Comments on: The Fascinating Girl http://segullah.org/daily-special/the-fascinating-girl/ Mormon women blogging about the peculiar and the treasured Thu, 24 May 2012 01:42:46 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.2 By: Jessi http://segullah.org/daily-special/the-fascinating-girl/#comment-166274 Jessi Sat, 05 Dec 2009 03:42:51 +0000 http://segullah.org/?p=4029#comment-166274 Yes I agree, I am a college student and am planning to be a missionary. I definitely don't think you need to dumb yourself down, just find someone equal. I mean think about where most women today go looking for a man. the bar? I found mine at Bible college and he is amazing and smart, and he likes that im smart but he is smart in different ways and i like to hear about the things he is good at cuz i like my smart man :P I mean who doesnt like it when they get recognized for how smart they are? especially by someone they really like and admire. i dont want someone who drinks and partys,sure maybe that would be fun for a while but it wont last, easy come, easy go.If a guy is willing to wait you know he is worth it. And its easy to see a lot of girls these days don't have much dignity if any. i know a lot of guys in high school had a lot more respect for me cuz i didn't flaunt everything i had, cuz really that looks desperate. Whats the difference btwn showing off your body to get a guy and dumbing yourself down?? and really if a guy prefers a girl who is going to be smarter n hard working so she can be the bread winner n he can stay home n play his video games. Have fun with that one, cuz really you deserve better. Yes I agree, I am a college student and am planning to be a missionary. I definitely don’t think you need to dumb yourself down, just find someone equal. I mean think about where most women today go looking for a man. the bar? I found mine at Bible college and he is amazing and smart, and he likes that im smart but he is smart in different ways and i like to hear about the things he is good at cuz i like my smart man :P I mean who doesnt like it when they get recognized for how smart they are? especially by someone they really like and admire. i dont want someone who drinks and partys,sure maybe that would be fun for a while but it wont last, easy come, easy go.If a guy is willing to wait you know he is worth it. And its easy to see a lot of girls these days don’t have much dignity if any. i know a lot of guys in high school had a lot more respect for me cuz i didn’t flaunt everything i had, cuz really that looks desperate. Whats the difference btwn showing off your body to get a guy and dumbing yourself down?? and really if a guy prefers a girl who is going to be smarter n hard working so she can be the bread winner n he can stay home n play his video games. Have fun with that one, cuz really you deserve better.

]]> By: Lili http://segullah.org/daily-special/the-fascinating-girl/#comment-157670 Lili Sat, 19 Sep 2009 19:10:35 +0000 http://segullah.org/?p=4029#comment-157670 Eliza's story is awesome. I like to think/hope that I've gotten much better at this kind of conversation--especially when I compare recent conversations with prospects compared to ten years ago... I've come a long way. I think a lot of the difference is in better knowing who I am and what I want! I'm turning 31 next month and I'm single... In other words I've got plenty of dating stories, opinions and observations (at least on who not to marry, haha)... but mostly I just wanted to say that I finally decided that while the fact that I'm 1) "old," 2) a returned missionary, 3) a college grad, 4) graduate school grad and 5)still young-looking and beautiful may make me intimidating to some men, the fact is that I want to find my equal. Someone who I don't intimidate. (Nor do I want someone who intimidates me). So as long as _don't_ bend to be someone I'm not, I'm going to end up with a great match! The end. :) Eliza’s story is awesome. I like to think/hope that I’ve gotten much better at this kind of conversation–especially when I compare recent conversations with prospects compared to ten years ago… I’ve come a long way. I think a lot of the difference is in better knowing who I am and what I want!
I’m turning 31 next month and I’m single… In other words I’ve got plenty of dating stories, opinions and observations (at least on who not to marry, haha)… but mostly I just wanted to say that I finally decided that while the fact that I’m 1) “old,” 2) a returned missionary, 3) a college grad, 4) graduate school grad and 5)still young-looking and beautiful may make me intimidating to some men, the fact is that I want to find my equal. Someone who I don’t intimidate. (Nor do I want someone who intimidates me). So as long as _don’t_ bend to be someone I’m not, I’m going to end up with a great match!
The end. :)

]]> By: Melissa M. http://segullah.org/daily-special/the-fascinating-girl/#comment-156472 Melissa M. Wed, 09 Sep 2009 18:21:45 +0000 http://segullah.org/?p=4029#comment-156472 Eliza, your description of your conversation made me laugh. I hope you find a guy who isn't intimidated by you and that your ex-boyfriend finds a spineless girl. I imagine that both of these people are out there somewhere. :) Eliza, your description of your conversation made me laugh. I hope you find a guy who isn’t intimidated by you and that your ex-boyfriend finds a spineless girl. I imagine that both of these people are out there somewhere. :)

]]> By: Sage http://segullah.org/daily-special/the-fascinating-girl/#comment-156461 Sage Wed, 09 Sep 2009 16:38:46 +0000 http://segullah.org/?p=4029#comment-156461 Eliza, I applaud your honesty and hope you find an honest guy soon. And I think both situations are sad: a boy that is so shallow and a girl that fulfills his desires. Get real! Eliza, I applaud your honesty and hope you find an honest guy soon. And I think both situations are sad: a boy that is so shallow and a girl that fulfills his desires.

Get real!

]]> By: Eliza http://segullah.org/daily-special/the-fascinating-girl/#comment-156457 Eliza Wed, 09 Sep 2009 16:14:35 +0000 http://segullah.org/?p=4029#comment-156457 Thank you for this post. I have to say that I was just dumped because I wasn't "fascinating" enough. It went a little like this: Boy: So I don't think this is going to work out long term. What do you think? Me: Well, if you want to break up, then there isn't much I can do about it. I want to be with someone that wants to be with me. Boy: Okay, well it's just that I don't think we're each others "type." Me: I don't think I have a type, if you name a kind of guy, I've dated it. Boy: Well, I do and you're too much of a leader and not super sweet. Me: What do you mean I'm not sweet? Boy: No, you're sweet. Just not super sweet. They type of girl I want is dripping with sweetness and you're not. Me: You mean the type of girl that delivers cookies to boys every week? Boy: Yeah, that kind. Me: And being a leader is a bad thing? Boy: For me, yes. You're too confrontational. Me: So you want a girl that's more submissive? Boy: Yes. Me: I'm not confrontational, but I'll stand up for myself and I don't let people walk all over me. Boy: Exactly, that's not what I want. Me: So you want a girl with out a back bone? Boy: Yes. At this time my roommate comes out and it goes like this: Roommate: Oh sorry, I'm just going to Walmart, do you want to come? Boy: (whispers in my ear) Tell her we're making out. Me: Yes, I would like to go with you but we're in the middle of breaking up right now. Would you mind giving me 5 minutes? Roommate: (A little confused) Yeah, I'll just wait in the car. Boy: Why did you say that? Me: Because we are breaking up and I told her earlier that I saw this coming. Boy: How did you know? Me: Well, you're 26 and you told me you had never had a relationship longer than a month. We've been dating just over a month now so I figured it was coming plus you've been acting different this past week. I realized with in the past week that the only time he would complement me was if it was related to the way I looked, how my hair was done, my eyes, lips, height, etc. And he also didn't remember much of the conversations we had had. He'd ask me the same things over and over. So if he wasn't going to end it, I was. Boy: I haven't been acting different. I can't believe you knew this was coming! Me: This isn't my first rodeo. Is there anything else you want to discuss? My roommate's waiting for me. Boy: Uh...no, I think that's it. I hope we can still talk. Me: Yeah, sure. Boy: Really?!? Me: I'm not the one with the problem. I've been going back and forth and I can't decide if I'm more upset that this boy really wants a girl like this or that girls like this exist and strive to be this type of girl. Thank you for this post. I have to say that I was just dumped because I wasn’t “fascinating” enough. It went a little like this:

Boy: So I don’t think this is going to work out long term. What do you think?
Me: Well, if you want to break up, then there isn’t much I can do about it. I want to be with someone that wants to be with me.
Boy: Okay, well it’s just that I don’t think we’re each others “type.”
Me: I don’t think I have a type, if you name a kind of guy, I’ve dated it.
Boy: Well, I do and you’re too much of a leader and not super sweet.
Me: What do you mean I’m not sweet?
Boy: No, you’re sweet. Just not super sweet. They type of girl I want is dripping with sweetness and you’re not.
Me: You mean the type of girl that delivers cookies to boys every week?
Boy: Yeah, that kind.
Me: And being a leader is a bad thing?
Boy: For me, yes. You’re too confrontational.
Me: So you want a girl that’s more submissive?
Boy: Yes.
Me: I’m not confrontational, but I’ll stand up for myself and I don’t let people walk all over me.
Boy: Exactly, that’s not what I want.
Me: So you want a girl with out a back bone?
Boy: Yes.

At this time my roommate comes out and it goes like this:

Roommate: Oh sorry, I’m just going to Walmart, do you want to come?
Boy: (whispers in my ear) Tell her we’re making out.
Me: Yes, I would like to go with you but we’re in the middle of breaking up right now. Would you mind giving me 5 minutes?
Roommate: (A little confused) Yeah, I’ll just wait in the car.
Boy: Why did you say that?
Me: Because we are breaking up and I told her earlier that I saw this coming.
Boy: How did you know?
Me: Well, you’re 26 and you told me you had never had a relationship longer than a month. We’ve been dating just over a month now so I figured it was coming plus you’ve been acting different this past week.

I realized with in the past week that the only time he would complement me was if it was related to the way I looked, how my hair was done, my eyes, lips, height, etc. And he also didn’t remember much of the conversations we had had. He’d ask me the same things over and over. So if he wasn’t going to end it, I was.

Boy: I haven’t been acting different. I can’t believe you knew this was coming!
Me: This isn’t my first rodeo. Is there anything else you want to discuss? My roommate’s waiting for me.
Boy: Uh…no, I think that’s it. I hope we can still talk.
Me: Yeah, sure.
Boy: Really?!?
Me: I’m not the one with the problem.

I’ve been going back and forth and I can’t decide if I’m more upset that this boy really wants a girl like this or that girls like this exist and strive to be this type of girl.

]]> By: Marge Bjork http://segullah.org/daily-special/the-fascinating-girl/#comment-155963 Marge Bjork Sat, 05 Sep 2009 21:02:38 +0000 http://segullah.org/?p=4029#comment-155963 I'm 22 and at BYU. I've never felt concerned about being who I am or why I'm not attracting millions boys. I have dates sometimes and sometimes I don't. I'm happy with the way things are, no matter what anyone else might tell me because I'm doing what I know I need to do. The advice I've always felt I get from actual church doctrine and general authorities has always seemed to be, "Be the type of person you would like to marry." And my parents advice follows along, they told me to do what I want to do and what I thought was right and I'd find someone who felt the same way. What I find interesting, though, is that boys classify me as one of the fascinating intelligent girls they can have a conversation with, but they tell me about how it's great that I'm different and more special than other girls and they tell me stories about stupid things that other girls have said or done. I always think, wait, what if I WERE to do something "stupid"? What if you someday found out that I'm probably not that different? And then I think, Oh well, I won't worry. I've just got to be me. I’m 22 and at BYU. I’ve never felt concerned about being who I am or why I’m not attracting millions boys. I have dates sometimes and sometimes I don’t. I’m happy with the way things are, no matter what anyone else might tell me because I’m doing what I know I need to do.

The advice I’ve always felt I get from actual church doctrine and general authorities has always seemed to be, “Be the type of person you would like to marry.” And my parents advice follows along, they told me to do what I want to do and what I thought was right and I’d find someone who felt the same way.

What I find interesting, though, is that boys classify me as one of the fascinating intelligent girls they can have a conversation with, but they tell me about how it’s great that I’m different and more special than other girls and they tell me stories about stupid things that other girls have said or done. I always think, wait, what if I WERE to do something “stupid”? What if you someday found out that I’m probably not that different?

And then I think, Oh well, I won’t worry. I’ve just got to be me.

]]> By: Sweet Em http://segullah.org/daily-special/the-fascinating-girl/#comment-155015 Sweet Em Mon, 31 Aug 2009 02:35:30 +0000 http://segullah.org/?p=4029#comment-155015 When I was a freshman in college I found "The Fascinating Girl" in my parents bookshelf (how I'd missed it until then I have no idea) and was in stitches at the suggestions. I recommend reading it purely for entertainment value - it is ridiculous! I was reading some passages out loud and laughing at the suggestion that you shouldn't be better at math or science then boys (not one you like - any). My dad, who always thought I was excellent and was proud of anything I did, said "Emily, that is pretty good advice." Shocked, I turned and replied "Dad, you would be paying a LOT more for my college education if I hadn't been smarter than a lot of boys in highschool." When I was a freshman in college I found “The Fascinating Girl” in my parents bookshelf (how I’d missed it until then I have no idea) and was in stitches at the suggestions. I recommend reading it purely for entertainment value – it is ridiculous! I was reading some passages out loud and laughing at the suggestion that you shouldn’t be better at math or science then boys (not one you like – any). My dad, who always thought I was excellent and was proud of anything I did, said “Emily, that is pretty good advice.” Shocked, I turned and replied “Dad, you would be paying a LOT more for my college education if I hadn’t been smarter than a lot of boys in highschool.”

]]> By: Sunday in Outer Blogness: follow-up discussion edition! | Main Street Plaza http://segullah.org/daily-special/the-fascinating-girl/#comment-154975 Sunday in Outer Blogness: follow-up discussion edition! | Main Street Plaza Sun, 30 Aug 2009 13:08:29 +0000 http://segullah.org/?p=4029#comment-154975 [...] that she also wrote a book called The Fascinating Girl, and the ladies of Blog Segullah have shared their fascinating real-life experiences with it. And who could forget Andrew’s favorite scripture from Alma 32? Brailsmt has shared [...] [...] that she also wrote a book called The Fascinating Girl, and the ladies of Blog Segullah have shared their fascinating real-life experiences with it. And who could forget Andrew’s favorite scripture from Alma 32? Brailsmt has shared [...]

]]> By: Melissa M. http://segullah.org/daily-special/the-fascinating-girl/#comment-154763 Melissa M. Fri, 28 Aug 2009 17:26:32 +0000 http://segullah.org/?p=4029#comment-154763 ReNae, can I just say that I sympathize with you? After reading your comment and Sheryl Garner's post last Sunday ("Well, I really want to be married") I am wondering if there are any righteous, kind, hard-working single LDS men out there (your story about the guy you just broke up with was especially disturbing---an affair with the YW president? Seriously?). But I know they are out there somewhere. And you sound like you have your act together. Your goal of finding a man who respects you and who you enjoy being with is a worthy one, and I hope you find someone who is worthy of you. ReNae, can I just say that I sympathize with you? After reading your comment and Sheryl Garner’s post last Sunday (“Well, I really want to be married”) I am wondering if there are any righteous, kind, hard-working single LDS men out there (your story about the guy you just broke up with was especially disturbing—an affair with the YW president? Seriously?). But I know they are out there somewhere. And you sound like you have your act together. Your goal of finding a man who respects you and who you enjoy being with is a worthy one, and I hope you find someone who is worthy of you.

]]> By: ReNae http://segullah.org/daily-special/the-fascinating-girl/#comment-154700 ReNae Thu, 27 Aug 2009 23:02:48 +0000 http://segullah.org/?p=4029#comment-154700 I'm 32 and been in the LDS dating world all my life. I don't know the rules any more. The last couple years, as I've observed my "older" friends getting married, I've realized that what is most important is a respect and just genuine enjoyment with each other. I've been looking for that. I've tried dating in the church and out. I would, of course, prefer a member. This year has frustrated me on the quality of members out there: 1) a guy who talked about his ex-wife and how much her new husband is exactly like him. He also started stalking me. 2). A guy addicted to porn and drinking; 3) a guy obsessed with the fact that he didn't make enough even thought his salary was 250k; In the last 4 months, I thought I had finally met a great guy. He seemed to be a great priesthood holder and honor women. I just ended the relationship. The reason? He was in love and having an affair with the married YW leader in his ward (she also has a young child). The whole time we were dating. I have phenomenal GIRL friends and really think they all deserve to meet great guys - for forever relationships. I've just decided that it's hard to find the guy who really really is wanting and trying to live right. That's what is most important to me now. (And Honesty). I’m 32 and been in the LDS dating world all my life. I don’t know the rules any more. The last couple years, as I’ve observed my “older” friends getting married, I’ve realized that what is most important is a respect and just genuine enjoyment with each other. I’ve been looking for that. I’ve tried dating in the church and out. I would, of course, prefer a member. This year has frustrated me on the quality of members out there: 1) a guy who talked about his ex-wife and how much her new husband is exactly like him. He also started stalking me. 2). A guy addicted to porn and drinking; 3) a guy obsessed with the fact that he didn’t make enough even thought his salary was 250k; In the last 4 months, I thought I had finally met a great guy. He seemed to be a great priesthood holder and honor women. I just ended the relationship. The reason? He was in love and having an affair with the married YW leader in his ward (she also has a young child). The whole time we were dating.

I have phenomenal GIRL friends and really think they all deserve to meet great guys – for forever relationships. I’ve just decided that it’s hard to find the guy who really really is wanting and trying to live right. That’s what is most important to me now. (And Honesty).

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