Some things just don’t bend the way they used to

Posted by Heather O. | March 18, 2009 | 27 Comments

I have a very distinct memory of one of the first times I thought my husband was the most amazing person ever.

We were teenagers, and we were sitting at Baskin Robbins, eating ice-cream. Somehow we got talking about philosophy, and he went off on a long tangent about Plato. I was completely fascinated, not only because I had never met any other 17 year old punk kid who knew anything about Plato, but because the conversation made me think in ways I never had before. I felt like my mind was being opened to lots of different things, and I started making connections about stuff I never had before. And of course, the idea that the person sitting across from me, systematically peeling apart his wilted paper cup while we talked, had already made these connections and ones beyond it totally blew my mind.

What can I say, I’m a sucker for Plato and military history.

I like learning new things, and I like having a new concept to bend my mind around. Or, at least, I used to.

The other day, I was sitting in a class for ham radio operators. As the emergency prep person in the ward, I felt duty bound to take advantage of the generosity of another ward member’s husband, an amateur radio operator and a really nice guy to boot, and learn the ins and outs of the system that was the only means of communication for weeks during Hurricane Katrina. I needed to take the class to prepare to pass the licensing test. And I figured, hey, I have a Master’s Degree–how hard can a little radio class be?

Hard. Way hard. Like, mind blowing hard. I sat there looking at the manual, listening to my friend talk, and I had ugly flashbacks to 7th grade algebra, where I used to doodle in my notebook next to indecipherable equations, hoping my twin sister was taking good notes so she could explain it all to me at home.

And it made me think, Am I this stupid? I mean, yeah, radio frequency and all that isn’t exactly my thing, but why was I having such a hard time with all of it? Is it just that I’m getting old, and my mind doesn’t bend the way it used to, or is it true that giving birth to two children has sucked all gray matter from my brain, living me with mushy axons that are only good for figuring out what’s for dinner?

And sometimes, even that is too much for my poor synapses.

And yes, I’m using big neurologically technical words to make myself feel better about my intellectualism. Sue me.

Part of me wants to roll my eyes, say that I’m not super interested anyway, and chuck the whole thing. But part of me wants to grapple with it long enough to pass the test, to prove that moms aren’t dumb.

I know. Pretty dumb.

Anybody else feel like their brain cells aren’t firing quite right anymore?

Maybe I should just make my husband take the class, and explain it all to me. Maybe then I’d find radio as fascinating as Gettysburg and Plato. And maybe we should go back to Baskin Robbins, and order some ice-cream to go.

(Although now that we’re an old married couple, perhaps we can graduate to Cold Stone Creamery. Sheesh, if the man had taken me there while he talked about dead philosphers, who knows what could have happened. Plato and stir-ins. Now there’s a potent combo.)

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Comments

27 Responses to “Some things just don’t bend the way they used to”

Mormon Mommy Wars » Some things don’t bend the way they used to
March 18th, 2009 @ 11:09 am

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traci
March 18th, 2009 @ 11:33 am

I am relating to this post more than i want to. Being at home I still wanted to keep educating myself. I have a great interest in Botany and I wanted to learn German and there is that pesky shorthand that beat me in my 20′s that i am going to show! Well, botany is slow and german – how to you get off the first lesson. i mean when you go to the 2nd, are you supposed to remember the 1st? yes, that is a rhetorical question, really!
and shorthand, before it beat me, now it only wants to see me dead.

Sunday i went to the quaker mtg my husband attends. this man was a professor of physics and astronomy. the local observatory was named after him. and what do you do dear?
why is it so hard to say it with a smile. normally, i am fine with it. as he talked, he is using more brain cells than me.

don’t quit the class. beat the ham radio. maybe literally, and then at its own game
Josi
March 18th, 2009 @ 11:40 am

I’m taking a Quickbooks 2008 class preparing to take over the bookkeeping for my husband’s business. Yikes. I totally hear you on the pre-algebra class. We did sales-tax today–and I am feeling very, very small about now.

have you ever listened to John Lund’s talk on The Myth of Perfection–he talks about Plato’s theory of duality in relation to the pursuit of perfection within the contemporary culture. Fascinating. And a great talk all the way around. Good luck with the ham radio–is it a poor reflection on my own Axons that I feel inspired to make ham and cheese mac for dinner?
Ginger
March 18th, 2009 @ 11:56 am

I agree that my mind doesn’t work as well as it used to. Maybe it has to do with sleep deprivation from years of pregnancy and babies. Maybe it has to do with the fact that I am not required to memorize bazillions of facts all the time any more. But I don’t mind. I HATED history in high school. But now that I don’t have to memorize so many dates and names, I enjoy history. I like learning for the sake of learning, not for the sake of memorizing random facts.
Now if I could just remember to get field trip slips back to school on time, all would be well.
JES
March 18th, 2009 @ 12:54 pm

My theory is that my brain is so stuffed with other information – what sizes each of the kids wear, all the appointments we have, medications kids need to take, everything I never wanted to know about asthma, how to get to all the different stores I shop at, who has the best deals, details I need to take care of for my calling, etc, that there’s no room for other information. True or not, I’m clinging to that theory.
mormonhermitmom
March 18th, 2009 @ 12:56 pm

I did the ham radio class when it was harder. Got the written, botched the morse code. I never got the license and never got back to it.

Yes I feel my mind is going to mush since the kids arrived. I’m trying to read some translations of Spanish Renaissance plays so I can discuss them with my brother, who has to read them in Spanish for his masters. I forgot that old stuff was so…verbose. And it wouldn’t have been when I was in college. Sigh.

I can only hope that the resurrection will include brain cells so I can finally remember all that stuff I thought I learned.
EmilyCC
March 18th, 2009 @ 2:29 pm

I’d like to think that once my kids are a few years away from toddlerhood I’ll be better–I have no idea why things will be different then (I can’t really blame my mental lethargy on sleep deprivation anymore), but it makes me feel better.
m&m
March 18th, 2009 @ 3:00 pm

and stir-ins. Now there’s a potent combo

Having a hard time thinking about your actual question because this distracted me, had me laughing….

But, to get to your question, yes, my brain cells don’t fire like they used to.

I also find that my brain cells fire better with some things than with others. Maybe your brain just isn’t a ham radio brain.

Mine can’t do history. It just can’t. But it can do other things a little better.
Melissa
March 18th, 2009 @ 3:24 pm

I think Gettysburg is totally romantic.
Michelle L.
March 18th, 2009 @ 4:11 pm

When we were dating my husband once confessed to being intimidated by my intellect(did you see my thinly veiled brag to let you know that I once had smarts?); that is no longer the case.

Part of it is baby and toddler brain(and from Pam and Lisa’s report of your recent vacation I can see why you are devoting 90% of your brain cells to simply keeping your 1 yo out of elevators). Now that my youngest is on preschool I feel those synapses firing again(for 2.5 hours a day).

But, what I love about the aging brain is the power to pick and choose. Just like no one can make you take algebra again, you don’t have to learn inessential(yes, I just called advanced math inessential)skills unless you want to. A few years ago I decided to learn HTML. After a few months of struggling I trashed that idea and learned Photoshop instead– ah! there’s a nonessential I can sink my creative teeth into.

Unless you really want to, I’d trash the ham radio class and put your efforts toward your many, many other talents. I’m willing to bet you are still an interesting ice cream date– I’d love to sit and chat with you.
Brenda
March 18th, 2009 @ 4:25 pm

I say all the time that I feel like I’m getting dumber as I get older. I guess because I’m not using the learning side of my brain anymore. Really, how much brain power does it take to do a load of laundry or start the dishwasher?
Mommom
March 18th, 2009 @ 4:49 pm

As someone who feels like brain cells are dying every day, but still passed the Amateur radio Technician class test (as did both of my sons) if they didn’t tell you about the websites where you can take practice exams using current questions from the exam pool… welll…. now you know. I’d link them, but there are several free ones available. Just make sure they’re using the most current question pool from where your exams questions will be taken.

One thing about this is they really don’t want people to fail.

So go for it. It will give you another tool for emergencies and it doesn’t hurt in other situations to be a licensed Ham either.

I won’t swear that it will keep the brain cells from dying though. Sorry.
Tracy M
March 18th, 2009 @ 5:04 pm

My husband did that to me, only it was Goethe and Jung. *sigh* He’s so dreamy…

I can relate, sister, I can relate.
jendoop
March 18th, 2009 @ 6:25 pm

I think of it as brain petrification. Similar to that kitchen sponge that gets stiff and hard when you don’t wet and squish it every now and then. That’s my brain without education. I’m doing the BYU General Studies degree, just finished a 20 page paper. Never before in my life did I write a paper while sporting a 101 degree temperature with four children.

It has been rough jumping back into college courses after a decade off. I don’t even want to think about the stats class that is looming in my future. Good thing that is my hubby’s specialty.
Kristin
March 18th, 2009 @ 7:56 pm

Interesting thoughts. And I LOVED this comment from
mormonhermitmom. It sure made me smile!

“I can only hope that the resurrection will include brain cells so I can finally remember all that stuff I thought I learned.”

Amen.
Shalissa Lindsay
March 18th, 2009 @ 8:21 pm

Take heart. Mother rats outperform virgin rats of the same age when it comes to mastering continually reconfigured mazes to find food for their young. Our synapses may reconfigure somewhat to increase our intelligence for environmental cues and practical service.

Well no kidding–why else would every person in the house ask mom when they can’t find something?

“Mo-omm! where’s that book-order form I was reading last week? I need to turn it in in 10 minutes?”

“Stuffed in your shoe under the green sweater in the closet–and will you please empty the hamper now?”
Sage
March 18th, 2009 @ 8:31 pm

Too funny! I get “mommy brain” all the time. At one point during my current pregnancy I was playing Monopoly with the kids and I literally could not remember from turn to turn which color piece was mine. I also had trouble adding the dice. I think I scared my kids! Here’s to getting our brain cells back along with our eighteen year old bodies!
Emily M.
March 18th, 2009 @ 9:33 pm

Go jendoop! That is fantastic.

And I so relate to that, Heather. I just feel like I’m not as quick as I used to be.

But at the same time I feel like I’m wiser. I may have been smarter when I was twenty, but I know more about life now.
Blue
March 18th, 2009 @ 10:25 pm

i’ve never considered myself “smart”. at least in the scholastic sense. (probably due to the fact that my only diploma is from junior high, even though i have a bachelor’s degree worth of education.)

i have a reasonable amount of street smarts, a dogged determination and tenacity…skills that have done well by me through the years. but academic intelligence? i’ve always felt like a poseur among my peers. sure i hang out with the estimable michelle l, shelah, and even your very cool MIL&SIL…all smart, insightful women. but i have an impostor-in-my-own-life complex at times.

perhaps if i’d have different circumstances in my childhood this wouldn’t be the case. admittedly there’s a chance it’s not *actually* true…that my perception of myself is mostly in my head. my DH claims if i’d had a nurturing environment growing up, that i’d probably be the one in medical school (actually, i’d have been done 15 years ago…his opinion).

so i’m trying to shift my self-perception, before it’s actually manifested as my mental acuity drops precipitously through the ravages of an aging mind. i’m the genetic offspring of an Alzheimic grandmother and a parkinsonian father. FREAK! best carpe diem!

but the brilliant heather o…she’s got enough and to spare upstairs. ♥
m&m
March 19th, 2009 @ 12:04 am

But at the same time I feel like I’m wiser. I may have been smarter when I was twenty, but I know more about life now.

LOVE IT. I wouldn’t trade what I have learned about life for all the book smarts in the world. Seriously…please, please don’t make me do my 30s again.

but the brilliant heather o…she’s got enough and to spare upstairs.

Love that, too. Yup.
Brooke
March 19th, 2009 @ 9:13 am

oh, i so get this. (and i don’t “get” much these days.) it comes in the form of walking upstairs and forgetting why i went up there, or having to reread everything, or in general feeling like i don’t have a worthy thought in my head.

is it terrible to admit that knowing all you bona fide smarties out there feel this way makes me feel a little better? welp, it does.
Heather B
March 19th, 2009 @ 4:46 pm

Sometimes I feel that my usable knowledge has shifted. I used to know stuff. Now I know where stuff is. I used to have time. Now I know how to manage time. My job has shifted from answering questions about things, to crisis management and logistics. I guess that’s what a military spouse, 20 years of marriage, and six children do to you.
Selwyn
March 20th, 2009 @ 3:38 am

Next year I’m planning on starting (and eventually finishing!) a full-time degree in nursing, at the grand old age of 33. I’m starting chemistry/biology next week in preparation and I’m SCARED.

I’ve always been ‘bright’ academically, have enjoyed the challenge and satisfaction it has brought. That being said, starting the chemistry (I’ve NEVER been interested in science!) next week is nerve wracking for me. I don’t know if it’s because of the 12 year break since last at uni, or that it’s a huge new step in my life staring me in the face.

I’m afraid that my brain has leaked out via my mammaries and I will be a huge doofus totally unable to work out how to spell chemistry (that’s right, right?) or even find my way to my tutor.

My future – and the future of my boys – depends on my ability to use my brain in an intellectual manner. I’m praying that the synapses are well rested after their extended holiday, and haven’t relocated permanently.
Tina J
March 20th, 2009 @ 3:26 pm

I got my original BA in physics. After raising 6 kids, I too felt that my brain was mush. When all the kids were in school, though, I went and got a teaching certificate and went on to teach high school physics. At first it felt like I was thinking in slow motion, but after a while it was amazing to me how quickly those synapses fired again on those old physics problems. I love having my brain fire on two fronts — family organization and time management AND the mathematical order of the universe. Hooray for being women who have the freedom to move in whatever universe we want to.
s'mee
March 20th, 2009 @ 11:14 pm

“oooh Mushy Mush!”-Alec Baldwin

As a young mother I felt incredibly dull, seriously under educated and frankly, I would have killed just to have an adult to converse with.

The weird thing is, as I got older things found a way into the gray matter and pushed and pushed making more room for more experiences. Yes, pregnancy takes it toll and it needs a few years to regain momentum, however your brains will return, I promise. Heck- having to outsmart your kids will motivate even the most lacking!

As for the radio class, well you’re on your own there. Some things really are worth the time, and others, well, this is why there are so many of us on the planet at any given time. : )
Zina
March 21st, 2009 @ 1:46 am

My husband teaches university-level chemical engineering. I had to take Math 110 independent study to graduate from college (because I couldn’t fit the Math 98 lab into my schedule, although I would have preferred the lab, since in the lab they don’t even require you to pass the tests; you just have to do the time. To pass Math 110 I actually had to master some basic math.) My brother is a math genius who, when he (very patiently) coached me for Math 110, couldn’t help saying something along the lines of, “It’s so hard for me to comprehend that you’ve never known this stuff. It’s like finding out someone in your own family doesn’t know half the words in the English language.” I also had a math block for much of my youth, but I’m happy to say that in adulthood I’ve overcome that and I’m quite comfortable with basic math. (I even had a reason to divide fractions recently, and managed to do it.) But since I have a husband who does math for fun, one time I was musing to my mom, “Do you think if I gave it all my time and my very best effort, I could ever pass the classes Dean [my husband] teaches? Do you think I could get a bachelor’s in Chemical Engineering if I really tried?” She answered: “I absolutely think you could do that if you wanted to. But why would you? There are so many other things you’re better at AND interested in, and life is so short, why don’t you just stick with those things and let the people who love chemical engineering do their thing?” I liked that. So maybe I will take ChemE classes from my husband in the next life. (And he can learn to speak French. Actually I would love it if he learned to speak French in this life, but that’s probably not much more likely than my becoming a chemical engineer.)
Barb
November 14th, 2009 @ 6:28 pm

I just got back online and it is good to see Segullah looking fresh and vibrant as ever. Well, I was getting into Greek philosophers about a year or so ago. It fascinates me that they seemed to think about every little thing as I am prone to do. And I felt such an affinity towards them that I worried that were I married that my husband would think I was unfaithful.

Well, I am sure that I do not memorize like I did years ago but hope that it could be regained. I was contemplating recently how I do like to learn things that might make me more beneficial to others. I like to study everything from phonics, history, speech pathology, science. I like to learn for learning sake, but also feel that something that I learn just might come in handy some day. Then, I reflected that if I were to study finance or the like that it might help others. And yet, I don’t think I could bring myself to do much of that although a brief dive into economics may be of interest. Yes, a lot of us specialize early on and do better in that area. I don’t think Ham Radio would be my thing either.