The Onion of Age

Posted by Catherine | March 13, 2010 | 15 Comments

“The way you grow old is kind of like an onion or like the rings inside a tree truck or like my little wooden dolls that fit one inside the other, each year inside the next one. That’s how being eleven years old is.
You don’t feel eleven. Not right away. It takes a few days, weeks even, sometimes even months before you say Eleven when they ask you. And you don’t even feel smart eleven, not until you’re almost twelve. That’s the way it is.” ~ Sandra Cisneros, “Eleven”

It’s birthday season in our family—nine in the next seven weeks, beginning with my husband’s this Tuesday. In preparation, I added scotch tape and wrapping paper to the running Walmart list on the fridge and I bought extra butter and powdered sugar at the grocery store last week. All the better to keep the birthday cake supply constant, you know. After the next seven weeks, I anticipate that we will all be fatter, poorer, and, well, older.

I must admit that, although my own birthday is a fun excuse for demanding my favorite foods and a reprieve from dinner dishes, in actuality, it doesn’t mean much. Like many of you, I’m sure, I don’t really keep track of my age all that well. Maybe it’s a purposeful oversight on my part, given that my husband is two years younger than me. Or maybe it’s just that it doesn’t matter what the number is, but what the feeling is. I’ve always loved Sandra Cisneros’s short story “Eleven” in her book Woman Hollering Creek. The narrator sums up birthdays and age for me perfectly:

“What they don’t understand about birthdays and what they never tell you is that when you’re eleven, you’re also ten, and nine, and eight, and seven, and six, and five, and four, and three, and two and one. And when you wake up on your eleventh birthday you expect to feel eleven, but you don’t. You open your eyes and everything’s just like yesterday, only it’s today. And you are–underneath the year that makes you eleven.

Like some days you might say something stupid, and that’s the part of you that’s still ten. Or maybe some days you might need to sit on your mama’s lap because you’re scared, and that’s the part of you that’s five. And maybe one day when you’re all grown up maybe you will need to cry like if you’re three, and that’s okay. That’s what I tell Mama when she’s sad and needs to cry. Maybe she’s feeling three.”

Today, I anticipate feeling 20 after I complete my morning run (unless my knees start hurting again, in which case, I’ll probably feel 35). And when I reach for another cookie this afternoon, I may feel 9 and subconsciously look over my shoulder for my mother, who always had a third eye for which of her seven children were inhaling the fruits of her labors.

What about you? What age do you feel best fits you right now?

Category: Daily Special

Comments

15 Responses to “The Onion of Age”

Sharlee
March 13th, 2010 @ 9:56 am

Oooh, lucky me–I have all sorts of options since I’m almost 50! I love the idea that we’re always whatever age we are, plus all the years underneath.

This morning I’m 10 because I’m reading again when I’m supposed to be doing my Saturday work!
Melissa M.
March 13th, 2010 @ 10:55 am

This post really resonated with me. Sometimes I forget how old I really am—in my dreams I’m often 27 again, or 37, or even 7. It’s true that we carry all of those ages with us. I really don’t feel like a 49-year-old woman (isn’t that my mother’s age?)—it still surprises me every time I remember my age. Inside I still feel like I’m in my 20′s.
April
March 13th, 2010 @ 10:57 am

I love this.
I feel like I am 17 today! So much I want to do, but it is all just out of my reach and everyone still thinks I’m a kid!
I also feel 35 too old to be a kid again!
traci
March 13th, 2010 @ 11:30 am

How cool hearing it expressed that way. All the ages at once. I really like that!

I think I really liked 47, when I met my husband and he said that was the perfect age to be his wife. And 49, when we actually married, and he said it was still perfect because he was older too.
I never think of being any age of high school or my 20′s. But often in the summer on a sunny morn, with just a little sticky in the air, it feels like I’m in grade school and going to vacation bible school – such a great feeling.

There is a woman at my church that I really enjoy. And often i ask to get together with her. Whenever we are at a function and sit together we have a nice time. I mentioned how she never responded to my invitations. One of the ladies I quilt with, gently said to me – She probably wants to socialize with girls her own age, not someone the age of her mother.
Ouch! – Im old enough to be her mom? Well, yes.
Kelly
March 13th, 2010 @ 12:40 pm

I loved this post. So much fun to think I am still 29 and 20 and 15 and 5! I already went on my run today and I’m not feeling like I am 20 even though I wish I were! In fact, I might have to pump myself up just to feel 29, but knowing that we have a few days of good weather in the forecast, I’m sure I’ll have a few days of being 10 again!
Lindsay
March 13th, 2010 @ 12:42 pm

I’ve always loved “Eleven.” Well said, Catherine!
wendy
March 13th, 2010 @ 3:00 pm

What a great post! I can’t specify exactly what age I feel, but having our first baby at 39, and subsequently hanging out with all the mid-twenty Moms, I feel pretty young most of the time.
Kevin Barney
March 13th, 2010 @ 4:33 pm

Chronologically I’m 51, but in my mind I’m about 21, and have been for years. Maybe someday I’ll perceive myself as having reached 30…
mormonhermitmom
March 13th, 2010 @ 5:40 pm

That’s a much better onion analogy than Shrek’s! Now if I have a meltdown, I’m just being two that moment.
jks
March 13th, 2010 @ 6:40 pm

I like this post. I feel like age doesn’t take anything away from you, it only adds. So bring on the years because aging is awesome.
It is interesting to read this since I just saw Ladies in Lavender so I was thinking about old age.
Cissy
March 13th, 2010 @ 8:39 pm

What an insightful post! It made me think of a widowed neighbor who remarried a couple years ago. As she told me her love story, she remarked, “I didn’t think I could feel the giddiness and excitement of romance again as a 60+ year-old! But I do–I feel 20 again.” All of our years truly are within us.
Janell the Great
March 13th, 2010 @ 11:17 pm

I have to do the math to figure out my age. Chronologically, I’m 28 going on 29.

When people ask my age and when I deem appropriate to respond, I always answer closer to 30. It’s just something about where I am in my career, my eduction, my social standing, etc. Somehow 30 just represents where I am now and where I had expected to be.
Selwyn
March 14th, 2010 @ 3:16 am

Like Janell, I have to do the math. If someone asks me how old I am, I always have to say “Um..” and work it out – the pause is quite weird, but I just can’t remember something as random as my chronological age.

After your post, I think I’ll just ask if they want to know my onion age

At the moment, I’m feeling old – mostly because I taught youth Sunday school and they are YOUNG !
corktree
March 14th, 2010 @ 1:18 pm

My birthday was on Friday, and I honestly couldn’t remember how old I was turning when my daughter asked me. I think it’s the effect of being in between the ages of wanting to be older and more experienced, and wishing I was younger again with the physical attributes that I took for granted 10 years ago. I’m really trying to appreciate where I’m at more. Trying…
Melissa
March 15th, 2010 @ 2:47 am

Aging is so hard for me. My mom was an “old woman” by her mid thirties. I see the gray hair and feel the aches and am sad even though I know I’m so different from her. I love reading the words from “Eleven”. In the arrogance of my youth, I scoffed when I heard older women say they didn’t feel 40 on the inside. Now I’m here and I GET IT. My first recollection of imagining the relationship of our body and spirit hit me as I began to age. I felt so young and vibrant inside, but my earthly body was aging and slowing down a bit. I think that youthful feeling is who we are and what we’ll take with us. I love the moments that take me back to a younger place. Reading a certain book series recently took me back to feeling 17 again. Young, in love and having my whole life ahead of me was one of the best feelings and a time I’ll remember forever. It was so funny to see how the teens and young adults reacted to us “moms” who were enthralled with the series like they were. I think it grossed them out, but they are just to young to get it just yet. I’m so grateful for the many different ages of my friends, and for the younger ones that will still giggle with me and are not so arrogant as I was. I cherish the wisdom from my older friends, the connection with my same-age friends, and the infusion of youth I get from my younger friends. Each friendship helps me feel and remember all my different ages.