Comments on: Riding for Robes

By: Liz C

Liz C — Fri, 24 Apr 2009 17:22:38 +0000

We tell stories.

My father-in-law died on his way home from a trip to visit us, when my son was only a few months old, and our oldest was barely three. The kids can tell you stories about their grandfather, though, because we talk about him, his likes, his dislikes, his adventures. It’s been ten years (I can hardly believe that!), and most of the time, it just feels like he’s not been up for a visit in awhile. Yet, the little girls in the family know that Grandpa doesn’t live with Grandma–he lives with God.

When I was 23, my best friend of 20 years was killed in a car accident. My dad and husband arranged for me to travel home with our oldest (then only a 15 months old) for the funeral. When I arrived, I visited Trish’s family, and her parents asked if I would write the eulogy for her funeral. It was the hardest piece I’ve ever written, and I was grateful my dad had agreed to do the reading for me… but one thing I felt very strongly at that time (and obviously still do feel) is that we all had an obligation to tell her little son (three weeks younger than my daughter) all about his mother, so he would know her when they do meet again.

Today, my mother is in the temple, being sealed to her parents, and sealing her parents to theirs. That’s a wonderful memorial.

By: wendy

wendy — Tue, 21 Apr 2009 18:53:26 +0000

Ellen … you told this story so beautifully.

Have you ever watched the movie: “A Series of Unfortunate Events” … ? The narrator tries to put into words the feeling of discovering that your loved one is gone … it’s like climbing the stairs and thinking there’s one more step, but instead of finding your foot hitting the expected step your foot falls through to the floor beneath. That feeling. That thud. That’s the feeling your story evoked in me. It was so powerfully written. Thanks for that.

That’s how I felt when my first husband’s best friend died at 30. He had been so much a part of our lives. We had moved to another city and lived a ways away but he frequently visited us. We didn’t often see his family because of the distance, so we didn’t find out about his death til we read his obituary on the front page of the paper. Shot in the head on accident by his best friend as they returned from hunting. I remmber that feeling of NO it can’t be true! This must be a different Gino. THUD.
I can’t begin to imagine what it feels like to lose a sibling.
I am grateful that I discovered Dr. John Demartini. He has the most amazing grief/loss/healing process. I would have never believed it but he moves you from mourning to total peace and ability to move forward in just a few hours. It’s amazing. You don’t FORGET your loved one … you just feel this absolute gratitude for them and this joy and this freedom from grieving. It’s amazing.
If anyone wants to check him out or his “Breakthrough” class where people deal with issues that they don’t feel they can possibly ever move past go to http://www.drdemartini.com. and watch a clip or two. Or order his Breakthrough book. You can do the process right at home.

A toast to Robes. And to Gino. I hope they have met in heaven because I think they’d like each other … and I hope they are continuing to do what they love. Huzzah Robes! Huzzah Gino! Happy days to you both til we all meet again.

By: Marci

Marci — Tue, 21 Apr 2009 01:49:53 +0000

My brother, Mark, who was a year younger than me died 20 years ago in March. He was 17. I am the oldest of six and was a freshman at Ricks College at the time. Such a shock to all of us. He died on a Monday, funeral on Thursday and Easter Sunday right after that. I remember my mother wanted my two younger brothers to be pallbearers (ages 10 and 12) and as we were shopping for new suits, the salesman would ask us “Is this for Easter?” It was so difficult to say it was for our brother’s funeral. Easter means so much more to us as a family now – we look forward to someday reuniting with our brother. Still, after 20 years, it can bring tears to my eyes thinking about him and what he might have become. There isn’t a day that goes by where I don’t have at least one thought of him. After he died, we would sit around the Sunday dinner table and end up crying as we would reminisce. Then one day, we started to laugh and cry and then ultimately, we just laughed. I wish my kids could know their fun uncle, but they are only 4 and 2. Someday. I like to think that he was with them before they came to earth and some of their spontaneity and fun comes from him.

By: Cheri

Cheri — Mon, 20 Apr 2009 03:10:10 +0000

Ellen, thank you for your beautiful honesty.

Shanon, prayers to you and your family in your very present grief.

By: Jennie

Jennie — Mon, 20 Apr 2009 00:58:03 +0000

My father died several years ago and he had a few pieces of music that were his favorites. I like to play those when we have family events. He can’t be there, obviously, but the music helps us feel his presence.

By: Faith Not Fear

Faith Not Fear — Sun, 19 Apr 2009 22:42:38 +0000

I learned so many things from my grandmother’s death thirty years ago that I am so grateful to know:
I learned that love surmounts illness as I watched my dying grandmother’s hand touch my toddler cousin’s — she hadn’t recognized anyone else that day.
I learned that Heavenly Father knows of our sorrow, and our need to know if they are okay — I prayed with all the fervor of a ten year old heart to know, and He sent me a witness I have never forgotten!
I learned that the veil grows thin as our time grows near, and that there is a great and wonderful family reunion on the other side at our passing!
More recently I found one of the most comforting verses in the scriptures:
“…the spirits of all men, as soon as they are departed this mortal body…are taken home to that God who gave them life.” — Alma 40:11
The Lord sent these comforts when my heart was aching, and I know He will send comfort for you!

By: FoxyJ

FoxyJ — Sun, 19 Apr 2009 03:01:34 +0000

Seven years ago I lost a friend and her husband in an accident. Then two weeks after that my BIL suddenly died in an accident (my husband’s sister was left with a one-year-old daughter). Then three years after that my aunt suddenly died, my grandma the next year, and an uncle the year after that. One year ago another uncle suddenly died in an accident. While I will say that these were family members that I was not exceptionally close to, they were still part of my family and still leave holes. Especially my brother-in-law; my husband and I had been married less than a year at the time and I was still trying to figure out how to fit into his family. We constantly think about him and miss him. Just now with Easter I’ve been thinking about how even having a testimony of the resurrection is sometimes not enough to deal with the pain right now. My sister-in-law has been a great example to me of turning to the Lord. Although I know she misses him greatly, but she also lives a full life and is so giving and kind with everyone. I don’t know if I could have that kind of strength.

By: Justine

Justine — Sat, 18 Apr 2009 12:15:49 +0000

Ellen, that was really lovely. really.

I feel very untouched by death. I’m not sure how to feel. The people I’ve known that have died have all been outside my inner circle of love and relationship. I guess I haven’t learned anything yet.

And Shanon, I’m so sorry. So, so sorry.

By: Shanon

Shanon — Sat, 18 Apr 2009 03:35:10 +0000

My sister passed away this afternoon at 1:30. She died peacefully in her sleep with her family by her side. I don’t really know how to feel, but I am so glad she is not in pain anymore. I am sad for our family’s loss.

By: Kathryn P.

Kathryn P. — Sat, 18 Apr 2009 02:22:04 +0000

I had two aunts and an uncle die within three months last year. I was able to attend two of the funerals, but I felt sad that I hadn’t spent more time with them while they were still living. So when my favorite aunt was seeking a companion to go with her on a Hawaiian cruise in February, I volunteered. My aunt had traveled all over the world with her husband (who was also the uncle who died in October), but they both had lots of serious health problems in the past couple years and they lived in another state. The cruise was exhilarating and exhausting. We left a couple days after my 50th birthday and traveling with my elderly aunt and all her health challenges made me feel like I was a young spring chick, which diminished the aging birthday angst. We also had fascinating discussions and crazy adventures. I’m grateful that the earlier deaths motivated me to create more precious memories with my fun and fragile aunt…