ to progress in prayer…and if those next steps will each look a little different.

To be honest, even as I probably should kneel more, the kneeling part wasn’t what I felt I needed to do after studying this talk in class (I had already read it more than once). I felt intimidated by Elder Bednar’s talk when I heard it, when I read it, and again when we studied it. Why? I am such a perfectionist that the thought of committing to do better and failing – and being accountable to God that openly – has left me feeling perplexed.

But during the lesson, I had a thought…and it was that perhaps some of the benefit of being that deliberate and honest is that I can come to understand more about God’s character and mercy, and about how much more patient He is with me than I am with myself. I think sometimes I have held back from discussing my weakness out of shame. But hiding from God in shame? The adversary encourages that, right?

Reminds me of an article I read recently, which included the idea that true honesty in prayer is a really important step to finding God’s healing power.

I will say that I have a huge conviction of the power of ongoing prayer, too. I really believe that “the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities: for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered.” (Rom 8:26)

I want to do better with my morning prayers especially, and with being more willing to openly and formally report to God on an ongoing basis. But I have had Him answer prayers that are buried so deep in my heart that there aren’t words for them, so I really believe that I ought not be so consumed with just the formal part that I forget that He hears and knows it ALL and the more I draw my whole self to Him (mind, heart, thoughts, and voice), the better I feel.

And will say that I have offered some of my most intense, heartfelt prayers curled up in a ball…on the couch, on my bed, in my closet. So sometimes I will sacrifice the “formality” of kneeling to really spend the time (these are hour-long+ prayers where my knees and body WOULD give out). Whether that is good or not, I don’t know, but I know He has heard, and I KNOW (in very specific ways) that He has answered.)
mormonhermitmom
February 25th, 2009 @ 8:36 pm

Wow, so many of us this message spoke to. I’m not sure what it will take to get me on my knees. I like to be alone when I do, but that doesn’t happen at the same time each day. Obviously I’m going to have to work harder to figure that out.
Miggy
February 25th, 2009 @ 9:21 pm

Last question first….

Even if it’s on my bed, I kneel. Almost always. The rare times I don’t I feel really, really bad. Not because the church “makes” me feel bad, but because I feel very sincerely that I am conversing with God–one on one, like I’m the only one He’s listening to at that very moment–and I just think it’s the least I can do. I was roomies with one of my besties in college for a while and I considered her to be spiritually ‘in tune’ so-so-speak and it always bugged me to watch her pray sitting in her bed…. I never said anything because I don’t think it’s my place, but it bugged.

Now about prayer and the bigger post in general. What you said about prayer is exactly how I feel about scripture study. I KNOW it would help me, I KNOW the more I read the more I would be excited to read, and I’ve had good experiences with it, I’ve set goals only to watch myself fail at them and for some reason it seems like the only times I can get myself to read my scriptures is when I ‘need’ something. For some reason prayer comes much more naturally and is something I enjoy. Morning prayers are not nearly as consistent as nightly–but I pray. I don’t know what it is, but I guess it’s because like I said before, I truly believe God is interacting with me, just ME, at that very moment. Maybe the interaction is just listening, but I believe He’s there. I remember being told in a blessing once that “Heavenly Father is closer than you sometimes think.” and that has always stuck with me.
Brooke
February 25th, 2009 @ 9:56 pm

“And will say that I have offered some of my most intense, heartfelt prayers curled up in a ball…”

m&m: me too. like a fetal position ball.
Brooke
February 25th, 2009 @ 9:57 pm

and miggy, alas, i am also this way with regular scripture study. (is this too many confessions for one post?!)
Blue
February 26th, 2009 @ 12:45 am

i just typed a comment and submitted it and it didn’t show up. is it in some holding pen?
Roxie
February 26th, 2009 @ 1:12 am

Prayer is one of my favorite gospel subjects. It is one I study often. I love finding scriptures about prayer and studying those.

Prayer for me is a talent just like others, it is one we can develop and work on, and practice does make perfecter. There are times when I am better at it than others. There are times when I barely pray before bed. And there are other times where I find myself pouring my soul out to my Father. The better I am about praying, and not just saying prayers, the less alone I feel in the world.

When I entered the MTC, the first thing they taught us was the basics of prayer in our language. It’s been almost ten years now, but all of my personal prayers are still in my mission language. It has become my language of prayer, and I treasure that reminder of that time in my life, and knowing that Father knows the thoughts of my heart no matter the language I speak them in, even back at the beginning of the MTC when I only knew a limited few phrases to use in prayer, I was able to share my heart.

I don’t kneel for every prayer, but I do try to in the morning and at night. It helps me focus more. It reminds me what I am doing.

And some day when I have children, I want them to be able to honestly sing, “I see my mother kneeling,” and know that I pray.

I could probably be better again. I’ve been getting more relaxed again.
m&m
February 26th, 2009 @ 2:07 am

like a fetal position ball.

Yup. Exactly.
m&m
February 26th, 2009 @ 2:08 am

When I entered the MTC

oooooh! That reminds me that in the MTC, I seriously got callouses on my knees.

I think I should think about kneeling more….
Asha
February 26th, 2009 @ 3:49 am

What a lovely post and the ensuing discussion – exactly what I needed. I’ve been thinking a lot lately of the need to strengthen my prayer life, and struggling with the very same issues you’ve raised. Thank you.
Leslie
February 26th, 2009 @ 7:51 am

love this earnest post, brooke- bending our wills. While we are all there in theory, sometimes the simplest thing to bend (our knees) is the hardest.
Brooke
February 26th, 2009 @ 8:44 am

i don’t think so! i don’t know what happened but thanks for trying!
Brooke
February 26th, 2009 @ 8:47 am

roxie, i love when you talk about “the language of prayer.” and that you say prayers in your mission language. that seems to make it even more special in my book.

and like m&m said about callouses on her knees: we really just SHOULD think about kneeling more.
Jana
February 26th, 2009 @ 12:20 pm

i have to say my prayers after i put my kids down to bed and before i begin anything else.

i also have to be alone so i can talk out loud. if i say a quiet prayer my thoughts wander, and so do my eyes.

and prayer just wouldnt be a prayer if not done on bended knee, ive tried and it never feels right. but thats me.

its funny how we make sure our kids do all these things and when it comes to ourselves we seem out of energy or something else. i remember always seeing my mother kneeling in prayer, even mumbling to herself in ernest thought through out the day. now realize that she was communicating to her Father in Heaven. it seems a better way to get through the day. i should try it!
Brooke
February 26th, 2009 @ 12:28 pm

jana, i think that all the time: i’m insistent that we kneel in family prayer so that my kids learn this way, but i don’t do it on my own! i think the quiet example (of just letting your kids see you do it) is often much louder than the things we just tell them to do.

thank you.
Proud Daughter of Eve
February 26th, 2009 @ 7:37 pm

What helps me to pray always is the meltdowns I have if I don’t! It took awhile for me to notice the pattern but now I see it and I stick to it. Not that my prayers are always A+ material. I’m guilty of hurrying things along so I can snuggle into bed too. But without even that little bit of prayer, sooner or later I’m going to find myself overwhelmed and it’s not pretty. I don’t ever want to go back to the place I found myself last time I let myself slide. Already I can feel I need to get back to work on my studying my scriptures, my other great coping tool. My husband’s been busy with a new sort-of-job and things at my office have been hectic and winter can end any time now, really… and just everything I’m feeling these days… I’d've lost it already.

As for kneeling — well, I fall asleep otherwise. So I just do. I figure if I want Him to listen to me, and I want to be able to hear Him, then I need to be in a physical position where I can pay attention.
Selwyn
February 26th, 2009 @ 7:58 pm

I have thought about this often.

For me, the most important thing is that my prayers are true communication/communion with Him. Real, honest stuff. It doesn’t matter when it happens, as long as it does.

I have a friend that finds that her best prayer time is when she is washing the dishes. She thinks maybe it has something to do with the warmth, or being able to do the dishes while doing something very important and uplifting.

I have huge difficulty praying in the morning as soon as I get up, let alone “before you leave your room” as the hymn says. I pray during the day, and pray with my boys before they go to school.

For months last year I prayed every morning as I drove to work – 20 minutes went really fast. It became so automatic that every drive I found myself praying – and real prayer, not rote. I don’t drive to work, so am now praying on my morning walk/run. I find some time that I’m by myself, uninterrupted. I’ve prayed each morning in the shower because that is the first chance I’ve had after becoming coherent!

I pray as things pop into my head, or after talking to or thinking of someone.

As for nighttime prayer? It depends on how tired I am. I go for sincerity over length if I am exhausted (“Thank you for the day I had today. Please watch over us as we sleep” – that’s it) As several people have said, if it’s been a hard day, or something “big” is going on I pray for longer. For longer prayers I kneel as it keeps me focussed on what I am saying, and I find it changes what I pray for.

I remember reading somewhere that it’s the attitude, not the altitude, of prayer that’s important. Works for me!
Blue
February 27th, 2009 @ 1:53 pm

okay that’s twice that i’ve submitted a comment on this thread and it just disappears when i do. and it’s my bad for not copying it first to repaste in case of error. the only thing i can imagine is that i had pasted a link in the message…are those automatically tossed into the bloggernackle black hole now?

Anyway, what I was trying to say was that about a year ago, i wrote a post on my blog called Kneeling. If you want to read it, my name is linked to it in above. I just had some thoughts about kneeling then, and felt impressed to write about them.

You’d think that considering the things i wrote that I’d have made some personal strides in this area in the intervening months…but in reality i still struggle with it.

Lately the topic of prayer has been coming up in lots of places in my world, and i’m still optimistic about finding more joy and constancy in personal prayer. this old dog WILL learn new tricks! and i’m very grateful for this post, the ensuing discussion, and for the insights shared.
rachel
February 27th, 2009 @ 3:02 pm

hey brooke…
the best thing that ever happened to my prayers was marrying someone that wasn’t lds and hasn’t prayed since he was a child. i am more mindful of what i say instead of saying the same prayers over and over. sometimes he says amen at the end of a prayer and sometimes he doesn’t. i know when he feels something b/c that’s when he gives a real heartfelt amen. i try not to use his amens as a way to measure how sincere my prayers are, but it’s difficult not…..esp. b/c he knows when i’ve said a prayer to just say a prayer or when i’ve said one so the two of us can commune with our Eternal Father.

i don’t kneel. i’ve never been one for kneeling. i know why we’re taught to do it, but i think it’s necessary.

when i was in high school i got into the habit of thanking Heavenly Father throughout the day. it started when i was almost killed in early morning seminary by a machete. that was a life changing experience for me. i became more prayerful. every time the bell would ring at school i would thank God for being alive. that habit ended after high school, but what it began was a habit of continually thanking God for little things throughout the day. not formal prayers…but communication.