REUNION “the act or process of being brought together as a unified whole”

Posted by Guest | August 19, 2008 | 15 Comments

This is another guest post by Michelle.
My 20th high school reunion is 3 days away and unless I believe those tabloid diets it’s too late to lose those pesky ten pounds. Honestly, I don’t care anymore.

I was at the gym one recent morning watching an older man tutor his gorgeous, tanned, perfectly curvy, teenage girlfriend in the weight room. “This works your biceps— no, no hon, your biceps are on your arms.”

The couple giggled, they flirted; I stared.

I scanned the weight room expecting to see every man in the room fixated on this goddess of beauty but instead saw the tired moms like me openmouthed and practically drooling as they ogled the young nymph.

On the gym wall hung a life-size poster proclaiming, “Kari made it back to her high school weight for the reunion.” I blinked, shook my head and then laughed out loud. Good for Kari, but despite what the gyms, cosmetic companies and celebrity spokesmodels tell us, the youthful bloom I saw in front of me is something that inevitably fades with age.

Hopefully it is replaced by something more.

My childhood friend Megan won’t come to the reunion, “Michelle, you have no idea how fat I am now!” I sympathize, I truly do. But I am saddened that this one factor, her appearance, deprives all her friends the pleasure of hugging her, meeting her husband and children, learning about her moves and jobs and adventures, hearing her laugh…

Our society places such enormous value and judgment on a person’s appearance (don’t you cringe when you see the magazines at the grocery checkout that make fun of fat celebrities?—it’s so cruel!), but behind that façade we are all incredibly complex and unique people. We miss all the characters, the entire plot, conflict and storyline when we judge a book by it’s cover.

Another thought– my friend Nancy truly is the manicured, tanned, surgically enhanced, sexy mom. Her teenage son got in a fistfight with his friends at the pool one day when they taunted him about his “hot mama.”

Later at home, elbows propped on the kitchen counter he asked, “Why can’t you just be a normal mom? Why do you have to embarrass me all the time?” Nancy traded in her string bikinis, tight jeans and revealing tees for a still attractive, but less sexy, “grown-up” wardrobe.” Certainly Nancy’s problem is one we’d all like to share, but isn’t it nice to know that our time to show off in a swimsuit has passed?

My friends DeeAnn, Carman, Jackie, Karen and more, also won’t be at the reunion. I am scanning old photos of them into the computer today for the memorial table.
They are unwillingly preserved in perfect youth: laughing at a wedding, holding their new babies, running on a beach… they never had the chance to grow old and flabby and gray.

If bulges and wrinkles and gray hair are the price for years of life and love and laughter then bring it on. I will happily lose my looks for the pleasure of raising my children.

I’m off to call Megan again. She certainly isn’t the only one who’s put on some pounds. And whether it’s been weight, health, money, relationship or career issues we’ve all had our share of problems over the years.
At the reunion I intend to forget my own petty pounds and failings and concentrate on seeing my friends as the complicated, interesting, whole people they are.

Category: Daily Special

Comments

15 Responses to “REUNION “the act or process of being brought together as a unified whole””

cheryl
August 19th, 2008 @ 6:57 am

Amen!

And I would add that the experiences learned and the wisdom gained from those experiences are worth far more than great hair or a pretty face. It took me a long time to realize this, but I think I’m finally starting to get it. That’s not to say I’m against making myself look nice or stay healthy (you know, all that moderation stuff), but I totally get what you are saying.
Funniest part? Most people don’t care what other people look like –they’re usually just thinking about what they (themselves) look like. How exhausting, eh?
wendy
August 19th, 2008 @ 7:08 am

Ditto to both of you. And good for Nancy for changing into a better wardrobe. Great post!
courtney
August 19th, 2008 @ 8:50 am

I’ve only been out of high school for five years, but I recently FINALLY gave some pants to DI that I have trying to fit into every since I graduated. I realized that a) I’m no longer 18, and b) I’ve had a baby– if I never fit in those pants again, it’s ok.
michelle
August 19th, 2008 @ 1:49 pm

I hesitated to use the “Nancy” story (obviously not her real name) but I found it her son’s reaction so interesting. Thanks for understanding!
mormonhermitmom
August 19th, 2008 @ 3:11 pm

My 20th class reunion is scheduled for the end of the month. I’m mostly not going because a)too far away, too expensive for me to get there, and b)the people I would like to see aren’t going to be there either, and c)I’m overweight d)I’m afraid I would feel like I did in high school – that I don’t measure up to everyone’s expectations, and finally, d)I haven’t measured up to my own expectations. I feel like I need more time before I could face those people again without my wanting to judge them or think about them judging me. I still have some growing up to do.
Justine
August 19th, 2008 @ 4:09 pm

I would like to get together with about four people from High School and have our own reunion. Everyone else can have their own party…

And I’m so relieved to know that I look like other self-respecting middle aged mothers are supposed to look like — frumpy.
she-bop
August 19th, 2008 @ 4:18 pm

I can’t count how many times I’ve walked by a mirror and thought “who the heck is that?”!!!
Emily M.
August 19th, 2008 @ 10:35 pm

Justine, you don’t look frumpy!!!

And, I dunno, Michelle, I get what you’re saying, but speaking as a frump, I think there’s something to be said for people who take a little more pride in their personal appearance than I do. I have this mixture of envy and admiration towards them. For me, I’m just kidding myself when I say that looks don’t matter, or that they shouldn’t matter. They matter, they really do. I’m very insecure about the way I look, and it’s not something I can just blow off and forget about, especially in an environment like a high school reunion, where I would feel tense and awkward anyway.

When I’m among friends, and I feel very very safe, I don’t care about being frumpy. But, unless I lose a lot of weight and my hair magically decides to cooperate when I attempt to style it, there’s a good chance I will not be present at my next reunion.
Maralise
August 20th, 2008 @ 4:03 am

AMEN! I’m starting (just starting) to get to the point where I actually BELIEVE that beauty lies within. And I’m not talking about ‘sweet spirit’ beauty, but I think actual physical beauty comes when we like ourselves, when we learn how to style ourselves in ways that we LOVE and that excite us and inspire us to be creative. I cried when you mentioned your friends that have not been lucky enough to get frumpy and fat. I’d take frumpy and fat any day. Thanks Michelle…this was lovely.
Meme
August 20th, 2008 @ 8:28 am

It sounds like a 20th Reunion! That’s the one that everyone is still obsessed with looks…female looks, that is. The men are caught up in the ‘success syndrome’: who has made the most money, who has the most toys, etc. I think it will take a little while longer until everyone reaches the point where they just want to see old classmates and find out what their lives were like. Maybe at the 50th Reunion. That’s the one where the old men with the cute young wives are looked on as something of freaks!
Dalene
August 20th, 2008 @ 8:43 am

Justine dear, you’re so not frumpy!

This is the first time I’ve been able to admit this publicly, but I was AWOL at my latest mission reunion (I’ve been home now for 20 years) for the exact same reasons as Megan. People who know me now really know and love me just the way I am, and I’m good with that. But I didn’t expect after 20 years anyone I haven’t kept in touch with to have the time or interest to get past the surface long enough to know me again so I just didn’t go. I just couldn’t.
michelle
August 20th, 2008 @ 10:17 am

Hmmm, you’ve brought up so many interesting ideas. I wrote this 2 weeks ago so the reunion has come and gone. I think–and you can take this with a whole bottle of salt– that people really did look past the exterior. One former cheerleader comes to mind, she HAD gained a lot of weight but still looked so beautiful because of her brilliant smile and sincere interest in everyone else.

I was happy to remember how much I cared about these people and surprised to find how much they cared about me. In some ways it reminded me of a heavenly reunion. And I’ll stop at that before you think I’m toooo sappy.

Justine, Emily, she-bop and DALENE! no way are you frumpy. You are so glamorous to me.
Emily M.
August 20th, 2008 @ 9:46 pm

Glamorous! wow, I feel flattered. But in a very frumpy way.
wendy
August 20th, 2008 @ 9:51 pm

Isn’t it funny/sad how we label ourselves frumpy so easily? I know I’ve got outfits from frumpville and have way frumpy hair days. But then every one in a while I see a picture of myself and I think, “Hey, I’m not so frumpy in this pic . . . and even look pretty cute!” We ought to give ourselves a break.
Angie
August 21st, 2008 @ 9:09 am

There is a woman in my ward who has a (by society’s standards) perfect body. A year and a half ago, she had her third child, and she was dissatisfied with her size 12 body. Today she is a size 4, and she literally looks like a super model. Here’s how she did it:

She gets up every morning at 4:45 and walks five miles.
She eats 900 (yes, you read that right) calories a day.
She had breast implants.

Yes, it’s possible to have a “perfect” body. But there’s always a price. Some people are willing to pay the price, some are not. No value judgement placed on any of this. Just a willingness – or not – to do whatever it takes to look a certain way.