I can see that you have the highest expectations for yourself…you know what you are capable of achieving. You know you will get there. I think it is important to feel all the conflicting emotions you are having and not rush through them because of how you think you are supposed to feel. In my past I’ve tried too hard to skip to the “healed, whole and healthy” portion of growth/acceptance without fully dealing with the “frustrated, exhausted, overwhelmed” parts first. It just doesn’t work. So, I think you are doing the right thing in being honest with yourself about how you are feeling on each step of your journey. It’s healthy in my opinion.

P.S. What kinds of things make you feel good to have people say to you? I always tend to compliment a baby or child with special needs the same way I would compliment any child…”oh she is so beautiful, etc.” and kind of avoid the topic of special needs all together. Teach us the appropriate and comforting things you appreciate hearing…especially in casual social situations where you aren’t good friends with someone, but they want to acknowledge your child.

very well written personal thoughts.

thank you for sharing/ trusting us with them.

Something just struck me about the way your words were put together – I think every part of Grace is who she really is – the parts that are typical and the parts that are not. There’s nothing that could take that away, you know? I think it’s wonderful that you look for strengths that may help her integrate into the world of the typical around her.

Thank you again for your honest, thoughtful posts.

I can’t wait to meet Gracie. She’s going to be an amazing woman someday, too- Hopefully she’ll have a touch of your pluck and your zest and your honest, open, strong spirit.

As for the termination/excommunication thing, I did speak to my bishop and he told me that it would have to go to church court, but in the case where mom is healthy and baby is healthy with reasonable expectation of life (not to mention we are financially able to do it, etc, etc) it was something that would have to be talked about. I know that excommunication isn’t always automatic with a termination, but in our case it pretty much was the thought, especially since we had the option of having the baby and placing her if we didn’t feel we could raise her (and believe me, there are LISTS of people willing to take kids with T21).

I think it is one of those grey areas that are on a case by case basis. In our case, the baby was fine (she is super healthy now too… very strong and getting HUGE) and we were able to do it… thanks for that though, I don’t want to give the wrong idea.

Off to feed the kids. We are feeling the effects of all the forset fires, it smells like a barbeque outside which makes me want to bbq… have a good week every one.

Michelle, I thought in context that Bek was specifically referring to the thrusting part as being pregnant with a child she did not choose. Yes, she did choose to have her little girl. But the role of what it means to be a parent to a special needs still can be thrust upon a person–the expectations of family, a community, congregation, society, etc. In taking upon herself the role of mother to a special needs child, whatever she feels about it, there are a multitude of people who have expectations of how she will fulfill that responsibility. That has been demonstrated well here.

Just because we take upon ourselves a role, doesn’t mean that we won’t struggle with conflicting feelings what the role is and how we are to perform it. And once those feelings are resolved, it doesn’t mean that they are resolved forever. Truthfully, much of what I have read in the two posts by Bek is a pretty poignant description of someone going through the grieving process.

Those conflicted feelings are feelings whether they are popular or not. Unexpressed, they can be emotionally-thwarting.

Again, Bek thank you for your honesty in sharing your feelings. Even though I am not in the same situation, the insights you have shared have really helped me in some things I am experiencing.