The decline of my marriage as seen through my sandwich-making abilities?

Posted by Sarita | February 10, 2012 | 27 Comments

I remember the first sandwich I made for my husband on the first day of our first semester as newlyweds at BYU: a heaping pile of deli-sliced honey smoked ham, crisp Romane lettuce, and the thinnest slivers of avocado, Roma tomatoes, and red onion with a mustardy mayo dressing cushioned inside two slices of cracked wheat. I made that sandwich, and one for me too, at 7 a.m. and skipped off to school holding his hand.

That night I came home and cried because I had to read Beowulf (the whole thing), memorize The Family: A Proclamation to the World (in Italian), learn the seven types of relative dating (for geology) and cook dinner (we were out of leftovers). Who had time to make sandwiches?

Okay, okay, maybe it only took five minutes—after pulling packages/jars/bottles/produce bags out of the fridge, fidgeting with the re-sealable strips on the pre-cut cheese, dipping my fingers in to jiggle apart slimy pieces of ham, slicing the vegetables and then rinsing the cutting boards to prevent the bamboo from staining green and smelling oniony, squeezing the sandwich into a too-small Ziploc baggie, and then wiping crumbs off counters and shoving everything back into the fridge—BUT still…

After crossing “sandwich maker” off my mental resume a few weeks into that semester, I imagined what I thought might be the imminent demise of my marriage because I couldn’t (or wouldn’t) make sandwiches. My inability to make lunch exciting felt like a reflection of bad housekeeping, hopeless disorganization, and inadequate imagination. Jesse felt sorry for me. He made his own sandwiches from then on, alternating between peanut butter and jelly and ham and cheese.

I hate making sandwiches. It must have had something to do with eating too many of them as a kid. (But Jesse ate them for lunch for 12 years and still doesn’t mind, or complain, which might be the real miracle of my marriage. Although I suspect the reason he eats them is because he’s an economist. In econ speak, the “opportunity costs” of making sandwiches are relatively low; they’re easy, inexpensive, and fast.) Or maybe it’s because I didn’t admire my own parents’ sandwich making skills. I recall my dad only ever making one kind of sandwich for lunch: a slab of Mozarella with salsa on 12-grain, zapped in the microwave for 30 seconds. My mom made me pb and j, toasted cheese, or chicken Spreadables, a lumpy skin-toned glop accented with bits of diced celery and onion packaged in tin cans. And it was always on healthy bread with too many oats and seeds, which I never wanted, and never on Wonder white, which I dreamed about.

My mom must have loathed sandwich making too, because she tried to get me to make my lunch in elementary school. And I fell for it too, when I got a new Little Mermaid lunchbox for my birthday one year. With pride, I made my own sandwiches for about a month. Then the novelty of the lunchbox wore off and I went back to eating salty, cardboardy, corn syrupy school food.

In eighth grade I had two choices: make and eat my own sandwiches or starve. I tried wrapping them in wax paper, thinking it would make them taste better and look cooler. It didn’t work. That year was my last attempt to enjoy sandwiches.

Now that I only work part time, I really have no excuse for not making Jesse sandwiches. To make up for the years I didn’t make lunch, I’ve recently recommitted myself to making sandwiches in the morning. I’ve even added egg salad to my repertoire! Which means Jesse has eaten a solid rotation of pb and j, ham and cheese, or egg salad every day since August.

My New Year’s resolution was to learn how to make bread because I decided that this is the only way to make sandwiches taste edible. Which means that in January, I was on a euphoric sandwich making kick as I churned out golden loaves of wheat and white bread.

But now it’s February, and I can’t keep my bread moist and the crumbs are taking over my life. Yesterday, I had a mini anxiety attack over the mountain of crumbs accumulating on my kitchen counter. I realized that, even if I do perfect my bread baking, one day I’ll probably have kids who will need to eat and what if they don’t like sandwiches but I make them eat them anyway because I don’t believe in Lunchables and I just perpetuate this cycle of hating sandwiches for generations to come?

I got so anxious that I set out to find a solution to my problems the way I usually do: I Googled it. Apparently, my dilemma is unoriginal. Lots of people on the Internet are talking about the sandwich as the poster child of monotony. And they have lots of ideas for how to give the sandwich a makeover with baba ghanouj and French peasant loafs and Middle Eastern Peace Bagels. I discovered a wealth of ideas, like this and this and this, that will save my family—if I can just convince my economist husband that I have time to make him and all our kids Bolognaise rice bake, gluten free pear flan, and bento boxes for lunch.

P.S. I admire women who can make lunch interesting. I want to be like you! How do you rejuvenate lunch boxes at your house? What’s the best sandwich/lunch you’ve ever made?

Category: Daily Special

Comments

27 Responses to “The decline of my marriage as seen through my sandwich-making abilities?”

Julie P
February 10th, 2012 @ 7:50 am

I’ve never liked sandwiches, either. Thank goodness (just because it’s easy), my kids do. For crumbs in homemade bread: add a tablespoon of dough enhancer. Ta-da.
MB
February 10th, 2012 @ 7:59 am

I don’t hate making sandwiches. Nor do I love it. It’s just something I know how to do.

When my children were little, I knew what they liked and made that. When they got older and had firmer preferences I talked to them to find out what they liked, supplied the ingredients, and made their lunches with them. Usually that was sandwiches but sometimes it was hearty salads. (Working together makes a big difference and doing the parts that can be done ahead of time the night before makes it less harried.)

For my husband and me, when we make dinner we make lots so that there will be leftovers. We just heat them up in a microwave for lunch the next day. That works for us because we both find dinner cooking interesting and we like what we cook and the leftovers of the kinds of meals we cook (except for the green salads, we have to make those fresh) generally taste just as good the next day.

If there are no leftovers the standbys for us are hummus and cucumber sandwiches in pita, bagels with cream cheese and bit of lox, or avocado sandwiches on whole wheat. Green onions add nice flavor to all three. (Toss the avocado with lemon juice so it won’t turn too brown.)

What makes a lunch a “good lunch” for me is the rest of the lunch: some good fresh fruit, some fresh vegetables cut up and enough to drink are what round it out and make it satisfying. And of course, a cookie’s a nice touch.
Angela H.
February 10th, 2012 @ 9:18 am

Great post, Sarita.

I am forever grateful for sandwiches, pb & j sandwiches in particular. They make lunch packing for the kids easy as pie. I have one child who will only eat egg and cheese sandwiches, which drives me bananas because 1., you can’t pack an egg and cheese sandwich for later consumption and 2., she makes a huge mess every time she makes one for herself. If she suddenly converted to pb & j I would shout glory hallelujah!
Ana of the Nine Kids
February 10th, 2012 @ 9:24 am

Every person in my house over the age of three makes their own sandwich! (Except me, I have a salad.) I made sandwiches for my husband for the first two weeks of our marriage until morning sickness set in (honeymoon baby) and since then I think I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve made his lunch. (I do wash his laundry for him though. )
jendoop
February 10th, 2012 @ 9:43 am

My kids now make their own lunches too. They take bagels a lot instead of sandwiches, quesadillas get in there too. It works well except when my son packs a jello, cookie, and gogurt.

The best sandwich lately that I made was veggie – whole wheat with cream cheese, cucumbers, bell pepper, tomatoes. Although yesterday I squished PB between pretzals, you could call that a sandwich I guess.

The interesting thing about your post is how much you made yourself responsible for, and judged yourself harshly, for taking care of others. Now, I know that as mothers that’s largely our job, but as my children grow I realize that my job is also to teach them to care for themselves. That applies to my husband as well. I do things for him because I love him and we’re working together, but ultimately he’s responsible for his care, not me.
Sarita
February 10th, 2012 @ 10:34 am

Thanks for the tip Julie! I’m forever grateful for people who have figured these things out before I have.

MB, what yummy, practical suggestions. All these things I know about but have obviously forgotten. Thanks for the reminders!

Angela, I know, I will really appreciate the wonders of pb & j when I have kids. I’m working on being nicer to pb and j and I’ll pray that my kids like it too.

Ana, I’m impressed! I’ll have to get some advice about how to train kids to make their own sandwiches when the time comes. Is doing laundry worse than sandwiches? I think I’d rather do laundry. Your response reminds me how grateful I am for a hubby who made is own sandwiches AND did the laundry for a LONG time!

Jendoop, great point about teaching others to be responsible for themselves. I forget that we’re supposed to be enablers and that there are easier ways to do things sometimes!

If I’d had time, I would have mentioned how cute I thought this was: when I griped about sandwiches this week, Jesse said, “I’m sorry, I’ll make my sandwiches now. You can sleep in.” And then later while he was in the kitchen making his sandwich, he called out to me (I was in another room), “Thank you for making my sandwiches!”
EMILY
February 10th, 2012 @ 11:03 am

A friend made me a delicious grilled sandwich this week–dijon mayo on one side of the bread, then thin slices of cheese on both breads, with thin slices of apple and spinach in the middle. Not great for packing to school, but YUM!

Personally, I love sandwiches. Sadly my kids do not. My hubs would love if I made him a sandwich every day, but I can’ seem to get my act together.

For packing, my kids love a Thomas maple and brown sugar mini bagel. Then I put some strawberry or honey nut cream cheese in a small container (I buy tiny cups and lids at smart and final) and include a knife. They spread their own at lunch time. Possibly as easy (though certainly more pricey) than a PB&J. A good option for kids who won’t eat sandwiches.
Handsfullmom
February 10th, 2012 @ 11:17 am

All of my school-age kids make their own sandwiches and pack their own lunches. They don’t seem to mind them — homemade strawberry freezer jam is our secret.
Ana of the Nine Kids
February 10th, 2012 @ 12:00 pm

Laundry is definitely a bigger job than sandwich making (even having your kids fold their own) but making a sandwich is just one more thing to do on an already impossible list of things to do. I feel like I get a lot bigger bang for my buck when I do laundry. But I’ve not completely ruled out the possibility of making my husband’s lunch. A friend once told me of a time in her marriage when she was having a hard time feeling happy, loving thoughts toward her husband so for an entire year she made a point of getting up and making his lunch for him. She said doing that service for him really helped her.
Diane
February 10th, 2012 @ 12:05 pm

I ate PB&J every day of my life until I was twelve. Then I continued to eat that, but paid my 6 year old sister 25 cents a week to make my sandwiches for me. Properly made, and peanut butter & jelly sandwich can handle almost any treatment or jostling inside a lunch bag or box. Simply spread a thin layer of peanut butter on each slice of bread, then put the jelly/jam in the middle. No jam breakthrough on the bread, and a delicious sandwich whenever you’re ready to eat it.

I never once made my children’s lunch for school. I purchased what they liked, and they made their own lunch. I felt guilty for about 5 minutes, then decided I was helping them to be self-sufficient in life. Plus I taught them how to make the perfect PB&J. Which none of them really took to. But now they make them for their own children.
FoxyJ
February 10th, 2012 @ 12:12 pm

Neither of my older kids like PB&J and it’s not really my favorite either. I’m trying to convince my toddler that peanut butter sandwiches are amazing–we’ll see if it sticks. I only have one kid old enough to take lunch to school and she almost always takes a cheese stick, bread & butter, fruit/veggie, and water. Occasionally I buy lunch meat but I don’t really like to do that. Hopefully I can talk my son into PB&J next year when he’s in first grade.

I almost always eat leftovers for lunch; if I have a shift when I need to take lunch to work, there is a break room with a microwave. Sandwiches and salads always seem like too much effort and involve buying a lot of ingredients. It’s easier to portion out leftovers after dinner and then just grab a container on my way out the door.

My favorite sandwiches are either egg salad with sprouts in a pita pocket or roast beef and havarit in a nice quality baguette. When I was on my mission there was a sandwich shop that sold an amazing warm sandwich that was grilled chicken breast with brie on a baguette and I have tried in vain to replicate it ever since then.
sandra
February 10th, 2012 @ 1:06 pm

Fun piece, Sarita. You are sweet to make the sandwiches in the first place. My husband is usually on his own for lunch creation. I do however, ask him if he wants to take leftovers for lunch when we are cleaning up dinner. If yes, one of us will grab out separate container for him to pack in a single sized portion right then so it is ready to go in the morning.

For my son, I do the work myself, because I’m not ready to hand the reins over to him just yet. (He’s seven). I am willing to make it so long as he is in elementary school, and then he is on his own within the limits of acceptable items. Here’s a link to some of my non-sandwich lunch ideas I cycle through: http://www.section89.com/2011/08/lunch-to-go.html

And the sandwich that makes me groan with pleasure is a grilled vegetable sandwich. I slice a mix of eggplants, zucchini, summer squash, onions, tomatoes, and peppers. Marinate in a mix of olive oil, good vinegar, smashed garlic and s+p, while you heat the grill or preheat the broiler. Put on sturdy bread to soak up the juices with some good melted cheese, like fresh mozzerella, smoked cheddar or gouda.
Shelly
February 10th, 2012 @ 2:30 pm

You have asked the million dollar question.

My boys make their own lunches; one doesn’t care what I make while the other is so picky, nothing I make for him makes him happy. Soon another child will be joining the ranks for lunches…his will be interesting because he has a special diet he needs to follow.
Kevin Barney
February 10th, 2012 @ 3:12 pm

That first sandwich you described sounds amazing!

When I was a boy, I would have my mom make me the same sandwich every day for the entire school year. IIRC, 1st grade it was PB&J, 2nd grade bologna, third grade cheese and mayo, and fourth grade liverwurst (!) I think the system broke down after that.

I kind of do the same thing even today. I always bring a frozen chicken chimichanga, an apple and a yogurt for lunch, because (a) I can just grab them out of the fridge, no prep time whatsoever required, and (b) I’ve learned from experience that I can eat that lunch and not gain any weight.
Michelle Glauser
February 10th, 2012 @ 4:09 pm

You have to see this and then stop worrying: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-16069217
Sarita
February 10th, 2012 @ 4:37 pm

Oh my gosh Michelle!! Thanks for the video clip. I’ve been sufficiently humbled. Ha ha!
JKfrome
February 10th, 2012 @ 6:33 pm

I remember some of my children eating the exact same lunch every single day. They liked it; they said that’s what they wanted. I didn’t really get it, until I started to teach school full-time in this last decade or two. I often eat the exact same lunch every day for weeks at a time.

Here’s why it works for me now: I have a very small lunch break as an elementary school teacher. Often, I spend parts of it dealing with issues or students, making copies, etc. So, I love to sit in my quiet room, no microwave needed, eat 1/2 of my turkey sandwich, eat my tiny rice pudding and 1/2 of my sliced fruit (apples, oranges, kiwi–whatever–it varies) saving the other half for when the students are gone home in the late afternoon. I get a little boost in mid-day, but not a heavy feeling, and then I have a little boost to energize me while I clean up and prepare for the next day. The only variation is to substitute non-fat cottage cheese for the sandwich.

It is simply fuel–when I want to eat for entertainment, I do that outside of work. At my job: I just need to re-fuel.

I made lunch for my husband for years. Then, when he got a little more prosperous, he realized that he needed to get away from his desk and the environment, and go outside to buy lunch somewhere. The journey was part of the reinvigoration as much as the food.
m2theh
February 11th, 2012 @ 12:48 am

My mom did not make my dad a lunch (or breakfast, as he could pour his own bowl of cereal), and for awhile I made sure my husband had food to take to work, but now that he is a corporate man he goes out for lunch. My daughter is already tired of pb&j’s, and she only takes a home lunch on the days she doesn’t like the main dish at school. Since she’s practically a vegetarian (she’s six but she doesn’t like meat) sometimes for lunch she gets a baggie of veggies and a yogurt.
jes
February 11th, 2012 @ 7:34 am

I’m a sandwich person myself, so no good lunch ideas, but I found with my own bread that if you add too much flour, then it gets dry and crumbly. If you have a mixer, the dough should be just barely cleaning the sides of the mixer before you set the time for it to knead for 10 minutes. Also, if you let it rise twice in the bowl and once in the loaf pans, there’s a miraculous difference in bread texture.
Kristin
February 11th, 2012 @ 9:32 am

None of my children like jelly. Only one likes peanut butter.

However, Nutella is something we buy in large quantities. They love Nutella on bread, bagels, or tortillas in a roll-up style.

With higher quality grains and lots of fruit and veggies to go with the meal, I am okay with the Nutella.

We also have these types of containers: http://www.thermos.com/product_catalog.aspx?CatCode=FOOD

And LOVE them. You put in super hot water for about 2 minutes with the lid on, and then dump the water add your hot food. My girls take these to school most any day they aren’t buying school lunch filled with soup, pasta, leftover casserole, or whatever looks good in our fridge.

We don’t eat a ton of sandwiches (that aren’t Nutella) and somehow everyone is thriving.

PS I used to make lunch for my husband, and occasionally I still do, but with five children and precious short morning minutes (and rarely any help from him before he leaves), he is usually on his own now and I don’t think he feels less loved. I provide good dinners with plenty of leftovers, and always have meat and cheese and bread and produce. He is certainly capable of putting it together for himself. He has a fridge and microwave at work to warm any food that needs warming at lunchtime.

My only 2 cents advice (not that you really asked): Go easier on yourself! Sandwich making is certainly not a prerequisite for eternal glory.
Barbara Rich
February 11th, 2012 @ 2:08 pm

Everything you make when we visit is delicious, Sarita! I was lucky Jesse was happy with lunch sandwiches as a child, because I’ve always been into “quick and easy”!
Kris
February 11th, 2012 @ 8:39 pm

I love, love, love sandwiches. When I was first married I made Velveeta cheese sandwiches every day for our lunch and I loved them. One day my husband used a swear word and told me he was sick of those blank sandwiches. I was so crushed. He is not a swearing person, by the way.
KDA
February 12th, 2012 @ 7:30 am

Wow, I am hungry from reading all the comments about how to address the sandwich issue.

I get to sidestep the whole problem because I eat leftovers from dinner, my husband eats in the dining hall at the university, and I keep a tab running for my kids (ages 14 and 10) to buy hot lunch at school. They eat more cheaply and eat more green veggies that way. When they pack for themselves, the request fancy pre-packaged goodies and don’t pack veggies.

I did use the sandwich once to solve a lunch problem for out-of-town guests. We are friends who have several family members with dietary restrictions/unique preferences. I set up a gourmet sandwich bar with four types of breads, several cuts of meats and cheese (including soy cheese), and about a dozen vegetables, including some that I had sautee’s for hot sandwich choices. Everyone found something enjoyable. But I’m not going to set up a gourmet sandwich bar weekly for my own family.

The George Foreman grill is the most recent twist on the sandwiches my family members make themselves as after-school snacks, bedtime snacks or for those evenings when I am consumed with a paper for school. It makes a mean panini. I use the grill to make naan about once a month.

I do confess that I followed a blog on Bento box lunches for a while. I finally unsubscribed because if I did follow through on my fantasies, it would have meant a lot of time and money. I do admire food artists, but I should avoid coveting their work. If I gave into the pressure to compete with their aristry, I would have to abandon some of my own passions and responsibilities.

Bon Appetit to all!
Becky
February 12th, 2012 @ 8:19 am

I LOVE a good sandwich! Good bread, veg, cheese,and meat makes me happy. I have learned, that at my house if I want a speedy lunch, I should not ask my husband to make it. A sandwich requires precision and perfection for him. He can spend ten minutes just getting the mayo (or whatever the dressing)even. Then the cheese must be cut exactly to measure. These pieces of artwork are tastey but it seems a shame to eat them.
My daughter, with special needs, started all day school this year. It means that I have to come up with a lunch for her. She is not really capable yet of making her own. She doesn’t get too excited about sandwiches. Here are some things that have been exciting and successful for her. Mini shish kabobs, a little meat, cheese, and lots of veggies on toothpicks. She loves it and the possibilities are endless! She likes her sandwich ingredients separate so I’ve taken to making breadsticks instead of a slice of bread. For my own amusement I’ve had circle, square, triangle, and other cookie cutter shape day. Mostly she is happy if she has some veggies, fruit, and/or a pickle in her flower lunch box. I remember as a kid being a little jealous that other kids got a special treat in their lunches. I got milk in a thermos and bottled peaches. I have found that an occasional cookie or bag of cheetos goes a long, long way to having an exciting lunch.
Jesse
February 12th, 2012 @ 10:36 pm

Clearly a bit tongue-in-cheek since our marriage is not in decline and I have for the most part taken care of lunch and other such things for myself unless you have volunteered. I know you think their boring but I really don’t mind and can just eat them while I work. Adding the hand-peeled, sliced carrots to the delicious ensemble of lunch foods has been a treat too. Thanks!
Sarita
February 15th, 2012 @ 9:18 pm

Thanks Sandra for your blog link! Thanks everyone else for making sandwiches seem so much more exciting.

Love this line: “Mostly she is happy if she has some veggies, fruit, and/or a pickle in her flower lunch box.”
Rachel
February 17th, 2012 @ 1:07 am

I live in Japan right now, and the bento boxes the kids bring to school are pretty amazing. You could look into bento for some new ideas, but if quick and easy is what you want, maybe not. My 8-year-old is happy to take onigiri, which is a rice ball wrapped in seaweed. They are easy to make – if you have a rice cooker you can put the rice in before bed and have it ready in the morning – and you could do without the seaweed if it’s hard to find or your family doesn’t like it. Google it if you’re interested!