I’ve been through this and have tried all of the various scenarios above. The advice from others’ (incl various bishops) about what I should do was not helpful. Spending time in prayer, in meditation, and in setting my own life’s priorities was helpful.

I’d say as long as Sam doesn’t begin a game of one-upping her attempts to teach the kids right from wrong, she would do well to stick with #4. He might think again — so many have, after all.

Sally should be heartbroken, upset, angry, sad, etc, and all the other feelings she has. She should let her husband know how she feels, but also respect him and love him enough to listen to his doubts and validate them. They should talk about it A LOT. She should allow him to have the space he needs to question. He should spend a LOT of time thinking about how his actions could affect their children’s futures.

In the end, I think both Sally and Sam need to realize that whether JS was a prophet, whether the BoM is true, is the gospel a good influence on their children and lives? Is it worth it to uproot and leave? Is there enough good to stay and ignore what they don’t like? Can Sally be okay with him not going to the temple, and can he be okay with attending sacrament with the family?

IMO it adds to more than just Sam doesnt believe anymore, and Sally wants a priesthood holder. There are children involved. A family that could be torn apart. There needs to be some deep discussions, and fast, before it self-destructs.

I cannot give you any advice, I only want to say that I believe the Savior is aware of you and your situation and He has healing there for you. I have seen the Lord change some very hard hearts, making them new men, so much that you would not even recognize them as being the same person. I think of the way the Lord changed the hard hearts of many of the Lamanites, totally changing their lives. But remember also that there came a point where the Lord told Ammon and the now Anti-Nephi-Lehites to leave for their own survival because their brethren were to hard hearted, and wouldn’t allow the Lord to change them.
Jennifer you will be in my prayers, I will pray for your healing, I will pray that you will be strengthened, pray that you will know what to do.

Of course, Sally also seeks her emotional fulfillment outside hte marriage too. Most of her conversations with friends, family, church leaders are about how to deal with Sam’s loss of faith, and most of his conversations with friends (because he feels like he has lost his family, who treat him like a second-class citizen) are about how to deal with the changes created in his life as he prepares to leave the church.

Most of Sam and Sally’s conversations with each other are about the kids or the house or what to do on date-night, which usually involves going to see a ball game or play or movie, so that if they have to talk, it’s about what they saw.

Maybe the “Sam and Sally” I know are more extreme than the version most other people here seem to know…. but I don’t think so. There’s no abuse or cruelty. there’s just the sense that each spouse has gotten stuck with someone they don’t really know and can’t really know, but since they have five kids, including that toddler Sally has to dress for church all by herself, they might as well be good parents (because they both sincerely want what they think is best for their kids–they just have completely opposite ideas about that). Sally no longer reads Sam’s journal or goes through on his email (which is how she found most of hte things out–though she doesn’t read them mostly because he hid his journal and changes his password) and they have gotten past the stage of having huge fights, so there’s no open hostility. They both fear what it will do to their reputations, their finances and their self-esteem to get divorced. So they choose #4.

And every so often a friend tells them that they seem to be dying a slow death.

My thoughts for “Sally” (ie., anyone in such a situation) would be to pray like never before (seeking counsel from those you can trust and talk to about all that is happening) and then sort out what is right in the complexity and whole view that only God knows.

FWIW, I have friends whose husbands have gone through sort of personal faith and/or identity crises (and sometimes made the issues about the wife); not all ended terribly, but some required patience, love, and endurance. Others found that they really were in seriously abusive situations that couldn’t be remedied, so they got out.

As for divorce? If it’s true that he doesn’t love her anymore then that’s a good reason to get a divorce. But any other reason is a bit silly.