Comments on: Part II of Finding Faith: Raising bicultural kids

By: Angie

Angie — Sat, 14 Jun 2008 22:38:09 +0000

Is there a common thread or reason why some spouses leave the church later in life? Is it at a certain age? Or because of learning about church history? Or because of experiences that don’t seem to mesh with the teachings of the church? This is probably a topic that is too huge to whittle down to one statement. As others have mentioned, there are internet communities that are centered around this issue.

I wonder if one way to look at all of this is – that it’s all part of our faith journey. We have various experiences – emotional, spiritual, physical – that either make us feel more or less faith. And all of it can be used by God for His will, which is that we help each other back to Him.

I don’t know. I just wish we would treat each other with sincere care and concern, no matter what.

By: Guest

Guest — Wed, 11 Jun 2008 22:31:41 +0000

Jill, just last night we were having a discussion around the dinner table about the age of the earth, and also about why priesthood was denied to certain people for a long time. When we have these discussions, we try to talk about what different people believe about these things, and specifically what we believe. On these topics even within the church, people believe different things.
As I started thinking about a blog for our population, I did a bit of googling and found faceseast, so now I’m rethinking the idea of starting a new blog.

By: Jill

Jill — Wed, 11 Jun 2008 21:06:15 +0000

It’s SO comforting to know there are other people dealing with this situation. My husband (RM, temple marriage) no longer believes and over the last year or so, his attendance has gradually dropped. He comes to SM about 1-2 times a month to show his support of me, and nothing else. He comes often enough to keep people guessing, although he doesn’t care if they know. He’s not one to bring it up or try to convince other people, so it is just starting to come up gradually. We live in a very big, conservative LDS area. It’s awkward sometimes. People are slowing becoming aware, which is hard in some ways but a relief in others.

I’m still working out how to teach my kids about the gospel in our home. DH is agnostic now and definitely wants them to be exposed to his viewpoint. We’re trying to show them an example of two people who love each other and get along even though they disagree. We agree on a lot of the same morals/virtues/values, so I try to emphasize that. But teaching them LDS or Christian-specific messages that contradict what DH might think is tricky. Any ideas?

Also, there is a support group called Faces East for believing members whose spouses are not members or no longer believe:

http://www.faceseast.org/index.php

By: Virtual Oases, June 10 « The Exponent

Virtual Oases, June 10 « The Exponent — Wed, 11 Jun 2008 02:27:13 +0000

[...] Segullah: A bi-cultural faith journey — the conclusion. [...]

By: Dalene

Dalene — Mon, 09 Jun 2008 04:20:44 +0000

Strollerblader–I have friends in similar situations. I add my own to your best wishes.

By: Strollerblader

Strollerblader — Mon, 09 Jun 2008 03:24:13 +0000

Yes, it’s the raising bi-cultural kids that gets me the most anxious. Like last night, when I’d asked the kids’ grandpa to come give my boy a blessing, and my boy said said, “Yeah, and Daddy could give me one, too.” I just didn’t say anything. And when my MIL realized that my dh wouldn’t be assisting with the blessing, there just wasn’t anything else to say, either. She was confused at why I would have them come over now, if my dh wasn’t going to be back from the store for quite a while. They are starting to get the picture, though.

But, you can see I’ve got a lot of hurdles ahead of me before the next child gets baptized in a year and Daddy won’t be the one doing the ordinances.

And my answer (just in my head, so far) to most of those questions, including the ones *I* have: “I don’t know the answer to that. I just have a testimony and a witness that it will all work out just right.”

Best wishes to all of us ‘single Mormon parents’ who struggle to raise kids within our bi-religion marriages.

By: Guest

Guest — Mon, 09 Jun 2008 01:24:24 +0000

Strollerblader, if there is any way to rate things as easier or harder, I would say in some ways, your situation is harder, at least for the time being, for all the reasons you mentioned. I VT a lady whose husband is really struggling with his faith-of-origin. For years I just believed that his work kept him from church most Sundays. Finally, when I talked to her about my situation a bit, she told me exactly where things were at her house (it was on a day my companion didn’t come and certainly wouldn’t have ‘gotten’ it).
FoxyJ, last year at Women’s Conference, there was a lady who talked about living our lives as testimonies. It was the best, most real thing about this situation I’ve ever heard. It’s not on the WC website, but I really want to find it, and maybe use some of that to launch the new site.
Finally, if you’re in Primary you know this month’s theme. And today, my older daughter finally asked the big one: “If you and daddy weren’t married in the temple, what does that mean for our family?”

By: Strollerblader

Strollerblader — Sun, 08 Jun 2008 22:48:12 +0000

Thanks Justine and FoxyJ.

By: FoxyJ

FoxyJ — Sun, 08 Jun 2008 22:14:35 +0000

Strollerblader–

That’s where we were at for a few years before my husband decided to just stop going. It was hard for a lot of reasons–it’s hard either way. A lot of Sundays I kind of wish he was still there just to help with the kids, but at the time the tension was killing both of us. He did eventually decide to just stop going, which at least ended a lot of the tension at church. The hard thing for me is the unspoken assumptions that he is inactive because of worthiness issues. He’s a great guy and we do still have FHE every week and I teach the kids about church, he comes to ward parties sometimes, etc. I love my bishop, but I’ve mostly stopped talking to him because he always treats me with this weird sort of pity because my husband is inactive. I don’t like that. Like you, I feel at peace in my heart about the future. True there is some heartache now, but I don’t want him feeling like some kind of project or something.

Oh, one good thing my bishop told me was that sometimes the best way to bear testimony to someone we love is to do it indirectly through our actions and example. I’ve pretty much stopped trying to “fix” dh’s problems and issues with the church because it was so hard on both of us. For now we’ve agreed to disagree and left it at that.

By: Justine

Justine — Sun, 08 Jun 2008 21:43:26 +0000

strollerblader, wow, if only we could all be stronger, kinder, less judgmental, more giving. I do pray your husband finds the Lord’s love in his life again, and oh how I hope all the well-intentioned people around follow the Spirit in moving forward with him. I think you’ve mentioned one of the great, great lessons that we all struggle to learn — sharing our environment and lives with the people around us in loving and gracious ways, not judging and condemning the path and choices and struggles of others. God bless…