When I grow up I want to be a…

Posted by Leslie | December 9, 2009 | 42 Comments

jobs doctor, lawyer, fireman, teacher?

When you ask kids what they want to be when they grow up you get one of those 4 answers.

When I ask the missionaries that revolve in and out of my house for dinner, at least 50% give me the “I have no idea” line. Occasionally, I am impressed at some of the answers, like an Elder we had recently who was very passionate about ceramic arts. But, I also get some kind of comical responses like the Elder who said he would really like a job that “worked with the whole economy”. Trying to politely suppress a chuckle, I pursued it a little, wondering if indeed the next fed Chairman was really sitting at my dinner table, and asked if he enjoyed statistics and math, he responded with an emphatic no, he hated those subjects. Obviously, he had never shared his “plan” with any career advising adult.

I bit my lip and shoved a forkful of enchilada in my mouth to keep from launching into a passionate diatribe on the travesty which is young adult educational/career preparation in our society. (My stern motherly advice to my sons is before you go a mission you will have a good line you tell people when they ask this question at dinner appointments so it doesn’t seem like you went on a mission because you didn’t know what else to do).

While I expect missionaries to be focused on missionary work. I think having some knowledge of yourself and interests by age 21 is important– c’mon at least an idea, a tentative plan, I don’t care if you change your mind later. Really though it’s not just missionaries, lots of college students, and lots of college grads, they are all in the same boat…

Over the course of many conversations, I came to realize the fault is probably ours. We do little to help our kids decide what they want to be. For many kids when they turn 18 , they are sort of tossed to the wolves by parents who expect them to know what to do and how to navigate the system. Most young adults have no idea what jobs are even out there and well how should they? They might now what their parents do, but that’s about it. They have generally only spent time in church, school, and stores?

The problem starts with not knowing about the variety of jobs that exist, let alone what someone with that job really does, and what degrees they need to get that job. We do a disservice being “polite” and not talking about the money of it all. We need to be honest about the salary range is for a job and how that translates into lifestyle. 40 K and 400K are totally different realms. We also have to help them figure out what skills and talents they have, and what is a good fit for their personality. My vote is for high schools add a “What I Want To Be When I Grow Up” 101 class to their curriculum.

In my own experience, narrowing it down was hard, I wanted to do 1000 different things (I still do). I literally started with a list of every major the college offered and then crossed them off by process of elimination. I was torn between microbiology (ultimately axed because I am social and wasn’t sure I could hang with a microscope that much), classical civilizations/archaeology (while Latin and ancient Rome are great, the demand for someone to decline nouns is small and well there aren’t many ruins in my backyard), education (what I did and love), fine art (eek! making a living in fine art but I love still being an artist now), museum education (quite expensive with limited job opportunities), medicine (I didn’t want to be a nurse and I didn’t want to make the family sacrifices that being a physician could require).

Even for being a diligent student who really researched careers and jobs I didn’t even hear of my “ultimate job” until after I had graduated with my bachelors and teaching school. I first met a child life specialist when volunteered at a local hospital. Instantly, I knew it was the job for me. It combined my love of medicine and science with art, therapeutic activities, social psychology, counseling, and child development. I was lucky because I figured it out early on and my bachelors was a great stepping stone that led smoothly into graduate school and becoming a child life specialist. Finding that “perfect fit” neatly tied everything up in a great package and gave me a better sense of completion and fulfillment.

Still without a lot of advice along the way from parents, teachers, principals, advisers, and friends, things wouldn’t have turned out as well. So, I liberally give advice on education and careers to any young adult who wants to listen (or doesn’t). I beg them to really get to know what’s out there (brainstorm please), to ask every person they know what their job is and have them talk about it and to figure out what they love. To ask grown-ups who know them what fields and jobs would see them being successful in. My other advice is research and plan always have a plan for what comes next (you can stop, you can change, but always be heading somewhere).

I just wonder how many people fail to find that perfect fit of passion and skills simply because they no one helped them along the way or by the time they figured it out it’s kind of too late? I hear too many people say I wish I had done/known…If there is one thing I find painful it’s regrets.

So I try to do my part, we have many career discussions over our dinner table exploring exciting avenues like biological engineering, nanotechnology, green architecture, photonics. Hopefully when my boys are grown up they will find just the right thing. (At 8, 4, and 2 they ‘ve got some time).

Tell me your story. Were you happy with the educational guidance you received? Who helped you? When and how did you figure out what you wanted to do? Did you like your major, job, career? Would you do it differently if you did it over again? Are you still figuring it out? Do have plans for future pursuits on the horizons? What advice do you give?

Comments

42 Responses to “When I grow up I want to be a…”

Kathryn P.
December 9th, 2009 @ 5:55 am

Leslie, I was just thinking about this topic. In my experience, it was so much easier to make education and career decisions in my 30’s when I had the spiritual maturity and humility to include the Lord in my decision. When I suddenly found myself a single mother with three little children, I knew that I was responsible for our survival. My prayers of desperation yielded a very clear direction for my education and career path. I was told to go to BYU and get my MA in TESL, as well as obtaining the secondary ed certification for teaching English. I did exactly what I was told to do and the Lord provided the way for me to accomplish that goal, including consistent child support, scholarships, part-time teaching jobs, and excellent childcare. It was sometimes tough, but I always felt like I was being carried on wings of angels. After I completed my education, I was blessed with several miraculous and perfect teaching opportunities. I LOVED the years I taught at BYU and the MTC; I also LOVED the years I taught in a high school. I highly recommend seeking the Lord’s guidance in your career decisions…
Leslie
December 9th, 2009 @ 7:38 am

kathryn- you are a great example of our each of us has our “path” for our life and you are right seeking guidance in our decisions is so helpful. I too had some of those perfect jobs that fell into my lap. I always considered them blessings in the form of opporutnities.
jtg
December 9th, 2009 @ 8:47 am

I was one of those children who always had some job in mind – and it confused me to no end when I reached college and many of my peers had no idea what they wanted to study. It seemed to me having at least one or three majors in mind was a critical part of electing to pursue a college education.

The very best career guidance I ever received was from the “Expanding Your Horizons” program in Seattle. I was able to interact with women mathematicians and scientists to try my hands at basic lessons in astronomy, herbology, computer programming, and other fields. From this I decided that I wanted to become a phramacologist. Alas, that didn’t happen because I talked myself out of it when I was 15. I do wish I’d had an actual phramacologist to talk to because my arguments against the field were all misinformed.

One of my high schools did have the equivalent of a “what I want to be when I grow up” 101, but the counselors who taught the course didn’t have the slightest idea about jobs outside of education. Based on my love of web development I was advised to pursue Graphic Design. . . which I did for awhile until I discovered Computer Science is really my talent.

My advice would be – even if you’re uncertain – to choose a major and get involved. You should have some idea what general area you love be it “humanities” or “political science.” From there you should get involved in your school – by starting in humanities you can discover fields like comparative literature, foreign languages, and art history. It’s ok to change your major a few times as you learn more what you like. Above all, be passionate about what you’re studying. If homework is a chore you’re likely in the wrong major.
traci
December 9th, 2009 @ 8:51 am

Ditto to Kathryn – that is great!

Looking back to my own career choice – my family always made fun of people who went to college, obviously they could not find a job. Then when I graduated, I was told I was going to college – still haven’t figured that one out! Then I decided on a 2 year degree w/work and was told by the people at BVR that handicapped people would only get $ (back in the late 70’s, early 80’s) if they agreed to 4 year degree. So I went, they decided my major, because they had the $, and I hated it and left.

Now, I regret – but I am working hard to do self-education and feel fulfilled working at it.

Missionaries – had a lot come thru my home, (2 – 3 dozen). Yes, they never seem to know the answer to that question, or if they do it is a little disturbing. The guys mostly would go back and work for their dads, and look for a wife. The girls, said since they went on missions late in life, they would be looking to get married. I always asked how they would feed, clothe and house these families. Many said they thot they would find out in the meeting before they were sent home from mission. (Later one girl told me that the talk narrowed down, she felt to: Be fruitful and multiply.

I kept contact with many after they left. Two went back to college and graduated. Many felt that they would not fit back at school now, that they couldn’t get a job, because they had to explain about what they did the last 1 1/2 – 2 years. Marriage seemed to be the answer for many, and then they seemed to settle down and find something that would sustain them. None of them, except the college grads, spoke of jobs they had interest in. Many of the girls stated that after the kids they hoped to go back to school, but 1st they must help send their husbands.

Is this unusual? I don’t think so, it seems to be the norm of our society. I find in the other kids I have been around, that they don’t have any more of an idea what they will be doing with their lives. Maybe it is just more obvious because the missionaries are at our table?

Yes, Career Choice Training would be a good thing!
FoxyJ
December 9th, 2009 @ 8:57 am

I’ve been thinking about this since Michelle’s post the other day. Recently we have seen several family members, male and female, who barely manage to graduate from high school and then just get ’stuck’ because they have no idea what to do next. Some kids will probably not go on to a four-year, liberal arts education. Especially not if their parents didn’t and especially if they haven’t been guided that way through high school. But all young adults need to have a plan for their life, whether it be four-year college, cosmetology school, plumbing, the military, whatever. One other problem I have seen, which I think is related, is parents who don’t do a lot to encourage independence after high school. There is no expectation that kids will be on their own, and instead they’re still at home, living in the basement, even after they get home from a mission.

Neither of my parents attended college after high school (my mom went while we were a bit older and is a teacher) and while I got into BYU, I had no idea what to do next. I majored in languages, English first and Spanish second, because I like to read and discuss literature. Everyone told me, “if you do what you love, then something will work out”. It is true–I now have an MA and I can teach at a college level. But the more I teach the more I realize that I don’t like it very much. Unfortunately most professors I’ve talked to have mostly emphasized using the degree for college-level teaching. That’s what they do and that’s what they like, but I’m not sure it’s the right thing for me. I think that eventually I’d like to get a degree in library science–it’s what I’ve wanted my whole life and have been too afraid to commit to.
jendoop
December 9th, 2009 @ 9:09 am

I kind of disagree. In today’s world there are very rarely set careers that you can stick to for 40 years. My husband has been out of college for 15 years and has changed the course of his career several times. I once heard that 50% of the careers our children will have in the future haven’t even been invented yet.

As for myself, if I had graduated in the career I picked at 18 I would be miserable. So I’m happy to being finishing school later in life in an area that I am passionate about – psychology.

As to the missionaries – I think some of them change their minds while on their missions. During their missions they learn about themselves and the world, and it changes their direction. While they know that they have changed, they aren’t supposed to be thinking about how this will change their future career. I applaud the missionaries who are honest enough to say that they don’t know.

I feel that college is the place to try out different areas of interest. Pigeonholing yourself too early just so you have an answer for nosey adults is a way to get into a career you don’t really care for.

That said, I am all for promoting learning! I want my kids to learn about everything, to have a natural curiosity that leads to investigating several areas of study. It bugs me when we talk about college and we focus so much on the degree and getting a career – what about the love of learning and pursuit of knowledge?! This is an aspect of college that needs to be promoted to children and could be another way to encourage girls to get an education. I’m a believer in learning about what you love and then you’ll find a career that pays the bills and is enjoyable because it is something you are passionate about.
jenny
December 9th, 2009 @ 9:15 am

“Is this unusual? I don’t think so, it seems to be the norm of our society. I find in the other kids I have been around, that they don’t have any more of an idea what they will be doing with their lives.”

I agree traci. I don’t think it’s limited to our missionaries.
I think that there is societally less pressure to KNOW what you are going to do with your life now than there has been in the past.

I don’t have any answers, but I will be reading the rest of the comments carefully because I have a a house-full of teens, tweens and a very precocious 7 year old who {age-appropriately} changes her “when I grow up” plans daily. I’m trying to help them discover now what they really enjoy (and excel at) so they can start to forge a path for themselves. (We’ve always had these kinds of conversations, but now they are becoming less day-dreamy and more focused and concrete.)
A word to the moms with younger kiddos: it’s harder {and a little bit scarier} than you think. When your kids get older there is a much greater sense of urgency and seriousness in making sure you have filled them up with the things that they need to be the wonderful adults you know they can be.
Many days, it feels like a very daunting task!

Keep the good ideas coming,
and Leslie, thanks for this dialogue!
Leslie
December 9th, 2009 @ 10:32 am

foxyj- you bring up good points- it points to larger issues in preparing youth for independence and our societal trend toward “prolonged adolescence” a phenomenon in family science of the most recent decade or two.

jendoop- I think helping your children have a wide awareness of what careers and fields exist will only help them navigate the ever emerging options in careers. While some paths change along the way, other paths are not open to alot of transition. I think you misunderstood my tone it’s not about pressure it’s about accessing and understanding how to get knowledge and education. Some of my most useful skills were not learned in college- it is all about learning.

I don’t think anyone majors in something to appease some nosy adult they faced on their mission. I wouldn’t consider my interest to be nosy but rather to be supportive and encouraging. I did almost graduate program in college counseling because At BYU I felt the advisement system was poor and so many kids didn’t get good guidance from home or school and were left to flounder. (they actually had to decrease grad requirements at BYU because kids were taking an average of 12.5 semesters to graduate- which is not necessarily a good thing- at at any other insitution would be incredibly costly) As a culture I think we raise our boys to “go on missions and get married” but we don’t ahve enough dialogue about to support those future families and have a fulfilling work expereince.

jenny- I think you are right there is alot we can do now along the way to help them be successful and know themselves and find experiences that will bring them joy and fulfillment.
Kathryn P.
December 9th, 2009 @ 10:55 am

Leslie, one of the reasons I was pondering this topic yesterday, was because my daughter, who graduated from BYU several years ago, is now in the process of figuring out what she REALLY wanted to do for a career. She wishes she would have put more thought and research into her choice of a major. Of course in this economy we all tell her she’s fortunate to have a job, but she’ll probably end up going to graduate school, so that she’ll have a more marketable and lucrative skill for survival. So I was feeling VERY grateful that the Lord made my road so easy, because I didn’t really have the luxury of trial and error in my situation as a single mom.

My oldest son, on the other hand, took a semester career exploration class at BYU, during his first semester back from his mission. They did a lot of personality testing (including Meyers-Briggs) and introspective writing. They also had to interview people in careers they were considering, which was useful.

It is interesting how your environment influences your education and career decisions. I grew up in a white collar ward in Minnesota and I honestly thought EVERYONE went to college and every female in our ward DID go to college; however, my husband grew up in a town in Washington state where the most successful people were the dairy farmers and college didn’t seem as essential…
Kevin Barney
December 9th, 2009 @ 11:07 am

I think you’re right that more attention to this subject for our young people would be very useful. As a boy I wanted to be an astronomer, but somewhere along the line I decided against that for some reason. When I went to college I had no idea what I wanted to do and so just took general ed classes to sort of sample what was out there. I took a lengthy interests/aptitude test, which suggested I should be an actor(!) My mission brought an interest in scholarship, so I wanted to major in history. Working after my mission but before returning to school made me want to actually get a decent job and not have to do the hard manual labor I was doing, so I decided to major in economics and then go to law school. But at college I fell in love with classics and majored in that instead. Then I was going to be a classics professor, but we got pregnant and I realized that wasn’t practical, so I ended up going to law school after all.

Once I became a working attorney I realized there were things about the profession that I didn’t like and I might not have gone that route if I had my eyes wide open. I fell into a field of law that fits me, thankfully, but it was pretty much an accident.

All of which is to say I probably could have used more guidance along the way myself, rather than flitting to and fro, tossed about by every wind of impulse.
m2theh
December 9th, 2009 @ 11:09 am

I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up! I’m either going to go back to work next year, or back to school, but I have no idea what I want to do! Other than I do not want to be a nurse! Or a teacher. Or deal much with people. SO I can weed out what I don’t want to do, but have no idea what I should do! And my degree is in office administration, so I’ll probably end up back in an office.
Genavee
December 9th, 2009 @ 11:45 am

In theory I like the idea of increased counseling and planning for young people. But I can’t imagine how it could ever really be done effectively. There are so many options and nuances that I can’t imagine any program or test that would really help someone still trying to figure who they are to determine what field they would fit into. Granted that could also be because every test I ever took told me that I should be a pastor, which obviously isn’t really a viable career in an LDS setting, especially for an LDS woman. So I’m a little biased against most tests that supposedly illuminate your path.

I also wonder how much you can really plan effectively for something as volatile and changing as the market. new jobs are appearing and old ones disappearing all the time. And as so many know so well, even if you find the perfect career for your interests and skills and study and prepare for it, there is no guarantee that there will really be a market for you. Most people I know did just fall into their job, taking advantage of opportunities they could never have imagined. And most of them are fairly happy. There may be something to be said for riding the waves and seeing what interesting places they take you, instead of planning for and investing in a future that can turn out to be practically impossible.
Katie
December 9th, 2009 @ 11:58 am

Leslie- Have you considered that those Elders probably get asked that question every single night of the week? Maybe they have some ideas, but they don’t feel like delving into the question over and over again. Or maybe their dreams are a bit fragile and unsure and they would rather not expose them to the harsh glare of dinner table conversation. Just a thought.

I absolutely agree that young adults should be given as wide a range of information possible about careers, and that that information should include the hard facts on salary and lifestyle. However, I don’t plan to start emphasizing career choice with my own children until they begin the college application process, at the earliest. Until then I want them to simply explore the world around them and probe their own minds and hearts, without a particular endpoint in mind- that’s what childhood is for, in my opinion.
Leslie
December 9th, 2009 @ 12:53 pm

genavee- I agree- tests rarely yield really good results. I think really talking to people in the workforce can help you get a better fit and they can tell you about growing and dying fields.

Katie- You oculd be right the elders may not share for any number of reasons, and should they chose not to it’s totally their prerogative. It’s just in the course of friendly conversation. We live in a small new england ward so our elders generally know us pretty well and ask us questions about our own backgrounds. I love just loving hearing about people’s interests and talents. I love appreciating everyone’s unique flavor- and it often gives a nice glimpse into who they are as an individual not just a Missionary. Still I am guessing more often than not the case is they really don’t have many ideas yet.

I think college applications is a bit late though, because your choice of careers may strongly influence what schools you apply to (what app classes you took in hs etc). I don’t see discussions around it as misplaced in childhood but rather a way of seeing how their interests, talents and passions can continue and become even more exciting, as well as opening their minds to things they normally wouldn’t encounter until later. It’s very much in harmony with child directed learning and authentic exploration in my book.
Melissa M.
December 9th, 2009 @ 2:01 pm

I didn’t declare my major until I was a junior at BYU, so I was a late bloomer. I loved reading literature and writing, so majoring in English was the obvious choice, but it took me several years to figure that out (I thought, since I wanted to get married and have a family, that I should major in early childhood ed—it was the 70’s—and I didn’t think I was a good enough writer to major in English). Once I embraced my passion, though, I thoroughly enjoyed my major. But I didn’t know what to do with it. I didn’t want to teach high school, so I went on to get a masters’ and was trying to figure out where to go from there (I’d even applied to law school) when I met my husband. Luckily I was able to be a stay-at-home mom, but I think I could have used a little more career direction.

Now I’m trying to figure out what to do as my children get older. I love to write, but I’m also discovering that I really enjoy editing. I’m also toying with the idea of getting a PhD at some point. So here I am at 49, still figuring out what I want to be when I grow up.

My son is graduating from high school this year, so we need to be having this conversation, for sure. He’s very good at math, but he loves music, so it will be interesting to see what career he ends up pursuing. I do think some discussion of careers and interests is beneficial in high school, but I wonder how effective it is for the junior high set: I attended an educational/career planning meeting with my eighth grader a month or so ago and found out that my eighth-grader wants to be an FBI agent and a writer when he grows up. We’ll see how that pans out.

Thank you, Leslie for writing this post and getting me to think about this very important topic!
eljee
December 9th, 2009 @ 2:16 pm

I always knew what I wanted to be when I grew up. As a young child, I wanted to be an architect. As a young teen, I wanted to be an interior designer. As a high school student, I want to study music and teach high school choir. That is what I started out doing in college. That lasted one semester. Then I decided to go into early childhood education, and actually studied that for three years. I was only one semester away from graduation when I went on my mission, and during my mission I changed my mind. I decided to go back into music and study organ performance.

Organ performance would not have even been available to me coming in as a freshman, as I did not even learn to play the organ until I was in college.

I think things worked out perfectly! I very much feel that college is the time to explore different majors and careers. I’m glad my parents didn’t freak about all the changes. I don’t think my three years in early childhood education were wasted in the least, yet going on to graduate and then get a master’s in music was part of the plan.

My husband did not figure out what he wanted to be until he was in his early 30’s. He dabbled in many things and spent years in college going nowhere, a few years pursuing something that just wasn’t going to happen, a few years working because it seemed pointless to be in college not knowing what he should be studying. I have to say that it must have been meant to be this way, since if he had not be around the college scene when he was, we would have never met, muchy less married. But when I see families with multiple children and dads/husbands trying to go back to school while working to provide (because they either thought they could do it without college, or they couldn’t figure out what to do early on, etc.) I see the hardships it puts on those families. I want to tell my children to try their very best to figure something out early on and push through and be done with it.
Angie f
December 9th, 2009 @ 2:23 pm

One of the things I like to do when my kids talk about what they want to do when they grow up is to discuss with them what is required for that job. One of my sons loves math, science and computers. His jobs list ranges from computer game designer to race car designer to SETI astronomer, depending upon the day. We have spent many happy hours looking up those career fields on the internet and seeing what sorts of aptitudes he needs to develop and also to see what his options are with the aptitudes he already has.

Before I started law school (which is something I wanted to do from the time I was 13, the reasons have changed vastly over the intervening years but I have never been sad I went to law school), we had to interview a variety of lawyers and learn about different career paths. That exercise was so valuable to me and I think that a similar exercise of encouraging our children (and others over whom we have stewardship) to talk to people about their careers, what they do, how they got there, etc. is probably the most valuable way for them to formulate their own paths through education to gainful employment.

The world is ever changing, so in all of our thinking and talking about careers and employment (not always the same thing), the best thing is to keep learning, keep up whatever skills you develop, adapt right along with the world. The Masters in Speech Pathology my mother got in 1970 was almost unusable when she needed to go back to work in 1989. Because she had not kept up with her field and because her interests and her previously chosen field had diverged considerably along the way, she ended up finding a completely different sort of job to pay bills and get med benefits. But even though she is not currently doing what she was once trained to do, she got her job because she had a graduate degree.
Tiffany W.
December 9th, 2009 @ 2:24 pm

The first time I asked my sons what they wanted to be when they grew up, they gave the most surprising answer. “We want to be dads!” I was thrilled with their answer. They still aspire to be fathers, but now they talk about being marine biologists, teachers, and policemen. My boys are still pretty young, but I feel like they’ve put thought into their dreams. They already have strengths and are developing them. We discuss what they need to do to strengthen their weaknesses.
When I was a girl, I dreamed of becoming the first woman president of the United States. I’ve long since abandoned that goal, not wishing to touch it with a ten foot pole! I declared my major in college early, English. I loved writing and studying literature. I even intended to possibly pursue a career in law.
In the end, I chose to marry and finished my B.A. degree. If the timing is right, someday I’ll go back to school for a Masters Degree, most likely in the education field. Over the years, thanks to teaching piano and voice, and primary callings, I’ve discovered I have a knack for teaching children.

I will encourage my children to get the best education they can. However, I’m realistic enough to realize that some people do not do well in a college environment.
Rose
December 9th, 2009 @ 2:30 pm

I had absolutely no help, no guidance, no encouragement. The academic counselors at my high school were a joke. I didn’t even graduate I ended up taking the GED, without studying, and passed it with flying colors! I managed to discover that I have a passion for sports medicine and I am really good at it. The only reason I even knew about that being a profession is because I had a huge crush on the teacher that taught it, so I wanted to take the class. Boy was I lucky to have found that! How sad though, I have so many regrets and I can only pray and work very hard with my children to be sure that their education goes a thousand times better than mine did.
Naismith
December 9th, 2009 @ 2:46 pm

I am not sure that missionaries are a fair sample of young people, and I am not sure that is a healthy thing to be asking them.

A full-time mission is such an intense experience, they need and want to focus on what they are doing right then and there.

It seems to me just fine if they haven’t thought about the future much. That will come in time, after they are released.
Amira
December 9th, 2009 @ 3:14 pm

I generally agree with several commenters, like jendoop and Katie and eljee. I’m not too worried about specific career paths for my children yet. What I am more interested in is making sure they have a solid, well-rounded education that will let them go in whatever direction they want to. However, I would be delighted to support them in learning more about a potential career path if they show interest in one. But I’m not really interested in tying my children’s pre-college education or pursuits to future careers or potential money-making ability. I also know that seeking spiritual guidance in these questions will be important for us to emphasize to our children, because our lives have been very different than we’d planned because of that guidance.

I’m sure my feelings on this topic are influenced by my husband’s and my experiences. In high school, I wanted to be a marine biologist. This summer, more than 15 years later, I’ll be researching traditional games in Central Asia, about as far from the ocean as you can get. My husband planned to be an architect (and did all the right things to prepare to become one, up untill the day he applied for law school instead of a masters degree in architecture). But that’s far from his ideal job now of being legal counsel for a new university in Central Asia. There is no one that either of us possibly could have talked to when we were teenagers who could have advised us about our current education and career choices. So instead, we’re both grateful for solid educations that have allowed us to get where we are, even if the path hasn’t been very direct.

While there are some people who know what they want to be when they are young and set out to do it (like a friend of mine who works for NASA now), many people seem to have a more meandering path to where they are when they are adults. I think there are good ways to support both types of people without making the second set of people feel like they have to commit to something before they are ready.
Katie
December 9th, 2009 @ 3:19 pm

Maybe it was just my high school, but before I graduated (about 8 years ago) I was inundated with all kinds of career counseling. It helped me think about what I wanted to do, but I still changed my major half way through college. Choosing a major/career is just as much about learning who you are as it is learning what is out there, and learning who you are is not really something another person can teach you.
annie
December 9th, 2009 @ 3:26 pm

It’s interesting; I’ve been thinking about these things a lot lately. Last week I did a mutual around making goals, finding out what you love and do well, and planning. Several of the young women really liked it but it fell completely flat for a few of them. One said “this makes me feel weird. I don’t like to plan things out. I’ll just do whatever comes up.”

I remember reading the transcript from a Terry Tempest Williams speech at the University of Utah where she talks about (I’m freely paraphrasing here from memory) some people having flashlights that see far into the future, others have lanterns that illuminate only their feet and a few steps ahead. My husband was a flashlight person and knew in jr. high that he wanted to be an attorney. I’m more of a lantern person and have only discovered in my 30s what, besides being my kids’ mom, might interest me in a vocation/avocation.

I do think we can do much more (and earlier) to help our children understand the wide array of education and career options out there. Great post, Leslie!
Emily W.
December 9th, 2009 @ 4:52 pm

My mom encouraged (bribed) me to do business instead of art because business was more practical. Huge regret.

Currently I’m teaching Pottery and all my former computer knowledge is obsolete.

I’m going to encourage my kids to find their passion and then figure out a way to make it pay.

(Like my Stake President advised my husband and I when we got married: Even Seminary teachers can live well if they are frugal and invest wisely. He was a Seminary/Institute teacher with two paid for cars, paid for home, who gave each child a gift of a large chunk of cash when they got married. Because they were thrifty.)
Emily W.
December 9th, 2009 @ 5:27 pm

P.S. When my eight year old doesn’t answer “Dentist” to be like daddy, he says: “Ice Cream Man”–for obvious reasons, or “T.V. Station guy. So I can watch T.V. all day!!”.

Hey, at least it’s something to work towards!
Halla
December 9th, 2009 @ 6:04 pm

I do apologize that I do not know any of you ladies, but I simply cannot sit here and say nothing. I’m just curious; have any of you served a mission?
Julie R.
December 9th, 2009 @ 6:24 pm

I encourage my high school juniors to volunteer at a place they think might become a career: community theatre, hospital, museum, library, etc. Also, despite my personal opinions about church/Boy Scouts relationship, their Explorer Post program is open to all and I announce those opportunities to my students as well and encourage them to take advantage of them.

I hear myself preaching the beauty of community colleges lately, as well. I live in an area that has two very good community colleges, with diverse program offerings. For the students who know they want more education but don’t want to spend big bucks languishing at a 4-year institution before zeroing in on a career path, it’s an excellent alternative.

I went to BYU determined to double major in Vocal and Piano performance. I’d been taking lessons since I was 4. After 1 semester of being trapped in an HFAC practice room, I found another route. I transferred schools and tweaked my major one more time, but I’m ultimately quite happy with where I am.
FoxyJ
December 9th, 2009 @ 8:46 pm

I don’t think it’s unreasonable to expect missionaries to have thought about their future life plan. Many get married within a year or two of their missions (my husband and I got married a little less than a year after both coming home). Other posts have debated the merits of early marriage and ‘figuring it out’ while raising a young family, so I won’t go into that here.

To me, there is a big difference between switching majors or experimenting while still in college and not even getting there in the first place. I would suspect that many of us who read and comment here went to a four-year institution, but the statistics for the Church and for the country in general put us in a minority. My extended family culture is not one that encourages college (both grandparents were farmers/ranchers) but most of my cousins have managed to do well for themselves. Some have gone to college and others have chosen things like the military or trade schools. For me, one of the most important things I want my kids to ‘be’ when they grow up is a person who has a strong work ethic, is able and willing to provide for themselves and their family, and who looks to the Lord for guidance in that. Among my siblings, I’m the only one who has completed a four-year degree. My sister has an AA and is an RN (she’s working on a bachelor’s), my brother used years of experience to get a job with technical support, another brother used his talent for music to get a job with a company that transcribes audio files and does sound engineering. I think that just as important as formal education are qualities like persistance, integrity, flexibility, etc. For me the important questions for youth would be things like ” What can I see myself doing every day?” “what are my skills and strengths?” “What do I not like to do?” “Do I like school and how much time do I want to spend there?” “How much debt do I want to go into for my education?” “Where do I want to live and how much is the cost of living?” “What are my priorities and hobbies and what kind of money do they require?”
Melissa M.
December 9th, 2009 @ 9:37 pm

Halla, to answer your question, yes, quite a few of us have served missions.
Heidi
December 9th, 2009 @ 10:05 pm

Although I have a bachelor’s degree (in health science), I have regrets about my college experience. I wish that the older, wiser me could have told my young, impatient, teenage self to explore my options, to experiment with a variety of classes, to not feel locked into a major just because I’d invested a semester or two. I wish I would have appreciated that simple time of life and not been so eager to move onto the next phase.

I married at 19 after two years at a university. I was not career-driven; I wanted a family. So I crammed two more years of schooling into three semesters and graduated (cum laude). But the family I wanted didn’t come, and because my college goal was to graduate — not work — I twiddled my thumbs at dumb jobs for two years while I waited for a baby.

Now that my family of six (happily) consumes my life, I think about the college days when I obsessed over ovulation kits instead of savoring my humanities class. I didn’t major in something meaningful because I never wanted to work. I didn’t apply for those cool jobs in a big city because my heart wanted to be home. I think I shortchanged myself a little bit. I’ll try to guide my kids (particularly my daughter) a little better and hope they have a more satisfying experience.
Michelle Glauser
December 10th, 2009 @ 3:17 am

You know what? I almost always hate it when people ask me about what I want to be. To me, that’s very personal, confidential information. Why should I share my deepest dreams with just anyone? I guess I’m an exception, though.
Karen
December 10th, 2009 @ 10:50 am

Michelle Glauser, I agree with you.
This post really irritated me. I have a son serving a mission right now, and it bothers me to think that people could be judging him on questions and answers at the dinner table. Right now he is serving the Lord, and that is where his thoughts should be, not on what he is doing when he gets home. As parents we are asked to make sure we write uplifting letters that won’t distract him from his service. He doesn’t need members where he is serving to ask him questions that will distract him from his service.

And I believe those questions can distract. We all have had experiences of having a question asked us that worries and hangs on us.

My son has a few months left and I want him to be thinking about the people he serves, not what he is doing when he gets back.

I changed my mind about what I wanted to major in after one year in college.

My husband would not have the career he has if not for his mission. A career not even close to what he wanted before his mission.
Leslie
December 10th, 2009 @ 11:27 am

Julie R- yes those day on the job etc experiences are fab- and I will add my plug for the explorer program – I actually went to some presentations they offered when HS, a whole series in aerospace careers it was really interesting. And amen, as a former CC teacher- it’s a great and affordable way to start and try out different interests!

Heidi- Thanks for sharing your story. I have known many people in similar siutations- they stay single or without children longer than expected or become widowed or divorced and foudn they would be spednign alot of time int eh workforce doing somethign that wasn’t very fulfilling.

Michelle and Karen- I have to say I have never taken that perspective. Then again I am a fairly open person. I have always felt asking someone about there interests is a very genuine thing to do, a way of seeking to develop a relationship and appreciate them as an individual- not as threatening or judgemental. As an adult woman I get asked this all the time again I don’t take it as invasive. building realtionships of trust is actually a missionary skill.

(you may see I simply used missionaries as an example but noted that this extendes to a range of young adults). I pointed out in an earlier comment I think sometimes we are so focused on getting them on missions we fail to help them develop any sort of plan before a mission. I think more self awareness of talents, skills and abilites will actually help you be a better missionary. I don’t see a simple question like this as an impediment to their work or a huge distraction. In fact I think having a good plan before you go out will make you less distracted and stressed. When a new missionary comes in it’s interesting to know a bit about them as individuals. Because I hate it when missionaries are treated as a generic whole. I believe their meaningful connections with members investigators are part of what makes a mission a meaningful experience. I think we are far more successful in our service (be it missions etc) when allow our individuality and and talents to support unity of purpose.

I was impressed though recently when my cousin, thriving on a mission, asked my husband to please send him a letter giving him advice on career fields in engineering so he could review it on preparation day. I thought showed foresight and maturity.

I DO think college is a time of exploration and self discovery. I loved taking floral design, youth leadership, ballroom dance, outdoor cooking, doing study abroad, but I am also glad that I had a clear focus as it allowed me to recieve a rich education in a timely period and have many opportunities before I became a mother.
Rararita
December 10th, 2009 @ 10:16 pm

I never knew what I wanted to be when I grew up, even when I was little. I never had a plan. I was like that all the way through high school, and then in college I still had no clue, so I picked a major I loved and stayed in school as long as possible. Then I applied to law school because I didn’t know what else to do. Now here I am, in law school, with no idea what I want to do, other than that it has to pay off my student loans somehow. Do I want to be a lawyer? Who knows! But that’s what I’m going to be, and hopefully I’ll like it. If I don’t, well, I couldn’t think of anything better to do

It’s not that I didn’t have tons of support along the way – particularly in college, I saw every career counselor and took the career class and everything, only to end up having no idea. Some of us are just confused, but I figured it’s better to pick a plan and go with it rather than move back home and work at the mall.
Allison
December 11th, 2009 @ 7:26 am

“I think more self awareness of talents, skills and abilites will actually help you be a better missionary.”

Help me understand. How would self-awareness of talents, skills, and abilities help one be a better missionary?
Leslie
December 11th, 2009 @ 1:28 pm

allison- Sure I would actually extend that statment to anything you do- being a mother, in a profession, and on a mission. The more you understand your own abilites and skills the more you can actively use them to be successful in a given situation…I’ll give few rough examples…

say you know you are good at organization- you might undertake the job of creating a better system for tracking and record keeping for the people you contact in your area and where you tract.

say you know you have good interpersonal skills- you might reach out to an elder in your district who is really struggling and pay extra attention to how mission leaders counsel and help.

Say you are really creative- you might come up with a innovative way to motivate the Elders in your zone to improve their companionship study or helpful teaching examples.

When we had a missionary who grew up working in a resteraunt came up with this great idea to a ward and investigator dinner at the church and serve the people it was a great successfull activity again borne out of individuals experience and interest.
Liz C
December 12th, 2009 @ 12:59 am

Part of the problem, as I see it, is that too often kids spend their teen years waiting for life to start. I didn’t have that problem–I had a great job that I loved, working for a pharmacist in a drugstore from the age of 13. I got to explore so many things! I waitressed in the lunch counter. I filed, and typed up insurance forms. I handled customer service. I learned to do payroll and deposits (age 14!). I asked about, and was granted permission, to make a used book section. I handled yearly inventories, and trained my own staff of inventory helpers starting at age 15. I was given a level of autonomy that probably shocked outsiders, but was entirely comfortable to me and my boss. He figured, if I was interested in it, I’d likely do a great job, and why should I try it?

I spent summers on archaeology crews (ages 14-20) and that eventually worked into digitizing maps and doing archival work for the Forest Service as well.

I coached youth soccer my senior year (age 16). I took dance, and captained the dance team at school.

Had I been told, over and over, I had to wait until I was out of high school to do this stuff, I’d have withered.

Both DH and I have a bit of an entrepreneurial bent. Our kids have inherited it. They range from 13 down to 2, and we actually spend a lot of fun family time talking about possible jobs and businesses and adventures. We do work it through–from what we imagine a typical day would be like, to talking with those who do similar things, to discussing how the venture would need to be financed and marketed, where we’d find suppliers… kids as young as our 10.5yo are quite capable of working out a business plan. Even if that plan never happens, it’s excellent practice, and fun.

My oldest two could give you detailed options on a half-dozen future life paths each, right down to the college classes or training they’d want to get to support those goals. Since the oldest is still in Beehives, the time for full implementation is a ways off in most things, but that doesn’t stop them being passionate about the possibilities!

Coming back from my Mom’s this summer, we spent nearly two hours of driving time discussing how we, as a family, could go about buying, renovating, and marketing a mid-20th century hot springs “family resort” in my Mom’s county. My oldest often talks about growing and marketing her own herbal items (culinary oils, soaps, decor); my son can give you detailed ideas on the bakery shop he might like to own some day.

Don’t leave the discussions for later… if a child is old enough to have an opinion, they’re old enough to explore the passion, and see where it might take them in life.
Mary B
December 13th, 2009 @ 7:29 pm

One of the mothers in my family expects that her children, ages 14 and up, will, at the beginning of each school year, choose a line of work and determine what they need to do to get there and describe that path to her and then do what they need to do that year to pursue that path. They can change the career at any time, they just need to know what that particular one requires of them and make progress towards it.

Once they are in post-secondary education, she makes that conversation a prerequisite to their receiving her financial assistance with tuition each year. Once again, they can change mid-stream, she just needs to know what their charted course is, that they have seriously looked at what it entails, and that they are on track with it.

It seems to have made a difference in their sense of purpose and focus in their education and caused them to study out a number of different professions as they determine which one they will ultimately choose.

I wish my parents had done something similar. I spent way to much time drifting along with what looked interesting in the course catalog each semester and failed to prepare myself for some good post-graduate options as a result.
m&m
December 14th, 2009 @ 12:28 am

I like the idea of helping youth think practically about life. I encourage youth to network, to consider shadowing and/or volunteering to help people in their work to get exposure and think through what they might like (although many already had an idea), etc. The reality of day-to-day work can often be different from what young people envision when they think of certain jobs.

I also think it is critical that young people understand the process of seeking and getting personal revelation, because even the best laid plans can and do change…and for some, like Annie said, life does unfold more a step at a time.

That was how it happened w/ me. I could not have planned specifically what I ended up doing, no matter how much training or guidance I would have gotten. But I worked hard in school and college all along the way, got involved in different things,…and the Lord helped my path unfold as I went. It ended up being more than I could have dreamed or planned myself.

I also think Michelle’s post on the need for women to be flexible and adaptable in their plans and educational pursuits is important to balance with the focus on planning. Again, I think revelation becomes a key in the process.
Leslie
December 14th, 2009 @ 8:55 am

Liz C- what great expereinces you had- I whole-heartedly agree!

Mary B- That is a great idea. I may adopt that with my kids… You raise a good point, a problem I often see, too much indecision early on ends up limited options later on and for me grad school was where the fun was really at!

M&M – yes revelation and flexibility are key. We can’t always see what’s up ahead but the Lord can.
Allison
December 14th, 2009 @ 10:53 am

#36 (Leslie) – Thanks for your explanation. Now I understand.
m&m
December 15th, 2009 @ 3:05 am

Leslie, thought of your post today as I talked w/ a student who has been shocked at how many graduating seniors still don’t really know what they are doing.

I sometimes wonder if w/in our culture there can sometimes be a sense of “things will work out” w/o always doing the diligent work to move feet so a path can unfold.