Comments on: Promises, promises

By: Nancy

Nancy — Mon, 14 Apr 2008 11:29:44 +0000

Have you seen that minivan commercial where the family is having a hard time getting along so the Mom piles them all in the van and they get along fabulously after that. As if being in the car – right next to each other – is going to MAKE them communicate well and love each other. It makes me want to vomit.
And that Old Navy commercial is basically pornography. It makes me truly vomit.
I guess the best way to wade through the muck is to turn off the TV for a while. Or turn to BYUTV. My kids and I love to turn on music and dance. It seems like even if it’s Disney Princess music or something else totally non-spiritual, that helps us feel a little closer to each other and therefore the spirit.

By: Heather O.

Heather O. — Sun, 13 Apr 2008 00:20:43 +0000

Joy-

You are one of the most accomplised women I know. Just sayin’….

By: Brooke

Brooke — Sat, 12 Apr 2008 22:26:05 +0000

heather, i have so many issues with this that i just have to hurry and comment with a big AMEN before i read all the other comments.

i find that i love people more when they let their freak flag fly– when they’re just real and flawed instead of pretending their perfection.

(and i’m in charge of the blog this month. and i had faith in you. thanks much.)

By: Joy

Joy — Sat, 12 Apr 2008 20:05:06 +0000

I’m with m&m… it’s real life that gets to me. The clean house thing I gave up on ages ago, so though I hate messes, it doesn’t attack me at a personal level. But what does get me down is the idea that there are so many glamorous, wonderful things out there to be done (not only portrayed by the media, but evidenced by the conglomeration of the lives of all the people I know)… and I’m… NOT doing any of them.

It’s a stage of life thing for me right now. 3 active little boys and 1 on the way (which is sapping the life out of me right now), and for me personally, I just don’t have the energy or time to pursue too many personal goals or dreams beyond keeping everyone fed, clothed, and mostly clean. Kudos to the many incredible women who achieve so much more than I do. But this is my personal best for this window in time. And while I know happiness isn’t a destination, yada yada, I also think it’s be unrealistic for me to expect complete fulfillment from my Sisyphean round of housework. On the other hand, I chose to be a SAHM because I didn’t want to miss out on the kids’ growing up… and I wouldn’t trade this time with the boys for all my friends’ scuba-diving-mountain-climbing-docs-without-borders experiences… at least for the next 20 years . I’m planning to have a rollicking good time when I’m 55. So for me, the challenge is keeping it all in perspective: that the child-raising, homemaking years are really a rather short time, and that while I focus on finding my greatest fulfillment in motherhood right now, there’s a greater personhood underlying it all that will develop in different directions at later stages of my life.

By: Claudia

Claudia — Sat, 12 Apr 2008 19:41:16 +0000

I usually do something else, something I can do more or less on auto pilot, while the TV is on. When the comercials come on my attention is directed toward whatever that thing happens to be. As a result Comercials just go right in one ear and out the other. I. If the sound gets really annoying I just mute it. The problem is with the sound muted it is harder to stay awake.

Reading is the way I keep all the unwanted stuff out. I don’t see adds in magazines. I don’t buy books with pictures. Although I have been accused of being a perfectionist my goal is to be good enough and not let perfection distract me.

I keep my hair short and don’t have split ends anymore.

By: tracy m

tracy m — Sat, 12 Apr 2008 16:31:04 +0000

Good post, H. Your observations are spot-on. Like you, I know, intellectually, what is happening with that flashy Lou Cypher PR Firm. It doesn’t, as you pointed out, help with the visceral messages I internalize.

Most of the time, I think I cut myself enough slack that I manage to feel ok about myself despite my lack of whiter-than-white laundry or my unwillingness to have a water fight in the kitchen with Jeffrey when he spills some juice. Occastionally, it does get to me, though.

Sometimes I do beat myself up. Usually it doesn’t last long, and I catch myself- but yeah, it happens.

Blogging has been a huge help in keeping things in perspective. In the online LDS communities, I’ve met so many women who are struggling with the same issues- and I’ve learned from the women who have different struggles too. It’s an antidote for the venom that advertisers toss at us- all I have to do is recall a post or log-on and see what my friends are talking about to push the nasty messages from the flashy PR firm firmly out of my head.

Split-ends? Yeeeeeah, well, I have no idea. Curly hair just fuzzes- split ends, mercifully, are not really an issue. But can you image if they were? Egad- two hair ends for every curl? I wouldn’t fit through the doorway!~

By: Maddison

Maddison — Sat, 12 Apr 2008 15:18:17 +0000

This is why I won’t pay for cable TV. I feel like there are already enough messages coming in from all sorts of sources about how to look, act, feel, speak, dress, and live, so I refuse to PAY to hear these messages! I mainly do this for my children’s sakes though – they’re young, beautiful, and naturally impressionable girls and I just don’t want these messages being pumped into their heads. I at least feel conflicted teaching them to be modest and then saying, “OK, go ahead and watch Nick.” (owned by MTV), a lot of the YOUNG girls are NOT dressed modestly! (Disclaimer: Please know that I am not trying to sound “holier than thou”, only giving my two cents for what it’s worth .
As far as split ends go I honestly don’t really have another solution other than keeping my hair trimmed. I realized that me trying to maintain long hair after pregnancy was a joke so I finally broke down and cut my “locks”. I am a much happier woman now! Of course, I have to heat style the heck out of my hair just to look somewhat civilized, but hey, it’s worth it! So yeah, I just trim it about once every month and a half and that keeps most of the split ends away. I am sure though in a couple of years I will either have straw for hair or just be plain bald, so, I’m enjoying it while it lasts!

By: Ginger

Ginger — Sat, 12 Apr 2008 15:09:40 +0000

I’m with m&m and Wendy… I think the real-life stories I see and know, like reading other women’s blogs, or going to friend’s houses that seem to be always immaculate, or hearing from women in RS who seem to have it all together, really bog me down more than commercials and ads (of course we TIVO most TV, so I don’t see too many commercials, but I do subscribe to BHG Magazine.)

The problem as I see it is that in RS we get this ideal that we are supposed to be, but no one tells us how to get there. I am having issues with my two sons, but I didn’t know others have dealt with one of these issues until I was quietly talking to a friend (whose children are now mostly grown) about her son, who seems to be worse than one of mine. The great thing is, her son turned out fine in the end. He is a great kid!

I just want to know that things are going to be okay, and that my patience can endure, and that if I mess up, it won’t permanently scar my kids. That and lose my belly, and I am sure my life would be perfect. hahahaha

By: hayngrl

hayngrl — Sat, 12 Apr 2008 15:08:23 +0000

This past winter, I was struggling with wading. During a discussion with a colleague, we talked about wading and she informed me she just doesn’t do it. She told me everything she avoided and how happy she was for it. So. I started to cut back. First it was any news, including online stuff… then it was actual tv programs. Now, I am down to watching one or two tv programs- and thanks to tivo, I don’t do commercials either.

Outside of this, I use my sisters to stay grounded. and blogging….

By: Wendy

Wendy — Sat, 12 Apr 2008 09:15:13 +0000

Oh, and remembering to be grateful, too, really seems to help.