Comments on: Things as They Really Are

By: Faith.Not.Fear

Faith.Not.Fear — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 19:12:09 +0000

Okay, so this is the second or third time this morning that I have gotten “distracted” by the Internet — dishes to wash, laundry to do, bills to pay, and yet I sit absorbed in other things.
Thank you, Emily, for the really important reminder!
No matter how we spend our time, there is a cost. We give up something for something else. Like me giving up having clean clothes to write this . We just need to make sure we’re making the best & most important choice at the time (sometimes playing with your children is more important than laundry!).
Remind me to tell you about my loaf of banana bread sometime!

By: Emily

Emily — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 18:48:27 +0000

Thanks for posting about Elder Bednar’s talk. When I heard it (and it’s better heard than read) I thought that it was a watershed talk in the church.
Because of some comments I read on Segullah, I had had an idea to have an electronics-free summer. The next day was a terrible day with my 5 kids and I thought “I’ve gone crazy to think I can pull the plug – we’ll all lose our minds”. Then I listened to Elder Bednar’s talk. =) So I decided I would do it and just pray for help. I’m not doing it because the electronics are inherently evil, but because I want my kids to have a summer where they can experience many things “as they really are”.
My oldest son also has addictive tendencies with video games. My husband wanted to just get rid of the Wii, but I really felt like we needed to help him learn self-control. So during the school year he has an allotment of minutes to play each week. If he blows it all the first day then he doesn’t have any more for the rest of the week. I want him to learn to turn the thing off himself. It’s a work in progress, but I think we’ll get there…

By: Sharlee

Sharlee — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 21:22:35 +0000

Excellent discussion, all!

I think it’s important to note that downplaying the importance (or minimizing the appeal) of video games is not the same thing as forbidding them. The last thing we want to do as parents is make it the forbidden fruit.

We have four sons, and our approach has simply been to pretty much ignore the existence of video games.
We’ve never owned a game system and we try to actively encourage other pursuits (music, reading, sports, hiking, rock-climbing, etc.). Our boys have played video games at their friends’ houses on occasion, but, honestly, they don’t much like it. An hour or so is about all they can take.

We’ve also talked a lot about balance and self-discipline. We tell our boys that we have safeguards in place in our home, but that when they leave for college, we’re not going to be there peering over their shoulders. Nor will we sneak into their dorms and install Cyber-Nanny. It’ll be up to them at that point. “You’ll have a computer and unlimited internet access when you’re on your own,” we told them during our FHE lesson. “The only thing that will stand between you and the most vile pornography is your own integrity.” I do think it’s important that we express this to our children. We will do our darndest to teach them correct principles while they are in our home, but the time will come when they will have to govern themselves.

By: Tiffany W.

Tiffany W. — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 16:09:55 +0000

Lindsa1138, you’ve raised an interesting question about teaching kids balance and having that transfer to adulthood. Each of my children are different. My eldest son could easily become addicted. He really cannot control himself with how long he plays. I am the external monitor. I am working to help him learn how to balance his time online or playing video games. But this son definitely has an addictive personality.
My middle son likes playing wii, but is equally happy doing other activities. In fact, it took him a long time before he even enjoyed playing games because he just didn’t have the attention span.
My younger son doesn’t even miss it if he misses a turn on the computer or on the wii.
I do work hard to teach balance with my kids. We usually keep a schedule and utilize a timer to help monitor time spent on electronic devices. This will be in full force once school lets out for the summer-yes, my kids are still in school.
With my eldest son, I am trying to teach him about the effects that too much time spent playing the games will have on his body and mind. Teaching him balance is different than my other kids. Will that transfer to adulthood? I don’t know. My mom was extremely structured with many things when I was a child. Carrying on that structure, which was much needed, in my home, was not automatic nor was it easy. Some adults respond to parental controls in different ways. Some adults only eat sugar cereal to spite their parents for years of sugar cereal deprivation. Others appreciate their parents’ effort and likewise abstain.

I guess I don’t know if that was relevant to the discussion.

I thought Elder Bednar’s talk was applicable on multiple levels to people in the church, regardless of what age or stage they are in. Which, to me, is a good hallmark of doctrine.

By: Emily M.

Emily M. — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 15:56:05 +0000

Lindsay, maybe so. But my husband didn’t have video games growing up at all, and he doesn’t play them now, and my family didn’t have them either, and my brothers don’t play. So there’s not necessarily a universal correlation between a video-game deprived childhood and adult video game addiction issues. Nor is there necessarily a correlation, between a childhood with video games and a addiction issues. Each person and situation is different.

I think Elder Bednar’s talk implies that parents need to take this issue seriously, though, and ponder the way screen time is used in our families. Elder Bednar did NOT say “absolutely no video games or blogging or whatever.” But he did issue an apostolic warning about the dangerous potential for screen time obscuring our view of things as they really are. So it’s important to figure out what that means for each of us, in our own lives and our own families. He’s teaching us the doctrine and we need to govern ourselves.

By: Lindsay1138

Lindsay1138 — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 15:16:23 +0000

My brother-in-law is completely addicted to video games. To the point that he lets the kids fend for themselves and will totally ignore you when you come over because he is playing games. His parents did not allow their kids to play video games as children or teenagers. You have to wonder if he had been taught balance with video games as a youth if he would have this problem now.

By: Merry Michelle

Merry Michelle — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 03:55:57 +0000

A much needed talk! Horray! Let’s start a parade!

By: Tiffany W.

Tiffany W. — Tue, 16 Jun 2009 22:42:43 +0000

I read my comment earlier and thought is sounded very incoherent. So I’ll try again. I listened to the talk a few weeks ago and I have been thinking about it ever since.

I agree that there is so much good to come about from the internet. While living in Sweden, I had very few opportunities to really discuss the gospel with others, outside of church. Segullah really was a blessing to me then. Sharing my thoughts with my friends via email about the gospel and my life was a tremendous blessing as I sought to maintain friendships from afar.

But there are also great challenges with the internet. I’ve watched friends struggle with their teenage sons becoming so involved in the virtual reality that they hardly interact with the real world. That is frightening to me. The world continues to offer a dazzling array of virtual reality choices. And those choices are being increasingly marketed to younger and younger children. As a mother, I feel very strongly that I need to provide many opportunities for my children to engage in great things in the real world. Sure, my kids like a good video game, but they’ve also traveled a great deal and have explored some wonderful areas.

I’ll admit that the hardest aspect of the whole thing is how easy it is to let kids go into the world of video games. I live with lupus and am currently pregnant. Sometimes I am so tired that I can hardly keep my eyes open. I do need to rest so that I don’t cause a flare. So the wii is SOOOOOO tempting for an hour of quiet so I can rest. Sure an hour in one day isn’t too bad. But I worry when it becomes longer. So for me, I need to continue work on helping my kids develop interests outside of virtual reality so they can function as adults in the real world.

By: Melissa M.

Melissa M. — Tue, 16 Jun 2009 21:55:03 +0000

As the mother of two teenage boys who love playing video games, I loved Elder Bednar’s talk–we had a FHE lesson on it. And I know that I can easily get sucked into spending hours on the internet myself–blogs are so interesting! But then everything at home gets out of balance, so I have to be careful. One interesting story: my nephew is currently missionary companions with a boy who spent all of his spare time playing video games before his mission. This boy literally can think of nothing else to talk about with my nephew. When my nephew talks about fun things he did before his mission, like traveling, etc., his companion says, “My avatar did that.” This boy has lived his whole life vicariously online. Scary!

By: m&m

m&m — Tue, 16 Jun 2009 21:37:23 +0000

I don’t think Elder Ballard would contradict what Elder Bednar is saying.

And in fact, Elder Bednar was very clear about the fact that there can be good done on the internet.

I thought his two questions were very helpful:

1. Does what you are doing invite or impede the influence of the Holy Ghost?

2. Does the time you spend “enlarge or restrict your capacity to live, to love, and to serve in meaningful ways?”