Comments on: The Only One http://segullah.org/daily-special/the-only-one/ Mormon women blogging about the peculiar and the treasured Thu, 09 Feb 2012 16:08:16 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Chelsea http://segullah.org/daily-special/the-only-one/#comment-108412 Chelsea Fri, 10 Oct 2008 15:42:03 +0000 http://segullah.org/?p=645#comment-108412 I had serious one-child envy growing up as the first of six kids. I love my siblings, but I craved one-on-one attention (or just any focused attention) from my parents, and though they did their best, it was rare. I envied my friends who had their parents so involved in their lives. The funny thing is, now that it's possible that my son will be an only child (due to infertility), I worry about it all the time and I think about all he would miss out on by not having siblings. So I guess there's an up and a down side to being an only as well as one of many. I had serious one-child envy growing up as the first of six kids. I love my siblings, but I craved one-on-one attention (or just any focused attention) from my parents, and though they did their best, it was rare. I envied my friends who had their parents so involved in their lives.

The funny thing is, now that it’s possible that my son will be an only child (due to infertility), I worry about it all the time and I think about all he would miss out on by not having siblings. So I guess there’s an up and a down side to being an only as well as one of many.

]]> By: oneheartandmind http://segullah.org/daily-special/the-only-one/#comment-106348 oneheartandmind Tue, 30 Sep 2008 21:42:19 +0000 http://segullah.org/?p=645#comment-106348 I am an only child as well and I can relate to many of the things being said. Some things I had never even considered like "being comfortable around adults." Growing up, and even now, I never had a problem talking to people who were older and more experienced than me. I guess I had sibling-envy every once in a while. While my parents went out of their way to provide a comfortable and loving (and yes, spoiled) life for me, our relationship often felt a bit distant and reserved, compared to my friends with big Mormon families. I often wonder if it was due to the lack of other children in the house. I would never trade my only-child life. Even though I can see many fun and helpful aspects of having siblings, I think it was a positive influence in my life and helped me become who I am today. I am an only child as well and I can relate to many of the things being said. Some things I had never even considered like “being comfortable around adults.” Growing up, and even now, I never had a problem talking to people who were older and more experienced than me.

I guess I had sibling-envy every once in a while. While my parents went out of their way to provide a comfortable and loving (and yes, spoiled) life for me, our relationship often felt a bit distant and reserved, compared to my friends with big Mormon families. I often wonder if it was due to the lack of other children in the house.

I would never trade my only-child life. Even though I can see many fun and helpful aspects of having siblings, I think it was a positive influence in my life and helped me become who I am today.

]]> By: Emily M. http://segullah.org/daily-special/the-only-one/#comment-106166 Emily M. Tue, 30 Sep 2008 04:10:29 +0000 http://segullah.org/?p=645#comment-106166 Thank you all for sharing your experiences--I think that Mellocello had a great line: it is what it is, and there's good and bad, like any childhood. For my husband, being an only child meant that he received much love and attention from his grandparents. He treats his cousins almost like brothers. And because he had to grow up very concerned for his parents, he is a good person to be married to, self-sufficient and practical, which balances my impracticality. Suedonym, ah, don't cry. You have given your daughter so much--life and home and love. See the whole picture. She will be all right. Thank you all for sharing your experiences–I think that Mellocello had a great line: it is what it is, and there’s good and bad, like any childhood.

For my husband, being an only child meant that he received much love and attention from his grandparents. He treats his cousins almost like brothers. And because he had to grow up very concerned for his parents, he is a good person to be married to, self-sufficient and practical, which balances my impracticality.

Suedonym, ah, don’t cry. You have given your daughter so much–life and home and love. See the whole picture. She will be all right.

]]> By: suedonym http://segullah.org/daily-special/the-only-one/#comment-106163 suedonym Tue, 30 Sep 2008 03:58:31 +0000 http://segullah.org/?p=645#comment-106163 I sobbed after reading that article. My daughter is essentially an only child (half bothers and sisters who are much older and do not live with us). I have always said that my daughter was blessed for all the same reasons Ms. McBaine stated. But when she got to the part of losing both parents and not having anyone to remember childhood with, I cried. I cherish being able to visit with my sister about our childhood, the love we have for our parents, and for each other. I am afraid I have robbed my daughter of a wonderful gift. I sobbed after reading that article. My daughter is essentially an only child (half bothers and sisters who are much older and do not live with us).

I have always said that my daughter was blessed for all the same reasons Ms. McBaine stated. But when she got to the part of losing both parents and not having anyone to remember childhood with, I cried. I cherish being able to visit with my sister about our childhood, the love we have for our parents, and for each other.

I am afraid I have robbed my daughter of a wonderful gift.

]]> By: Angie http://segullah.org/daily-special/the-only-one/#comment-106141 Angie Tue, 30 Sep 2008 00:51:11 +0000 http://segullah.org/?p=645#comment-106141 I have always been jealous of big, supportive LDS families. I am trying to create that with my children, and so far it really seems to be working. That makes me happy. But I still feel guilty sometimes for the things and opportunities I can't give all my children because there are so many of them. I have always been jealous of big, supportive LDS families. I am trying to create that with my children, and so far it really seems to be working. That makes me happy. But I still feel guilty sometimes for the things and opportunities I can’t give all my children because there are so many of them.

]]> By: michelle http://segullah.org/daily-special/the-only-one/#comment-106099 michelle Mon, 29 Sep 2008 21:30:13 +0000 http://segullah.org/?p=645#comment-106099 hmm, I didn't mean to say small families are disfunctional! one of our families is small-- the other disfunctional. hmm, I didn’t mean to say small families are disfunctional! one of our families is small– the other disfunctional.

]]> By: michelle http://segullah.org/daily-special/the-only-one/#comment-106076 michelle Mon, 29 Sep 2008 19:05:36 +0000 http://segullah.org/?p=645#comment-106076 My husband and I both come from small (or disfunctional) families. We often feel lonely in the Mormon world of big family gatherings and huge networks of cousins. For me, it's been a big loss. As a child I desperately needed (um, still do) a grandparent, aunt or uncle to love me, to tell me I was an OK kid. My grandchildren will have grandparents, cousins, aunts and uncles and I am glad of that. My husband and I both come from small (or disfunctional) families. We often feel lonely in the Mormon world of big family gatherings and huge networks of cousins. For me, it’s been a big loss. As a child I desperately needed (um, still do) a grandparent, aunt or uncle to love me, to tell me I was an OK kid. My grandchildren will have grandparents, cousins, aunts and uncles and I am glad of that.

]]> By: Kim A. http://segullah.org/daily-special/the-only-one/#comment-106075 Kim A. Mon, 29 Sep 2008 19:00:29 +0000 http://segullah.org/?p=645#comment-106075 My husband and I are the parents of an only child. Not by choice. Our son is intelligent, mature for his age and doesn't seem to mind his lack of siblings. But I worry about him not having any family beyond us. We try to help him develop close relationships with cousins and hope that they will remain close as adults. We also plan to adopt, but with the age difference of 7 or more years it will be more like having 2 only children. My husband and I are the parents of an only child. Not by choice. Our son is intelligent, mature for his age and doesn’t seem to mind his lack of siblings. But I worry about him not having any family beyond us. We try to help him develop close relationships with cousins and hope that they will remain close as adults. We also plan to adopt, but with the age difference of 7 or more years it will be more like having 2 only children.

]]> By: FoxyJ http://segullah.org/daily-special/the-only-one/#comment-106066 FoxyJ Mon, 29 Sep 2008 18:41:51 +0000 http://segullah.org/?p=645#comment-106066 We only have two kids and may or may not have a third. Our kids are fairly far apart in age, and I admit that I feel envious of my friends who have kids who play well together because they are close in age. Growing up, I have a brother who is 22 months older than me and a sister 16 months younger, so we played together constantly (and fought too). I feel bad that my kids don't have that closeness, but it just didn't happen. I'm not sure my mom totally planned the closeness for us either :) My husband is the youngest of 7, but for his last six years at home it was just him and his mom, so in some ways he was an only kid for a while. I agree that every family is different and it's so hard to compare. We often don't have as much control or choice in childbearing as we would like to think we have. On a sort of related note, my husband and I are both adjusting to having very different economic circumstances than we grew up with. We both came from larger families that were very poor, and now we have a small family and will likely have a good income in a few years. It's hard to figure out what to give our kids and how to treat them because our situtation is not like what we grew up with. We only have two kids and may or may not have a third. Our kids are fairly far apart in age, and I admit that I feel envious of my friends who have kids who play well together because they are close in age. Growing up, I have a brother who is 22 months older than me and a sister 16 months younger, so we played together constantly (and fought too). I feel bad that my kids don’t have that closeness, but it just didn’t happen. I’m not sure my mom totally planned the closeness for us either :) My husband is the youngest of 7, but for his last six years at home it was just him and his mom, so in some ways he was an only kid for a while. I agree that every family is different and it’s so hard to compare. We often don’t have as much control or choice in childbearing as we would like to think we have. On a sort of related note, my husband and I are both adjusting to having very different economic circumstances than we grew up with. We both came from larger families that were very poor, and now we have a small family and will likely have a good income in a few years. It’s hard to figure out what to give our kids and how to treat them because our situtation is not like what we grew up with.

]]> By: wendy http://segullah.org/daily-special/the-only-one/#comment-106060 wendy Mon, 29 Sep 2008 18:29:19 +0000 http://segullah.org/?p=645#comment-106060 Interesting. We may only have one child, too. I'd never thought about some of the implications you and the essay mentioned, however. It's not a decision we're making yet anyway, but it's all something to consider. I don't know what I'd do without my sister. I probably ought to keep things like that in mind for our son. Interesting. We may only have one child, too. I’d never thought about some of the implications you and the essay mentioned, however. It’s not a decision we’re making yet anyway, but it’s all something to consider. I don’t know what I’d do without my sister. I probably ought to keep things like that in mind for our son.

]]>