On Hair

Posted by Melissa Y. | September 15, 2009 | 49 Comments

I went to the hospital a few weeks ago to visit a friend. I asked for her room number at the information desk, then weaved my way through the halls until I found it. It was not a private room. I glanced in and saw that each of the four beds held a white-haired patient, so I turned around and went back to the nurses’ station to check the number again (my friend’s hair is salt and pepper–mostly pepper).

The nurse told me that the room number was correct. Confused, I went back. The patient in the first bed waved me in. It was my friend, almost bald with just a few white tufts. She apologized for the confusion, telling me that she’d lost most of her hair a few years ago because of a thyroid problem and now wears a wig.

The experience shocked me. Not because of how different she looked, but because I had unknowingly used hair as my primary identifier. I didn’t even look at the faces.

I’ve thought about this since then, and it’s made me more aware of how difficult it must be when people lose their hair. Hair is so visible, so unique to each person, such a part of how we look.

I’ve never really liked my hair. Many, many times I’ve wished for something different, some new look. I’ve tried to change my hair, but I always seem to fall into the same old patterns. Maybe because it’s what I’m used to–it’s what makes me look like me.

Tell me your hair stories, especially if changing your hair has ever changed you.

Comments

49 Responses to “On Hair”

Tiffany W.
September 15th, 2009 @ 8:37 am

A few months after my third baby was born, I became very ill. As pounds slipped off my body (that was already skinny) my hair fell off in clumps. I had always seen myself as beautiful because of my abundant, thick wavy brown hair. It wasn’t the swelling of my hands, constant pain, huge circles under my eyes, small bumps that cropped up daily on various joints that bothered me so much as the bald patches I started to have. I would look in the mirror and cry everyday. I ended up cutting my hair short. I was lucky that my hair grew back as I began treatment for lupus. I’ve never forgotten how I felt those months as I ceased to recognize the person I was seeing in the mirror. I hope I don’t have to go through that again. It is painful for any woman to experience that.
ESO
September 15th, 2009 @ 9:09 am

When I first went to Japan (at the beginning of my mission) I kept thinking to myself: how am I ever going to learn people’s names when everyone has the same color eyes and hair? They all looked “the same” to me.

Of course, soon the veil was lifted from my eyes and could see how very diverse the Japanese population was.

Hair is an easy crutch, though.
Lisa
September 15th, 2009 @ 9:13 am

My daughter has a head full of curly hair. The first time we straightened it, her friends walked right past her. It is also what I look for when I’m scanning a large crowd for her.
ESO
September 15th, 2009 @ 9:18 am

I feel like American Mormon culture puts a premium on long hair. It really bothers me for a few reasons:
–I am basically uncomfortable with all sorts of markers of western beauty that gets projected to our youth and the world–long hair is one of these
–I don’t like how hair style and length are used to communicate politics and values
–I ruffle at any hegemony and I think long hair for young lDS women is very very much a marker of this–I have to believe that BYUs, for example, have much less variation on hair styles than other schools with similarly aged women
–long hair is a must in many communities which I feel are oppressive to women
–I think it is somewhat infantile; I somehow think of women who keep their hair long (and husbands/men who prefer their women do that) are somehow refusing to grow up (or refusing to let their partners).

I realize that what I have just said will really bother some people. I probably do have a prejudice in this area, and I don’t let it affect who I talk to or befriend, but I sometimes make assumptions about people based, in part, on their hair before I know more about them.

I read a fascinating article at the dentist office waiting room a while ago about long vs. short hair. Apparently, it has been researched that men do indeed prefer women with long hair. Of course, this makes me want to keep mine short all the more.
Sarah in Georgia
September 15th, 2009 @ 9:20 am

I recently went back to bangs, more of a traditional fringe than I have had in ten years. While I’ve received many compliments, and even been told it makes me look younger, I cannot seem to make myself stick with those bangs. It doesn’t look like me–and more than that, it is a very similar hair style to my mom’s. I love my mom, but despite what people say, I don’t feel younger in a hairstyle that reminds me so much of her.

Growing up, my ideal hair was blonder and curly. I would still love curls, but I appreciate by brunette locks now.
jenny
September 15th, 2009 @ 9:27 am

ESO,
I get what you’re saying and even agree with some of it. Currently, my hair is long because after years and years and years of short(-er length) hair (my husband actually prefers my chin-length a-line bobs), I got bored and just wanted a change for awhile. It makes me feel a little sad that maybe if we met you would think I’m something or someone I’m not. {But, thank you for bringing this into the discussion today. }

This is a very interesting post, thanks, Melissa!
she-bop
September 15th, 2009 @ 9:40 am

I always had very curly, fluffy, crazy white blonde hair. Until I started having kids. After #1 I lost a lot of my curl, after #2 it started to go a darker blonde, and after #3 I realized I had no say in what my hair was going to do. Color? darker and going white. Curls? not as many but still wavy. So I dye my hair to the color I always had. Blonde. It’s light, but after seeing that my brothers hair is going white with stripes of brown, I decided my hair color will stay the same, forevermore.

As far as length goes, I keep trying to come up with my perfect do. ESO has some interesting thoughts. I’m not sure everyone with long or short hair would feel the same. I had my shortest haircuts when I was a BYU student. And as much as I (for myself) would LOVE long hair, it just doesn’t work. I keep mine about shoulder length. I have 3 girls, all with bright blonde hair. One keeps hers short, one keeps it long, and my 15 year old can’t decide. Some days it’s curly, some days it’s straight, and right now it’s pretty long. I’m not sure I agree that they are even thinking about what western beauty dictates. I think we all are just trying to find what looks good on us and what we’re comfortable with.

It’s been interesting to see the struggles my husband has with his hair (and loss of it). I know it bugs him. I still see the great man I married but he sure looks different than when I married him. Whenever I complain about my hair he always says “well, at least you have some”.
Jen
September 15th, 2009 @ 9:41 am

I did a blog post last year about curly versus straight hair after I saw a newscast about how people view women with straight hair as “poised” whereas the curly haired women were “frazzled.” It was an eye opener to get comments. For some reason straight hair is viewed as more classy, smart, and sophisticated than curly. I have thick, curly hair that I fought as a teenager. Now that I’m more mature (and discovered flat irons!) I can choose what I want. Some days it’s curly, some days straight. Now I LOVE my hair.

It’s so true that society judges us on our hair.

I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again- if there was no such thing as vanity, I would shave it all off and never spent another minute (more like hour!) doing my hair!
Tay
September 15th, 2009 @ 9:54 am

My red hair has defined me since the day I was born. It’s the kind of coppery red that, now, I think is beautiful. But growing up it was a pain – I was a lot different from most of the other kids. I didn’t like being so different and singled out. It wasn’t until college that I really accepted my hair as something I wanted to use to define myself instead of let others use to define me without my input. Instead of putting up with the more rude comments, I would state how I felt about my hair and what comments were hurtful to me. It helped and now I feel a lot more confident about myself.

My husband also never was attracted to redheads and my hair was actually a deterrent when it came to being attracted to me. Good thing I won him over! Crazy how such a silly thing can be so important to people, myself included. It’s a good thing we didn’t marry each other for the hair seeing as it can’t be counted on as a constant.
Justine
September 15th, 2009 @ 10:26 am

My hair is short, short, short – less than an inch in some places. I love it. It is so freeing to not think about it, not worry about taking a nap for fear of messing it up, not worry about wind or humidity or rain or anything! Having no hair last summer was honestly one of the most freeing experiences of my adult life. And now that I’ve kept it so short, I’ve realized how much time I had spent fretting over it before.

That’s all.
Katrina
September 15th, 2009 @ 10:30 am

I am also a redhead and as any redhead knows, it really does define you. It is the most distinguishing feature and because red hair is rare, people make a very big deal of it. My entire life people have gushed over my hair. I love my hair and always have, but I really try not to make it a point of pride. I didn’t do anything special to get it. I was just born with it. I do think I would have a very hard time if for some reason I lost it though. And I’m the opposite of Tay above… my husband specifically noticed me because of my hair and really LOVES red hair.

As for ESO comments on long vs. short hair…. I think you are doing some severe over-generalizing. I have shoulder length hair at the moment but have spent most of my life with long hair and actually prefer it long. I don’t think that makes me shallow or trying to conform. I just happen to like my hair longer better. And as a previous commenter said, its nice to have variety. Which is why i cut my hair short last year. I certainly understand the desire to want to rebel against certain expectations, but I don’t think hair length says nearly as much about a person as you seem to think.
Brooke
September 15th, 2009 @ 10:43 am

ESO,
I’ve actually noticed the trend for LDS women in SLC to be the A line short haircut.
Other than the polygimist which stand out to the less informed of the world as the face of LDS women, I’ve never thought LDS women were known for their long hair.
jendoop
September 15th, 2009 @ 11:01 am

Isn’t it amazing how much hair does mean to women. There is even a bible verse about a woman’s hair – not that I know what to make of it.

In my younger days it was long. When I lost about 30 lbs I cut it short and all of a sudden people noticed my weight loss. Now I like letting it grow long and jumping to short again, it’s fun. But now that I have carpal tunnel and other health issues it is easier to keep it short; I can’t hold a blow dryer for very long. But that means I need a free Saturday to get to the sylist…

I’ve wondered about the issues ESO brings up. But I’m not ready to point fingers at women who are most likely making hairstyle choices for subconscious reasons. If they like it and it isn’t hurting anyone…?
Kay
September 15th, 2009 @ 11:02 am

I loathe my hair and always have. It is naturally mid brown and very fine. As an adult I highlight it which makes me feel a bit happier. Nothing will make it thicker though, it is also starting to grow especially thin in places which worries me. I keep having to change my parting as you can see so much of my scalp in places. I would have loved long, curly hair as a child. It was my dream and what I thought of as beautiful. Anything beyond shoulder length doesn’t work though. When we first married my husband preferredit as long as I could grow it. Now he is happy haowever I do it, generally he is happier with me in many ways so maybe he has just mellowed. Hair is also an issue for him. He was already going grey and losing some when we married. These days he has a lot of grey and a large bald patch. I don’t mind the grey bits, and am just grateful for the hair he still has. I must confess to finding the bald patch very unattractive though.
jendoop
September 15th, 2009 @ 11:03 am

Maybe your hairstyle has more to do with which hairstyle you had during your favorite time of life. Living in the Northeast it seems there are many people who had a great time in the 80s and feel connected to Bon Jovi (From NJ).

My Grandmas all have the same hair too.
corktree
September 15th, 2009 @ 11:30 am

I agree that long hair being desired by men makes me want to buck the trend and stay short. But part of me really wishes that I could do long hair well, though I’m not sure why, since I’m pretty sure I care more about how women view me than I do about men’s opinions (other than my husband’s, who insists the only thing he doesn’t like is bangs.) I think it’s more true to say that we’re all just searching for what works for us, even subconsciously. Many women can do short and long equally well, so their choice in the matter is weighted differently than someone who really only looks their “best” with one general style over another.
Dovie
September 15th, 2009 @ 11:40 am

I have long hair. I really like it long. I think it is one of my best features. I didn’t do anything to earn it but I think I can be grateful for it with out crossing over into pride.

My husband likes long hair sometimes this bothers me most of the time not because I want it short but because “I’m the boss of me, thank you very much!” Most of the time I’m glad that he appreciates this feature of my physical being.

When I am pregnant or it is hot outside or when I am beating down a flare up of a chronic annoying condition I have and all my energy is sucked out. At those times I wish it were shorter. Sometimes because of pregnancy or sickness or medication it falls out. Not in big clumps but it just gets thinner.

This ‘shedding” is wonderful for the vacuum and the shower drain or trying to wear black, oh I could tell you how great, but I will spare the gory details. I have learned to put it up tightly bound when cooking especially when I am going through one of the a fore mentioned times.

I don’t keep it fancy most of the time I just wear it down straight or in braids or in a bun or pony tail. for me this is less work than a style that I wold have to maintain. I just get it cut along the bottom now and again.

I love when I’m walking into a breeze and the finger of the wind fly through it. I’ve said this before on Segullah comments that in heaven I hope that my hair will be long and flowing and never tangle. Tangles, for me are the only draw back of long hair. Tangle free hair, maybe I can even hope for that in the Millennium. My hair’s “paradisaical glory” would be long and flowing and never tangle or at least not as much. Hehe.

I did swear a blood oath with one of my best friends in High School that if either of us go married before the age of 21 (among other contingencies) the other could shave the head of the oath breaker. I still have the signed contract. I married at 18 (turned 19 three days later) she reminds me on occasion to watch myself that she may just come to exercise her rights when I least expect it. Followed by a her best intimation of a malevolent “Mwahaha”

And now because my comments are not already “salad bowl” enough…

Three favorite hair scriptures.

1 Cor. 11:15
“But if a woman have long hair, it is a glory to her: for her hair is given her for a covering.”

Luke 12:6-7
“Are not five sparrows sold for two farthings, and not one of them is forgotten before God? But even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not therefore: ye are of more value than many sparrows.”

Alma 40:23
“The soul shall be restored to the body, and the body to the soul; yea, and every limb and joint shall be restored to its body; yea, even a hair of the head shall not be lost; but all things shall be restored to their proper and perfect frame.”
Sinclair
September 15th, 2009 @ 11:40 am

My mom was once told by her stylist that there is some connection between a woman’s life situation and her choice of style. That is, we makes changes to reflect our moods and we tend to cut it very short as a way of subconsciously declaring our independence. Can’t verify the source since mom passed some time ago, but it rang true to me then as it does now.

I chopped my hair very, very short when I was going through a divorce years ago (probably a lot like Justine’s…and I LOVED it too!). Since then, I’ve been back and forth between shoulder length and super long. I’m thinking of going short, really short, again but want to wait a bit before making that decision. Growing it out again is such a pain!

Besides that, I run, swim and cycle and find that if I wear french braided pigtails I vent heat much more efficiently and can tuck it under a swim cap better. Too long, and I get headaches. Short is good, as long as it’s short enough.

My sister has an interesting take on hair length, etc.. It’s her opinion that her long hair is really her only stand-out feminine trait. That would be true for me as well since I have a muscular, somewhat masculine frame. I also feel a bit “softer” when it’s long. Odd, I reckon.

Worthy of note, we live in the South where big hair is alleged to reign supreme. When my mom and sisters visit me while I lived in UT, they proclaimed that they’d never seen such big hair. Go figure!
ESO
September 15th, 2009 @ 11:46 am

Kudos to those of you not taking umbrage at my comment #4.

I think if you read it rather than skim it, it is pretty clear that I implicate myself in prejudice as much as anyone else for their hairstyle. If not, now you have it.

I disagree that youth (or adults) are really just experimenting and totally unaware of standard beauty in their own culture. They probably just naturally loved pink when they were 3 and, for some reason, coincidentally wanted the toys marketed at them and owned by friends. Of course your daughters are affected! They KNOW skinnier is better, blonder is more fun, and blue eyes are of the gods. You can’t escape that in our society.

Vanity is very hard to escape, but I think it is a noble effort.

Hair is the ultimate “grass is greener” body topic IMO.

I yearned for red hair. I would have loved it to be curly or straight, just not in between! I even wanted thin hair, because I was sure it was better than what I had.
jks
September 15th, 2009 @ 12:25 pm

Hair is an identifier for caucasions. I find it is more difficult for me to meet and then recognize the Asians who live in my area because I am so used to using hair color as an identifier. I need to start trying to pay attention to other features.
Melissa M.
September 15th, 2009 @ 12:39 pm

Justine, I just want to say that I think your short hair looks lovely on you.

I have always wished for either straight hair or curly hair, but mine is wavy, somewhere in between. I am envious of Stephanie, in my ward, who has lovely naturally curly hair cascading in ringlets—and it always looks great. I hate spending 20 mins a day blow drying and styling my hair, which is why I’m down to washing my hair only twice a week. I just don’t have the time.
Aimee
September 15th, 2009 @ 1:34 pm

I’m in the same boat as Tiffany W and Dovie – that is that my hair is falling out due to Lupus (holla sistas). In high school I had long, nearly to my waist, golden blond hair. It was my favorite feature. When my boyfriend left on his mission he asked me to make two promises #1 – don’t cut my hair, #2 – don’t kiss any other boys. HA! I think I don’t need to tell you I denied both of those requests and just to spite did both in a short period of time. Since then my hair has been all lengths, shapes, and colors. I love my hair. I color it to make it stand out sometimes – so it looks anything but natural. But during my flare periods I color it to look natural in hopes that it will disguise the fact that it is falling out. BTW – I’d love to see a post on Segulla about coping with chronic health conditions. It seems like there are many out there that are battling similar trials in life. And boy do I have a load I would love to get off my mind concerning our culture and lack of support for sisters battling chronic disease.
Brenda
September 15th, 2009 @ 1:36 pm

I absolutely hate my hair. In fact, I’m having a bad hair day as I write this! And it has made me very grumpy today. Totally shallow, I know! But I’d give just about anything to trade my thin, mousy hair for thick, wavy hair. Maybe in the next life…
Human Bean
September 15th, 2009 @ 1:51 pm

Another Red-head chiming in here. I do have a few things to say on this subject. My hair has always been a mixed bag for me. I was born with a three inch long- stick up straight- thick mop of dark red hair. Of course the ladies used to pinch my cheeks and say “Look at the beautiful little china doll!” I didn’t know why. Then I went to school and the torment commenced. I have been called so many names (funny, cute, vulgar- the whole spectrum) all because I was born with this crazy unique color. I can safely say my hair (coupled with the wild spattering of freckles) was the bane of my juvenile existence. And, yet- there were still the grownups who pinched my cheeks and called me beautiful. Talk about confusing!

And then, one day there was this boy who told me I was beautiful. He followed me around, called my house daily, asked my friends questions about me. One day I went to his house and what do you know- he had two posters on his wall- One of Jessica Rabbit the other of the Little Mermaid. Again- confusion. You mean, people like that freaky stuff? Something must be wrong with this guy! As it turned out I had a lot in common with this guy. We became best friends and remained that way throughout High School- and it WASN’T just the hair. I am proud to say that guy is now my husband of almost 12 years.

My father had a thing for Red-heads- he married one too. They were married for 30 years before Mama died. They are married for eternity. They are truly BEST friends- it WASN’T just the hair. Both of my grandfathers married Red-heads as well. You could say we have a history!

One more thing about my hair, (although I could write a thesis on the matter) now that I am grown I cherish my hair- thickness, freakish color and all. Why? Because it does distinguish me from other people but moreover because it is a visual reminder of where I come from. I recently commented on Connie’s post about grieving and remembering lost loved ones. My suggestion there was that comfort can be found in those physical traits which are passed through the generations. To have a physical reminder of those who have crossed the veil before us by observing their posterity can be such a blessing. My Dad used to say to us every morning before we left the house “Remember who you are and what you represent.” I used to look in the mirror and see Pippi Longstockings and grimace. Now, I look in the mirror and I see the faces of my heritage. I remember who I am. My red hair comes from a long line of “freakish” red heads who were all teased and loved and admired and confused. I will always treasure that connection I have to them.

On a side note- I have five children of my own- and not a SINGLE Red-head! …maybe grandchildren?
Human Bean
September 15th, 2009 @ 2:14 pm

Just to clarify- my husband was 14 yrs. old during the “poster phase” and he did eventually take them down- per my request. I worried a little after I posted that it made him sound like a creep! I can assure you- he is not!
anon
September 15th, 2009 @ 2:27 pm

ESO, I’m so glad to know that at least one of us doesn’t buy in to all the hype of Western Culture.
Faith.Not.Fear
September 15th, 2009 @ 3:00 pm

As I thought about what ESO observed, I got to thinking. Perhaps hairstyles are more a result of generation, location, and time of life.

Generation — if you look at age groups, you can see styles of each generation that linger.

Location — we moved to Utah several years ago, and I swore I would never get one of those “Utah-doos” (bob with poofy back part).
Sad thing, that’s all the stylists in the area knew to do with my hair, so despite my instructions/request, I ended up with a “Utah-doo.” (It’s okay with me now.)

Time of life — when I had time to do my hair (ie. blow dry, curl, perm), my hair was much more coiffed (sp?) than it is now. Now, like Melissa M., I’m way more streamlined so simplicity guides the style.

Re: short hair!
Every summer I seriously contemplate cutting all my hair off — I can’t stand the heat!!!
What keeps me from doing it is a childhood memory — I got a “pixie cut” (short & cute), but also got my feelings hurt when an unobservant lady in a department store asked “Do you work here, young man?”

I have great hopes for the future, though — after a lifetime of stick-straight hair, my gray hairs are coming in curly ! Wahoo!
anon for this one!
September 15th, 2009 @ 3:03 pm

I am surprised as I get older to see how many hair issues I have. I grew up with long straight hair that was well kept but not lovely. I didn’t even have a real hair cut/style until after I graduated from high school, and it was traumatic for me to get it cut at that point because I’d always had long hair.

Now having a good hair cut is very important to me. I don’t think that long hair is beautiful in an of itself, and in many cases I think it detracts from the beauty of the wearer.

I am very annoyed by anyone who suggests that a woman needs long hair in order to be beautiful. I know a man who makes disparaging comments to his pre-teen daughter when she gets her hair cut. So of course she wants her hair long to make daddy happy, and yet her face shape looks horrible with long hair. I know a woman who believes that a woman’s crowning beauty is her hair and that that means neither she nor her daughters will cut their hair. Sometimes it looks lovely, but more often her daughters hair looks like a mess.

I have always cut my daughters’ hair every summer. We swim a lot in the summer and so it is certainly more convenient. But I also never want them to feel so attached to hair as I was. I want them to be able to get a haircut that is flattering and makes them feel good about themselves.
Melissa Y.
September 15th, 2009 @ 3:11 pm

Thanks for all of the thoughtful comments.

The red hair thing is interesting. I suppose it gets attention because it’s rare (and it’s pretty). Of my oldest three boys, two have red hair. The middle one has my “dirty blond” color (even the name is unattractive). Of course the two red heads garner all of the comments–from people at church, random people in the store, etc. It has left my middle son self-concious about his hair, like he’s not as special as the other two. It’s made me think that any time I meet a red head, I’m going to comment on eyes or smile or anything besides the hair.
Pam
September 15th, 2009 @ 3:14 pm

I have thoroughly enjoyed this topic of conversation and all the comments today. I agree with Katrina when she said that ESO was severely over-generalizing her comments on hair. I also very much agree with Jendoop, in that people tend to stick with the hair (and clothes for that matter) from the time they enjoyed best in their lives… which for most of us, was our teen years. Interesting that Sinclair mentioned hair styles having to do with life circumstances… No matter the popular style and trends, I prefer my hair in one of two lengths. Super short and spiky (when dealing with newborns and no time) or somewhere between my shoulder and midriff (when I am not being spit up on and have more time to style it).

ESO, you are absolutely right that hair is the biggest “Grass is greener” body topic. I have yet to meet a woman that wouldn’t prefer some small change or another in their natural hair.

On a funny side (and to show my vanity), I have always had a youthful appearance. I look young. It’s genetic, my mom’s whole family looks younger than we are. But at the ripe ol’ age of 27 (that’s a joke) I finally had to face the facts. No one will mistaken me for a teenager again. And that bothered me! Why? Because I prided myself on my youthful appearance, and though I knew I didn’t look 27, I was SAD to realize I no longer look 17 either. So I did something pretty drastic for me. I went to my bathroom with a pair of scissors, and gave myself bangs! I called one of my girlfriends on the phone for moral support, and just did it… Not an hour after I gave myself these bangs, I had a salesman show up on my doorstep. I answered the door with my one year old on my hip and my 4 year old at my side, and do you know what he asked? “Is your mother home?” Had I not been happily married I might just have kissed that man! (I have kept bangs ever since)
Peyton
September 15th, 2009 @ 3:29 pm

I don’t know if anyone has read it, but in Brandon Sanderson’s novel Warbreaker, the heroines come from a family with the ability to change their hair at will. Just one small, jealousy-inducing quirk in the characters in a great novel (highly recommend to anyone who likes fantasy). Their hair will change color according to their moods — red when they’re angry or embarrassed, blond when they’re happy, white when they’re scared — and they can grow it out at will, so that they never need to bother combing it! Oh, my golly, I so want that ability!
Lee Ann
September 15th, 2009 @ 3:32 pm

Like ESO, I was a fair-haired sister missionary in Japan, which drew stares and yells on the street, it was so unusual: “Hey! You have blonde hair!” Strangers would ask to touch it, and hairdressers would ask to style it for free. Won’t repeat here the ruder comments that some people felt free to make, based on my hair color.

After almost an entire mission of native companions, I went in the bathroom one morning, looked in the mirror, and reflexively thought, “Oh my gosh! That chick has BLONDE HAIR!”

Not sure what that says about the adjustment in my Western values…
Selwyn
September 15th, 2009 @ 3:38 pm

Another redhead chiming in!

Childhood for redheads doesn’t seem to be a joyride – teasing is the usual situation. I went on a school excursion to Sydney (Australia) in primary school, and EVERY SINGLE PLACE we went, my teacher was approached by a tour guide asking if their (usually Japanese) group could have their picture taken with me. My hair was down to my bum and a really brash red. You can imagine the teasing I got from my mates after 3 days of photos… Yuck.

My Dad refused to let me have my hair cut. In Year 7 it was one length, down to my KNEES, and I was getting headaches from the weight of it. Mum got it cut to my waist, and Dad didn’t speak to either of us for a week. Funny, we wasn’t as weird about my sister’s hair (not a redhead).

For redheads hair IS the main identifier because it’s so obvious. I dreamed of changing the colour when I was little, but now it’s part of who I am so I highlight, but that’s all.

Of course, growing up I also wanted to look Polynesian or Mexican…. Just a ‘little’ bit different from my freckled matchstick!
Natalie
September 15th, 2009 @ 4:57 pm

I love this. When I was in college I did everything I could to save money so I could afford to go shopping, and as we all know one of the best ways to save money is to cut your own hair. Well, something went wrong one time and I was left with severely botched hair. I cried and cried and called the nearest salon and went in and the stylist there was amazing, she chopped off all the ridiculous bits and I was left with a very cute but very SHOR cut.

I was brave for a full 12 hours but the next morning when I woke up and my hair was STILL gone, I had to call my mom and sob uncontrollably into the phone.

She cut me off and said “Natalie, don’t ever call at six a.m. about your hair ever again I will SO hang up on you.” Then she did. (We are not morning people in my family.)

Since then I have nightmares that I’ve cut my hair and I have made a solemn vow that I will never, NEVER cut my hair shorter than my shoulder blades ever again because I just cannot handle the emotional turmoil. (Which means of course that I am always doubly tempted by super cute short cuts, which is stupid.) I always cry after a hair cut and I always get stress cold sores before a hair appointment. Coloring gone wrong is almost as bad as length gone wrong. What is it with that?
Karen
September 15th, 2009 @ 4:57 pm

I don’t want to have very short hair. Probably because when I was in 2nd grade my long hair was cut into a very short, very unbecoming pixie cut. It was very upsetting to me at the time, and even now my kids crack up at how bad I look in pictures from that time. I feel that I would look pretty bad with short hair.
But I also don’t like my hair too long. I like shoulder length.

I don’t really see a premium on long hair in mormon culture. At church I am surrounded by women with hairstyles of all different lengths.

In fact, to me short hair seems more of a ‘new baby’ thing. I know so many women who cut their hair short when they have a baby.

I think it is often hard to be happy with the hair you have. I spent my teen years curling my very straight hair. Now I worry because I’m going very gray and my hair seems to be getting thinner. Darn those genes. (as I think of my grandmother’s very thin hair)
Natalie
September 15th, 2009 @ 5:02 pm

Oh and Brooke – the A-Line!

Does anybody else get caught up in “hair cut theory?” As in, a short cut says THIS about me, a long cut says THAT, and which do I want to represent? And which is “BEST FOR ME.” I could write a novel on that pattern of thinking and how difficult it makes my life, I tell you what.
belle
September 15th, 2009 @ 5:02 pm

I cut 21 inches off my hair 4 years ago. For awhile I felt like jo on Little Women why did you cut your hair it was your one beauty. But now 4 years later I love it short. it easy and kinda sassy. Sometimes i miss braiding it etc.. but i like it short. My hubby would like it long again but it is MY head .
traci
September 15th, 2009 @ 5:52 pm

How relevant! I don’t know what it is about our hair – “the glory of the Lord” and all that. But there is something very significant. I had breast cancer several years ago and from the pills, started to lose my hair. Such a strange feeling. I felt very guilty saying anything about it. Like – gee thanks for saving my life, but i’m upset about my hair. But I was.

Of all places, I learned what to do from that show by the wife of Ozzie Osbourne – I know, I know – but it helped.

Ever since then I have let my hair grow as long as I can. During the illness was the only time I have spent money on myself at a beauty parlor. After I got married I went and got a trim, my mother had a fit, wasting my new husband’s money like that. It was at a beauty college and cost $5. But I noticed I was less likely to treat myself, when I was healthy, like since I was healthy I don’t have the right. Strange, not really sure about all of that.

So now I cut my hair myself, I learned on the internet. It feels good to do myself and give me a treat on my own terms. To do it the way I want it done, ok, kinda, I’m learning.

Hair – I don’t know, I don’t get it really, but I know the importance is there.
ellen patton
September 15th, 2009 @ 5:54 pm

I have curly red hair (and have always loved it–it’s very low maintenance). When I was probably 6 I was getting my hair cut at a salon. The little girl next to me pointed to my hair (it was in a pixie style) and said she wanted hers like mine. The woman cut her hair. When she turned the little girl around to look in the mirror the girl started to cry. She wanted the COLOR not the cut!
Jennie
September 15th, 2009 @ 6:20 pm

My hair is straight and brown; kind of “meh, whatever” hair. My whole life I have wanted curly red hair. Like flaming red. I hope when I’m resurrected that I can pick what my hair looks like because that’s what I’ve wanted ever since I can remember.

Short hair makes me feel fat and old.

Long hair makes me feel frumpy and unstylish.

So medium-length it is! It’s always somewhere in between chin and shoulder.
jks
September 15th, 2009 @ 7:24 pm

I’m lucky because I dye my hair red and I get all the positive comments, but not the childhood trauma I guess. People are always asking about my kids and their hair (of course none of them are redheads although some have had a tinge of reddish in certain lights). Sometimes I tell people its fake and they are shocked because I’ve got the skin for it, sometimes I go ahead and let them talk.
I’ve been every color. Dark looked good in college but didn’t look good at age 30. Red is looking good for the past few years so I’ve kept it. Its a pain to keep dying though. Life’s too busy.
April
September 15th, 2009 @ 7:48 pm

Okay I have a story but it goes back pretty far! I was 8 turning 9 and I wanted to have curly hair. It was 1980 and my mom got perms all the time so I begged and begged to get one. Well after much begging my mom said i could get one for my 9th birthday and that would be my gift. So on the very day I turned nine my mom brought me to the hair dresser and dropped me off to have my hair permed. When I arrived I had beautiful straight long dark blonde hair. I remember sitting in the chair and telling the hair dresser “My mom says you can do anything with my hair once it’s got a little curl in it!” Well two hours later I left with a Annie looking fiasco, I was hoping for more of the Shirley Temple doo! When my dad picked me up he drove right past me and didn’t know who I was! I cried for a month! It took years to grow out and after that my grandmother took me to the hairdressers!
A Week In The Life of A Redhead
September 15th, 2009 @ 7:49 pm

I always loved my red hair, but never realized how much until I too became sick with a thyroid problem and began to experience male pattern baldness. Luckily medication reversed the problem but I was able to face first hand the fear of loosing my hair.
Kiar
September 15th, 2009 @ 9:14 pm

I had the experience of three months ago, being diagnosed with a disease that required me to have a shunt placed in my head. My doctor told me that most people just had the side of thier head shaved where the incisions would go, and left it at that. I thought about it for awhile, and then asked him if it would just be easier for him if I shaved the whole thing. He was very surprised, and told me “Definatly, it will be cleaner, and easier for your recovery! Wow, most of my female patients freak out about this!”
So, the day before surgery, we called a bunch of our friends, had a BBQ and then had a head shaving party! Everyone got a turn cutting, or using the clippers on me. My husband seemed a little weirded out by it, but I guess it’s not every day that you have to shave your wife’s head for brain surgery!
After, it WAS much easier to deal with, the bandages were kept cleaner, and when I had my staples removed, it was not as bad as it could have been. I didn’t have to worry about washing my hair and trying to avoid the scars.
Three months later, it has grown out to about an inch and a half, finally covering my scars, and partially obscuring the bump from the valve on my scalp from the shunt. People no longer look at me with questions on thier faces, like “what the heck happened to your head?” or “does that hurt?” I style it with gel and make it stand up, all punky and fun. The summer was great, since it was short and easy to deal with. Showers are faster.
That said, I miss my long hair. It was down to my shoulder blades, and I liked wearing it in a twist, or in ponytails.I have had it every color under the sun, from blonde, to red, to blue. My natural hair color is dark brown and kinda boring, but I am not allowed to color it for a little while longer. (dr’s orders) The grey has really started to take over! I think we as women put a lot of emphasis on our hair, because as a culture, it is really the only thing that we can get a little funky with! We tend to not wear clothes that “talk too loud” so we use our hair to show our inner diva’s. We also tend to gravitate to the styles of those around us, so it really doesn’t surprise me to see particular hairstyles popular in certain areas. It has surprised me how many women have come up to me and said “I wish I had the guts to do that!” And meant it.
Faith.Not.Fear
September 15th, 2009 @ 9:14 pm

Talking about haircut-related tears,
NEVER cut your hair drastically when you’re pregnant!
I cried and cried!!!
wendy
September 15th, 2009 @ 9:45 pm

Thinking of Eso’s anti-long hair comment . . . when I was in college, I liked a guy who insisted he was only interested in me as a friend. Then he started telling me I should grow my hair out (it was quite short). I was absolutely appalled at the message behind his suggestion: that he might be interested in me as more than a friend if I had long hair.

It is a rare man who prefers short hair in women. Bless them!

My first thoughts with this post were about when I was single, I found myself thinking, “When I find that perfect cut, I’ll be at a place in my life when I’m happy and then I can get married.” Dumb, and it sure added some intensity to my haircut reactions. Thankfully I got married anyway!

Then I thought of how Justine (and others) wrote that short hair was so freeing. Well, I was fed up with my hair earlier this summer, so I had a friend give me a “two-finger” cut (as opposed to the #4 on the razor I was going to do myself). It was NOT freeing, because I hadn’t yet given up the vanity aspect of it, and was sad that I didn’t look cuter in hair that short. HowEVer, it has been tons easier, and in the growing out process, I’ve found various lengths that are still easy and cute.

I’ve always wanted long hair (so many options to play with!), did it once, and really, I look better in short hair. The one thing I’ve been grateful to accept through a long string of bad hairdressers is that it always grows back.

Oh, and the cut on my blog pic is probably my favorite ever, but it took more fussing than I have time/energy/patience for now, so it’s going to stay shorter for quite a while.

Fun post and comments!
Annalise
September 15th, 2009 @ 9:50 pm

My husband noticed me in a group of BYU co-eds because I was the only one with (very) short hair. I have gone back & forth between shoulder-length & short-short over the years, but since right before my 3rd baby was born six years ago, it has stayed uber-short. I now have 5 boys, and my 6-yr old tells me that we’re an “all-boy” family, because, “Mom, even your hair looks like a boy’s!”

My stylist always says she wishes she had the face to have short hair like mine (I hope I really do?!). Recently I have tried to grow it out again for some variety, but it is just so much easier to keep it short that I keep getting it cut (every 5 weeks).
Em-Cat
September 15th, 2009 @ 10:31 pm

After the birth of her third child, my cousin lost most of her hair to a disorder called Allopecia Areata. For the last 20 years of her life she hasn’t had hair. You know what…she’s probably THE most gorgeous person (inside and out) I’ve ever met. She started out wearing a wig everywhere she went. Then, because she teaches dance and was worried her wig would fall off, she decided to go bald with just a baseball cap. Since she’s lost all of her hair, she won Mrs. Washington International and was in the top 10 of Mrs. America. She’s been on talk shows, in People Magazine and has even done a commercial (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pcZupIWiQiM&feature=player_embedded) (p.s. she doesn’t have cancer…she just played someone with cancer on TV). She’s an inspiration to me about loving yourself on the inside, more than loving yourself on the outside.
Beck
September 16th, 2009 @ 11:30 am

I cut my hair short short short– think Winona Ryder in her pixie-cut phase– just after I got married. I liked one commentor’s take that your hairstyle speaks of your phase in life; because I definitely felt more in charge of my newly married, newly freed from my father’s house life. I loved it short. I felt independent, confident, and SEXY. I felt like I was noticed everywhere. It was so low-maintenence, too! I did notice that I always felt like I had to wear make-up and big earrings, though, and I think that was because it feminized an otherwise boyish look.

I grew it longer again when the kids came, because the weight gain made me less confident about showing my face so much. I hid the weight behind my longer hair.

My hair is chin-lenght now, but I often wish for the courage to go super short again. I feel too old now, too motherly. (And I like to do community theatre, and I’ve noticed they tend to cast girls with pretty long hair as the lead…)