My Mother is Better Than Your Mother

Posted by Justine | May 9, 2009 | 39 Comments

Some years ago, the drama of neighborhood relationships played out in a very public place – Mother’s Day Sacrament meeting. Sister Y stood and told the congregation how her 7 children had all been on missions, been married in the temple, were serving as Bishops and Relief Society Presidents, etc. She explained how ungrateful and unloved she would feel if her children had left the fold of the gospel. She mentioned the great blessing of having 48 grandchildren who were all striving forward in the love of the Lord. Another woman in our neighborhood, Sister X, stood up and left the meeting in a fairly public way, tears streaming down her face. She stopped attending Sacrament meeting on Mother’s Day, and started sitting in the back by the exit on other Sunday’s.

You can imagine the circumstances of Sister X’s life. Her children loved her. Her children were functioning members of the community. She had wonderful grandchildren. Her children had all left the church. Sister X’s husband was vocal and unyielding in his defense and anger at the situation. The situation continued and lingered for several weeks, Sister X staying noticeably absent, Brother X bantering around the 3 hour church block decrying the injustice, Sister Y somewhat smugly staying quiet. In that moment, I saw acutely the pain that we often cause to each other.

I, like many of us, have spent years listening to just how wonderful we mother’s are on Mother’s Day. I, like many of us, have wondered when I would ever actually feel as capable and accomplished as all those Mother’s Day talks seemed to make me. I’ve wondered who was crying silent tears because of their perceived failures. I’ve wondered who confidently thought they had actually accomplished the task. I’ve thought of my own mother and where she would fit in that spectrum.

I’ve consciously decided there’s a lot to love about Mother’s Day. I love the 400 cute drawings I get from the kids. I love eating cold eggs and burned toast in bed. I like that the kids try really, really hard to be everything they think I want them to be. Watching them try and try again is so precious to me. I don’t particularly like the unrealistic expectations that sometimes pop up, but I largely ignore them. I don’t like that some women hurt on this day, but I can hug and cry with anyone who’s willing.

I’ve got a lot of failings, but I’ve had some successes, too. My mother was wonderful, but she wasn’t perfect. We’re all a bunch of contradictions, a bunch of mis-matched successes and failures. No one could ever lay a true claim to perfection, even if they vocalized it. So…..

How do you feel about Mother’s Day?

Category: Daily Special

Comments

39 Responses to “My Mother is Better Than Your Mother”

Queen Scarlett
May 9th, 2009 @ 12:45 am

Thank you for this post. It always bothers me when people like to use Church positions, or any position as a “whoo hoo” we’re awesome kind of thing. We’re all the same – imperfect people – positions don’t make us “whoo hoo” awesome.

As for Mother’s Day, I feel awkward – much like I do on my birthday. I feel like I ought to expect something on that day, but know that if I expect too much, I’ll be disappointed, so it’s better to ignore and not expect anything. ho hum.

Then I feel like – what about all the other days mothers do stuff? Can’t the “love” be shown on a regular basis? And… if it’s a “requirement” is it really sincere?

I need therapy.

I do have to say though, today when my 4.5 yr old came home with a cookie/gum drop flower for me – it made my heart smile.

I wish people would have Mother’s who were willing to bare their hearts about the realities, ups and downs …have them speak on Mother’s Day. Keep it real…

Thanks for the cautionary tale above – we should all be more aware, thoughtful.
FoxyJ
May 9th, 2009 @ 1:03 am

Ouch. I don’t have strong feelings about Mother’s Day either way. My birthday is at the beginning of May, so it’s usually close enough to the holiday that I don’t feel a pressing need for celebration. I’m still trying to feel like a ‘mother’, whatever that feels like. My oldest is almost six and I still have a hard time really getting a handle on what being a ‘mom’ really means or is. I still feel like myself, but with kids. I have a lot of moments where I go “oh yeah, those kids are mine. weird.”

Anyways, the most interesting mothers day talk I heard was a few years ago from a girl who had moved here from the Philippines. She was born and raised in the church, but talked about how in Filipino culture it is very common for both parents to work, even for Mormons. Her mother and all her sisters work and they were giving her a very hard time for staying home with her son. She talked about how she had worked through her desires to conform to the ‘American’ way of doing things and found peace in her decisions. It was just such an interesting talk because it really opened up my eyes to the fact that being ‘Mormon’ can mean so many different things to women all over the world, and that being a mom can mean many different things.
Roxie
May 9th, 2009 @ 1:27 am

I have an odd collection of feelings on Mother’s Day. My own mother lives hundreds of miles away. And my own children often seem like a dream that will never happen.

I was in a ward a bit ago that truly understood that all women have a mother’s heart. They honored all of the women in the ward, not just those who had children. And on Father’s day they honored all of the men in the ward. For me it was a wonderful way to feel included and loved even though I was alone.

I’m actually a bit nervous about what will happen this Sunday in my new ward. Will I be included? It seems silly and a bit selfish at times when I think about it. But getting the silly flower on Mother’s Day at church is for me a reminder that we are all mothers in Zion rather than a reminder that I’m all alone.
Lucy
May 9th, 2009 @ 5:14 am

I detest it! And if I am not ‘stuck’ playing the organ on that day like I will be tomorrow, I will not go. I too have heard “Perfect Mother Perfect Wife” get up and go on like that. And I too have walked out before. There are people out there who cannot listen to that stuff. Nor do they have to.

I could go on for pages, but I won’t. People need to learn to just keep their mouth’s shut sometimes. I’ve wished many times that the woman who started Mother’s Day would have just sent a card to her own mother and minded her own business.
Kay
May 9th, 2009 @ 6:11 am

I have never particularly liked mother’s day, ever. When my mother was alive we had a difficult relationship but I felt I had to do something so always sent her flowers, I admit to resenting this though. I serched high and low each year to find a simple card that just said Happy Mother’s Day without including all of the emotional wording usually found in the cards.

I was single in to my 30′s and struggled with attending church on that day. I was working as a primary teacher 5 days a week and was in the primary presidency for years, so apart from Saturday my life revolved around children. Yet on that day I felt awful. I wanted my own children. I had stayed chaste and had to sit and watch single girls who had got pregnant being honoured as mothers. (That comment does sound bitchy, I know. I am sure they were doing a great job. I just found the whole thing so unfair.)

In England it depends on the Bishop usually who gets the flowers at church. In some wards I have been in they are given to everyone, in others it is just the mothers who receive them. Whenever I was Primary president I insisted that they were given to all women. I remember sitting in ward council and fighting that out one year. My worst experience involved a visit to the old ward where I had joined the church. I had left about 9 years previously and visited only occasionally. That Sunday they were giving the flowers out during the service to all the mothers. One primary girl who did not know me came to me and gave me some, seconds later they were torn out of my hands by a primary worker with the words ‘No, not her!!!!!!!!!’ Public humiliation complete I decided to miss mother’s day at church in the future if I could.

Now a mother myself I do go because my children really want me to and want to take part in it all. I love the breakfast in bed bit best of all. However I cannot get away fron the fact that this day must be gruelling for some people. It is the perfection myth at church all over again isn’t it? Luckily for me it is over with as we have that day in March, tomorrow is just another Sunday for us. Happy Mother’s Day to all of you in the States.
Justine
May 9th, 2009 @ 7:16 am

oh, Kay, that is horrifying! I’ve never seen that happen before and it turns my stomach! I’ve certainly heard some whopper Mother’s Day talks (I’m so sorry Lucy!), but the flowers/candy/whatever they’re passing out, always has gone to every single girl over the age of 18. I’ve even seen a ward give it to all the Young Women, too.

It’s funny, because I don’t like Valentine’s Day for many of these reasons. But I really do love Mother’s Day. Strange, I know. I guess it’s a mix of the personal experiences I’ve had with the day and the way my family approaches it? I don’t know. I’ve been getting cute little presents from my little kids for 5 days already. I can’t help but smile at that.

And it probably helps that I always get to go shopping for a new dress for Mother’s Day. It’s a family tradition, and I’m just vain enough to love it!
Naismith
May 9th, 2009 @ 7:42 am

Does the good that comes of honoring mothers outweigh the pain that is caused?

I figure the Sister Ys of the world are already going to be honored by their families. They don’t need more. Whereas the Sister Xs don’t need more reason to feel bad.

I have never seen anyone leave so publicly but they do leave in droves for that reason.
Annette
May 9th, 2009 @ 7:58 am

I’ve seen enough of women feeling guilty and substandard on Mother’s Day, that I’ve made a point of just letting the kids adore me and celebrate me–and leaving it at that. I have plenty of faults, but I figure that on Mother’s Day of all days, there’s no point in dwelling on them, especially when your kids want you to be happy on that day.
Red
May 9th, 2009 @ 8:45 am

I’ve come to a truce with Mother’s Day, though I’ve felt much of the angst described here. Why should I let a national holiday hijack my emotions? I’m in charge of my feelings about motherhood not some weird Sister Y or the greeting card makers.

I try to go in to the day with no expectations and hopefully I’ll get to come out of it with some heartfelt crayon pictures or drippy crafts. And there’s nothing wrong with a day like that.
Erin
May 9th, 2009 @ 9:55 am

In my experience most women do not enjoy sacrament meeting on Mother’s Day. If that is the case, I wonder why the church doesn’t shake things up and do something different?
I personally do not go to Sacrament meeting on Mother’s Day. There is always something that pains me that I just can’t stand going anymore. The one that finally pushed me over the edge was the ward where the Bishop asked all the Mother’s to stand up; then remain standing if they had more than 4 children (yes 4 was the minimum); more than 6, etc. There was a woman in the ward whose baby had recently died after trying to get pregnant for years and years. She sat silently and cried. I couldn’t handle it; I’ve never been back since (on Mother’s Day).
I think the focus of Mother’s Day should be left in the home and let the families decide how to appreciate their Mother?
Lindsay1138
May 9th, 2009 @ 10:30 am

I have never liked Mother’s Day. My mom didn’t like it and was so cranky that day it wasn’t enjoyable. During my 10 year struggle to get pregnant I just stopped going to church on Mother’s Day–it’s too depressing.

I have been to church on mother’s day twice in the last 10 years–the time my family spoke in church and I helped my brother write a smart alecky talk that probably wouldn’t upset anyone, and the time my brother (same one) had his mission farewell on mother’s day. That one was great because they had 3 missionary moms speak and then my brother.

This year my 3-year-old gave me and magnet she had made in preschool and said “I love you Mommy, Happy Mothers Day.” Best present ever–but I’m still not going to church this Sunday.

And I’m struggling this weekend–my mom died last March and I was still numb when Mother’s Day rolled around. I’m taking flowers to my mothers grave instead of wondering what to get her and joyously awaiting the missionary’s phone call. Down with Mother’s Day I say.
Leslie
May 9th, 2009 @ 10:32 am

I have alwasy seen mothers day as a day to celebrate women- I haven’t ever tied it up with the good and bad of mothers- but rather the inherent power of women and their influence on others. With that slant i see it as perfect for everyone.
Mommom
May 9th, 2009 @ 11:14 am

I have such mixed feelings about Mother’s Day. I generally have to work a bit each year to keep the past in the past. I remember vivid details of my daughter giving me sweet pea flowers on Mother’s Day many years ago when she was in the nursery. I remember how sick she was getting. And it was two days later that she was diagnosed with cancer.

I work with some survivor’s guilt. She’s still here, but so many aren’t. My own mother is still here, but my husband’s isn’t.

I liked what you said about making a conscious decision to love Mother’s Day. I try, during this month especially, to simply create new good memories to help keep things in perspective. A “That was then, this is now” type of attitude. So I do appreciate and enjoy when my children do something special.

I have to admit though, when it comes to church I feel more “Honored” at things like the RS broadcast or if they chose to have a dinner where the priesthood served all of the sisters during some random month. Just because. That would be cool.
mormonhermitmom
May 9th, 2009 @ 11:46 am

I could do without the sacrament meeting talks/flower bit. For some reason I have a poison thumb.

I’d rather have the handmade stuff from my kids. I put them in THEIR scrapbooks so I can remember who made what for me when I look at them.
anon mom
May 9th, 2009 @ 12:30 pm

I also have mixed emotions about mother’s day. I “make a conscious effort to love it” for my kids’ sakes–be cause they get excited about it. But honestly, there are so many other days of the year, in quiet moments that to me a true mother’s day make.
Another comment: A few years ago, my youngest brother got married in the temple. I am the oldest of 8 children and all 8 of us and our spouses were there in the temple with my parents that day. It was so touching and spiritual and beautiful. There have been times that I have wanted to bear my testimony of that experience but I never have and probably never will (except for here, anonymously) because I don’t want any of my tender feelings mistaken for boasting. Yes, my parents did all they could to lead us on that path, but they don’t want the credit for us all being able to be there. I consider us lucky to, at that moment in time, all be worthy to be there. I absolutely do not take this for granted; some things can change in the blink of an eye. Our family has so many wonderful friends and relatives who are (in our minds) the better people and better parents whose children have (very humanly) made other choices that have kept them from the temple. Still great, great people. I would never want to add to someone’s frustration or heartache or make them think that my life was so rosy and perfect. (I have other issues, trials and challenges! A plenty!)
I also went through some years of infertility and I am always ultra-sensitive to what other women might be feeling on that day– I am now able to take “Sister Y’s” talks with a grain of salt, but they make me cringe for those who will be truly hurt and offended by her comments.

I hope everyone has the kind of day they *need* and *deserve* to have on Sunday. Love to all
Emily M.
May 9th, 2009 @ 2:09 pm

I am not a fan. Because the gap between the Ideal Mother and Me is so very wide (especially this week) that it makes me feel frustrated. It seems like a day that tries to put me on a pedestal where I don’t belong. My kids are cute, and the cards are cute, but it’s hard for me to believe any of it. I am left feeling depressed instead of honored.

But I am glad there are people out there who love it.
Jennie
May 9th, 2009 @ 2:28 pm

Maybe they should just call it Uterus Day. Anyone who has, or once had a Uterus gets breakfast in bed, flowers at church, and permission to lay around and be waited on by any and all boys/men.
Tiffany W.
May 9th, 2009 @ 3:56 pm

I’m take it or leave it about the talks on sunday. If you really want to make me feel appreciated, arrange for people to take over primary, young women’s and relief society. And let all the women in the ward enjoy chocolate or something like that.

In my current ward, in lieu of flowers, the ward donates the money to a local women’s shelter. I think it is a perfect idea. I don’t need a flower from church. I love the idea of giving money to women who are really in need of it–who probably don’t have a loving husband to thank them for their service as mothers.

And Jennie, LOVED your comment!
she-bop
May 9th, 2009 @ 6:50 pm

Ha ha Jennie. I love the idea of Uterus Day. Funny.

I am not really a Mother’s Day lover. I seem to want to spend the whole day complaining about what my kids and husband don’t do, instead of just appreciating what they do do. I am ridiculous – oh well.

I love my Mom, and luckily her birthday is May 7th, so that’s what we really celebrate. We just throw in the “Happy Mothers Day too” line, and it’s all good.

I know that my Mom has never liked Mother’s Day sacrament meetings. I remember when I was young the Bishop (in the 1970′s) would have mom’s stand up in meetings to recognize them for different things. She usually got the “most kids” award. Yea, whoopie. It bugged her. Now that she’s older, and we’ve all taken different paths in life, she doesn’t like the comparisons that come up. Maybe her reaction to Mother’s Day has influenced my negative attitude about it. Hmmm.
Kim
May 9th, 2009 @ 6:56 pm

Apparently my current ward does arrange for all the sisters to spend the third hour together–this is my first year in this ward, so we’ll see what exactly happens tomorrow, but it sounds like we have a short thought and then a social hour. Sounds good to me and it will allow all the women who are normally left out of RS to spend a few minutes talking with everyone.

As far as my general feelings on Mother’s Day–I’m okay with it, but I wish that my DH understood how what I really want is for him to help the kids do something special, not just for him to do it all, now that they can do a little (they’re almost 5 and 2.5). He usually makes a big deal–breakfast in bed, flowers, a gift, dinner–which is all awesome, but I think that’s more appropriate for my birthday. For mother’s day, I want the handmade cards and the gift he helped the kids pick out. We’ll see what he does tomorrow, but I’m trying not to get my hopes up because I know he hasn’t taken my youngest one anywhere for a couple weeks and I don’t think has done anything with him when I’m not around, so I don’t think there will be any gift from him. Pretty much every year, I’ve been a little sad that I don’t have much from the kids, just stuff from my husband, who I’m glad he appreciates that I’m their mother, but it just seems silly since I’m not HIS mother.

Am I the only one who feels this way? I don’t really feel like I can complain to hubby since he’s really trying so hard!
Justine
May 9th, 2009 @ 7:50 pm

I’m loving all the feedback here. It still just shocks and saddens me to hear some of these horror stories of Mother’s Day. I was talking to some people in my family about it at lunch today, and the general consensus was that it seems things are slowly improving. One SIL mentioned that it seems the competition over the pulpit thing seems to be largely among the ‘over-70′ crowd, and most middle aged women seem to be more sensitive to the topic.

But truth be told, it’s a difficult line to walk. If no one ever talked about an ideal, or if no one ever expected me to accomplish anything, I probably wouldn’t! I do gain strength from knowing that someone is finding success. It sometimes makes it feel more attainable. It’s just how they talk about that success that makes all the difference.
Melissa M.
May 9th, 2009 @ 9:29 pm

Kim, I’d definitely speak up and let your husband know what you want. Men are clueless sometimes. I used to spend birthday after birthday (and other special occasions as well) feeling let down and resentful because my husband couldn’t read my mind and buy me what I really wanted. Now I just tell him what I want, and he appreciates the help. Speak up before you let any more Mother’s Days go by with you feeling disappointed. It could change your life!

As far as Mother’s Day goes, I try to enjoy it the best I can for my children’s sake. I appreciate their sweet tokens of love and gratitude and I want them to see me happy on Mother’s Day. I’ll never forget the Mother’s Day when I was 12 or 13, when my mother, who was tired of us children bickering that day, went to her room and wrote a very melodramatic poem all about how disappointed she was and about how we ruined her day with our bickering. She came out of her room, handed me the poem to read aloud to the other children, and then went back to her room and shut herself in her room for the rest of the evening. Yeah, that was a good time. I can still remember the guilt I felt. I decided when I became a mother that I wouldn’t make my children feel guilty like that on Mother’s Day, so I try to make the best of the day that I can and let my children know that, despite my flaws, I love being their mother.
anonymous
May 9th, 2009 @ 9:29 pm

Kim, I understand. I am actually not a gift kind of person so usually the gifts my husband gets annoy me and hate that he wastes money on them. I did really well this year (he bought flowers on Friday so he gave them to me early) and they were white so they weren’t ugly (finally!) and the bouquet included three white spatulas (UHF the movie anyone? inside joke that includes the kids….what better way to say I love you than with a gift of a spatula)and a short love note which would have been enough on its own. However, last night when he took the three spatulas out of the package, they irritated me wondered why 3? Where will I fit 3 in our small drawers? Why waste money on 3? Then I feel stupid for being so ungrateful.
One thing I did do 2 years ago was put my foot down about breakfast in bed. I hate to eat until I’ve been up for 2 hours. So I said if you are going to force feed me, at least make it icecream (it was still hard to eat). So he and the kids brought me Haagen Daas in bed. I think it sunk in….no breakfast in bed at all last year.
I think the hard part is seeing people make all this effort and not notice that it is NOT what you want at all or what you have ever wanted ever in your life. (I am me. I do not want breakfast! Make me breakfast for lunch and I’ll be thrilled).
Learning to accept the gift anyway is difficult.
From the outside looking in, I would say that next year you should write down a list of what you actually want and give it to your husband. A list like: Take the kids to the store and have them buy me candy like Lindt white chocolate truffles or M&Ms. Help the kids make me toast. Go online and buy XXXX or XXXX and let the kids choose which they want to buy. Ask the kids questions like “My mom lets me….” and “I love my mom because….” and write down their answers.
Another idea is to give the kids some blank cards and envelopes and crayons and tell them to draw you something for mother’s day and then have the older one help the younger one to put it in the envelope.
My 5 year old (right after my husband brought the flowers) told us she wanted to make something for me for Mother’s Day (or something like that)so I said OK and I found a blank card and she wrote something and gave it to me.
Try to remember that your children are seeing him appreciate you and they will want to emulate that. Also, that your husband will be around for longer than they are so you will want his appreciation all along.
Another idea is what I do for Xmas. I buy stuff for myself, and then give the bag of stuff to my husband and tell him to help the kids pick stuff and wrap it. That way they get to actually give me something.
Anyway, like I said, I am better at receiving the gifts now, even if they aren’t quite right, but I have also gotten better at communicating exactly what I do not want or what I want (with varying results and occasional hurt feelings–like about the ugly flowers).
E
May 9th, 2009 @ 10:51 pm

I love Mothers’ Day. Especially if someone gives me chocolate.
Sue
May 10th, 2009 @ 1:44 am

I do love Mother’s Day. And I’m not personally bothered by stories of more “ideal” mothers than I am or ever will be…probably because I have little tendency to compare myself to other mothers or find myself wanting, though I am very far from perfect. Very far.

But I like lofty concepts of motherhood and am inspired by stories of amazing mothers. And yes, I like the See’s candy.

=)
Julie R.
May 10th, 2009 @ 8:29 am

I appreciate all the perspectives here…just to prove how narrow-minded I can be, I never realized that Mother’s Day Sac. Meetings can be difficult for mothers. I tend to feel like the obligatory flower, chocolate, or card given to me is patronizing, but my parents long ago diagnosed me with a pride problem.

I’m still on the fence about going to the meeting. Starts in 90 minutes. Although my sister said that they give out whatever trinket in RS, which I am conducting and teaching today, so that’ll be inescapable.

Last Sunday, I was talking to my nieces (4 and 6) about songs they were singing in Primary, and they started singing the Mother’s Day songs. The youngest said that it wasn’t a song for me, because I wasn’t a mother (my sister was horrified and livid; I said, hey, she’s 4. No biggie). The 6 year old was quick to clarify that if I got married by Sunday, then I could celebrate Mother’s Day. Didn’t happen. So….

Today my focus will be helping my own mom get through it, since her mom died three weeks ago. Could be a rough day.
eljee
May 10th, 2009 @ 9:37 am

My first encounter with the idea that Mother’s Day might be difficult for some women came as a new missionary, sitting in Sacrament Meeting and hearing a sister weep right next to us. We talked to her and found that she was the only active member in her family. Her biggest wish for that Mother’s Day had been that her husband and sons would come to church, just for that day, but they couldn’t be bothered to do even that for her.

Later I got married and dealt with infertility, and Mother’s Day was hard, but actually the anticipation of Mother’s Day was worse than the actual day. My husband and mother always got me cards and gifts for Mother’s Day even before I had children, and that means a lot to me. I had to speak in church twice on Mother’s Day during those years. Both times I gave talks focused on women in the scriptures.

I cannot stand the sappy talks, even now as a mother. When I go to church on Mother’s Day, I prefer to hear doctrinal talks focused on the role of women and motherhood in the eternal sense. I want to hear about scriptural women, not ridiculous, syrupy poems. I definitely feel that the place to honor mothers in the earthly sense is in the home. (Though I recognize that some mothers might not get that from their own families.) Church should be focused on all women and the mothering that ALL of us can do. I know some childless women hate that the flower is given to “all women over 18″, they feel like it is a consolation prize. I always liked being included. I do think that if the ward is going to give the token gift to ALL women, then they need to precede that by making the whole meeting/day about ALL women.
Evelyn
May 10th, 2009 @ 9:57 am

I was 25 when I was married, and while not old by East coast standards, it is often considered old by Mormon standards. I grew to dislike Mother’s Day as a result of my YSA years. I have the opportunity to live in a foreign country that celebrates Women’s Day (back in March, I think??) and gave me a completely new and positive perspective on my thinking of Mother’s Day. Plus, I’m a mom now, so it’s not such an awkward thing anymore.
Sherry
May 10th, 2009 @ 11:28 am

I don’t like Mother’s Day. I think it’s too commercial. If you love your mom, shouldn’t you express it often, and not just on Mother’s Day? (Of course, I also dislike Valentine’s Day; I guess I’m very hard-hearted or something?)

It’s interesting that so many women have said in their comments that they think the goodies/gifts should go to everyone. I always feel so silly taking them. I’m not a mom, it’s not my day. Alas, I’ll probably get some sort of goodie today. I hope it’s a cookie and not a plant for me to kill.

I also rather dislike the mushy talks, and as I hear all the virtues of mothers that the speakers talk about, I find myself looking around and thinking a mixture of two thoughts: “Really? These women possess ALL these qualities?” and “Maybe it’s best that I don’t have kids yet, because I’m not even close to the saints these speakers are talking about.”
CbC
May 10th, 2009 @ 12:34 pm

I read the most interesting article about how mother’s day actually started. It was initiated as a plea for peace and justice from women peace activists based on “their moral superiority … grounded in the fact of their motherhood” and not as the modern day greeting card holiday. I’ve included a brief excerpt below from the article that is currently posted on Slate.com

The women who originally celebrated Mother’s Day conceived of it as an occasion to use their status as mothers to protest injustice and war. In 1858, Anna Reeves Jarvis organized Mother’s Work Days in West Appalachian communities to protest the lack of sanitation that caused disease-bearing insects and polluted water to sicken or even kill poor workers. In 1870, after witnessing the bloody Civil War, Julia Ward Howe—a Boston pacifist, poet, and suffragist who wrote the “Battle Hymn of the Republic”—proclaimed a special day for mothers to oppose war.

For the next three decades, Americans celebrated Mother’s Days for Peace on June 2. When Anna Jarvis died in 1905, her daughter, also named Anna, vowed to honor her mother’s political activism by creating a national Mother’s Day. The gift card and flower industries also lobbied hard. As an industry publication, the Florists’ Review, put it, “This was a holiday that could be exploited.” In 1914, Congress responded and proclaimed the second Sunday in May to be Mother’s Day.
You're Not Alone
May 10th, 2009 @ 4:20 pm

I was grateful for our talks today in Sacrament Meeting today. They were tributes to mothers, yes, but it felt more like a thank you, not a guilt trip.
One was by a young man whose mother has been through so much, and she still smiles.
One was by our RS President, and she celebrated women of faith.
It just seemed focused on our mothers, rather than ourselves as mothers, and I was grateful for that.
Reminds me of Elder Ballard’s talk: “There is no one perfect way to be a good mother. Each situation is unique. Each mother has different challenges, different skills and abilities, and certainly different children.”
Just wish parenthood came with an owner’s manual .
kristine
May 10th, 2009 @ 5:33 pm

I was actually thinking about writing Pres Monson and asking him to abolish the mothers talks & flowers. It was awful.

I wouldn’t mind if every year they assigned someone to speak on Sis. Dew’s talk about Womanhood. How we can ALL be “mothers”.

It was that talk that really helped me — as a woman who’s been diagnosed with unexplained infertility . . . that sacrament meeting would actually be pleasant.

And I don’t like mother’s day in general because my husband does jack squat (he’s EQP and at the church @ 6 am and not home til 2 pm). Sorry, but it’s true — the man’s love language is just not acts of service (unfortunately).

ps I agree with the poster above that if you want to do something for me instead of a stupid flower that will die . . . a donation to the woman’s shelter or arranging PRimay/YW/RS off would be AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sara
May 10th, 2009 @ 8:31 pm

I wish our ward focused a little more on mothers. I even enjoyed it before I had children. Being a Mother can be hard at times and you can feel unappreciated, so it’s nice to have a day where you are thanked and acknowledged for all your hard work. Where you are reminded why you do it and why it’s so crucial.
annie
May 10th, 2009 @ 9:37 pm

at first i was supremely bothered by the sappy tributes to the speakers’ mothers today. then i realized that these people loved and appreciated their moms despite their weaknesses. no one got up and said their mother wasn’t that great at cooking or she hurt their feelings once or didn’t sleep train them quite right when they were babies….they focused on the things their moms were great at…the things they remembered and loved. instead of making me feel like a failure, it helped me remember that even if i’m not perfect, someone could give a talk about at least a few things i AM good at.
Suvi
May 10th, 2009 @ 10:40 pm

I found that this mother’s day, as I was feeling sad and disconnected, i was deeply grateful for the sister who mentioned those who are hurting on Mother’s Day for various reasons. Just a short mention before she began her tribute to her mother, but that was all i needed.
Merry Michelle
May 10th, 2009 @ 11:11 pm

Wow.
I had no idea!
My heart goes out to all of you who have had such bad experiences on this day.

For me, Mother’s day (today) was heralded in by my next door neighbor whispering into the phone that she had laryngitis and would I please lead the children in singing the mother’s day songs? For some reason doing that has always terrified me–but I did it! And though the children sang REALLY quietly (and I may or may not have been mouthing the right words)–it sounded fine. And that’s pretty much a metaphor for my parenting; I’m scared to death, it’s all spur of the moment and improvised, I haven’t a clue what I’m doing–but they’re so darn CUTE and all the women around me are so full of love and light that together I think we’ll do fine.
Amanda D
May 12th, 2009 @ 4:51 pm

I love Mother’s Day and I have since before I was a mother. I guess that is because I have a positive relationship with my mother. It makes me sad to hear stories like this one with Sister X and Sister Y. I hope that Sister X realizes that being a mother is not about having perfect kids, it’s about loving the kids and the mothers.
Liz C
May 13th, 2009 @ 12:17 am

The last time I actually sat through Sacrament Meeting on Mother’s Day, one of the talks was a big long sappy litany of “Things Mothers Do” for their families… and about halfway through, my husband leaned over and said, “Dang, you’re right–you ARE a Slacker Mom.” We’ve been giggling about that ever since.

I’m not big on Mother’s Day in general, but we do use it as our Anniversary of Marriage day, because it’s pretty much guaranteed we’ll have some sort of reminders from the Commercial Sentiment Industrial Complex (yep, C-SIC) and won’t forget our anniversary. And we celebrate that with all the kids.
Jenni
May 13th, 2009 @ 2:01 am

I’ve never understood the “guilt” thing on Mother’s Day. As a Mom, the one thing I really feel on Mother’s Day is an over-whelming amount of Love. Love for my Mom that died when I was very young, my heart aches to have her here. I feel an incredible amount of Love for my Step-Mom that raised me. She sacrificed so much and I realize now how I did not understand, or appreciate all of her sacrifices for me. And mostly..I feel an incredible amount of love for my two amazing Children. Love…..an overflowing of blessings to be recognized on Mother’s Day. The one thing that I always need and havn’t recieved is the encouragment and Love from my husband letting me know that he loves me not just as his wife, but as the Mother of his children….Mothering…in this “Non-mother-appreciating world” is difficult and while I do feel appreciated by my children in their very simple ways, I do wish my husband would also express this on Mother’s Day. Maybe my expectations of that part are just too high.